Road to Jannah

There are sad days, and

There are days that pierce your soul.

You remember every moment of that day.

You remember minute details of what you wore,

You remember the exact temperature,

You remember how the grass smelled, and

How the rain fell.

~

You remember in slow motion

That first moment of when you knew.

Imprinted in your mind forever.

When the sky fell in and complete disbelief, and

Confusion reigned.

~

Then you saw the proof, and

You still could not understand.

The questions followed, and

Then the blame.

If only I had done this,

If only I had done that,

If only one minute of time had been shifted,

What might have been.

~

Then the knowing,

Knowing,

Knowing.

And you can’t change anything.

Then grief.

Streams and rivers of grief.

Flowing freely,

Perhaps never ending.

Perhaps one day narrowing to a trickle

Or a sweet lake, so still,

But always there.

In your mind.

~

Sometimes the lake overflows and becomes a flood, and

You push it back even though your heart breaks.

Sometimes you don’t.

You just stand there and let it flow over you, and

Become one with your sadness.

Sometimes you stand there in anger, and

You dare the waves to come.

Angry at God, at destiny, at fortune, at circumstance.

But how can you be angry?

~

Then at last there are no tears left, and

You can only sit on the shore,

Tired, drained, given up.

Accepting.

Remembering.

With sorrow, and

Regret.

Not written for 9/11 but mood seems appropriate to post it today.