[I'm going to try to post something on the blog every friday iA!]
This week’s installment:
I mentioned a few blogs ago an interesting party where we Mozlim wommyns discussed what each of us found attractive in a guy. There were about 15 girls of all ages…ranging from 18 to 30+, a few married, a few engaged, and somehow this topic came up in a teasing way about some comment or other, but then we ended up going around taking turns one by one saying what we found attractive in a guy! (yes i know veryy weeird, but it was just hilarious and horridly fascinating at the same time)
So for the benefit of Muslim brotherkind I’ll try to recall some of what was said. This is rephrased and totally made up. Some were the same girl, and I switched around the married/engaged to confuse everyone a bit. Hopefully none of the girls will kill me… just think of it as benefiting ‘brotherkind’ and hey what if someone emails and says ‘that matches me to a T!’ we could have our own bloggalishish marriage 
Also, since it is from weeks ago my memory is very hazy … I wish we had taped it!( FBI: please send aforementioned tape to Jannah, 123 Sesame St. thanx!)
Girl #1 I like scruffy guys, with long hair, they have a lived in look, dress casually and are open, they can even be a little pudgy. (We made fun of her and said we’d find her a homeless guy!)
Girl #2 The first thing I look at on a guy is above his ears, if they have that straight haircut line (no joke she totally said this! we were like :O)
Girl #3 I like guys that have a temper (we were like WHAT!!) She’s like you know guys who are so passionate about everything that they get mad about things. I want to be able to tease him. (we said we’d find her an italian guy!)
Girl #4 I want a guy who has his own interests and isn’t in the same field. We’ll live mostly independent lives but will be able to learn from each other.
Girl #5 I like guys that are very clean and hygienic, I look at their hands, if their fingers are long and artistic and if the fingernails are clean.
Girl #6 I like quiet guys and my husband is the very quiet type. I like that because I like to talk and I want to be the one talking.
Girl #7 I’ll marry whoever my parents choose for me. They know me better than anyone and I trust the choice they would make. (us amreekan girls were like.. !)
Girl #8 I find when guys have those veins on their arms attractive. (we’re like veins??) Yeah the veins on their arms or neck. (uhhh ok)
Girl #9 I like guys that are smart and will argue and debate with me on topics. I like social guys that know how to talk to everyone.
Girl #10 Let’s be honest I really like black guys but my parents would never go for that. (us: 
) I like older guys, my friends are always like why do u like uncles! but I think they’re more mature and interesting.
Girl #11 I have to marry a ___profession___, because I’m going to be one so my Dad thinks that’s going to be compatible with my future life. (us: ugh)
Girl #12 I like guys who are tall, at least 6′ and are muscular and are introverts.
Girl #13 I can’t think of anymore so I’ll just say what I said. I find attractive…guys that are humble, charming, clean-cut suit type of guys. Outgoing, intelligent and spiritual. (they were like what no beard! I was like u know a cleancut/close shaven kind of beard 
)
Anyways there was a lot more said…we were there for hours and we had FOOD and I do mean CHOCOLATE. It was just extremely illuminating. Every girl had a different idea of what she found attractive and by extension perhaps even how she thought the perfect marriage and partner would be.
Some things were universal, like almost every girl mentioned someone who was honest, that would respect and support them, would be into their family and also was “not too religious”. The “not too religious” I asked about and I think it’s this notion that “very religious Muslim men” are kind of scary and wanting to impose their views on them and might not be open minded about things. I know I’ve met that kind and I’m sure they have too, but I wouldn’t attribute it to “religious” but to their wrong application of it. (You can read more about the topic of ‘religiosity’ and what constitutes being religions imo on the blog previous to this one). One girl just got out of a Rishta with someone “way too religious for her” and she said it was a relief because she could be herself again!
No one really mentioned looks and the actual phrases “good looking, cute, gorgeous” were never said. It’s not that they didn’t care, I think they were fine with decent as long as what they were looking for was there in the guy. No one mentioned ‘can cook’ or ‘can help out around the house’. I thought that would have been important? But someone did mention to make sure to see how he treats his mother and sisters. No one said “rich or wealthy job” or “million dollar mahr”, but many mentioned he should be able to support a family.
Anyway all in all an illuminating evening. Perhaps this will give all women pause to think about what exactly we do find attractive and consider if this is actually important in a marriage. For guys perhaps this will give them hope… there’s a girl out there that is attracted to your type!! Yayyy. All’s good 
So now the question is are guys looking for mostly the same things or are they all different as we are?
Disclaimer: All relation of the above to reality and real people or real events is purely coincidental.
P.S. If anyone would like to write anything for the blog on any interesting subject just let me know!
P.S.S. -
Post blog fantasy:
56 Responses to “What do Muslim girls find attractive?”
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February 27th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
This picture decribes me to a T – so what’s the problem?
February 27th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
lol girls u heard it here first.. write to abdul kabir at 123 cairo way… but seriously.. could be ur not coming across to ppl like above? or liking the type of girl that doesn’t like ur type since we see here that every girl is different?
February 27th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
maybe, just maybe, guy are the ones that are too picky… maybe they have this delusion that they are perfect, but all the girls that come their way are not good enough for them…
small tip: when looking for a partner, you need to stop looking for someone to fit into YOUR life, and start looking for someone with whom you can build a life TOGETHER. Everyone has their own goals, yes. But once youre married, there is no more “I”. Its about both of you.
February 27th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
salams
welllllllll … here are my thoughts on a few overall *categories* that I didnt see mentioned or referred to, up there:
Personal outlook / demeanor: Is he generally optimistic? Sees the glass as half full? Can see the silver lining on every cloud? Or does he consider himself a “realist” [a.k.a pessimistic]
Motivational level: can he PUMP. YOU. UP?! can you rely on him to recharge your battery when you’re running low? Does he wanna keep aiming higher and help you do the same? Or is he just kinda mediocre, and settles for Plain Joe average?
Type of humor: Lets face it, there are many different types: slapstick, dry, sarcasm, uber-cheesy-lame, mime, folksy, dirty [between spouses only], etc. and more. Not all types of humor work with everyone. I know this fits under the broader personality umbrella, but this a pretty critical sub-set; I’m not sure there’s too many girls out there that can truthfully say [with commensurate experience] that they dont mind if he doesn’t know how to crack a joke or make them laugh. Otherwise, most women want a guy that can connect with their sense of humor and make them laugh. The guys reading this should especially remember that there are just a few “idle” activities that are actually rewarded by Allah [SWT] and one of them is teasing your wife, spending time with her, making her laugh, etc.
There’s more, but I’ll leave it at that for now.
February 27th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Hahah I wish we taped it all too. You forgot the Greek comment!
Hahaha, and I dunno but I think we all did mention that looks matter. I mean we talked about the little details like arm veins, jaw bones, etc.. but hey, the first thing we can judge someone is based on their physical appearance.. no? I mean before you know what a person is like, you can only see their face.. and I mean.. if the shoe doesn’t fit, we might have a problem. 
Hahah I kid, I kid (sortakindamaybee).
February 27th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
razia tru girl very tru…goes for girls too eh?
maverick.. i don’t think girls really care if he’s ‘motivational’ or not…but maybe you mean ’supportive’ in what she does and in that case totally. optimist/realist good to point that out for compatibility’s sake. it’s definitely grating if he’s the opposite all the time, although if it’s not too extreme it could be a good complement to each other? humor yes lots of kinds of humor but i think there’s also the general category of ‘has one’ or ‘doesn’t’
anam i did forget! what was the greek comment? most of the girls did mention weird tiny physical things but they didn’t say like ‘model-looking’ or ‘has to be great looking’ unless u said it when i wasn’t looking
(don’t try to change what u said now!! too late ur getting an average-looking guy just what u ordered originally!)
February 27th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
Hahahahahaa….that was really interesting…..you forgot the side cut hahahahaha…..but yeah I believe most girls care about the personality more than looking…married couples always suggest to marry the opposite so both will have more chances in discovering each other hahahahaa…This might work sometimes…..anyway Thank you Jannah for the very ineteresting topic…and I will add more ideas next time Inshallah….lets do it again hahahaha
February 27th, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Alhamdulillah…..I think that night went great…..we actually got to learn a bit about ourselves as well as others…….cause usually u don’t know off the bat untill u r asked…….I loved it….
I think really a spouse (weather it be a man or woman) does need support the most….there are many experiences that both of u have to go through….but doing it together will make it so much easier!….and Inshallah we all find what we are looking for or at least the majority of it……more power to ya sista’s …..love u all!!!
February 27th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
I’ve never gone for the “Average Joe’s” so I dunnooo Jannah, I think you missed half the things I was saying hahaha.. probabbllyy for your own good though ;-D.
I’m gonna fb-message you the Greek comment and if you think it’s appropriate enough I’ll post it here haha.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
OMG Anam!!! no wonder i blocked that out.. definitely too R rated to be on the blog lol… there are children who read this… well not really, but I read this :p
anyways a brother who read the blog mentioned that all these things usually go out the window when you meet the right person. and that you can’t really apply a checklist and stuff to these kinda things. it’s all about personality, and these things are not really what people are looking for in a spouse??? or that they might be looking for those things, but in the end they don’t matter as much???
but i contend that people have “types” they are attracted to… like a shy, quiet type or outgoing whatever type so I think it does make a difference at least for compatiblity/chemistry’s sake. what do you guys think???
btw do we have two farasha’s?? weird..
February 28th, 2009 at 12:44 am
Haha it might be the same person.
I think it’s a little depressing when people say that “after marriage this or that doesn’t matter”.. whatever happened to keeping it alive? Man, marriage seems less & less appealing to me BY DAY.
I’m with you Huma, I think there are types that everyone’s attracted to & it makes a big difference. You know I don’t hear the whole chemistry shpeal from muslims much, but it SO matters! It’s how we make friends too.. if we have that chemistry there.
February 28th, 2009 at 2:13 am
You know what would be nice, is if the guys could reciprocate and write anonymously about what they find attractive? We could maybe learn a few things?
February 28th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
*crickets*
sigh this is why we’re still single girls!!
interesting point about chemistry with friends anam… SO TRUE… some girls I just meet and we CLICK or something for life and even if we go 10 years not meeting we’d still click if we met again…
February 28th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
To answer your question about what men are looking for in women. In my experience I haven’t seen it as diverse as that. Most guys want the same things in a woman, they just arrange their priorities differently. I can say that unlike most girls think, guys usually don’t have looks at the top of the list. It’s always there, but things like compatibility and brains may come before looks.
To summarize, I think most guys look for someone who can create a “home”, and just like the prophet (pbuh) said “he feels happiness when he looks at her”. I am not sure though how you can measure that in the material world!
February 28th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Haha sorry Jannah the first farasha was me the real one….but the second one below my comments was “husin” loool she wrote my name by mistake sorryyy……
btw I still like the side burns issue hahahaha…..
I loved ur blog and I read it more than 100 times now…..
keep it up…..
February 28th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Reading the post reminded me of the famous hadith of Umm Zara.
The exchange between ‘A’isha {Rd.} and Rasulullah {saw} at the very end is quite deep and beautiful…
THE HADITH OF UMM ZARA -
‘A’isha reported that (one day) there sat together eleven women making an explicit promise amongst themselves that they would conceal nothing about their spouses. The first one said: My husband is a sort of the meat of a lean camel placed at the top of a hill, which it is difficult to climb up, nor (the meat) is good enough that one finds in oneself the urge to take it away (from the top of that mountain).
The second one said: My husband (is so bad) that I am afraid I would not be able to describe his faults-both visible and invisible completely.
The third one said: My husband is a long-statured fellow (i. e. he lacks intelligence). If I give vent to my feelings about him, he would divorce me, and if I keep quiet I would be made to live in a state of suspense (neither completely abandoned by him nor entertained as wife).
The fourth one said: My husband is like the night of Tihama (the night of Hijaz and Mecca), neither too cold nor hot, neither there is any fear of him nor grief.
The fifth one said: My husband is (like) a leopard as he enters the house, and behaves like a lion when he gets out, and he does not ask about that which he leaves in the house.
The sixth one said: So far as my husband is concerned, he eats so much that nothing is left back and when he drinks he drinks that no drop is left behind. And when he lies down he wraps his body and does not touch me so that he may know my grief.
The seventh one said: My husband is heavy in spirit, having no brightness in him, impotent, suffering from all kinds of conceivable diseases, heaving such rough manners that he may break my head or wound my body, or may do both.
The eighth one said: My husband is as sweet as the sweet-smelling plant, and as soft as the softness of the hare.
The ninth one said: My husband is the master of a lofty building, long-statured, having heaps of ashes (at his door) and his house is near the meeting place and the inn.
The tenth one said: My husband is Malik, and how fine Malik is, much above appreciation and praise (of mine). He has many folds of his camel, more in number than the pastures for them. When they (the camels) hear the sound of music they become sure that they are going to be slaughtered.
The eleventh one said: My husband is Abu Zara’. How fine Abu Zara’ is! He has suspended in my ears heavy ornaments and (fed me liberally) that my sinews and bones are covered with fat. So he made me happy. He found me among the shepherds living in the side of the mountain, and he made me the owner of the horses, camels and lands and heaps of grain and he finds no fault with me. I sleep and get up in the morning (at my own sweet will) and drink to my heart’s content. The mother of Abu Zara’, how fine is the mother of Abu Zara’! Her bundles are heavily packed (or receptacles in her house are filled to the brim) and the house quite spacious. So far as the son of Abu Zara’ is concerned, his bed is as soft as a green palm-stick drawn forth from its bark, or like a sword drawn forth from its scabbard, and whom just an arm of a lamb is enough to satiate. So far as the daughter of Abu Zara’ is concerned, how fine is the daughter of Abu Zara’, obedient to her father, obedient to her mother, wearing sufficient flesh and a source of jealousy for her co-wife. As for the slave-girl of Abu Zara’, how fine is she; she does not disclose our affairs to others (outside the four walls of the house). She does not remove our wheat, or provision, or take it forth, or squander it, but she preserves it faithfully (as a sacred trust). And she does not let the house fill with rubbish. One day Abu Zara’ went out (of his house) when the milk was churned in the vessels, that he met a woman, having two children like leopards playing with her pomegranates (chest) under her vest. He divorced me (Umm Zara’) and married that woman (whom Abu Zara’) met on the way. I (Umm Zara’) later on married another person, a chief, who was an expert rider, and a fine archer: he bestowed upon me many gifts and gave me one pair of every kind of animal and said: Umm Zara’, make use of everything (you need) and send forth to your parents (but the fact) is that even if I combine all the gifts that he bestowed upon me, they stand no comparison to the least gift of Abu Zara’.
‘A’isha reported that Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) said to me: I am for you as Abu Zara’ was for Umm Zara’.
*** In some traditions the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) says “O ‘A’isha! I am to you like Abu Zara’ was to Umm Zara’ – except that Abu Zara’ divorced (her), and I will not divorce you.” to which Sayyidina ‘A’isha replies “O Allah’s Messenger! You are better to me than Abu Zara’ was to Umm Zara’” to show her appreciation of his favours on her.
commentary -
http://truelife200vi.wordpress.com/2008/02/18/hadith-ummi-zara/
Translation of Sahih Muslim,
Book 31: ‘The Book Pertaining to the Merits of the Companions (Allah Be Pleased With Them) of the Holy Prophet (May Peace Be Upon Him) (Kitab Al-Fada’il Al-Sahabah)’
Chapter 14: The Hadith of Umm Zara
Hadith #: 5998
February 28th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
A lesson in desire, marriage and akhiraah -
A scholar once explained about why the ‘mothers of the believers – the wives of Rasulullah (saw) – had no need or desire to marry anyone after the death of Rasulullah (saw). To explain, he uses the example of the companion Umm Darda:
Umm Darda as-Suggarah (the young) – after Abu Darda (her husband) died – she prayed:
“Ya Allah, Abu Darda asked for my hand from my family – and my family married me to him.
Ya Allah, I ask You for the hand of Abu Darda in Jannah – please marry him to me in Jannah.”
Therefore, when Muawwiyah ibn Abi Suffyan (Rd) – the mightiest man on the earth, and the calipah of the Muslim Ummah – when he asked for her hand. She said:
“No, because I want to marry Abu Darda in Jannah – because Rasulullah (saw) taught: ‘In Jannah, the woman will marry her last husband, if they are both believers and enter Jannah’. Let my last husband be Abu Darda – there is no equal to Abu Darda.”
March 1st, 2009 at 12:18 am
jazaks for those hadiths.. may we all indeed find husbands like abu zara (without the divorce
) and abu darda and indeed of the best like rasulullah saw.
one of the interesting things about abu zara was that he really provided for and treated well everyone around him, his wife, his son, his daughter, his mother, his slavegirl. makes sense now why why it was suggested that girls find out how potential rishtas treat his sisters/mothers and home life.
also, seems like umm zara never forgot her first love even when she was married to a great cheiftan that gave her everything she wanted. almost how like rasululllah saw never forgot khadijah. definitely some true love/chemistry going on.
March 6th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
BTW related topic for brothers:
http://jannah.org/madina/index.php?topic=2544.0
Guide to Being a Gentleman PDF guide for guys!
March 9th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
I asked Talib^2 to write a response and he actually did! Check it out here: http://theprince100.blogspot.com/
March 12th, 2009 at 2:54 am
As-Salamu Alikum!
Nice Job! and here is my view of things:
http://theprince100.blogspot.com/2009/03/boys-and-girls.html
Of course, there are more to it than what’s mentioned, but in reality decisions would be made on many aspects. Guys are picky too, they may not show it but they are. I guess, finding someone that you can “Click with” is a major concern. Good job again… and I will check the blog every now and then!
March 18th, 2009 at 3:43 am
i’m ur typical muslim dude. did college and working now. dated around bit. looking to get married now. looking for a housewife type. seems like housewife is a bad word these days. dont want anyone independent. if ure independent you wont need a husband. u got u. someone educated. shes gotta be attractive, not fat and not anorexic. and shes gotta be cool with livin with my family. and of course shes gotta be religous, more so then me preferably. so yeah that wat this dude looks for.
March 18th, 2009 at 5:48 am
typical muslim dude?? uhhh did you just make up that whole thing as a “what do Muslim girls NOT find attractive”? no offence but this is what any girl is going to think: first he dated around… what does that mean… obviously that he’s not a practicing muslim. second a housewife type? women end up doing all the housewife things ie taking care of the house and kids but they definitely want to do more than that too ie contribute to society or use their education in some way. as for independence, no woman living in this world today is not going to be independent. but i hope by ‘not independent’ you don’t mean ‘will bow to my every will’. being married does mean interdependence, but no self-respecting woman wants to be a doormat. and live with your family? not many sisters i know would want to do that — way too much drama and problems and she has the right islamically to have her own quarters. attractive and the perfect weight, ok, as long as you are too. and way more religious than you? no doubt likely, but why would a religious girl want to marry someone who isn’t. but on the upside i finally found out who gunga din was: http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Gunga_Din
March 18th, 2009 at 6:45 am
He was a good guy. as good as fictional guys come. Kipling writes well. do u not beleive that one can change for the better? So i ran with the wrong crowd and did things i shouldnt have. Am i forever tainted? I should shave my head and become a monk. And why are you taking offence to what I, the new gunga din, personally want?
March 18th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Yes I do believe people can change for the better. Allah forgives and so should we. You can want whatever you like. Best of luck to you.
March 26th, 2009 at 8:52 am
Astaghfirullah ” Too religious for me ” . That is so sad. The prophet (sallallahu A’layhi wa Sallam) is too religious for these girls I guess. That is sad. Just watch what will happen to the women who marry men that are not “too religious” in this world and the hereafter. The most important thing you should look for in a spouse is piety and you guys have thrown that out the door. But the saddest thing is that Rasoolullah (sallallahu A’layhi wa Sallam) would be too religious for these girls. Change yourself.. May Allah give you hidayah. Aameen.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:01 am
But of course I’m probably wrong because Allah has already said in the Quran
“Vile women are for vile men, and vile men for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women; such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision.” (24;26)
Sorry people Allah already said it.
March 26th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
shakaib, i think we explained what some of them meant when they said “too religious”. they meant more like “act like they’re religious when they’re not”. also see the previous blog discussion about what “religious” actually means to different people. as for the ayah you quoted, i think it’s better for everyone to read the tafseer on that verse.
March 27th, 2009 at 7:39 am
Of course I will be glad to. Here is the tafseer of Mufti Shafi Uthmani’s (Rahmatullah A’layh) Maariful Qur’an translated by his son, Mufti Taqi Uthmani (Damat Barakatuhum)
Vile women are for vile men, and vile men are for vile women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women. Those are free from what they (the accusers) say. For them there is forgiveness and a graceful provision – 24:26.
It means that the vulgar women are suitable for vulgar men and the vulgar men are suitable for vulgar women. And pure women are worthy for pure men and pure men are worthy for pure women.
In this last verse the common principle is stated that Allah Ta A’la has created a connection between the people of the same nature. Thus, vulgar and unchaste women are inclined towards vulgar and unchaste men and
vice versa. Similarly, pure and chaste women show inclination towards pure and decent men and vice versa. Therefore, everyone tries to find the spouse according to one’s inclination and liking, and in a natural way one
does find one to suit him or her.
In the light of this norm and principle it is now quite clear that the messengers of Allah, who are the models of purity and chastity both outwardly and inwardly in this world, are granted spouses by Allah Ta A’la in accordance with their status. Hence, the Holy Prophet (Sallallah Hu A’layhi Wa Sallam) who is the head of all messengers, was bestowed with spouses who were befitting to his position and status in purity, chastity and ethical excellence, and
Sayyidah Aishah (Radhiallahu A’nha)is more prominent among them all. Only those can have any doubt or suspicion about her who do not have faith in the Holy Prophet (Sallallah Hu A’layhi Wa Sallam) himself. It is mentioned about the wife of Sayyidina Nooh and Sayyidna Loot (Alayhimus Salaam) in the Qur’an that they were
disbelievers, but it is also established that they were not involved in any obscenity or vulgarity. Sayyidina Ibn Abbas (Radhiallahu A’nhu) said ‘Never did a wife of a messenger commit adultery’. It is, therefore, corroborated that it is possible that a messenger’s wife could be a disbeliever, but it is not possible that she could be vulgar and sexually immoral, because adultery is a natural detestable act in the eyes of people, whereas disbelief is not a natural detestable thing. (Bayan
al-Qur’an)
Sorry for any disrespect I may have shown to you by writing any of this stuff.
March 27th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
i def left a comment on here and it got deleted!!!!!!
March 27th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
nouha the comments are moderated. that’s why you might not see them right away. i have to approve them. once submitted you should see the comment though and a “under moderatation” next to it. if you don’t see that it might not have gone through. after commenting a few times the system then recognizes you and it just posts the comment immediately.
shakaib from ibn kathir tafseer we learn: Ibn `Abbas said, “Evil words are for evil men, and evil men are for evil words; good words are for good men and good men are for good words. This was revealed concerning `A’ishah and the people of the slander.” This was also narrated from Mujahid, `Ata’, Sa`id bin Jubayr, Ash-Sha`bi, Al-Hasan bin Abu Al-Hasan Al-Basri, Habib bin Abi Thabit and Ad-Dahhak, and it was also the view favored by Ibn Jarir. He interpreted it to mean that evil speech is more suited to evil people, and good speech is more suited to good people. What the hypocrites attributed to `A’ishah was more suited to them, and she was most suited to innocence and having nothing to do with them. Allah said:
(such (good people) are innocent of (every) bad statement which they say;) `Abdur-Rahman bin Zayd bin Aslam said, “Evil women are for evil men and evil men are for evil women, and good women are for good men and good men are for good women.” This also necessarily refers back to what they said, i.e., Allah would not have made `A’ishah the wife of His Messenger unless she had been good, because he is the best of the best of mankind. If she had been evil, she would not have been a suitable partner either according to His Laws or His decree.
http://www.tafsir.com/default.asp?sid=24&tid=35773
April 5th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
BTW since this post gets a lot of hits by i assume ‘guys who are looking’? since it’s so hard to find someone good these days, why not put what you are looking for as well and if any of the above 15 sisters (non married ones of course lol) are interested we could always try and matchmake inshaAllah
November 24th, 2009 at 7:46 am
seems like its been a long time since anyone has written anything
December 8th, 2009 at 4:27 am
Nice post.
With info on “What do Muslim girls find attractive?” I can go find one for my self .. hehehehe
December 8th, 2009 at 4:35 am
Assalamualikum sis jannah.
Opps Quick repost .. the avatar on the header is really cute — always brings a smile on my face whenever I visit your blog .. really nice …
December 27th, 2009 at 11:56 am
hey peeps!
well, i think that Allah will guide u 2 the rite 1, so if some1 is suitable for u, and Allah wills it, then u will be together!
January 13th, 2010 at 8:08 pm
salam,
subhana’allah. like since i have read this, i now know wat i guess muslim guys “find attractive” in girls.. and alhamdulilah we are also talking about this in our halaqah. but u know just general about love. but of course we will come to this point. anyways just want to say that at least u gave me some points to say. i have also wanted to talk to them about this topic insha’allah. some of them are pretty funny. of course every girl has a different opinion on which kind of “guy” they want. but i want to point our something for both genders, is that u should carefully pick which(girl/guy) u want. because sometimes u say this and that, and then subhna’allah at end ur mind changes. thats y its better to think more on what u want. I know some people that they don’t know wat they want from eachother and its really sad. because if ur planning to marry the(girl/guy) just try to know them well and see wat they want from u or u to tell them wat u want too.
but May Allah(3azza wajal) find us and good and rightous spouse, and May Allah make it easy for us both in this dunya and akhira.Ameen
wasalamulikum warahmatullah
ur brother in Islam~
January 28th, 2010 at 8:06 pm
Jannah,
Finally got around to reading this bit. It meshes quite well with what I know of women in general, not just Muslim girls. I’ve got a planned piece for my blog that I haven’t written about my experiences discussing what Saudi young men want in their wives, but Talib did a pretty good job with his post.
Regards the too religious bit, I have to agree with the sisters. There are many people who are so ‘religious’ that they feel it necessary to always inform others what others should be doing and are quick to condemn those others for the slightest deviation from what they believe should be done. To that practice, I have two comments.
1) On the DoJ we’re each responsible for ourselves. If ones own soul is not perfectly clean, one might not want to be condemning others.
2) Fanaticism should be confused with spiritual depth.
January 28th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
Make that *should NOT be confused with spiritual depth.
February 22nd, 2010 at 11:27 am
i think there is very thin line between ugly and beautifull in my opinion i never encapsulate girls bad behaviour over her hot cheesy looks.because for someone it is not what you can do it is what you can do being without him.
February 22nd, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Thanks Shaari for your comments. Can’t wait to read that post
Saad ermmm I didn’t quite understand ur comments??? I think ur saying u never overlook a girls bad behavior despite her looks? and what’s important is their character and not how they act around u??? If so, that’s probably a good thing.
March 2nd, 2010 at 3:45 pm
I wish some one said a Pious man with good morals,
March 18th, 2010 at 3:47 pm
assalamu alaikum.
al hamdulillah i kinda noticed no one really mentioned race but when someone did it was like a gasp. like they couldn’t believe it.
i think the problem is in reality discussions like this only bring out surface feelings and not in general because on the surface a person may not want to be portrayed as they truly feel on the inside.
women and men like what they like but when it all boils down to it whether you like it because it is what you like or whether you like it because it is the social norm for you to like it.
for example:
amongst the reverts white and black it is the social norm to initially want an arab man. because they are looked at as being the embodiment of islam. islam came down in arabic so they should know the deen and it also comes down to the culture. but in reality if you have been overseas or have been around alot of arabs that is the opposite of the matter. alot of them can’t understand the quran or don’t really know the religion because islam is for a lot of them cultural.
alot of reverted women believe that since you were born muslim then you have to know islam cause its all you know.
i think our main problem is that we should look to marry the religious women no matter what race or culture they are.
me personally i prefer white, spanish or asian women but does that mean i won’t marry an african american. not at all. i would marry the right sister in a minute but it also comes down to the expectations of a sister also. sisters have high expectations for their husbands that they don’t put on themselves.
for example i have been refused marriage quite a few times because i don’t have a bachelors degree.
im like wow how can the muslims say they want religion when the first thing that comes out of your mouth is dunya.
sisters say that they want a man who can teach them the religion but the problem is is when they find him and he asks them do they study what have they learned what classess do they attend what do they know of the religion it comes down to nothing.
you have more sisters going to univeristies getting degrees in all types of fields so they can be successful in this life (after they pay off their riba debt) that they forget about the success in the hereafter. so you sell you akhira for the dunya and then you say you want to lead an islamic life but you don’t know what an islamic life is because you spend all you time studying non essential things in islam.
don’t get me wrong gaining knowledge for employment isn’t haram until you become negligent to your religion and majority of the muslim fall into this category.
but i don’t want to ramble on but one i would like to point out is that the brother was right.
no sister said she wanted a righteous husband which again proves my point that sisters really don’t know what they want according to the religion just the dunya.
and that is sad
March 18th, 2010 at 5:15 pm
Walaikum salaam wrt,
I’d just like to point out that the question wasn’t “what type of person would you like to marry? or “what qualities are you looking for in marriage? or a future spouse?” and it wasn’t a deep discussion! it was a sisters party ‘what do u find _attractive_’ funny kind of thing!! We might find the qualities of Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy attractive but this doesn’t mean we want to marry him! This is why it seems like a surface discussion because that’s what it was! BTW most of the sisters there were quite practicing and want a brother that is as well.
that being said re: the bachelor’s degree
Jazakallah khair br yahya for your post and your honesty. I’ve heard this from many brothers and they always are bitter about it and say the same thing you do “they only want dunya!” as if a bachelor’s degree=dunya. This is not necessarily true for women.
For me, I don’t think I could marry someone who hasn’t been to college. They just have a totally different world view. It’s about compatibility. College/university is a 4 year experience where you go through a lot. You take so many different courses in different subjects, you have the MSA experience, you have your peers Muslims’ experience and interacting with non-Muslim. You are in a sense even ‘brainwashed’ in some ways to think about certain things in the same way. Also someone who goes to college has already chosen to be ‘pro-establishment’ versus someone who refuses to.
So, someone who has skipped all that just has not been through the same things. It’s not about dunya because look, even if a person had skipped college and is in a high powered very lucrative job position = dunya $$ as you are saying, they are not going to have the same background as someone who has been to 4 years of uni. Similarly someone who has gone to university even abroad studying shariah or something which does not equal dunya might be more compatible. So I hope you do understand that sometimes it’s not about the “dunya $” aspect.
ok now about this paragraph:
“you have more sisters going to univeristies getting degrees in all types of fields so they can be successful in this life (after they pay off their riba debt) that they forget about the success in the hereafter. so you sell you akhira for the dunya and then you say you want to lead an islamic life but you don’t know what an islamic life is because you spend all you time studying non essential things in islam.”
Not everyone who goes to college takes out a Riba loan. I didn’t alhamdulillah and the majority of sisters I know didn’t as well. They are not selling their souls to the devil or forgetting about the Akhirah. They want to get a degree, BE EDUCATED. You may call subjects like ‘biology, medicine, mathematics, psychology, history, etc’ Dunya subjects all you like, but why shouldn’t a MUSLIM want to study those things along with their Deeni education.
Now I’m going to be honest: Perhaps the reason why those sisters refused you was because of your views, not because they “love Dunya”.
Jazakallah khair,
wsalam
March 18th, 2010 at 6:01 pm
alright then i will make this short so it won’t turn into an argument.
1.- there is no criteria that states in islam that marriage is based on whether a person has a degree or not. it is based upon religion thats it thats all and to say that a person would not marry another person because he or she doesn’t have a certain type of degree just shows how much the person understands islam
2.- as far as experience goes then i really don’t think that too many people here whove went to a colleg have the experience that i have. i went to an islamic college overseas and have traveled to many countries. so the interaction with the different local islamic groups has nothing over the interaction with international islamic groups and muslims from all over the world speaking arabic and their native tongue sleeping eating and studying together hoping to get closer to allah.
3.- i never said i don’t value a dunya education in order to provide for yourself. i encourage brothers to go to college and learn a trade or skill to provide for a family. i myself insha allah will be going back soon to become an ekg tech but i put islamic studies over dunya studies. i study more of my religion the the dunya.
4.- name me five sisters that you know whom have put the same amount of time and effort into the studying of the subjects as they have the religion. i don’t think you can because they would be exhausted and would have to drop one or the other.
i used to study in the islamic school over seas 16 hours a day just to be able to read, speak and write arabic and be able with the permission of allah go into the books and read them myself so i can learn and hopefully teach this religion. but i also want to provide for a wife and i realize that it is allah who provides and not a degree. i know plenty of muslims who have degrees and are unemployed and livin at home.
so a degree means nothing
plus on yaumul qiyyamah lets see how far you degree takes you in front of allah.
oh my brothers and sisters there is nothing wrong with getting an education but where we go wrong is when we become so engulfed in the dunya studies looking for sustenance and knowledge that we neglect the rights of allah and this religion by not learning it and puting just as much time in it as we do for seekin out the dunya.
we were created for worship and allah commanded us to seek knowledge of the religion first and then the dunya.
and once again i am not against seeking knowledge of the different aspects of the dunya i have an insha allah will be doing it again but i pay more attention to my religion then anything else
and i don’t want to turn this into an argument because we as muslims have enough discord amongst us
March 19th, 2010 at 4:23 am
salaam br yahya,
1. yes that is true. there is also nothing in islam that says a sister can’t prefer someone that has the same experiences as her and is therefore likely more compatible.
2. yes you have different experiences and perhaps someone who shares those types of experiences would be a better match for you.
3. ok…may Allah give you tawfeeq.
4. you’re really making a generalization here. i will give you first names then eh? …or rather let me tell you that i’ve studied overseas as well and can give you tens of names of sisters all over the world. there are sisters that care about both. but i think ur rather looking for someone who cares only for deen studies. it’s possible u can find that type of person too.
5. yes, i’ve heard that before too. “a degree means nothing” “Allah provides rizq”. (again it’s not about the degree it’s about compatability) Yes Allah provides, but we also have to make an effort. It is possible to live in dunya for akhirah. There were many succesful sahabah who did so as well: Abu Bakr (ra), Uthman (ra), etc etc.
I think some brothers who don’t have degrees have a big chip on their shoulder about it. They always blame that as the excuse as to why a sister said no to them. “She wanted dunya. She’s all about the $$. Astaghfirullah akhi, she sold her soul to the devil… etc etc.” You know… keep believing that, sometimes it’s easier than trying to find out the real reason.
6. on ur last point. there are things that are fard-ayn in this deen that every Muslim must know. those are the things muslims need to learn first and last in order to do what’s required of them. but it is not required on every person in this ummah to become a faqih, hafiz, muhaddith, to go overseas and study, and so on. it would be nice but it’s not required. so to say those who are not pursuing those paths are on a wrong path is not correct. yes we should all be seeking deeni knowledge throughout our lives, but we have just as much right to seek dunya knowledge.
Lastly I’ll tell u bc u seem a good bro, if you wrote all that to any sister I know practicing or not she’d think first of all that ur one of those guys who allows his family to go on welfare instead of working to provide for the family. That you’d just say “Allah will provide” one day and not do anything to help your family. (Untrue of course but that is the fear they would have)
Secondly, because you have all these issues with “dunya knowledge” you are the type that’s anti-america, anti-education, anti-everything, wants to reject dunya and go off and live somewhere on your muslim island.
Do you see what I’m saying? Put yourself in her shoes, why would she want to marry someone like that? The appearance there is of a person that will not care about life, a marriage, his wife, or his future kids. I know that is not true of course.
In closing, i think the best thing for you to do is to look for someone like yourself who doesn’t have a degree and is studying islamic studies somewhere. there are sisters like that. she will no doubt be much more compatible in viewpoints. Allah knows best. wsalaam wrt
March 19th, 2010 at 5:45 pm
Thank you. Your last post was deleted. Try saying what you did without the anger and insults.
April 3rd, 2010 at 4:46 pm
In regards to what men find attractive:
Before you begin reading my post, please understand that I will be speaking in generalities. I realize that not all men and women are the same. I believe that what men find attractive is as varied us what the sisters found attractive. For me (and many men, I am sure) here is a list of what turns me on and what turns me off (not sexually – I just cant think of a better way to phrase it)
Turn-Ons:
1. Introverted – Maybe this is looked down upon by American society but for me, there is nothing more attractive than a quiet, shy girl.
2. Appreciative – I always hear women complaining about how men take them for granted. When you feel this way, please take a moment and think about what sacrifices your husband or father or even your brother makes for you. Maybe younger men (15-21) haven’t gotten to that point in their lives where they take on the responsibility, but they will get there.
3. Religion – This actually should have been the first quality, but if you notice, the other qualities are a byproduct of correctly practicing deen.
Turn-Offs:
1. Loud – By this, I mean women who raise their voices (maybe in laughter) to get mens attention. This will get the attention of some men, yes, but believe me, Its not the kind of attention that is gonna get you married.
2. Make-up: This might come as a shock. Make-up looks good, dont get me wrong, but it gets me wondering what the girl is trying to cover up in the first place. If I marry a girl, its fair to say that I will usually be seeing her without any on. Also, too much make-up accelerates the aging process. Think about it: your face is carrying weight around (I am an engineer, I think about these things). You might think the weight is negligible, but the effects will be felt by someone who wears it all day long for years and years. Its gonna wear your face out and make you want to apply even more on. Almost like a drug.
I wish I could list more qualities, but I feel this post is already lengthy enough. If I have offended anyone, I apologize, but I felt I should give the sisters a little insight to what many men find attractive.
April 9th, 2010 at 8:15 pm
slms ppl
speaking from bitter experience, i can honestly say that just getting married for religious purposes without taking into account personalities and finances …usually leads to Trouble.
Most guys pretend to be all Islamic when ’seeing’ a sister, and very quickly abandon the pose after marriage…and then youre left with someone with a less than adequate personality, who youre always trying to boost up- but that never works- and who has an issue with spending even necessary money on you.
jannah… i feel like writing some good anti-marriage tips for you and your posse!:)
eg. if, before marriage, he is already complaining about having to buy you stupid things ( a ring and a honeymoon), and no one should tell him what to do since hes the one paying…and if you want more you should tell all the people to help you find mr. right…
then- this is a flashing neon sign to exit the building. fast. i know what youre thinking sisters- that he sounds logical and that marriage is more about the other things. thats what i said to myself…conned myself into believing his whole islamic take…
p.s…wanna know the end?
i never got the ring, but i Did pay for my own honeymoon.
oh. and we divorced:)
sometimes, endings can be happy too.
April 9th, 2010 at 8:27 pm
and on a completely superficial note here…
what about CONFIDENCE?
even the plainest of guys can seem amazing with the right personality.
i remember a balding heavy-set lecturer we had in uni. after 5 minutes of his presentation, the entire female faction was staring googly eyed at him and rubbing away their drool.
why?
cos he was just so funny and confident and deadpan…
and at the end of his lecture, when he asked us if any of us wanted to know something… there was silence whilst we all tried to think of something attention grabbing-
when one girl suddenly shot out her hand and began waving it madly, like a matador on heat:
Dr, Dr! i have a question!
‘yes?shoot….’
like… um…like.do all fireman buildings have a pole in them?
*dumbfounded silence in the class*
thats what he did to a bunch of professionals. reduced us to blathering idiots…
*happy sigh*
oops. i didnt say that.
April 13th, 2010 at 5:46 pm
Asalaamualykum,
Wow…this was quite an entertaining blog including the comments.
Would never think girls would say those things…haha..it was jokes just seeing that. “hair line behind the ear” omgosh haha too jks. Hope you guys had a lot of laughs at your party. Those things being funny…are still fine though..not to say anything against it…mashaAllah.
On the other hand, some of what the guys said also surprised me. Amazing to see quite differing opinions.
This blog had its fair share of humour, debating, anger, and good lessons which made it entertaining and beneficial, thanks to whosoever started it, I’m assuming Jannah (jazakallah khair).
Just listening to ya’ll girls is entertaining..wow.
Since people asked about us guy’s opinions on the matter, I thought I’d share what I think a lot of guys including myself are looking for. And I have a good open minded sense, not no narrow perspective that some brothers talked about.
This is not in order but definitely, without a doubt, we do look at attraction physically for sure..just as I’m sure women would do but us males more for sure. Which guy can say they will not look for physical attraction..none! That is why the prophet encouraged to look at your prospect and also told a sahabah that he should’ve looked at his prospect when he didn’t initially do so. Its in the nature of guys that we look for the beauty girls have been given, alhumdullilah..haha.
Next..modesty. This is definitely not applicable for everyone but for a person who values his/her deen more if you know what I’m saying, don’t like to use “religious”. Seeing that a girl is restrictive to the opposite gender in her speech, body language and talk is very attractive to me. It’s like…you don’t want to marry a girl who is open with every guy or has friends with them etc. I love it when a sister is chaste and modest masha’allah, and definitely I can say the hijab isn’t only reflection of modesty…although a big thing and sacrifice…modesty is in character and personality…not by looks.
I don’t want to write a story and burden your eyes haha so I will cut it down and say the rest.
A girl who has knowledge of the dunya and the deen of course who is educated, that doesn’t mean masters or anything, just a girl whose had an educational experience to learn from in an educational atmosphere, high school being the minimum. I for myself, thinking it’s fair would have to say a girl who’s gone to college or uni at least because as Jannah said, it really does give you key learning and experience/atmosphere. Some brothers up above mentioned that sisters are leaving out the dunya etc. by what they said in some posts…I call it lack of wisdom from them. Guys, especially younger ones are not mature and open minded and they learn one thing one day and believe the next day they understand it all. I can admit this without a doubt about younger brothers who learn the deen a bit and then think they can impose and criticize others. So sisters, just ignore guys when they try to come all out on you and dont have a kind or at least respectable approach if they feel something. That rudeness or imposing is in and of itself not from our deen.
Things that are significant to add that i guess I will end up with as I have gone tooooo longg, I apologize is good character, is jolly and enjoys, laughs, is social. Girls who can take care of the house, value cleanliness and are caring and responsible when faced with tasks or duties.
I am not saying a girl has to be perfect in any of these…but I think these things are common for guys and girls but are just some things brothers would be interested in that many girls alhumdullilah have.
Akhlaaq, modest, values Islam more than anything, outgoing, jolly, responsible, educated.
Please correct me if im wrong or if I offended anyone. Im sooo sorryyy for the essayyyy….dayummm… too long. Forgive mee.
alright everyone, take care, waiting for more of ya’ll debates and entertaining thoughts and comments. haha. I have definitely learned girlls are jokkesss(funny) from your party.
Wasalaamualyk
April 14th, 2010 at 11:37 am
Salam,
Jazaks for everyone’s feedback!! (Check out my advice for bros post sometime: http://jannah.org/blog/2009/06/05/advice-for-the-guys/ )
April 14th, 2010 at 1:34 pm
Read that too, those advices are soooo sooo beneficial, my gosh, what a great website alhumdullilah.
Guys really need to read things like that.
Shukran
April 21st, 2010 at 12:18 pm
I’m pretty young I guess to be reading this page, but I found your post very funny Jannah mashallah! I think I’ll write what I find attractive…
1. A bit nerdy!!!! Hehehehe
2. Mutdayin (religious) (but not in a showy-off fake way, I mean SINCERITY and no ‘the kuffar the kuffar’ talk.) I can’t help it, I REALLY appreciate guys that take care of their deen. Anger and foul language are definitely a turn-off for me!
3. Long, sophisticated fingers. HYGIENE too.
4. Someone who can make me laugh! *looks dreamy*
May 21st, 2010 at 2:59 pm
Fun loving, moderatly religious with a cute booty. Thats all ladies.
August 17th, 2010 at 1:45 pm
Oh i know exactly what Girl #8 is talking about! And its sooo true! hehe