[This is a very touchy subject so I apologize in advance if it offends anyone. I respect sisters who wear the Hijab and those who don't, as I've said so many times before: Hint hint read past blogs! These are just my own thoughts on the subject. Please read all the way through.]
The first time I ever heard about a girl taking off her Hijab was a sister who was active in a youth organization, let’s call it LYMCA, and worked on one of the MSA NE Conferences with me. She was from a different city and for some reason I asked someone to ask her to do something one day and then I heard, “Oh, didn’t you hear, she took off her Hijab!” And I was like… “What are you talking about, stop listening to rumours!” And they said, “No it’s true I saw it myself, she was walking around without Hijab on campus.” This was pretty shocking in itself back then, but then they went on to say that she’d just stopped having anything to do with MSA or LYMCA or interacting with Muslims at all. After that, I never heard anything about her again. To this day, I have no idea what happened to her.
I was rather sad at the time and disappointed that she never talked to anyone about any problems she was having and just vanished from the Muslim community over this. Imo Hijab is not, and should never be, a lithmus test for “being Muslim”. She was such a good person, good Muslim and Islamic worker and had done so many good things and she could have kept doing that. But, back in those days they were still debating over whether or not non-Hijabbed sisters should be allowed in MSAs at all, so it’s not surprising that when she took off her Hijab she stopped having anything to do with the orgs and Muslims.
Fast forward to present day.
One of the (many) things I dislike about Facebook is that people’s actions, especially transgressions, are so transparent. Went out clubbing and drinking last night? Well there’ll be about 10 pictures of you tagged the next morning that the whole world can see. Got your arms around someone, wearing something a little scandalous, chit-chatting with someone a little too explicitly, got a secret gf/bf, swearing up a storm? It’s all there for the world to see. There’s just something about how Facebook uncovers people’s little and big actions, good or bad. I think that in life pre-Facebook sure there were people that did various things but there was this natural cover of life and it would not be exposed to everyone far and wide like it is today. There’s also the whole “judging” and “making assumptions” thing that people do and “are they really transgressions” issues that become so complex and ambiguous too. Anyway, Facebook is a topic for another day. I hope to to write a “1 thousand reasons why I dislike FB” blog one day and it’ll be easy to come up with the thousand for sure!
Today I thought I’d write about a trend I noticed solely due to Facebook. That is, sisters taking off their Hijab. This trend really concerns me and I’m just trying to understand it and how this has come about and if there’s something else going on here? Or if we’re doing something wrong as a community or friends? I wouldn’t be concerned if it was just one or two people, but I counted and it’s at least 12 that I personally know and all pretty much in the last couple years.
There are many different impetuses to sisters wearing the Hijab and I think there’s maybe a few main types. There are the one’s that have worn it since they were 13 years old, of their choice or family culture and they continue to wear it. There’s the type who have ‘gotten more into Islam’ somewhere along the way like as teenagers or college students. And then there’s the older adult person who starts wearing Hijab later in life for various reasons, like coming back from Hajj or after getting married or attending a Halaqah.
For those who take off Hijab I’ve noticed a few types as well. There’s the type that gets into something Islamic at some point in their life and due to very good motivation starts wearing Hijab. But it is short-lived because although they wear the Hijab, their old lifestyle remains the same, they have no support, and just can’t sustain it. They may have some Imaan self-esteem issues involved as well. These sisters might take off the Hijab within 0-6 months of wearing it.
But the type I’m now noticing on Facebook have been wearing Hijab ever since, and not just for cultural reasons. What makes a person take off their Hijab after years and years of believing in it and wearing it?
The first reason I can think of is that they could now be convinced that it’s not mandatory anymore. This “debate” was originally brought up not so recently in certain books by authors like Fatima Mernissi and certain “feminist” organizations and propagated ever since. So maybe they read things from these sources and did research on their own and came to this conclusion. But somehow I just don’t see this as a main reason.
The second reason would be the wearing down of the Imaan and feeling not strong enough to continue doing it and not wanting to be identified as a Muslim anymore. No doubt 9/11 did its damage to Muslims the world over and all the terrorism so-called Islam “experts” on CNN every day, story after story of Muslims linked to all manner of bad and evil: Shari’ah, Niqab, terrorism, suicide bombings, honor killings, Taliban, Bin laden, beheadings, kidnappings, slavery, abuse, polygamy etc etc, issue after issue that is constantly brought up in the media against Muslims, we have to defend and explain. Sometimes we don’t even know the answers ourselves and are just overwhelmed and swept under. It’s definitely a lot harder to wear the Hijab than it was 10 years ago. To be identifiably Muslim is to be a lightning rod for all these issues on Islam along with all the prejudice people have against it.
Third reason…I’ve noticed that a number of the sisters are older, single sisters. I’m sure it’s crossed their mind, as it has mine, that it would be a lot easier to socialize, meet people and get married without it. There are so many brothers, even ‘good’ brothers who don’t want to marry sisters with Hijab. Or even unconsciously find girls who don’t wear Hijab more attractive or more accepting, or it’s just easier for them to meet sisters who don’t wear it, because they think of sisters who wear Hijab as “pure nuns” and “above them”. Or they want to marry overseas, or much younger girls, or Aishwariya-lookalikes, or for whatever reasons. It’s just gotten very difficult for practicing sisters in the US to feel like they are attractive enough to get married and wearing Hijab makes it doubly difficult.
Fourth reason…Society… I won’t even get into the topics of television, advertising, consumerism, pervaisiveness of sexualization, objectifying women to sell things, unrealistic images of beauty in the media, etc etc. Also, as time goes on and technologies change they place more and more importance on facade. Look at “Face”book itself, it’s become a culture of beautiful profile pictures. Myspace, SecondLife, whatever, it’s all about the image you project. And if society has gotten shallower, then all our self-esteem issues have gotten worse. Why when sisters take off the Hijab do they replace their profile pictures with beautiful hair pictures? Why not replace it with a nature picture? It’s because there’s something linked there, maybe even unconsciously.
Fifth reason…The way we are teaching Hijab and modesty apparently is all wrong. It hasn’t been sinking in and the knowledge of the importance and requiredness of it in Islam isn’t taught. If sisters do wear Hijab and then take it off, it could be because they had a shallow understanding of it and don’t find it as important as other things. Conversely, they also might have been taught that they “have to wear it otherwise they’re going to Hell” instead of given positive knowledge and motivation on the subject.
Sixth reason… Their environment has changed. They’ve moved or gotten a different type of job, lifestyle or friends. Now they are the only one wearing Hijab and the peer pressure around them is such that it’s just easier to take it off. Maybe now that they’re older/married, they think they don’t need to wear it anymore. That they’re in an environment where subjective modesty is enough and they feel that Hijab isn’t needed any more to protect them.
Seventh reason… The importance Muslims put on “Muslim women’s dress” is as I mentioned before quite extreme. It truly “defines” her in many people’s eyes and puts her in a box. But all this emphasis just makes sisters feel like hypocrites. I wear Hijab…. but I have a hard time waking up for Fajr. Therefore I’m going to take off Hijab because I don’t want people to think I’m something that I’m not. I wear Hijab… but I want to go to this concert/movie/place/thing/wear fashionable things, so I don’t want to be a hypocrite, I’ll just take it off. While some may have thought that all this emphasis on dress was somehow inculcating automatically the concepts of modesty, Haya, good conduct, God-consciousness etc in women, yet it actually is doing the opposite. It’s making women emphasize dress, and by dress I mean dress alone, and none of those other things.
Eighth reason… I don’t know…I really just don’t know. I often want to talk to those sisters who have taken off the Hijab, but how do you bring it up when you’re not their best friend. How do you bring it up when you are their best friend? There’s such a swirl of guilt and judgment and God and religion and so many touchy sensitive personal life things going on in there. I know they wouldn’t believe me if I said it didn’t matter to me and that I wouldn’t judge, but a thousand others would judge and maybe have already made things worse for her, so what can I say?
BTW I think many of these reasons are myths/not logical/not true/shouldn’t stop a sister from wearing Hijab and I don’t have time now but one day would like to write about how they are all fallacies and should not stop any sister from doing something in the way of Allah.
Anyway I just thought I’d write about this issue to explore it a little and see what your thoughts were. Again, I have no judgment to make. I am sorry that sisters stopped wearing it, but in the end, you could be me and I could be you. I’m sure we have all stopped doing something we should be doing and vice versa. And certainly the emphasis on “Hijab” and “Muslim women’s dress” in Islam has been disproportionate against all our other problems .
Maybe discussing these reasons will makes us aware of all the issues and hardships that go into a sister choosing to wear Hijab and what she struggles through just to keep wearing it. I just noticed this happening more and more these days and thought we should discuss whatcould be behind it so that we could try to help maybe try to change the tideof at least one Facebook trend.
(I guarantee I’ll have at least one comment saying “Sister your (sic) telling sisters to take off the Hijab!! Haram you are Haram!!” Helloooooo read the blog again, thank you, come again 
)
27 Responses to “Sisters taking off Hijab (on Facebook).”
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March 13th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
OMG! Sister your (sic) telling sisters to take off the Hijab!! Haram you are Haram!!
…
right. Joking aside, I view this particular challenge simpky as being one that points to the weak nature of humans. Everyone commits mistakes, and we all have the capacity to ask for forgiveness. I’ve seen some sisters who’ve taken off their hijab and I never asked them or their family members about it. Instead, my approach was always to find out gradually [over a period of a few days or weeks] via casual conversation about how they were feeling, eeman-wise. Often I would find that they were indeed having a bout of low eeman, kinda like the Sahaabi who felt he had become a hypocrite because whenever he was not in the presence of nabeyuna Muhammad [saws] he felt his eeman would go lower. The Prophet comforted him and said that everyone’s eeman goes up and down. So what I do is just reinforce messages and encouragement that will help increase the person’s eeman if it falls lower.
March 13th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
I know a niqabee who lies a lot, she doesn’t think anyone notices, but everyone does.
March 13th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
lol maverick thanks for fulfilling my esp(n) abilities!
indeed we are all weak beings. that is a good approach to help. jazaks.
NOVA: uhhh ok…..?? check out my previous blog about “are you religious” that talks about how we need to focus on the inward and not just the outward.
March 13th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
One of our mutual friends who stopped wearing hijab told me once (back when she was still a hijabi) something like your #7, that ppl thought that by wearing hijab she was making the statement that she was some kind of “great Muslim” and she really didn’t feel like she was, therefore she wasn’t so sure that wearing hijab was the right thing.
I also used to hear a lot about double standards for boys and girls. “Our brothers/cousins/community brothas are out having girlfriends and losing their virginity and our parents/community uncles know about it and turn a blind eye but us, you know we gotta be pure and holy and perfect…” I know families who homeschool or send their girls to Islamic school but all their boys are in public school!!! Like you said, so much emphasis is put publically on girls’ modesty and morality and on the other hand not much attention is being paid to the boys’! Umm, I don’t know about anyone else but I don’t want my daughters marrying “used goods”, so why are the boys not being held as accountable?! But this double-standard leaves a bad taste in people’s mouths and reinforces the popular idea that hijab is somehow extra oppression by the patriarchy. :/
I think in the professional world hijab can be a big liability. My husband noticed COMPLETE 180-degree changes in the way ppl at work treated him after seeing us out together in the store and around town. It was like “OMG, his wife looks like THAT, he must be one of those fundamentalists!” and that was the end of the good working relationship. What many ppl don’t realize, however, is that just being Muslim is a big liability, unless you are willing to completely assimilate and trash your own religion and culture. I personally know Muslim women who are totally non-practicing, no hijab, married non-Muslim guys but when the chips were down and ppl wanted them to trash their own religion and culture,they wouldn’t do it and they were blacklisted by their colleagues. This happens to men too. Going for a job interview? Do you have a beard? Do you drink soda instead of wine? Do you eat with your right hand? Good luck getting hired. Especially if you are dealing with ppl who “know” about Islam/Muslims and deal with us as part of their work. (I’m being deliberately vague here.) So I think many ppl think “if I act and look like a non-Muslim, I’ll be more accepted and climb higher in my career” but they don’t realize that it’s not really the case. Heck, we have Christian Arab friends who have the same problems– they are not “desirable” because they don’t believe in trashing their Arab culture and they actually believe positive things about Muslims and don’t trash us either.
I also think you’re right that we’re not talking about hijab the right way. Yes, we believe it is required. But some ppl have lost sight of the fact that it’s NOT one of the Five Pillars. Just 2 days ago, I drove by the house of a Muslim sister who lives 3 houses down from my mom. She was in her driveway getting the mail with no hijab on. She looked like she wanted to die when she saw me. I made no reaction, I just smiled and waved and said hi to her kids as usual. I haven’t seen her out in public recently so I don’t know if she stopped wearing hijab all the time or if she has just lost heart and wears it out for community appearance but doesn’t care about her driveway and her neighbors, kwim? Why was she so scared? Because ppl are going to ostracize her? I know the desi community here is pretty cliquish and maybe they will ostracize her? (She’s also a convert…from a Sikh family.)
I dunno, I think we need to move beyond some of these outward things among ourselves. No, I don’t mean act like hijab is some kind of unimportant option, but to relate as communities who support each other as Muslims no matter what our individual issues are. Before I went to college, I heard somebody say about a Muslim who wasn’t particularly “strict” that “at least he prays”. I was shocked to hear that, I couldn’t imagine saying “well s/he goes clubbing or has a girlfriend or whatever, but at least he prays”. Then I went to college and I found myself doing it because I met different people with their own issues. I saw a brother come into the prayer room one day dressed in skin tight clothes like some European model and I was so disgusted. There were sisters who had boyfriends and didn’t wear hijab but rushed into the prayer room in between classes to pray every day. Then I found myself doing it. I once read a comment in a blog somewhere where somebody said that the prayer is “a miracle” and that really hit home with me. For somebody to pray 5 times a day is not an easy thing in these days and times and with everythign that goes on around us. Maybe we should be giving ppl more credit for it. Oh, and I have relatives abroad who wear all black, niqab, gloves, etc., EVEN THOUGH THEY DON’T HAVE TO and most ppl around them don’t wear it anymore… and guess what, they don’t even pray!!!
A convert friend of mine recently disappeared in effect. A non-Muslim friend of mine told me she is now manic depressive and an alcoholic. Her phone # got disconnected and I can’t get in touch with her now. I confided to my friend about this and she said she knows other sisters in teh masjid who are alcoholics. I am angry at this community because it is a small community, everyone has their cliques, and nobody wants to help anyone else. My convert friend needed a community, and nobody wanted to be her supporter because they were white and because they still listened to music (as if they don’t go home and listen to it themselves most of them) and she didn’t wear hijab. Actually, the only time anyone expressed interest in her at the masjid was the day she showed up in hijab, just as an experiment for herself. Suddenly everyone was like “maa shaa Allah, you wear hijab now?” But she didn’t ever put it on full-time and nobody really cared to help her again. Well, look what’s happened now.
So I’m sorry for the long rambly comment, but this has been on my mind much lately and I’m tired and don’t have time for forming anything more coherent.
Hope something here made sense!
March 13th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
wow tjc… just makes me think we have sooo many problems..not sure how we are going to deal with them all. but about the prejudice on hijab/beards/muslim names in the workplace, no doubt it’s there, but i think if muslims made the effort to educate themselves and get in good professions and worked hard they could change this a lot.
not to mention so many are just so afraid of even showing they are muslim at all or asking for time to go to jumah and making it up later. most employers are quite willing to compromise on some things as long as you are a good worker, and they certainly do it for all the other religious groups. i’ve worked in quite a few places in the corporate world, university academic environment, techie environment and have never had a problem wearing hijab, praying or going to jumah pre-9/11 or post 9/11 alhamdulillah. i think we just need to be honest, do our jobs and be willing to be open about our beliefs.
as for cliquishness and non-welcomingness of your mosque maybe you can ask your imam or the committee to start some ’socially welcoming’ programs where the focus is to try to welcome new people/new converts/people who don’t really come.
I hope this is not discouraging any sisters. I didn’t want to write these reasons to make the focus on why sisters shouldn’t wear the hijab!! They definitely should and can. Allah makes things so much easier if they try to practice more parts of their religion. Maybe I should write another blog on how all these above “reasons” are wrong/myths/not right and that they shouldn’t stop a sister from wearing the hijab at all.
March 14th, 2009 at 7:28 am
Hey huma salaams..
You went through and counted who among your friends stopped wearing hijab, then wrote a long thing about how disappointed it makes you, while pointing out hijab is overemphasized. I think going through and counting was a weird use of time. I can’t imagine going through my fb friends pictures to track their Islamic progression or regression (based on some random variable)..definitely get your point on the article but you pointed out at the beginning that some ppl may be offended but it’s not necessarily for the reason you think.
March 14th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,
Ok I am probably going to get killed for these comments but I am just sharing my thoughts like you said I could ok
1. Maybe the problem is not that our teachers/shuyukh are overemphasizing dress/hijab but that they NEVER talk about it? I mean I can’t even remember a time when I’ve heard a lecture on hijab or modest clothing for men and women in Islam outside the arena of dawah towards non-Muslims. Maybe the problem is this: the shuyukh shy away from discussing hijab, because they know it is a sensitive issue, that people are at many different levels and there are many more important things to be talking about (related to beliefs and understanding), etc etc but then because of this, we don’t ever hear anyone of KNOWLEDGE really talk about hijab at all, and the only ones who do talk about it are those annoying/preachy/judgmental sisters at the masjid ie the WRONG ppl. Thus a proper understanding of it and where it stands in the context of other things is never understood, and then it is MISUNDERSTOOD; sisters then don’t know what it really means and symbolizes from a religious perspective, and so they give it an incorrect level of significance (either too little or too much).
2. This is something a group of us sisters were talking about a while ago: How difficult it is to give sisters advice or correct them about anything. Why does it always have to cause drama? Even if it is sincerely meant, even if done in the right way, and even if it is correct, most of the time, most of us just can’t accept it. I have yet to figure out a way to give any woman advice really without it causing drama… There are people in my life that I love and care about and I don’t want to see them doing something wrong or that they’ll be held accountable for, but I am scared to talk to them about it. I don’t know what the solution is.
btw for those of you who know me you are welcome to advise me and inshaAllah I will try my best to be drama free about it
March 14th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
shameem thanks for your comments. i think you misunderstood the point here… imagine if over a period of years about a dozen of your friends/acquantances on fb moved to paris, france. would you not be like ‘???wth well that’s weird… i wonder what’s going on in paris these days’ … that’s the same thing i’m doing… i’m not making any judgement on the sisters and i am the last one to go through someone’s profile judging someone’s islamicity. it’s their life and we don’t know the details or circumstances, it could be for a million reasons, the one’s i mentioned or not.. it doesn’t make a difference to me in their friendship and how could we as friends judge each other based on that. as i said over and over again in this post and elsewhere, it’s others that are thinking that hijab or dress defines one’s islam, i never said anything like that. i am mentioning these reasons as they are something the community and we as individuals need to address. wearing hijab is a part of islam, and taking it off is not. if you are saying one shouldn’t notice that someone took off their hijab, then i don’t know what to say, believe me when i say i don’t want to notice, but like i said facebook makes some things public to everyone. i did try to think of the number of people that i personally knew over the years (and no i didn’t comb through people’s profiles thank you very much) so that people would understand that it’s not just a one off thing but a trend.
shazia that could be true…i think the only person that’s talked about haya from inner to outer is sh. mokhtar and even then he’s never gone into details about the outer. your second point sooo true… so true.
March 16th, 2009 at 4:21 am
As-Salamu Alikum,
I think this going along way with the whole “freedom of choice”, not to mention the wide-spread of feminism movements even in the Muslim world. To be fair, I believe that we got so much into this world that we start to “strip” out of our Haya’a. Brothers and sisters alike. I have heard many say things such as:
1. If brothers have the right to wear “anything” they like, why can’t we?
2. It’s not fair to enforce women to cover-up when there is a lot of brother are “Half-Naked” on facebook! (Yes, showing abs and 6-packs)
3. Brothers can have different hair styles, fancy clothing, and it seems limit-less… so as a measure of “fairness” we can do the same. (It’s only a photo…!!!!)
I think brothers have a big part in this (I won’t say the common average Joe!). If all of us brothers dress modestly, and expose “proper” body parts then things may change a bit. It’s really sad to see this on facebook (Real Examples):
a. A brother, wearing a towel covering his lower body(just under his belly button) and posing in the bathroom taking a photo of himself, and sets it as a profile picture!
b. A brother, wearing chains “Bling Bling”, Shirtless, Fancy belt buckle, holding an “Alcoholic beverage” with the following comment: “A Good Muslim Boy!”
We’re in a serious trouble. Yes this topic is for sisters on FB, and I’m planning on posting one about Brothers on my Blog. We can talk religious all day long, but the best way to convey the message to “go down” to people level and see it from their point of view. Just my thought!
March 16th, 2009 at 8:21 am
wsalam,
so true bro.. we’ve lost the concept of haya… it’s not just about clothing but about how we act and interact. i always admired that sh mokhtar addressed the brothers just as much as the sisters (if not more so) in talking about this topic. (like telling them to please wear long shirts and not tight jeans etc) maybe those guys just don’t realize it..they might think that bc its not their “awrah” so it’s ok… also have to say there’s a huge double standard about this so not surprising that people think that it’s ok for guys to wear/do whatever they want but not girls, and for girls to then rebel because of it.
March 20th, 2009 at 8:45 am
Hi,
To bring up what shazia said I dont think their is any good way to advise women. The fact is, is that people dont want to be corrected on their behavior.They probably know their flaws and personally I would consider it really embarssing for a friend to come up to me and try to talk about my flaws with me….EVEN if she prefaced the advice with say something nice.
March 21st, 2009 at 11:02 am
Subhana Allah, I am a converted one and it took me years to finally go ahead with my conversion… time that I felt I am ready (in depth) to embrace Islam.
Alhamdullillah , wearing Hijab makes me feel secure and at peace, it didn’t even hinders me to perform well my duties and responsibilities at my workplace and at the same time my working relationship with my colleagues became more strong and respectable. Not to mention the support and love Im receiving from my family, who happens to be in the other religion nevertheless, we respect our own faith.
I was indeed overwhelmed with my situation right now and insha allah in the coming days as well. I can say that Iam proud to be a Muslim as it clarifies my doubt in life and insha allah will wear Hijab all through out my life.
March 25th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
As-salaamu alaykum, Huma!
Great blog. I had been thinking about this topic lately, too, and just kind of ignored it. What advice could I give? It’s a fine line, since the hijaab is one of those small, but controversial issues. Small, since it’s no real marker for one’s iman, which is between the individual and God. Controversial maybe because it symbolizes a larger aspect of Islam, which is hayaa’ (which is not just aimed at women) and because the majhoor (majority) of scholars concede it to be part of our deen.
BUT I do believe that having a simple conversation to understand different viewpoints is valuable. I mean, hello, it’s hard to ignore the elephant in the room. I think I’m more curious than wanting to change anyone’s mind about hijaab or not wear hijaab. It actually worries me when new Muslims begin to wear it so soon after converting precisely because so many have changed their minds. But those who do it after really schooling themselves on why they do it, and stick to it, masha’Allah. Same idea for a man who begins to wear a noticeable symbol of Islam, like the beard. If he does do it for the right reasons, great, and only Allah knows. If he doesn’t, what can I do? Maybe he’s not ready. And it’s all really outward, isn’t it? (Although most people agree that the beard/hijaab/etc does have an inward/spiritual element to it if done for the right reasons).
BUT (again, I know), I do worry when the reasons behind not wearing it are clearly against the ijmaa’ of our scholars, may Allah have mercy on them.
BUT (yep), we’re all still learning, right?
Ok, sorry for any offense. This could go one for a while, and now I know why I never brought it up.
May Allah benefit us with truthful, beneficial knowledge.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:49 am
wsalam,
thanks for your thoughts sara, mona and sofia. indeed it’s a very difficult subject but i’m glad we are finally discussing it instead of ignoring it all these years…
March 26th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Correction – It should have read:
…the ‘ijmaa (majority) of scholars concede it to be part of our deen…
April 1st, 2009 at 11:54 pm
This is a nice article on the same subject. She said what I wanted to say in a much better way ma’shallah
http://www.altmuslim.com/a/a/a/2999/
April 9th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Nice Article.
Some replies have touched on the causes and possible solutions to brothers shying away from hijabi muslimas; here is my opinion:
A genuine brother displays good character around his co-workers and has an honest working relationship with them. It is his duty to let the co-workers know that he is a practicing Muslim and not just in name only. Therefore, irrespective of occupation, the issue of co-workers seeing his hijabi spouse should not matter if they already know that he is a sincere Muslim.
June 22nd, 2009 at 1:34 pm
A such hijab (with rabbit ears on it, for kids), is it haram ?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_94Oa4WVKNc
June 22nd, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Nadia what’s haram about it? Looks cute for a little girl?? And obviously little girls don’t even have to wear hijab!
July 26th, 2009 at 12:29 am
salam,
I have a zillion and one things to write, but i don’t have the time to write them. I was going to write a blog post about this issue, and hopefully… a book about the phenomenon internationally, but… you know. I never got around to it. But this post was wicked good. (I’ll use it as a reference
)
The one thing I’d like to point out, especially because many men don’t realize this, but hijab is not easy. I know many men in my life, that claim that it’s no big deal. But it is. You’re forever (as long as you wear it of course) attached to this stigma of ‘holier than thou’, you’re stereotyped from both sides of the spectrum, and sometimes you’re down right physically assaulted. I never knew hijab to be easy, and I decided to wear it when I was 11 or so. For example, just because I chose to wear jilbab (or in general a loose dress) people assumed I’d stop performing spoken word. People assumed that I wouldn’t continue writing papers about feminism, religion, philosophy and sexuality. I mean, it’s part of who I am… But a lot of the time people don’t understand that hijab is wearing your heart on your sleeve. I wear hijab, because I love God, and God told me to wear it. But social pressures and people can push you to do crazy things. Whenever someone asks me how I still wear hijab till this day, I say how can I not, when it’s reflecting what’s in my heart, regardless of how religious I may not (or may) be. I mean, I fought to defend my hijab for the past 8 years (post-9/11), physically and verbally assaulted, and just because all my friends are taking off my hijab I should take it off too??
It’s hard. I don’t even know what my point is.
I guess it is this: Hijab isn’t easy. And society is making it more difficult. It’s not a reflection of who you are, but the faith in your heart.
that’s about it.
salam
-reem
July 26th, 2009 at 2:30 am
Reem thanks for writing!! You put into words exactly what I feel and didn’t know how to put words to! And I agree that some brothers don’t understand why it’s so difficult for us.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
What if I am a very modest muslim woman, I pray, I fast and I’m very conservative in my dress. Yet my career (which I have to go through to support family, etc) makes it hard to wear Hijab?? I mean what is the punishment for not wearing it??? The thing is I am wearing it and want to keep it, but in the country where I am now, especially in a white dominated city, and in a men dominated job, it would be hard to get a job! Recruiters see me as an obstacle; coworkers will feel stressed when dealing with me because most of them have no idea about what I’m wearing!!! I got a degree in Canada where there are a lot of muslimat wearing Hijab and working as lawyers, doctors, engineers!!! Alhamd lelah, but when I moved to the states, its soo different here!!!! These ppl have no clue, they educated ones see me as from Iraq (ayrak) or Afghanstan, as a distressed women whom her family are forcing her to wear it!!!!!
August 18th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Salam Hiba,
If you’re wearing it now why take it off? InshaAllah you’ll find a job soon. Yes everything is competitive and it will be hard but there are many sisters in the US wearing hijab and working fine in all different fields as minorities. Just keep trying and ask Allah for help inshaAllah.
For me I think of it like equivalent to selling beer or working in some other type of haram job. Yes I can do it with the excuse to support my family but why do something Allah clearly does not like and not bless. I’d rather do anything than harm my relationship with Allah.
Just keep trying sis. Even your going out to interviews and talking to people is a form of dawah so just look at it like that and keep going until you find something.
August 22nd, 2009 at 10:39 am
I Really like this i never had a interests on the internet before….
But now i seen the post here i Liked it…
Keep it up So many other at least will learn from this)
October 10th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Assalamu alaykum Jannah!
You know what, these problems about girls (especially my age) wearing hijaab where they can be seen in a Muslim Community and taking it off where they are with nonmuslims and/or posting pictures on the internet without hijaab (initating non-muslims) is totally inevitable. I have the same issue that I talk about with my friends, but end up to be hated for doing so.
I mean, it’s also their way in interacting with boys, and trying to show off how they look like without it, which I thibk is pathetic, and very bad in the eyes of Allah.
But InshaAllah, Allah will help us in this.
November 17th, 2009 at 4:16 am
A few of my friends also took off the hijab, the one thing they all had in common was that they all took it off on their wedding day and never put it back on. Two of these girls have been wearing hijab probably since they were 12 or 13, wore it all through high school and college, which is probably the most diffcult time, and then suddenly they get engaged, and they take it off. Not to mention these girls are incredibly gorgeous and came from families where the hijab wasn’t a foreign concept or anything (their mothers wear it). My other friend from college, who came from a semi-practicing family (no one wore hijab in her family, incredibly fashionable mom and sisters), started wearing it during freshman year after reading the Quran. Slowly, her hijab became more conservative, and then it became very stylish (showing ears and neck etc.) and then on her wedding day, she took it off, and she never put it back on. I’m not sure exactly why these girls took their hijab off, as I am sure they had some conviction to why it was important to be wearing for so long, but I have a feeling it may have something to do with their husbands. I pray that Allah (swt) guides us all and strengthens our Iman while forgiving all of our shortcomings (yes no not one of us is perfect).
November 19th, 2009 at 4:07 am
salam Jannah, yes.. i have noticed a growing trend, in my malaysian friends too.. who do not face the challenges of living in a majority non muslim society, but still decide to de-hijab. which makes me so sad.
may Allah keep us strong & on the right path.
take care sis, love you