Comments on: Advice for Muslim Guys (aka how to not be a jerk)

By: Miena

Miena — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 21:17:53 +0000

Slam to all my sisters and brothers. I would also like to add that these days a lot of both guys and girls(trying to be fair here)are beggining to act superficial or try too hard. For example they don’t have the confidence so they pretend to fit in to the crowd. So they make total fools of themselves, thinking that they are acting like popular cool people and everyone thats normal could notice it. So I just want to point that out that please don’t act like total loosers while trying to fit in. Be yourself. I know I have way more respect for a brother that has proper morals and ethics and who stays true to their deen, compared to the ones that dont.

Just like to point that out. Allah keep you all happy Ameen

By: Siham

Siham — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 20:17:48 +0000

I think we have to understand that guys are superficial first and foremost, so there is nothing that can be done about it…but true beauty lies in having your inner beauty aligned with your outer beauty. And that’s something that is missing in our community.

Furthermore, some characteristics come naturally to men than women; for instance my husband is more reserved than me… simply because he’s a man, so keep that into the consideration insha`Allah.

Lasly, it’s not befitting for a woman to be quiet-boring; otherwise the whole house will be dead ‘boring’ lol

On a serious note… its the wife’s responsibility to greet her husband with a smiling face and talk to him/open him up because men are in ‘general’ are not expressive.

Unfortunately, too many men are no longer men, and too many women are no longer women…

By: jannah

jannah — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 08:02:24 +0000

I’m surprised you think this exchange was a “debate”. I have no desire to debate anyone. I have no idea who you are or anything about you. I apologize if you think I was calling you a “jerk” I was not. I gave advice to brothers who I believe are going in the wrong direction for their own happiness. I do believe brothers are looking for the wrong “superficial” things in sisters.

This is by experience having gone through the process with many younger brothers in this community. Many of them like a single sister who epitomizes a certain “image” and are just not open to any other suggestions. Regardless of how wonderful, interesting, religious or how many good qualities from Quran and Sunnah these other sisters have.

They are looking for certain things which they *think* are the indicators of a good sister but cannot see beyond them. Having haya’ and modesty is one thing but what they look for is someone who is “quiet”. This does not equate haya’ in my mind but I’m sure it does to some. They are looking for “pretty” but do not see that other sisters in the community, while not having the same perfect image, are attractive as well. They are looking for “sweet” which when I asked was told that means “she doesn’t talk much and agrees with me”. And they are looking for “religious” but their definition of this is that she wears hijab and perhaps prays but nothing above or below this is acceptable.

I do understand what you are saying and why you are saying it and why you think it’s right, backed up by your interpretation of Quran and Hadith. I am not talking about these qualities in themselves. I am only asking brothers to think about these indicators that they and every brother has in their mind and ask themselves if they actually correlate to a good sister and what would be a good compatible future wife and mother of their children. Ultimately, I wish them to think about and realize their ‘perfect image’ is flawed and look around them and evaluate every sister realistically on her own merits.

In the end, if they don’t want to take that advice *shrug* it’s their life. I’m only a blog and the words of their older sister So there’s no need to “debate”, really I do understand most guys will not be convinced. They will still as one brother said in the last blog “be lined up around the block’ for ‘perfect girl’”. That’s fine. She has to marry someone too of course

By: Kimo

Kimo — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 07:02:17 +0000

Sigh. I agree with everything that was said in that article, and I quoted that sentence to highlight that the author agrees with my most salient point. I debated with you on this issue in good faith, and even invited you to defer to an authority; ironically, the article you endorsed only strengthened my argument. I could say the same about your mode of thinking: no matter how many reasonable points I make and support, no matter how Qur’an verses or hadith I quote, and no matter how many references I make to articles that even you endorse, I will never be able to change your mind. You are most welcome to your views, but please understand that labeling anyone who doesn’t agree with them as “a jerk” is even more offensive and judgmental than someone exercising his right to be picky about who he wants to spend the rest of his life with. This will probably be my last post on this subject…so I just wanted to say that I debated this issue with you not out of stubbornness or pride but because this issue is of great importance to me and one of my most favorite ways of seeking knowledge is through an educated debate. I remain unconvinced. Thank you for replying to my posts, and peace out!

By: jannah

jannah — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 18:55:23 +0000

Bro it’s amazing how you took that one sentence out of everything else that was written and claim it to be the way you’re going about things. It’s obvious that nothing anyone says will change your way of thinking. You and others will go about doing things the way you always planned to. But I hope some others will take the time to read the original blog and discussion and will think about things. Peace out.