Road to Jannah

Hey lil girls. This one’s for you.

Don’t you just love it when cute guys add you. They’re just so nice and it feels good to have so many guy friends who think you’re ‘gorgeous’ and ‘beautiful’. It’s so easy to friend “abdu” cuz he is so cute in his picture. And don’t you just love it when he tells you you’re so “fcukin HOT” in your pictures?

YUp, so please read the article below and come back.

OK now you know. Never. Ever. Meet anyone from the internet. Of course you wouldn’t right. You don’t even have to. I know your name of course, everyone leaves it on your wall and through other things. (Facebook btw never actually deletes it even if you change it.) Got your high school listed on there? OK. No? ‘Hey I’m a high school student too what school do you go to?’ That’s all the info I need to look you up. Got a status message like “going to the mall today” or “studying at the library”? Yeah.  Now I know where you’re going to be. It be almost tooo easy. Don’t give out your name or location ever? But you don’t even have to. Just click on this funny application here and it picks up your ip and exact location for me.

Muslim guys would never stalk girls right? Mmmhmmm.  A million years ago a guy called my house. No joke. I was like… ‘Who are you? You’re some guy I talked to once about some thing. How did you get this number’? He said simply ‘You told me your name (I hadn’t) and I looked up your information’.  I still to this day don’t know how he found me. And if that doesn’t make your blood run cold… another true story:  Guy somehow gets girl to download something. Turns out for the next 3 months he had full access to her computer. Muslim. guy. Ask around and you’ll find out who the poor girl was too.

Another ‘Muslim’ guy admitted that he downloads pictures of Muslim girls and looks at them when he ….(sorry about the language of this post but I’m sure you get it.)

Now that I’ve put the fear of God in you I hope you’ll be a little paranoid. A little paranoid is good. That intuition or second thought has saved women from the likes of Ted Bundy all the way down to this guy, where that other girl had second thoughts and said ‘No I don’t want to meet you this weekend.’ That saved her life. Who’s on your friend list? Do you really know who they are? Are you OK with strangers having all your information? Indeed. The end.

P.S. If you need help with your privacy settings, let me know inshaAllah.

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From original Daily mail article:

Ashleigh Hall, 17, was killed by a rapist who groomed her online. Who’s YOUR child talking to on Facebook tonight ?

She was a young girl who lacked confidence and simply wanted a boyfriend.

Then Ashleigh Hall clicked on to Peter Chapman’s Facebook profile and saw a bare-chested teenager who was muscular, good looking and – crucially – interested in her. Tragically for the 17-year-old trainee nursery nurse, the image of her young suitor was bogus.

Murdered: Ashleigh Hall, 17, was befriended by Peter Chapman on the Facebook social networking site. She was raped and murdered before her body was dumped next to a farmer’s field

In fact, he was a shaven-headed 33-year-old serial rapist who would lure her to her death and dump her in a ditch. The appalling case has highlighted the astonishing ease with which potential predators can lure in their victims via social networking sites such as Facebook.

Last night, Ashleigh’s mother Andrea pleaded: ‘Parents – ask your kids to tell you who they are talking to online.’ As ‘calculated and wicked’ Chapman began a minimum jail term of 35 years for Ashleigh’s kidnap, rape and murder, it emerged that despite being a registered sex offender he had vanished off the police ‘radar’ for over a year after his risk level was downgraded.

Alter-ego: Chapman used a picture of a good-looking teenager to entice his victim

Mrs Hall, 39, wept as horrific details of her daughter’s last few hours were revealed in court. She said later: ‘Ashleigh wasn’t a bad kid. She wasn’t naughty. She made one mistake and has paid for it with her life. ‘Something more should have been done to stop him. He had someone else’s photo on his (Facebook) page. ‘It’s an awful thought that there is a boy out there and this man was using his photo to prey on young girls. It is unimaginable what my family and I have been through.’

Chapman had previously been jailed for raping and robbing two prostitutes – including a 17-year-old – at knifepoint but a series of failings allowed him to roam free. Even on the day he was arrested for the murder, he was on his way to meet yet another ‘Facebook friend’. He was stopped by police over a suspected arson attack in Newbury, Berkshire, a month earlier.

The case shows how easy it is for teenagers to be targeted for sex or worse by convicted sex offenders who can easily fake their identities online and then arrange to meet them. Astonishingly, dozens of other young women were prepared to send explicit photos of themselves to the teenager’s killer – despite never having met him.

Chapman had met Ashleigh through Facebook on September 21, 2009, using the bogus photograph of a handsome boy in his late teens and a new identity, Peter Cartwright. Graham Reeds, QC, prosecuting, told Teesside Crown Court: ‘She was excited about meeting the person she thought was an attractive 19-year-old lad, who had a Facebook page showing his picture, and who had been sending her suggestive text messages. ‘However, what she did not know was that all of these text messages and the computer chat were from this defendant: A 32-year-old man who at the time was living out of the back of his car.’ They arranged to meet – with Chapman pretending to be ‘Peter’s dad’ to explain why he looked nothing like the photo – on October 25 last year.

Warning to other parents: Ashleigh Hall’s mother Andrea is comforted by her father Mike Hall outside Teesside Crown Court following Chapman’s conviction

He drove her to a secluded area called Thorpe Larches near Sedgefield in County Durham.

Once there Chapman forced her to perform a sex act before he bound and gagged her with duct tape, wrapping so much around her head that she suffocated to death. He dumped her body in a ditch and drove off. After his arrest, Chapman was taken to Middlesbrough police station where he asked to see a detective and confessed: ‘I killed someone last night. I need to tell somebody from CID where the body is… It hasn’t been reported yet.’

Chapman had been in trouble since the age of 15. He was taking drugs, stealing and had been arrested for sex offences, although never convicted. In 1996, aged 19, he was accused of raping a girl he had befriended. The allegations were later dropped. In that same year, he was jailed for seven years for raping and robbing two prostitutes at knifepoint.

Grim discovery: Ashleigh’s body was found in a field near Sedgefield, County Durham

Fatal journey: The Ford Mondeo car used by Peter Chapman in the rape and murder of the 17-year-old

He was released in November 2000 and supervised by the police and the probation service under Multi Agency Public Protection Arrangements (MAPPA). He moved to Liverpool where he was monitored every three months as a high risk offender. In 2002 he was arrested by Cheshire Police for the rape and kidnap of a prostitute in Ellesmere Port but the case was dropped. By June he had moved to Bristol where he was arrested for deception offences. In February 2003 he was arrested in Liverpool for the rape and kidnap of a prostitute. Again the case was dropped. Incredibly, because he kept out of trouble for the next three years, he was downgraded to medium-risk in 2007.

By early 2008 he no longer needed to report to his probation worker but was still being monitored by police under MAPPA every six months. Later that year, in September, when police visited his Liverpool home, they discovered he was no longer there. They tried to find him locally but failed. It was only a year later that they circulated his details nationally as a missing sex offender.

REIGN OF A FACEBOOK PREDATOR

Serial rapist: Facebook killer Peter Chapman posed as a good-looking teenage boy

They are the ones that got away. Of Peter Chapman’s 127 designated Facebook friends, all were girls and each one a potential victim. They varied in ages but all had one thing in common: They believed he was a good-looking teenager with a body to match. Indeed, on the day he was arrested for Ashleigh’s murder, he was driving to meet yet another of the young women he had lured into his online lair. Incredibly, dozens of girls swapped sexually explicit comments and sent photographs of themselves posing in underwear or pyjamas with a man they had never met. They also replied to scores of intimate questionnaires.

By the time he murdered Ashleigh Hall, sex-obsessed Chapman was trawling the internet on a daily basis and was logged on to at least ten social networking sites looking for girls – young girls in particular. Each of his profiles was bogus and was complemented by fake photos.

He called himself Peter Cartwright, or DJPete, and said he was a 19-year-old from Stockton. It worked. On one site, Faces.com, Chapman had 3,919 visitors. He described himself as single, 5ft 10in, with blue eyes and a ‘slim, toned’ body, a window maker whose interests were ‘cars, girls hehe’. Other social networking sites he joined as ‘Peter Cartwright’ included Netlog – on which alone he had 421 ‘friends’ – Holabox, Profileheaven and Kazoba. Each one could be a paedophile’s paradise. Netlog – formerly known as Facebox – has been implicated before in cases of children groomed by paedophiles. On one site, more than 14,600 visitors had clicked on his profile since the account was opened on New Year’s Day in 2007 and by now he had amassed a total of 2,981 friends.

Again, all of them were girls. Their ages ranged from 13 to 31, and they had nicknames such as ‘Baby Blonde’ and ‘Lil Minx’. After making contact with them he redirected them to private chatrooms.

‘Wanna have sex with me?’ began one quiz he wrote one lunchtime in May 2007. ‘Post this and see just how many people comment you saying that they wanna have sex with you.’ He had clearly done it before and with some success. This time 16 girls replied. To Ashleigh Hall and plenty of others like her nothing seemed out of place. After all they weren’t the only ones; he had thousands of friends.

But Peter Cartwright was not a 19-year-old labourer and he was not living in Stockton. His real name was Peter Chapman and he was a shaven-headed, bespectacled 33-year-old pervert and loner who was painfully thin, had ‘dreadful’ personal hygiene, had lost most of his teeth and was living in his car.

Last night, an extraordinary succession of victims came forward to tell their stories of how Chapman trapped them and those who knew him well and feared what he was capable of doing.

Trap: Chapman’s Netlog page lists his top ‘friends’

Bogus: He called himself djpete and claimed he was a young muscular man

Victoria Routledge, 20, said Chapman – who was the live-in partner of her then close friend Dyanne Littler – may have targeted many more women. She told the Daily Mail how she once found sickening images on his laptop of women being raped. ‘Dyanne was using their laptop,’ she said. ‘So I used his PC. He had told us all that only he was allowed to use it but he wasn’t there so I figured, “Why not? It’s not like he’s going to kill me”. I wanted to go on to Facebook but I clicked on a plain folder instead and inside it were pictures which were absolutely sick. My mouth went dry and I looked across at Dyanne who was busy on the net as well. ‘The pictures showed people being forced to have sex and were thoroughly revolting. I quickly closed the folder and left.’

He soon turned his attentions to Miss Routledge. She and two other women even posed for a photo with Chapman. Smiling blissfully for the camera, Miss Routledge had no idea that the man taking her picture was just weeks away from murdering Ashleigh Hall.

Unaware: Chapman took this picture of Victoria Routledge, centre, and two other women, just weeks before he murdered Ashleigh

She said Chapman often borrowed her car for hours at a time, never revealing where he had gone or who he had seen. She said she had first met Chapman when Miss Littler invited her round for tea. ‘To say that I found him creepy was an understatement,’ she said. ‘But Dyanne was with him so I couldn’t speak my mind. They seemed to have a volatile relationship, always arguing, but they lived together so I figured there had to be some sort of connection. Dyanne had also had his baby. ‘In no time at all he started coming around my house. I think the first time that it happened something had gone wrong with my car. I mentioned it in passing to Dyanne and he was round there in a flash.

‘After a couple of weeks of meeting Peter he would come round and announce that he had to borrow my car. I felt slightly obligated to him because he had helped out with one or two mechanical problems. He would go off for a couple of hours and then come back without saying where he had been. It was always at night and if you asked him what he had been up to he would simply change the subject.’ By then Chapman’s violent urges were already beginning to show. ‘Dyanne started coming into work with marks on her face and arms,’ said Victoria. ‘When I asked her what it was she wouldn’t respond.’

‘I did it’: CCTV footage of Peter Chapman at the Custody desk at Middlesbrough Police Station, when he confessed to the killing

She also found herself having an increasing number of uncomfortably personal conversations with Chapman – in particular about his relationship with Miss Littler. She said: ‘He was always asking me if I had a boyfriend and when I had last had sex.’ Months before Chapman killed Ashleigh, the homeless drifter had begun talking to lonely single mother, Elise Anderson, 22.

Like Ashleigh, she chatted with him for hours online after meeting him on a social networking site. He was crude, but she was just glad to talk to somebody. Believing him to be a harmless 19-year-old, the pair exchanged hundreds of messages before he finally asked if she was interested in meeting up. But, unlike Ashleigh, she refused. ‘I can’t help thinking what might have happened if I had gone through with it and met up with him,’ she said yesterday. ‘Conversations with him on MSN were always crude. ‘I can remember asking where he lived but I can’t remember getting any replies. He would never reveal the specifics. He would just say he didn’t live that far from me so we could meet up. He then asked if I would consider it.’

Sad farewell: Ashleigh’s coffin is carried from St Cuthbert’s Church, Darlington, during her funeral

In reality, Chapman was in Liverpool while Miss Anderson was in Evesham, Worcestershire. Miss Anderson, a part-time student, said she first met Chapman on the networking site Netlog. Among other girls who also made contact with his alter ego was Alvina Betts, 20, of Whitehaven, Cumbria. She said: ‘He was nice looking and there didn’t seem to be anything dodgy about him. It makes me shudder to think of it.’

He also pestered and tried to seduce another woman who was the spitting image of his victim and former fiancee. He became obsessed with single mother Catherine Carty, 30, after meeting her on the internet. He bombarded her with sleazy messages through Facebook and MSN – and visited her house 100 times. Miss Carty, of Warrington, Cheshire, said: ‘I collapsed when I found out Chapman had been arrested. The girl looks like me and so does his ex-fiancee.’

Another woman, Emma Monk, told how just weeks earlier, Chapman set her house on fire after she allowed him to stay after meeting him through a friend on New Year’s Eve. ‘He phoned me out of the blue saying “are the kids with you?”,’ she said. ‘Then he told me the house was on fire. I couldn’t speak through shock. I rushed home and saw it all going up.’ Ms Monk, 31, of Newbury in Berkshire, said she gave police information about Chapman, including the car he was driving, but ‘they just didn’t seem interested’. ‘If police had pulled their finger out, Ashleigh might not have been murdered,’ she told The Mirror. ‘They knew he was missing and they knew he was a sex offender.’

 

For Chapman, a computer literate, it was an all too easy way of meeting young girls.

Peter Bradley, deputy director of children’s charity Kidscape, said: ‘This case highlights the absolute danger of assuming people’s identities on social networking sites. ‘It is very easy to be lulled into a false sense of security. There are people who will be prepared to assault or even commit murder.’

The Belgium-based Netlog claims to have 56 million users across Europe and to be the market leader in countries including Italy and Switzerland. A spokesman said: ‘We work with authorities across Europe to prevent people abusing our site, and we have moderators working around the clock who respond to reports of abuse. ‘But unfortunately there’s currently no way of 100 per cent confirming someone’s identity online.’

A few months ago a brother in one of my forums asked “What is masculinity?”  Now this is a really profound question. No one could really answer the question. I thought about it and had no idea either. I said I needed time to think about it. Fast forward to now.

In Arabic this concept of ‘noble masculinity’ is called Futuwwa. Sometimes translated as “courage”, “chivalry” or “manliness”. Many of the medieval concepts of chivalry/knights/nobleness etc came from these Islamic ideals. Many of the writings include more qualities for men which I think of as more ‘ideal’ qualities than ordinary ones. I highly recommend bros look into this concept and research the Islamic literature of old. It’s really quite fascinating.

One of my ideals of masculinity

To answer this question I thought about the many men out there who I admire and love very much! My father, my brothers, my uncles, my guy cousins, my bro-in-law and my friend’s husbands (in a good way ), the shaykhs of our community, speakers and activists that I know, good brothers over the years that have really helped and inspired, and still inspire me in so many ways and so on. I’ve even had many non-Muslim co-workers that I admired (in a good way! lol). I only dislike certain actions or a certain type of guy (shallow and/or uses women). I also have criticisms for women for things they might do. (But no one reads those posts! *cry)

So anyway I thought I’d write a post on what *I* think constitutes some good qualities of masculinity. Feel free to disagree and discuss in the comments, also interesting discussion would be to compare this list to what was written by Islamic scholars centuries ago.

1. Strength - This is not necessarily physical strength but put it this way…the knowledge of superior strength put to use in ways to help others. Like even ordinary things… like consistently taking out the garbage…or carrying those baby carriers to the door or going out to buy things for ur wife’s needs, setting up things at events, going out to do something for the family. Can you see what I mean? Even holding a door open. Of course a woman could do those things too, but I think the use of the physical to help the other is more a masculine trait. For us (females) it might be more in our nature to nurture in other ways.

2. Generosity - I mentioned this somewhere before as a noble quality for guys. And it’s true so many men have it. I’ve never seen a girl volunteer to pay for everyone at the table but I’ve seen many guys do it. Not to show off or anything, but just out of generosity. Any type of problem or difficulty that they perceive, the guys are the first to try to help and cover it. Being generous is a good quality for both men and women but I have to say it is really part of a lot of guys nature and something many of us (wommins) have to work on.

3. Being Protective - In the modern age this is seen as sexist but I think only in the cases where it goes over the top. It is a good quality that a guy always wants to protect his daughter or his family or even community from harm. I’ve seen bros take the blame/responsibility all the time for me out of a sense of chivalry/courage/honor. Part of their noble nature.

Has chivalry gone the way of dragons?

4. Supportive - Men are a lot more supportive than women. I can state this for a fact.  A man can be 100% supportive  at times while women can be a lukewarm 80%, 40% or 20%. Some men aren’t of course but the good one’s always are. I could choose to join a circus and I know certain guys would support me 100% but I know every girlfriend of mine would criticize me to death (perhaps for good reason hehe). Between women I think there’s a lot of jealousy,envy and even rivalry and stuff. Perhaps this is the same intra-guys too.

5. Honesty - Some women can see this as a negative. Like when they ask “Do I look fat in this?” lol and sometimes men really don’t know how to edit themselves, but being honest is a very good quality. It goes along with being earnest and having real relationships with people. When’s the last time you heard a guy say “Ooomygawwd I love what ur wearing” when they don’t mean it. They’re real and they’re honest.

6. Not (as) emotional - This is hard for me to see as a good quality sometimes but I think that it helps men remain objective a lot of times and weigh things, including decisions. Sometimes they are more objective about issues. They might (I say might :p) have a certain clear-sightedness or fairness about certain things.

7. Humility - This might be strange to add here as part of masculineness, but I think all the great men have this. They know their strengths and weaknesses. They know… how do i put it, the order of things. That they are under God and responsible for what’s under them. It always keeps them merciful, down-to-earth, normal and humorous.

8. Loyalty - Guys are very loyal to each other especially. Guys who grow up with each other are friends for life. College buddies usually remain so. My Dad has college friends all over the world he STILL connects with! Girls have a lot of cliques and drama <– Fact.

9. Action oriented - Whenever I tell a guy of a problem I have, he is ready to go out and fix it or lets me know how I can fix it. This I see as a really good quality in that they want to fix the wrongs in the world. They are ready to take action and do things. They can’t just sit back and let it go or even see me let it go. In a lot of ways I wish I could be more optimistic and take-action like that.

10. Romantic - Now I know you’re going to think I’m crazy, but I really believe men are more romantic than women. More romantic in the sense that they have ideals that they are always looking for and when they find them, nothing can move them from their loyalty. I see this especially with young guys. They have a very idealized view of marriage and what they want and of life. Ask the same to girls and they are a lot more practical and defined.

Sorry I couldn’t really express everything very well but I hope you got the jist of it So men may be different, and when good qualities go over the top or out of kilter it may drive us crazy, but there is much to appreciate about the male of the species.

More on Futuwwa:

• Amazing article related to single Muslim guys and Futuwwa: http://www.emel.com/article?id=71&a_id=1964
• A nice article: http://www.radicalmiddleway.co.uk/articles.php?id=2&art=165
• Talk by Habib Ali: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nqm7udFsAc

Books:

• Arts of the Muslim Knight: The Furusiyya Art Foundation Collection by Bashir Mohamed
• The Way of Sufi Chivalry by Ibn al-Husayn al-Sulami
• The Royal Book of Spiritual Chivalry : Futuwat Namah Yi Sultani by Kamal al Din Husayn Kashifi

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Ok back to Venus with the ladies,
Arrividerci

…and if ur still bored please watch this short educational video

Many Muslims in the world consistently blame the “West” for all their problems. No doubt, many of the problems in the Muslim world stem from decisions made in the West. i.e… the arbitrary creation of Israel, the blind unconditional support of Israel in its occupation and oppression of the Palestinian people, sanctions as political punishment regardless of innocent victims, aid as political reward regardless of ethics, the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, the killing of hundreds of thousands of innocent Muslims throughout the world, the absolute hypocrisy of foreign policy and at times domestic policy… I mean this list is just endless

BUT sometimes we forget that the Muslim world is just as much to blame for the condition of Muslims all over the world as anyone else, if not more so. Unless we fix our own problems we will never be able to step forward and try to change our condition. Leaving these problems out there is also our weakness and they enable others to take advantage of and in the end, oppress us.

So, having lived in the Muslim world for a period of time and a lifetime in the West, these are some things that I see as the major problems or hurdles we need to change in the Muslim world first, before we blame others. I think we really need to look at ourselves objectively and realize the wrongs that go on among us, just as much as we like to analyze ‘the other’.

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#1. Doing the world’s dirty work - Sending innocent people to Muslim countries TO GET TORTURED. Why should the world care that Muslims are being tortured in Guantanamo and Bagram when Muslim countries practice torture as a regular interrogation method? When America sends innocent Muslims TO Muslim countries to be tortured! It’s really quite disgusting. Torture is completely antithetical to the principles of Islam. There are just no words. (And still we like to blame the West for everything.)

#2. Racial inequalities - Let’s talk about the status of workers in Muslim countries, such as maids in Saudi or construction workers in the Emirates. These workers are abused freely, by individuals and by society. Underpaid, overworked, they live in hovels, are paid a pittance, have no rights or recourse if abused. They are never allowed to be citizens, they don’t have the same rights as their boss or the citizen down the street. They can’t even send their kids to the same school or go to the same hospital. I mean call America the devil all you want but at least they theoretically have some type of equality and rights for people who live and work in their country. We read stories after stories of abuse and first hand accounts, with very little reform or accountability. Yes, I know these people are poor and need to go to Muslim countries to work. But if the oppressed accept their oppression due to circumstance and we take advantage of it, what does that make us? (And ours is a Deen that always was the first to defend and help the oppressed and emphasized the equality of all peoples.)

#3. Corruption/Bribes - Corruption in Muslim countries is so rife. Why is a Muslim country always #1 or #2 on the list of most corrupt countries, I always have to ask? Corruption is so common that regular bribe amounts are listed in tourist guides. Want to get telephone services? Want to get out of an airport? Want to do anything? This isn’t like a tax or a tip, this is plain corruption. Want to cover up a crime? Want to commit a crime? It seems like Islam has become only form to people. Pray, fast, maybe go to Hajj and that’s it. But what about your character, your morals, your ethics. Cheating other people. Rampant nepotism. Covering up of inequalities and wrongful actions?

#4. Bureaucracy - This is tied to the one before. Have you ever tried to go to a Muslim country and get a visa? Before I left someone sent me a step by step list of how to establish an Iqama (residency visa) in a particular country. It was 6 handwritten pages and no joke, it listed how to go from this office to that office to that building and get this stamp from this person and so on and so on. It was all description because there are no addresses or official ways of doing anything! We are in such a hurry to modernize and be just like the West, why don’t we copy some good organization and efficiency skills eh. This probably goes back to another big problem in the Muslim world:  The rote learning and non-encouragement of any questioning, creativity or innovation in the Muslim world. Also related, where is the work ethic in Muslim countries? Besides “Inshaallah Bokra Mumkin”. Now I know for Muslims we have a different focus on life and it’s not to go to work everyday, make money and consume more Dunya. But somehow I just see this slowly being lost in Muslim countries. Where’s our pride and responsibility in working hard, building, inventing, improving, creating.

#5. Emotional Islam - We Muslims always get upset when we see something wrong or offensive to our religion. Such as… the Danish cartoons or the Salman Rushdie book (or a teddy bear named Muhammad?!) or whatever else. There’s a lot of evil in the world and there are a lot of people that hate Islam. But us becoming emotional or upset about such things does nothing. Nothing constructive or progressive comes from it. Imagine if every Muslim that was offended by the Danish cartoons went out and held one positive event about Islam in their town. Imagine if every Muslim that burned (or like me returned the book to the library thinking it was the dumbest book I ever read) a hateful book on Islam, instead talked to one person about the life of Prophet Muhammad (s). It’s so easy for us to hold protests, hold up signs and yell slogans, even easier to turn to violence. But why aren’t we doing the real work? Working on real Dawah, real programs, on our youth… in so many needed areas?

#6. Opression of women – No Islam does not oppress Muslim women, but Muslims sure do. Or should I say they let others do. How can honor killings be common in certain areas of the Muslim world? Killing innocent girls. Something so vile, that the Quran even asks why a person would do it. And tried and convicted they receive 2 years. Really? A 10 year old sold by her father and forced to marry an 80 year old. Really, that’s acceptable to us? Throwing acid on little girls going to school. Domestic violence against women. I mean there are no words.  We will never even take a step forward if we don’t eradicate these evils.

#7. Copying everything western – The Muslim world loves copying and imitating everything western. They love western clothes, western movies, western architecture, western music, western pop stars. What happened to our values? What happened to our own appreciation of our own beautiful things. Our beautiful clothes, music, people, architecture, rich cultural heritage. Chai, Rumi and Ghazals seem to be more appreciated in the West than anywhere else these days. Why can’t we have pride in and develop our own culture which is more in tune with our values? [And one thing that really bothers me...Why do rich Muslims frequent Parisian fashion houses when it is a crime to dress as a Muslim in France?] (Sigh, and again it’s the West that’s oppressing us.)

#8. Lack of superior media and propaganda – Yes please. We need some. The Muslim world really needs some good PR people. Not to mention journalists, authors, pundits, politically savvy leaders and so on. Why (,when we have right on our side you ask)? Because the Islam haters are much better at this than we are. They are able to turn an innocent victim into a terrorist in a heartbeat. They are able to justify things like racial profiling, torture and extraordinary rendition. They somehow make extreme Islam-haters into “experts on Islam and the Muslim world” on Fox News. Definitely a huge problem.

#9. No viable economic system - Islamic economics is beautiful. It’s fair. It’s sustainable. It has ethics and morals and has a built in system of checks and balances. It protects people from being exploited and it prevents people from doing the exploiting. And yet we aren’t using it. We are using a system of interest and usury that makes the poor poorer and the rich richer. A whole other subject is also how much money is being wasted on extreme luxuries instead of development in Muslim countries. The wealth of certain Muslims is phenomenal… how about spending a little to help other Muslims instead of that new car/clothes/billion dollar mansion. (Did you know that the only buyers of Parisian fashion houses are 1. the nouveau riche of Russia and 2. wealthy Arabs from the Gulf.)

#10. Nationalism and disunity – Can I just say… Algeria vs Egypt :p or let me say Egypt’s refusal to allow Gazans sanctuary. Everyone has pride in their country and background, but it is our faith that unites us all. Divided we are easily picked out by enemies. Divided we will always fall. History shows again and again that the way to attack Muslims is to cause division and disunity. We are then easily defeated.

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Yes, it’s painful to look at ourselves this way. How far we have come from practicing our Deen. If we could just practice the noble principles of Islam in all aspects of our life, socially, politically, economically, in character, in relations with others, how different we would be! And how different our world would be.

Have we forgotten the words of the Quran that say “Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in their hearts.” What’s in our hearts these days? Is it “hatred of the West”? Is it “love of the Dunya” or is it “love of Islam and our fellow Muslims”? Do we want for them what we want for ourselves?

In conclusion, I contend that if Muslims were to fix these problems and go back to practicing Islam in all realms, inner and outer, form and character, there is no power on earth that could defeat them in any aspect.

Thanks for reading.

The End.

Outtakes: lack of lines!, no dark chocolate, pizza made of ketchup?!, guys who yell ‘u beetiful’

Bismillah

Sr. Aminah Assilmi died today in a sudden car accident. Inna lillah wa inna ilaihi rajeoon. She was 65 and had been ill a few years ago but had been doing much better recently. She died instantly I read. SubhanAllah, indeed it is true we do not know when or how any of us will be called back Home. I heard the news this evening and my mind immediately flashed back to all my memories of her.

I was a teenager in a MYNA camp when I first heard her speak. She walked up mature and elegant, wearing a long skirt outfit and fully wrapped Hijab. A convert to Islam she always told us funny anecdotes and stories about being Muslim. She would then pause while we laughed and go on to give us the teaching point. When I was in MSA we invited her a few times to the Northeast to speak. Usually the topic was something like ‘Behind the Veil’ or ‘Myths of Women in Islam’. She always spoke well and was very equal to answering any obnoxious questions or debating any ‘feminists’ in the audience who felt they knew better. I never knew her to turn anyone away from speaking to her. She had the same quality of the Prophet (saw) where if she was speaking to you, you felt like you were her most prized best friend in the world. She always took the time out to talk to ‘us girls’ and remembered us whenever we met.

In years since MSA, I would see her less and less often at ISNAs and ICNAs and other events. She had been ill for a long time I believe and I’d seen her in a wheelchair for a number of years. About two years ago I received an email that asked for help for Sister Aminah. She had lost her home and income and needed help. She’d been living on campgrounds because she had nowhere else to go. I remember even posting this to others, and I really thought I had sent her some money to help. But I’ve since checked and in the hurry of everyday life I did not.

This past 4th of July ISNA I met Sister Aminah again and we reminsced a little and she talked about organizing a retreat for Muslim women. I told her a little about our retreat in upstate New York and she gave me her card. I asked if we could take a picture together and she happily smiled and put her arms around me wearing the biggest, pinkest sunhat I’d ever seen.

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In the 90s we were a generation that was raised in Islamic camps, conferences and university lecture halls. Our parents were Imam Siraj Wahaj, Sh. Hamza Yusuf, Imam Zaid Shakir, Jamal Badawi, Abdullah Idris, Ahmad Sakr, Sheema Khan, Haroon Sellars, Saffet Catovic, Abdullah Adhami, Aminah Assilimi… so many well known names that we heard from over and over again. Teaching us, inspiring us, motivating us. Trying so hard to give us an identity. Today, I can’t even remember all the long-forgotten names. But they made us the strong Muslims we are today. In fact, I can’t even imagine where we would be without them.

Yet when their time of need came and comes, we are not there for them. How many people received the email forward asking for help for Sister Aminah and did nothing (myself included). How many people have received the calls for help for Imam Siraj’s cancer treatment and have donated anything to help. We would be lost and astray without them, yet we are not willing to give back.

I’m reminded of another great man who died on the steps of a nursing home; alone and penniless. Abdullah Yusuf Ali, from whom millions of English speaking Muslims have benefited. Yet he too died alone with no help from the Muslim Community.

I was unable to help Sister Aminah in life, but I am determined to help her in death and also promise to help my ‘other parents’ when they are in need inshaAllah.

May Allah have mercy on sister Aminah, give Shifaa to her son and patience to her family. May Allah reward her for all her Dawah work for the benefit of the Ummah (she was truly a da’iah for Allah) and enter her into Jannah.

Ameen.

A good friend of mine once got rejected by a guy because she was one year older than he was. Turns out she wasn’t but that was the original reason. Not sure why it didn’t work out after he found out??.. but anyways this brings me to the point of this post. What is it with desis and age? They’re like obsessive about marrying someone younger than them (the guys I mean.) And I’m not talking like a lot of years even…like even a year or two (or even months!) is horrifying to them. Sometimes guys give the reason that they’re looking for someone more fertile like in case they have kids. Ummm last I looked women were having kids at 40+ and again I’m not talking about huge age difference but the year or two or even around 5 of their own age. Does it make that big a difference? And the weirdest thing is that as guys get older they want even younger women. Guys who are 30 want to marry 20 year olds… guys who are 50 want to marry 30 year olds. Uhhhhhhhm strange (or gross really).  Is it because they want to feel young again? Is it because they want to feel like they are smarter, more experienced, more wise? Do they feel like they can mold a younger woman more easily or that she’ll most likely be more submissive? Do they feel like a younger wife will take care of them in old age or that it’s just the natural way of things that should be upheld? No idea.

Doesn’t seem like compatibility is any type of an issue here though. Every study says the closer in age people are, the more alike they are, the more compatible they are. In fact, desis seem to look for a whole host of things that have nothing to do with compatibility, like skin color…shade of skin color, a certain type of “beauty” look (don’t get me started on this), ancestral background,  even… parent’s jobs.  No joke, I had a guy (extremely religious) tell me straight up he wanted to marry a girl who was the daughter of an engineer, being one himself. OK. I’m sure this will ensure your domestic bliss. Again, I thought guys were rational beings, but maybe I was wrong

Anyways I found this site the other day (and NO I haven’t resorted to online dating (yet)(just kidding!) (but no) I think I was actually looking for some kind of Hadith the words ‘Allah and love’ in it if that isn’t ironic enough… but it had some extremelyyyyy interesting data on it.

For the relevance of this post see: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/02/16/the-case-for-an-older-woman/

and check out their older posts on various ideas and statistics. Very, very interesting… especially for single people. I wonder how this compares to Muslims but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s the same. I wish Muslims would put together statistics like this. It would be interesting to see how many single sisters there are out there due to guys marrying overseas/non-Muslims/age-cultural restrictions. There’s no doubt the ‘fish in the sea’ ocean is wayyy huger for Muslim guys in the west than it is for Muslim women. I used to be troubled when I heard of a sister who married a non-Muslim or someone who “converted in name only” but I don’t know anymore. Obviously it’s wrong, but what exactly is she supposed to do when the cards are totally stacked against her and her ocean is the size of…her kitchen sink. Love and wanting to be with someone is an intrinsic part of our nature that Allah put inside of us. Unless there is some major reform or education this trend will only increase.

It’s interesting that Muslim society finds Muslim guys marrying non-Muslims or marrying someone 20 years younger than them quite acceptable, but not certain other differences like someone a few years older than them or a different ethnicity. And it’s also interesting that finding partners for sisters is not seen as a problem, they are just labeled as “picky” and of course condemned if she goes any route not sanctioned by them.

So what’s the point of this post again?! It’s to point out to Muslim guys that there are a lot of real benefits in breaking the mold a bit and marrying someone that might be a little older, a different ethnicity, someone not perfect. Free yourself from culture and find someone who is good, regardless of society’s strictures. Ok the end.