Road to Jannah

Muslim orgs today.

A number of years ago while I was studying in Damascus, I applied for a deen intensive program that was to be held in Makkah/Madinah. I was tipped off by a friend in a high place that registration would be opening within the next day or so. So before and after classes I went to the internet cafe (there wasn’t any internet at home in Syria at the time) and checked online. The next day after school, the application was up and I spent an hour or two, or three filling it out and even went home and wrote some more stuff out on my flash drive before going back to the cafe to submit it.

I added some things I had pre-written which included an ‘autobiography’ and ‘thoughts on Islam’ and some longer essays I had written before. The application was long and thorough and I spent time filling everything out carefully and really tried to add any Islamic activities, courses, study abroad, classes, learning, shaykhs, references, organizations, everything I could think of that could help me get in. I would say I submitted it at about 5 or 6 AM US time after registration had opened at 12 AM. Over the next few weeks the program and registration was advertised and I heard from many friends who applied as well.

About 2 weeks after I submitted the application I received a polite email that I was rejected, but no reason or explanation. D’oh! You could imagine my consternation. What did I do wrong? Was I too old? Was I too young? Did I not study with shaykhs they liked? But I had studied with some of them! Did I not have any Islamic experience or did I have too much? Was I not active enough or too active? I just didn’t get it. Especially when a number of people I knew and even people in my own community were accepted months after. And I mean MONTHS! Later, a few people (again in those high places) told me that I didn’t know the ‘right’ people and I hadn’t been to the ‘right’ programs.

Last year when I attended a wedding I met a sister who was very friendly and we chatted about various Islamic activities going on in her area. I then mentioned a shaykh that I studied with and her reaction was absolutely priceless. “Him! Oh we don’t do that, we’re ____” After that, cold shoulder, she just visibly ignored us the rest of the 3 days of wedding activities. I was shocked, and am kind of still shocked that any debates over shaykhs or groups would come down to such a level where it influences personal interactions.

Over the last few years we have seen a number of organizations established by various shaykhs and groups. We have Zaytuna, Al-Maghrib, Sunnipath, Aalim, ZamZam, Nawawi, MAS, SeekersGuidance, Fawakeh, Zawiyah, Bayinnah, Sunniforum, Texasdawah, Mecca, Al Madina, etc. etc. etc. Their purpose was and is noble. They want to organize and teach Islam. I don’t discount the good work they have done and how they have changed and revitalized the knowledge scene in North America. I also don’t begrudge the formulation or ‘professionalization’ if you will of these organizations because I do believe Muslims should start paying their scholars and for knowledge in order for these to develop. But what I’m talking about are the side effects of these organizations. At times, it’s just unbelievable.

The amount of vitriolic debate across Islamic forums, blogs, in speeches, in communities is appalling. This shaykh said this and that one said this in response. This organization did this and that one did that. Oh I’m a part of thisgroup, I don’t go to thatgroup. I mean, it gets much uglier than that with words like “kaffir” and “aqeedah” and “islam” and “truth” thrown around, along with specific quotes and incidents. Some shaykhs advocate not attending other’s lectures and classes “in case they get messed up by them”. Some downright declare other teachers/teachings to be heretical. A shaykh who decides to teach at another camp (ie Suhaib Webb) is immediately declared to be a traitor. If you attend a certain group’s classes and courses, you are part of that crowd and enjoy it’s exclusive benefits like getting into certain exclusive programs or forum or mailing list. If you don’t, you’re locked out.

At one point I believed that all the debating and fighting was perpetuated by ignorant, zealous students only, but I know now that’s not true. Each of these organizations has their own agenda and “aqeedah” so to speak and by that virtue even its leadership is involved in perpetuating this fracturing of Islam in North America.

They certainly have done nothing to stop it. I don’t know how you guys feel, but I’m truly just sickened by it all. Ten years ago, Farid Munir likened ISNA – as an umbrella organization, to a mall. In the mall there were a ton of stores and anyone could choose to go into any store. And Thank God it was like this, because the day ISNA decided which stores were right and wrong and which would be closed, God help us. Well here is that day. Each organization has now decided to open up their own store, has set up its own times of business and customers, what to sell and sent out its sales fliers to its exclusive customers. If you are one of those people that are part of the club you are quite happy I’m sure. But what is happening to the bigger picture, Islam & Muslims!! What about those people who don’t want to be part of your club? What about those people who do want to be? What about those who want to benefit but don’t want to join you?

If the groups could just go back to being ’simply ways to organize’ or if the leaders of these groups would actively try to teach and institute policies to eradicate exclusivity it would help. But what shaykh or group is going to say, ‘Go get your knowledge from anywhere, go to any program , we don’t mind’. The whole reason they were organized in the first place was to do things and teach things in the way they feel is important. But now in order for the group to survive, it must retain its supporters. The group by virtue of being a group, must inherently form mechanisms to perpetuate itself. Thus, the problem is so inherent that nothing short of dissolving all these organizations would actually solve it. But how can we then build institutions and organizations without groups? Physically, financially, organizationally we need them to progress.

The only alternative I see, is for us, we the people, who are part of these organizations, who attend these programs, who apply to them, is to protest. And by protest I mean to stop engaging in the politicking, the argumentation, the this-group-versus-that-group mentality, the my shaykh vs. your shaykh debate, and to advocate for transparency and non-exclusivity. Who makes up these organizations, who attends them? We do. We need to stop “being the problem we seek to change.” Let’s stop being exclusive and country club like and start standardizing some fairness policies. Let’s break the cult of personalities by seeking knowledge for the sake of seeking knowledge, not based on who teaches it or where. Why do we attend only certain programs? Who cares if this shaykh isn’t in your camp, can you not benefit from him? Why do we travel thousands of miles to go to something when there is that brother at the local corner mosque who has been teaching this subject for the last 10 years, when that local sister who knows Tajweed has no students? We need, sigh hate to say this in a recession , but what we need, is to start shopping freely at the mall again!

ps i just realized i’ll probably now be blackballed from every north american organization, but please just take this as naseeha for the future. check yo’self b4 u wreck yo’self as my students say.

Things that annoy & frustrate me & a few things I luv.

Things that annoy & frustrate me:

-Every aunty at every wedding that says “Ohhh don’t worry YOU’RE NEXT! I’m making Dua for you”. Yes, apparently it’s worked, hasn’t it!

- PDA… on Facebook…. get a room!! Haramness… on Facebook. Almost everything about Facebook. Add to that Myspace, Twitter and anything else that’s a “new and improved” way of “social communication”.

- That we as an Ummah cannot unite on a simple methodology for moonsighting.

- Guys who are looking for perfection, who then marry very empty headed trophy wives. Perfection indeed!

-That nothing in our community is ever advertised properly. Sometimes you hear about something the day before. Sometimes you never hear about it. Sometimes something is advertised at Jumah or at a specific Mosque’s Jumah. Sometimes it’s advertised only on Facebook. Can’t we start planning ahead and try to reach out a little more?

- Chauvinistic FOBS who think they know women/relationships/what they’re talking about.

- New people who come to the community and you’re extra nice to them to be their friend, and then they find some other group of friends and you never see them again!

- Cultural traditions that are being mixed up with Islam. Cultural parties. Indians inviting Indians, Pakistanis inviting Paks, Arabs inviting Arabs. Yes, and they all live in America.

- Elders in the community that refuse to let go of their “leadership” power.

- My car when it breaks down and let’s add to that when I try to get it fixed, cheating mechanics.

- So called “experts” on Islam, who are really Islam-haters, being interviewed on every news channel with their “best-selling books on Islam(bashing)”.

- People who think they know me because they read my posts on my website/blog.

- Guys who when angered get personal and insult the other person in a way they think will hurt the most. Guys who use Hadith to insult a woman/women (usually when angry or they don’t have a response/valid argument). Guys trying to prove an “Islamic point” who resort to swearing and calling you names. (I run a website so I’ve encountered all of these )

Things I luv:

- Enlightened men, especially if they’re scholars like Sh. Mokhtar and Imam Hamza and Abdullah Adhami.

- Dark chocolate on strawberries, gulab jamun at weddings, ras malai at iftars, chocolate fountains, Lindt truffles, fresh biryani right after qurbani, soft vanilla ice cream in july, samosas of all kinds and possibly anything yummy anytime.

- Ma babies (niece and nephews: Meriyumyum, Hamza & Iboo)

- Spending time together with friends on couches with food.

- When white people compliment you on your Hijab.

- Listening to an awesome motivational lecture in front of a packed house at ISNA on Saturday night.

- English breakfast tea or green tea Chai (the one with the Taj Mahal on front)

- Walking in woods with only the canopy of trees and green above you.

- When my kitty meows meows meows and I pick her up and she’s happy.

- Books and movies set in the 1800s aka the Jane Austen era.

- Connecting with Allah in your prayer.

- Forgetting you’re an adult and having fun with the kids like you’re one of them.

- Curling up in bed and reading a new exciting book on a rainy day.

- Listening to sad songs/reading sad poetry when upset.

- Married guys who are nice and funny and good husbands/dads – gives me hope.

- Cute stories about Rasulullah saw or the Sahabah/Sahabiyat.

- People who try to hook you up even if it doesn’t work out.

- Visiting an exotic and old foreign city and just walking around, ie Damascus, Cairo, Madinah… New York.

- Shopping when I have Eidi $$.

How about yours?…….luvs & hates?

Cold October rain
falls outside my window
I can hear its force
and then as it gentles
Rain as mercy
Rain as cleansing
Rain as tears and pain

He was here once
holding my hand
wiping my tears
with His fingertips

Tears trail around my
face now
following gravity
with its streams

I turn my head and
hold my breath
End the pain
End the sorrow
No one can hurt me now

The rain tapers off
I hear only drops now
Turn again and night
air enters my lungs

I want to live
yet the ache never leaves
and the rain continues to fall

Written October 12, 2006

One of the things that amuses me everyday is the stuff people type into google to get to this blog. They are often hilarious and often :O quite scary… So as it’s St. Patrick’s day today we’ll say sometimes these poor leprechauns get to the pot of gold and sometimes they are still tryin’ to find the end of the rainbow! … here are some that I found interesting, odd or decidedly entertaining: 

KEYWORDS — My Comments

what do you get in jannah — anything u want it’s jannah!!

attractive muscular quiet guy at work — wow let me know where u work!

WOMEN DUTIES TO HER HUSBAND IN MALIKI FIQH — haha very specific i feel like he’s going to put this in the marriage contract!

i always get mad at my mom because i have a temper problem islam — umm why add the islam there at the end?? and stop being mad!!

picking spouses in Jannah — awww

muslim girl first night — ummm maybe u need to take a health class or talk to ur married friends

im not muslim but like a muslim girl — lol

what do girls find attractive - this appears more than once… hey we’re happy to educate!

muslim girls – it’s nice that ur looking in google, probably the best place to look :/

meeting a muslim girl for potential marriage — oooo sounds interesting

Jilbab Hijab Muslim porn — WTH disgusting pervert what is that???

are you religious — looove it hope u read my whole blog on that subject.

as salaam alaykum poem – are they saying salam to a poem??

What muslim girls would like to talk about — about *you* of course *gigglez

i want one muslim girl — lol i love how he said one.

muslim women praying — yes we pray a lot.

fine muslims girls for marriage — das right he be lookin for dem fyyyneeee muslim girls

are half of all muslims women? — huh?

do we keep spouses in jannah — i get the feeling all these ppl in miserable marriages are wondering.

im looking for muslim girl for married — if she’s married already u have problems bud!

muslim death jannah children — this one scared me.

Mature Jannah — as opposed to an Immature Jannah

which person don’t go in jannat — good thing to search on i think

women’s souq damascus – there’s a women’s only souq in damascus??

jannah emphasis – i like ur emphasis

Duas for a woman trying to get married — awww thats nice, if u find some let me know too

“like black guys” — haha where someone’s exact words come back to bite them

a.r.rahman loves his wife — so sweettt

what should i do if this girl doesn’t me anymore and i love her in the muslim way — Uhhh u might need a psychologist for that, a muslim psychologist.

“rumi’+”saw grief drinking” — this is a great poem, kudos for remembering the main words.

impotent muslim guys for marriage — gahhhhhh i don’t want to know.

muslim women wearing niqab -  uhhh are they not gonna all look the same???

jannah under feet of husband — uhhh that’s MOTHERS!! MOTHERS

water lapping — nice soothing sound to put u to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

how can u marry a muslim girl — goooin’ to the mosque and gonna get ma-ma-rrriiiiieeeeed

Im done poems — ur done?

DOING GOOD IN QIRAN — ur not doing so good if you can’t spell QURAN!

muslim girls looking for a muslim husband — get in line sistah!

love jannah nude pics — you are disgusting

why do girls wanna be attractive — so we can attract losers like you

good things like qaran — almost as good as QURAN

unmarried man dying jannah – ouch sounds sad

humor die heretic — doesn’t sound funny to me?

jannah bad girl — there are no bad girls in jannah foo!!

girls are attractive — yes, yes we are thanks.

the robin and the rose arabic poem — so close… it’s a dove!

i’m done trying — i love this one!! i’m done too my friend!

wedding legal stuff — good to read up on this stuff eh

JUST JANNAH PICS — have yet to meet someone who was able to smuggle a camera out sorry

what does islam say about the women of jannah — a very nice search ma’shallah!

video about suicide bombers going to jannah — ??? how about the videos of them going to hell?

what staff a muslim women should do to be a good muslem — good search but the spelling could use some help

home made muslim porn — OMG are you serious!!! astaghfirullah!!!

what is jannah like —- awww so sweet a question

All Roads Lead To Makkah — i want to title my book this so don’t take it!!!

“the mother is a school” Poem — ooo nice poem but i’ve never heard of it

jannah matchmaking — i wonder if they have a bureau in jannah where they match ppl up?

Noor Ki Barish Mein Beeghta Sa Tar Aaya ♥ — lol i love how this person added the little heart symbol at the end

what you think jannah looks like — ooo a very good question

define Jannah — ‘garden’ ‘heaven’

just jannah pics — no jahannam pics ok

muslim “single parent” allowed — only multiple parents allowed

aunty barish ma — i don’t have an aunty named barish?

what is the physical thing in jannah? — what physical thing?

movie about people arranged that fall in love — awww that sounds like a good romantic comedy

Jannah is our real life — indeed. indeed.

jannah jeans — no wayyy!! i want to get those!

Love Story Because im Girl-Kiss film – huh?

islam referring to wife as your jannah — awww

islam, are hindi movies haram —  islam, what have u to say?

be with someone you love in jannah — yes you will be inshaAllah

charlie lost knuckles FATE — there totally should have been spoiler brackets around that

who wrote ‘arziyan’ song? A R RAHMAN — if you already knew why did u ask??

a.r.rahman is amazing,blogs — blogs, he sure is hehe

dreams of Jannah — ooo another good possible title for a book

Jannah is like — like…. so much awesomeness.

who was buhaira / who is buhaira — haha i like how he tried past and then present tense, he’s the monk guy!!

Where is Jannah — good question

jaja allahu jaja allahu — ??

secrets of jannah — oooo i want to know too

one day of jannah is how many human days — if jannah is forever…then one day is… forever eh…

sooo weird sooo very weird… thanks for googling y’all

[This is a very touchy subject so I apologize in advance if it offends anyone. I respect sisters who wear the Hijab and those who don't, as I've said so many times before:  Hint hint read past blogs! These are just my own thoughts on the subject. Please read all the way through.]

The first time I ever heard about a girl  taking off her Hijab was a sister who was active in a youth organization, let’s call it LYMCA, and worked on one of the MSA NE Conferences with me. She was from a different city and for some reason I asked someone to ask her to do something one day and then I heard, “Oh, didn’t you hear, she took off her Hijab!”  And I was like… “What are you talking about, stop listening to rumours!” And they said, “No it’s true I saw it myself, she was walking around without Hijab on campus.”  This was pretty shocking in itself back then, but then they went on to say that she’d just stopped having anything to do with MSA or LYMCA or interacting with Muslims at all. After that, I never heard anything about her again. To this day, I have no idea what happened to her.

I was rather sad at the time and disappointed that she never talked to anyone about any problems she was having and just vanished from the Muslim community over this.  Imo Hijab is not, and should never be, a lithmus test for “being Muslim”.  She was such a good person, good Muslim and Islamic worker and had done so many good things and she could have kept doing that.  But, back in those days they were still debating over whether or not non-Hijabbed sisters should be allowed in MSAs at all, so it’s not surprising that when she took off her Hijab she stopped having anything to do with the orgs and Muslims.

Fast forward to present day.

One of the (many) things I dislike about Facebook is that people’s actions, especially transgressions, are so transparent. Went out clubbing and drinking last night? Well there’ll be about 10 pictures of you tagged the next morning that the whole world can see. Got your arms around someone, wearing something a little scandalous, chit-chatting with someone a little too explicitly,  got a secret gf/bf, swearing up a storm? It’s all there for the world to see. There’s just something about how Facebook uncovers people’s little and big actions, good or bad. I think that in life pre-Facebook sure there were people that did various things but there was this natural cover of life and it would not be exposed to everyone far and wide like it is today. There’s also the whole “judging” and “making assumptions” thing that people do and “are they really transgressions” issues that become so  complex and ambiguous too.  Anyway, Facebook is a topic for another day.  I hope to to write a “1 thousand reasons why I dislike FB” blog one day and it’ll be easy to come up with the thousand for sure!

Today I thought I’d write about a trend I noticed solely due to Facebook. That is, sisters taking off their Hijab. This trend really concerns me and I’m just trying to understand it and how this has come about and if there’s something else going on here? Or if we’re doing something wrong as a community or friends? I wouldn’t be concerned if it was just one or two people, but I counted and it’s at least 12 that I personally know and all pretty much in the last couple years.

There are many different impetuses to sisters wearing the Hijab and I think there’s maybe a few main types. There are the one’s that have worn it since they were 13 years old, of their choice or family culture and they continue to wear it. There’s the type who have ‘gotten more into Islam’ somewhere along the way like as teenagers or college students. And then there’s the older adult person who starts wearing Hijab later in life for various reasons, like coming back from Hajj or after getting married or attending a Halaqah.

For those who take off Hijab I’ve noticed a few types as well. There’s the type that gets into something Islamic at some point in their life and due to very good motivation starts wearing Hijab. But it is short-lived because although they wear the Hijab, their old lifestyle remains the same, they have no support, and just can’t sustain it. They may have some Imaan self-esteem issues involved as well. These sisters might take off the Hijab within 0-6 months of wearing it.

But the type I’m now noticing on Facebook have been wearing Hijab ever since, and not just for cultural reasons. What makes a person take off their Hijab after years and years of believing in it and wearing it?

The first reason I can think of is that they could now be convinced that it’s not mandatory anymore. This “debate” was originally brought up not so recently in certain books by authors like Fatima Mernissi and certain “feminist” organizations and propagated ever since. So maybe they read things from these sources and did research on their own and came to this conclusion. But somehow I just don’t see this as a main reason.

The second reason would be the wearing down of the Imaan and feeling not strong enough to continue doing it and not wanting to be identified as a Muslim anymore. No doubt 9/11 did its damage to Muslims the world over and all the terrorism so-called Islam “experts” on CNN every day, story after story of Muslims linked to all manner of bad and evil: Shari’ah, Niqab, terrorism, suicide bombings, honor killings, Taliban, Bin laden, beheadings, kidnappings, slavery, abuse, polygamy etc etc, issue after issue that is constantly brought up in the media against Muslims, we have to defend and explain.  Sometimes we don’t even know the answers ourselves and are just overwhelmed and swept under.  It’s definitely a lot harder to wear the Hijab than it was 10 years ago. To be identifiably Muslim is to be a lightning rod for all these issues on Islam along with all the prejudice people have against it.

Third reason…I’ve noticed that a number of the sisters are older, single sisters. I’m sure it’s crossed their mind, as it has mine, that it would be a lot easier to socialize, meet people and get married without it. There are so many brothers, even ‘good’ brothers who don’t want to marry sisters with Hijab. Or even unconsciously find girls who don’t wear Hijab more attractive or more accepting, or it’s just easier for them to meet sisters who don’t wear it, because they think of sisters who wear Hijab as “pure nuns” and “above them”. Or they want to marry overseas, or much younger girls, or Aishwariya-lookalikes, or for whatever reasons. It’s just gotten very difficult for practicing sisters in the US to feel like they are attractive enough to get married and wearing Hijab makes it doubly difficult.

Fourth reason…Society… I won’t even get into the topics of television, advertising, consumerism, pervaisiveness of sexualization, objectifying women to sell things, unrealistic images of beauty in the media, etc etc.  Also, as time goes on and technologies change they place more and more importance on facade. Look at “Face”book itself, it’s become a culture of beautiful profile pictures. Myspace, SecondLife, whatever, it’s all about the image you project. And if society has gotten shallower, then all our self-esteem issues have gotten worse.  Why when sisters take off the Hijab do they replace their profile pictures with beautiful hair pictures? Why not replace it with a nature picture? It’s because there’s something linked there, maybe even unconsciously.

Fifth reason…The way we are teaching Hijab and modesty apparently is all wrong. It hasn’t been sinking in and the knowledge of the importance and requiredness of it in Islam isn’t taught. If sisters do wear Hijab and then take it off, it could be because they had a shallow understanding of it and don’t find it as important as other things. Conversely, they also might have been taught that they “have to wear it otherwise they’re going to Hell” instead of given positive knowledge and motivation on the subject.

Sixth reason… Their environment has changed. They’ve moved or gotten a different type of job, lifestyle or friends. Now they are the only one wearing Hijab and the peer pressure around them is such that it’s just easier to take it off. Maybe now that they’re older/married, they think they don’t need to wear it anymore. That they’re in an environment where subjective modesty is enough and they feel that Hijab isn’t needed any more to protect them.

Seventh reason… The importance Muslims put on “Muslim women’s dress” is as I mentioned before quite extreme. It truly “defines” her in many people’s eyes and puts her in a box. But all this emphasis just makes sisters feel like hypocrites. I wear Hijab…. but I have a hard time waking up for Fajr. Therefore I’m going to take off Hijab because I don’t want people to think I’m something that I’m not. I wear Hijab… but I want to go to this concert/movie/place/thing/wear fashionable things, so I don’t want to be a hypocrite, I’ll just take it off. While some may have thought that all this emphasis on dress was somehow inculcating automatically the concepts of modesty, Haya, good conduct, God-consciousness etc in women, yet it actually is doing the opposite. It’s making women emphasize dress, and by dress I mean dress alone, and none of those other things.

Eighth reason… I don’t know…I really just don’t know. I often want to talk to those sisters who have taken off the Hijab, but how do you bring it up when you’re not their best friend. How do you bring it up when you are their best friend? There’s such a swirl of guilt and judgment and God and religion and so many touchy sensitive personal life things going on in there. I know they wouldn’t believe me if I said it didn’t matter to me and that I wouldn’t judge, but a thousand others would judge and maybe have already made things worse for her, so what can I say?

BTW I think many of these reasons are myths/not logical/not true/shouldn’t stop a sister from wearing Hijab and I don’t have time now but one day would like to write about how they are all fallacies and should not stop any sister from doing something in the way of Allah.

Anyway I just thought I’d write about this issue to explore it a little and see what your thoughts were. Again, I have no judgment to make. I am sorry that sisters stopped wearing it, but in the end, you could be me and I could be you. I’m sure we have all stopped doing something we should be doing and vice versa. And certainly the emphasis on “Hijab” and “Muslim women’s dress” in Islam has been disproportionate against all our other problems .

Maybe discussing these reasons  will makes us aware of all the issues and hardships that go into a sister choosing to wear Hijab and what she struggles through just to keep wearing it.  I just noticed this happening more and more these days and thought we should discuss whatcould be behind it so that we could try to help maybe try to change the tideof at least one Facebook trend.

(I guarantee I’ll have at least one comment saying “Sister your (sic) telling sisters to take off the Hijab!! Haram you are Haram!!”  Helloooooo read the blog again, thank you, come again )