Comments on: Haya vs Getting married? http://jannah.org/blog/2006/07/23/haya-vs-getting-married/ A Single Muslimah's Musings Fri, 20 Nov 2009 02:15:15 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: jannah http://jannah.org/blog/2006/07/23/haya-vs-getting-married/comment-page-1/#comment-85744 jannah Fri, 26 Jun 2009 05:38:40 +0000 http://jannah.org/blog/archives/10#comment-85744 Sister ^ I suggest you don't. It's just something weird about guys. You could always have friends find out for you or something if he's interested, but just don't let it come from you. Sister ^ I suggest you don’t. It’s just something weird about guys. You could always have friends find out for you or something if he’s interested, but just don’t let it come from you.

]]> By: Sister http://jannah.org/blog/2006/07/23/haya-vs-getting-married/comment-page-1/#comment-85743 Sister Fri, 26 Jun 2009 01:52:08 +0000 http://jannah.org/blog/archives/10#comment-85743 This is so interesting. I thought about that exact same thing plenty of times and concluded that the girl should not be the aggressor, but now Im starting to think differently. If, for instance, a girl was truly interested and did approach the guy, what would she say? Then, what if the guy turns out to be a jerk, and not only is he not interested, he tells all his friends, and everyone thinks the girl is desperate? This is so interesting. I thought about that exact same thing plenty of times and concluded that the girl should not be the aggressor, but now Im starting to think differently.

If, for instance, a girl was truly interested and did approach the guy, what would she say?

Then, what if the guy turns out to be a jerk, and not only is he not interested, he tells all his friends, and everyone thinks the girl is desperate?

]]> By: Zawaj.com http://jannah.org/blog/2006/07/23/haya-vs-getting-married/comment-page-1/#comment-28749 Zawaj.com Thu, 20 Mar 2008 01:41:43 +0000 http://jannah.org/blog/archives/10#comment-28749 Well, yes, to move to his city just to pursue him is a bit nutty and could be seen as stalking. I would be turned off by that, definitely. But if it was just a matter of a sister asking about me and approaching me to talk, I would not be put off by that IF I felt that it was only me that she was approaching this way, not many men. In other words, she does not make a habit of this with men, but is moved to approach me in particular because she feels that I would be right for her. Then that would be flattering. - Wael Well, yes, to move to his city just to pursue him is a bit nutty and could be seen as stalking. I would be turned off by that, definitely. But if it was just a matter of a sister asking about me and approaching me to talk, I would not be put off by that IF I felt that it was only me that she was approaching this way, not many men. In other words, she does not make a habit of this with men, but is moved to approach me in particular because she feels that I would be right for her. Then that would be flattering. – Wael

]]> By: jannah http://jannah.org/blog/2006/07/23/haya-vs-getting-married/comment-page-1/#comment-28717 jannah Wed, 19 Mar 2008 08:08:18 +0000 http://jannah.org/blog/archives/10#comment-28717 Zawaj: my definition of aggressive is like those examples I mentioned. To MOVE to the guy's town solely to pursue him doesn't seem a little lacking in self-respect to you? Personally I don't think any guy *likes* the woman to be the aggressor. The only time they tolerate it is when they absolutely already like the sister. Yes I know a number of sisters who approached brothers and they were very turned off by it. And yes it's very sad when we have the example of Khadija [ra] and everything. Zawaj: my definition of aggressive is like those examples I mentioned. To MOVE to the guy’s town solely to pursue him doesn’t seem a little lacking in self-respect to you? Personally I don’t think any guy *likes* the woman to be the aggressor. The only time they tolerate it is when they absolutely already like the sister. Yes I know a number of sisters who approached brothers and they were very turned off by it. And yes it’s very sad when we have the example of Khadija [ra] and everything.

]]> By: Zawaj.com http://jannah.org/blog/2006/07/23/haya-vs-getting-married/comment-page-1/#comment-28657 Zawaj.com Mon, 17 Mar 2008 21:48:26 +0000 http://jannah.org/blog/archives/10#comment-28657 A woman came to the Prophet (pbuh) and offered herself to him for marriage. He declined, but he introduced her to a good man that he knew, and they married one another. The Prophet (pbuh) did not criticize her for any lack of haya. It's not like she was seeking an affair or something improper. Marriage is a good thing! So how is it a lack of self-respect if you pursue it? Also, sister, you say that men should always be the aggressor, but the problem with that is that you as a sister will be limited to choosing only from the men who approach you. So, I'm not sure what is meant by "aggressive" anyway, but I think that both men and women should be willing to express their interest in someone in an honest and forthright manner. A woman came to the Prophet (pbuh) and offered herself to him for marriage. He declined, but he introduced her to a good man that he knew, and they married one another. The Prophet (pbuh) did not criticize her for any lack of haya. It’s not like she was seeking an affair or something improper. Marriage is a good thing! So how is it a lack of self-respect if you pursue it?

Also, sister, you say that men should always be the aggressor, but the problem with that is that you as a sister will be limited to choosing only from the men who approach you.

So, I’m not sure what is meant by “aggressive” anyway, but I think that both men and women should be willing to express their interest in someone in an honest and forthright manner.

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