Sep
26
It’s a weird place to be in life when you don’t belong to any group any more. All your friends are married or have kids, and all the girls at the ’same place in life as you’ are 10 years younger. You have the maturity and experience of someone who’s gone through a lot but you’re still naive and innocent in a lot of ways. Perhaps we slide and shift throughout our lives into and out of different groups. There is no real cohort. Or maybe we’re always doomed to be part of one set whether we belong or not.
I regret not being in touch with the people I grew up with, but yet I don’t want to be in touch with them. I almost want a new set of friends and a new life, yet there is no relationship like the one that’s strengthened with time and shared memories. Unfortunately though, I’ve seen people with the strongest of relationships and friendships over time cut each other off over nothing. Do we change that much? Is friendship made of such gossamer threads? My mother always said blood is thicker than water and that your friends would always let you down without a backwards glance.
She’s been right in a lot of ways. But not even blood is a true relationship. There may be more of an attachment and sense of duty, but sometimes that too can mean nothing. We see it all the time, in the news, in families, in life. Human beings are just selfish creatures. They move in directions wherever they can gain. It’s all about ‘me’.
So why can’t people see the importance of religion? Religion brings us out of ourselves and makes it not about ‘me’. It’s about us and You. It regulates our relationships. What is the thread that connects? Not blood, not water, not feeling, but connection to God. An upwards connection and not a lateral. Finally, life makes sense and is not subject to the winds of human folly.
‘But religions cause wars’ they say. Does religion or do you? What greater argument or proof can there be of God and religion. We only have to look within ourselves to see it.
3 Responses to “A weird place to be”
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October 2nd, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Assalamu alaikum
The thing with relatives is, they know that blood bond can never be broken and so they have a tendency to abuse it – like never keeping promises, wanting to borrow things knowing you won’t be able to decline them, and not returning them. Friends, on the other hand, need to have substance to the relationship for it to work, or else you could just leave them and find new ones.
October 7th, 2009 at 9:21 am
Asalaamu Alaikum
Interesting comment from BintKhalil about friends needing to have ‘substance’ as the basis of a relationship.
“I’m friends with so and so because he can do this for me….I’m friends with so and so because she knows so and so….”
Hamza Yusuf in his CD Series ‘The Refinement of the Hearts’ recalls a story about a Minister he used to know in the Emirates and how his Majlis was full with people when he was in the government.
When he left his ministerial post, however, it was only him and his son in the Majlis and all these so called ‘friends’ were gone.
Having no ulterior motive when forming a friendship is actually a pretty hard thing to do nowadays, and perhaps that’s why the reward for those who meet purely for the sake of Allah is shade underneath the throne, on the Day there will be no shade.
Allah knows best
October 9th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Salam
I think many people evolve with time – very few things stay constant. Relationships and friendships will change as a result. It is getting harder and harder to find or keep a true friend. It is always exciting to get to know new people and start on a new slate, isn’t it?
With relatives, we are obligated by Islam to keep in touch with them. There should be boundaries though, and I find that if I don’t get too personal and keep a bit of a respectful distance, even with my brothers, I have a more meaningful relationship that is based on true and genuine concern.
Maybe the secret to successful relationships is not have any expectations. I heard that once being said at a walima! The more I think about it the more sense it makes.