Road to Jannah

Muslim Women: Can’t We All Just Get Along?

by Sr Hosai

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I’ve been wearing hijab for almost 16 years alhamdulillah, but I’ll be the first to say I didn’t always look “modest”. In fact, like most women, hijabi or otherwise, I’ve been through many phases trying to find my own personal style and getting comfortable with my body and self.

Today there is a pervasive misconception that hijab automatically equals modesty, but I couldn’t disagree more. Hijab is a concerted effort towards modesty but by no means does one wearing hijab automatically become modest. Modesty, after all, is a disposition, an ATTITUDE. You can wear hijab and act completely immodest or you can not wear hijab and exude it from your head to your feet. In fact, some of the most modest women I know do not wear hijab and increasingly I’m beginning to see many girls who wear hijab yet do not dress or act very modestly. So, it’s not so black and white.

In my personal life I am surrounded by beautiful Muslim women, some of them wear hijab and some of them do not. Unfortunately, I’ve found that the issue of hijab has been one of the most divisive among the women of our community. On both sides of the divide there is prejudice, judgement, misconception, disrespect and A LOT of ego. Those who wear hijab can knowingly or sometimes even unknowingly give off an air of self-righteousness as though they are the only ones with a claim on piety and modesty. Those who don’t wear hijab are often mistreated, judged or discriminated against for not doing so which elicits an often unfair negative reaction towards hijab and those who wear it.

My question is, do we not share the same faith? Are we not all blessed with the truth of this most beautiful deen? Have we not all been invited by the Lord of the Universe to testify to His truth? I don’t care if you shroud yourself in 10 yards of fabric and the only thing I see are your eyes or if you choose to dress according to all the latest fashion trends of this society–you are a Muslim woman and you are my sister. I am NOT your judge and you are NOT mine. We need to stop the self-righteousness and instead of focusing on the issue of hijab, we should focus on the issue of modesty because that is something that applies to anyone who calls him/herself a Muslim.

Modesty is about confidence. The moment you decide to live and dress modestly you are making a very strong statement to the rest of the world that as a woman, as a free-thinking, intellectual, articulate and educated HUMAN BEING, you are taking the power back from every one who has ever made you question your self-worth. Modesty is about pleasing God and acknowledging the fact that He knows what is better for you than anyone or anything else in creation. When we are ordered to be modest is it for no other reason but to honor us, to raise us in esteem and to protect us? Similarly, when we are encouraged to dress immodestly is it for no other reason than to exploit us, demean us, and weaken us?

Whether you currently wear hijab but don’t dress or act very modestly, want to take the next step in living modestly and wear hijab, or if you’re not quite ready to wear the hijab, what about just making a commitment to dressing with self-respect and carrying yourself with dignity and class? This is as simple as forsaking the “skinny jeans” for looser ones, the low-cut tops for a higher neckline, the tank-tops for longer sleeves, and the short skirts and dresses for longer ones. And even more importantly, this is about changing your attitude and seeing yourself as more than just a walking coat hanger full of embellishments.

It’s also important to note that those who already wear hijab and feel there is a contradiction between their appearance and behavior must not lose hope or, even worse, allow the whisperings of Shaitan to affect them by removing their hijab altogether. He is notorious for using our own insecurities, feelings of guilt, and low spiritual ebbs to push us away from God. We must remember that every action is judged by intention and the one who endures spiritual struggles but perseveres for the sake of God is rewarded more than the one whose spiritual matters are facilitated. So, ask God for strength and take measured and moderate steps to make the necessary changes. No matter where we are on our individual paths, we must constantly remember that the One who put us on there does absolutely nothing in vain and guidance and misguidance are His alone to decide.

God loves you. He created you, He fashioned you, He made you as you are and sees you wholly. His value of you is based on what you make of the beating flesh that resides in your chest; your heart is the only concern you should have with Him. And if you want to present a sound heart to Him then start thinking about what would make Him happy. The first step towards that is a commitment to changing anything that would displease Him. Immodesty displeases Him.

So, my beautiful Muslim sisters, hijabi and non-hijabi, let us renew our faith and love in Him and commit to living and dressing modestly. Which is not just an issue of the fabric or lack of on our heads but is an issue of ATTITUDE, of disposition, and ultimately seeking the pleasure of the only One who truly matters.

I love you all and sincerely wish you the best in this world and the next.

An Islamic Perspective to LOST (the show)

Here’s my perspective on it…

I believe the most important scene in the entire show is when we see Jack on the plane (the second time) and there is extreme turbulence. He holds onto the arms of the seat and closes his eyes for a second. Then he opens them and across the aisle Rose says to him “It’s Okay Jack, It’s okay to let go now”.

In this blink of an eye his entire life on the island happens…(the plane crashes and)….he opens his eye lying among the bamboo and everything on the island takes place. Polar bears, Dharma, time travel, leaving the island, going back, killing the smoke monster, etc. and finally dying and his eye closing. Back on the plane his story continues and he lives in the Alt universe – a kind of consciousness Heaven for those who have died. These souls that were together in their life (on the island) recognize each other and when finally all dead and together they move on…to a real kind of Hereafter.

I found this to be an extremely interesting and “compatible with Islamic beliefs” ending for the show. For as Muslims we believe that this life is a test as well, a place where we have to overcome evil — external and internal, repent for our sins and find redemption through our choices, faith, love and good works.

And those who believe and do good deeds, they are dwellers of Paradise, they dwell therein forever.  (Quran, 2:82)

Jack’s life happened over time and course, yet it was a ‘blink of an eye’. How long will our lives be? Maybe 50 years, maybe 100. Yet the older we get, the more we know time passes so quickly; days, years, decades slip by and feel like nothing.

He (God) will say, “How many years did you stay on the earth?”  They will say: “We stayed a day or part of a day….”  (Quran, 23:112-113)

Jack was forever arguing that the island (his life) had no reason to it, it was all coincidence. He was forever fighting Locke (a man of faith) who believed that there was a reason they were all there, it wasn’t just coincidence; it was fate. Is that not what we believe?

Did you then think that We had created you in jest (without any purpose), and that you would not be returned to Us (in the Hereafter)? (Quran, 23:115)

It’s interesting that everyone was together and moves on to their version of Heaven. And that Jack’s father says “we can’t do it alone”. Our prophet said “You will be with the ones you love (in the Hereafter).” (Hadith Imam Ahmed)

Their souls meeting each other and recognizing each other is nothing new to us. We believe our souls do that when we sleep (a minor death) and also when we are dead before resurrection.

“God takes the souls (al-anfus) at the time of their death, and those that die not during their sleep; then He withholds those on whom He has passed the decree of death and sends the others back till an appointed term; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.” (Qur’an 39:42)

It took a long time for Jack to finally understand what his life was really about and what he had to do and to “let go”. It was a long journey of love and redemption. A journey that all of us are on in this life. Not just physically, but spiritually. Some realize it immediately (Rose), others after some trial and hardship. But, others of us go on with our lives, unconscious and blind to our real purpose. The people on the island had a second chance and in the end luckily realization bled through to their consciousness.

“…But now We have removed from you your veil, so your perception today is piercing….” (Qur’an 50:22)

In conclusion, no I’m not advocating watching the show, but if you did there are many themes and lessons we can get from it. Faith is the most important thing of all. Their life on the island was a test for them and now it was time to let go. Each person overcame their sins, their flaws and their past and found redemption. We could learn a lot from that.

The lasting legacy of this show is perhaps to give us hope in our shared destiny.

Finally, I repeat to you a very beautiful Dua…

Allahumma rahmataka arjoo falaa takilnee ilaa nafsee tarfata ‘aynin wa aslih-lee sha’nee kullahu, laa ilaha illa anta

O Allah! It is Your Mercy that I hope for, so do not leave me to myself even for a blink of an eye and rectify for me all of my affairs. There is no god except You.

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What did you get from the show?

Salam peeps who read this blog…  I don’t really have anything of benefit to contribute this week. Just some random thoughts (rants)… so get ready…1..2…breathe…

On the topic of being a somewhat well-known and vocal person in the community leading some ppl to think I’m “judging them”…  I’d like to just say, here and now, forever on record, that I don’t judge any person. You could wear hijab/ not wear hijab, have a boyfriend, study basket-weaving, turn atheist, jump off a bridge, dye your hair purple and let me be honest, I don’t really care. I really don’t. AND I don’t think I’m better than you.

Every person has their own choices in their life, they have their own circumstances and their own tests. I’m not you and you are not me. I can’t say what my own choices would be, because I’m busy with my own unique set of circumstances, choices and tests.  Really, I have enough problems and issues, things I’m working on and projects and whatever, than to get involved with other people’s lives and “judge them”. Who am I going to be responsible for on the Day of J? Me. Whose actions am I worried about and responsible for? Mine and no one else’s. Who’s going to have to cross the Sirat? Me and I’ll be alone. I have my own relationship with Allah and my own sins that I thank Him every day for veiling.

I do care about the Ummah and I do see things wrong with it and things that we and other people are doing. I point these things out here on the blog or in person as social observance or as someone who writes articles bringing up various issues. Do you get what I’m saying? It’s not about “you”. There’s a huge difference between writing about actions, what’s going on in the community, trends and problems, guides and rants, reminders and admonitions; and actually judging a specific person. (Which is something better left to the Divine realm.)  So the next time you think “OMG she’s judging me, she thinks she’s better than me” just repeat “She really doesn’t care that much.” K. Thanks.

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This week some people launched an event called “Draw Muhammad Day”. Now how evil are these people really. Imagine if someone launched an event called “Call an African American a Ni**** Day” or “Eat meat in front of a HIndu Day” or “Urinate on a statue of Jesus and Mary Day” or “Show Pornography to a Jewish baby Day”. Pretty despicable huh? But all in the name of “free speech and freedom”. Apparently this event’s supporters are letting everyone know it’s OK to offend Muslim sensibilities in the guise of “freedom” which is really – hate.

Well whatever, there are tons of Islam haters out there. Now the problem here is actually the Muslim response to this. Muslims just get all emotional and offended over things like this instead of responding in a strategic or civilized way. And NO, “blocking facebook for 10 days” is not strategic or of any benefit. Neither is deactivating facebook for a day which does absolutely nothing.

We’ve seen it with Salman Rushdie, with the Dutch cartoons and now this. Again, we are always reacting to the negative instead of ignoring this event and doing positive things to promote acceptance and respect of Islam. If every Muslim ignored this event as “a bunch of crazies” NO ONE and I mean no one would have heard of it. Instead they went all crazy creating groups on Facebook, making profiles, trying to organize wayward ‘boycotts’ of deactivating, etc etc. Result? Straight to the top of CNN’s top stories. “Muslims going crazy again because they are offended”. You know what image comes to peoples minds? Wild-eyed, dark haired crazy mozlims brandishing swords against freedom. Now let me ask you, who’s image is this? It’s not theirs. It’s ours – because that’s the image we put out.

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A Muslim-American woman won the Miss USA contest. The media has been going crazy writing about how it’s an AYRAB AMERICAN MOZLIM that won. Can’t figure out what they’re so amazed about. And then I wonder why they’re making such a point of it. Proud that the US can exploit and sexualize Muslim women as part of the FREEDOMS that the rest of the so-called-world envies eh? Uh huh.

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I listened to two Khutbahs this week on “the importance of obeying your parents”. Now I’m all for obeying the parents but we’ve been listening to this kind of stuff on repeat, for YEARS (yeah I know they were trying to drum it into us) But you know what’s totally missing? All the Khutbahs on parents oppressing their children. Which is sooo common.

What oppression you ask? Forcing them to dress a certain way, talk a certain language, meet their academic/career expectations, their behavior expectations, their “Islamic” expectations, to marry a certain person, have their life a certain way and etc. and so on. And where has it led us?? A totally messed up youth that drink, take drugs, party, have relationships, have sex,  and etc. and so on. And no, it isn’t because they “don’t obey their parents”. That’s actually a symptom and not the root! We have way more complex problems that are never addressed. And never addressed to parents. When are they/we gonna wake up? I’d like to write an open letter to parents one day as a blog maybe. Anonymously so I don’t get killed I think

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Lastly, I heard about how a few aunties and uncles I know are working really hard matching up this 19 year old girl I know from another city. She’s pretty, very white, thin, very quiet, and outwardly “religious”.  She’s had proposals since she was 12 (serious) and all the guys in her community like her. And I do mean ALL the guys. (She’s the “perfect girl” archetype if you’ve read my other blog posts. The one all guys like because they “think” she’s perfect.)  So anyway, yes, apparently all the girls approaching old age spinsters here that aren’t so “perfect” can just fend for themselves. I mean seriously. Out of all the people in the world that need help trying to find someone, she ain’t it!! (I actually hope they succeed because while she’s around she’s a fitnah to most of the guys. They all fall in love and get rejected and what not and they get messed up and end up marrying their cousins/girls from back home and don’t bother to consider anyone else around her.)

On the web we have new releases from all the Muslim orgs on stuff like ‘finding the right match’ or ‘getting married to the right person’. Pretty generic type lectures that are so blah, blah, blah. Another generic rinse, repeat cycle that never addresses our real problems. In the meantime, really trying to help sisters get married and addressing why they aren’t getting married is ignored.

How long are ppl going to deny that this is a problem in our Ummah. Everyone seems to shrug it off and say ‘Oh well everyone marries someone’ so why worry about it. And then they don’t bother to see the 50% divorce rate, the sisters that marry non-Muslims, rampant (and I’m going to say rampant) Zina among the youth, and all the marriages of ppl marrying the completely wrong person for them. Seems like we can’t figure out new school Halal ways of finding someone for marriage living in the west. And all these other problems are resulting. So far the only person I know that has ever addressed this issue in any real way is Imam Zaid in his article on chivalry.

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Well then…an interesting week… signing off and a Jumah Mubarak and bebzi  to y’all for readin’. Ws.

Last week I took a trip to visit my friend who lives in the North Carolina Raleigh-Durham area. I found the area to be very green with a lot of stately old trees and pines. They seem to be everywhere!  My friend said they might have some kind of law that everything has to be covered with trees. So houses are set back from the streets covered by trees, apartment developments are set inside gates surrounded by trees, even those little plazas with different stores are so covered by trees and shrubbery that you have no idea what could be inside! You can’t really get a feel for the real city life there which is why my friend doesn’t like it too much.

So I visited a local Mosque, the UNC Chapel Hill campus, some gardens near Duke University and attended a fundraiser for another local Mosque. The community seemed kinda Arab flavored but they had a number of Desi stores and restaurants. It seemed somewhat cultural because while I was in town they had a Turkish festival which was fun to attend. This area has what’s known as the Research Triangle, a corridor of huge high tech companies. This is what probably keeps it diverse and it also surprisingly had a large Hispanic population? Always good to have brown ppl around I say Everything seemed really nice but I still don’t think I’d want to live there.

The area where I live now in upstate New York is supposed to be diverse because of all the universities nearby and our proximity to New York City, but it isn’t. It has an overwhelmingly non-culture exploring white population. Which is fine, but having grown up here all my life I still feel “not welcome”, even when walking down my own street. The other MAJOR problem with this area is the weather: 9 months of brutal winter is truly hard to take.

I don’t really know what area is better for Muslims to live in. I think that country-wise the UK/Europe and Australia seem extremely racist and my father refused to settle in both those countries for that reason. The US does have a more open nature being a younger country and less into classicism, doesn’t really have a culture and is used to immigrants. Canada might actually be more diverse and open to immigrants.

In the US I think the NY, NJ area is out even though there are many Muslims the lasting bias of 9/11 has really affected morale, businesses and activity there. Moving South the DC area has a very vibrant young Muslim community but everyone is soo into politics there. Really, like even housewives that’s all they talk about!  I can’t really take that much political debate and whatnot lol. The Carolinas we covered. I think Atlanta is way too urban and South but it’s next on my list to visit so we’ll see. Florida is nice but no one wears clothes and seems like a lot of retired ppl. The Midwest’s big cities could be nice, depending on the communities but I think they mostly have the same problem of lack of diversity. Houston/TX area has their own culture which I think is really at odds with Muslims but they seem to tolerate us well enough. California I think has the naked ppl problem again, extreme beauty consciousness and earthquakes! but sounds like it’s a lot more diverse than anywhere else, has the high tech jobs, large Muslim populations and activities. I’ve heard its extremely expensive to live there though, but who knows. Another area that might be good is the Chicago area, which has a really explosive Desi population and numerous Mosques and schools.  Their winters though I’ve heard are pretty ugly too.

I really don’t know where Muslims should settle but I think exploring different areas is always good!

I took a number of beautiful nature pictures from the Duke Gardens and areas around the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill so check them out here: Gallery of Nature Pics from NC

Also, here are a couple pictures from my trip with more descriptions:

Last weekend 5 million American Musims collectively gave a sigh of relief when the NYC Times Square bomber suspect was said to be a white male. I watched the grainy video of the guy who took off his shirt and stuffed it in a bag at least three times to make sure he was “white” and not “Arab”. (Don’t lie you did it too!) Yup, that male pattern baldness and paunchiness in a certain way did not look Arab at all. Got to be one of those crazy I-hate-the-IRS lost my-house-to-mortgage guys. PHEW.

We even had the luxury of making a few jokes at Fox News’s expense. Later the next evening my Mom came home and was like “You know what they’re saying! It was a Pakistani-Muslim guy!”. I was like “NUH-UH! I just checked CNN and they still don’t know who did it. How do you know?”  “That’s what they’re saying at the Pakistani store”, she nodded sagely, “Yes and I bought some mangos, $1 each so expensive!” What the heck… I thought, and not about the mangos. Later the next day is when the story broke.  Aunties at the local Paki-Mart: 1  CNN: 0

I think the major feeling I and most Muslims have right now is ANGER. Just plain anger. How could this idiot go and actually try to do something like this.  Go against ALL the teachings of Islam and make life worse for Muslims everywhere. It just doesn’t make sense to me in this day and age of CSI, all-seeing CCTV, GPS tracking on everything and government access to everything, that anyone thinks they can pull off the perfect crime, especially a crime of this magnitude with this much man-power and technology on hand to track it. What a complete idiot.

And what did he gain?? Ruined his life, his wife’s life, his two kids, his extended family. Pakistan again under questions. Muslims in the US again under question. Damaged the name of Islam. Tried to kill innocent people walking around Times Square??!!! For what?!! What an idiot. Honestly I would like to punch him in the face and I’m not even kidding. And I’m a very petite non-violent person but I’d like to, even for just his wife and children.

Ugh.

So now the Islamophobes are out in force once again. Writing their anti-Islam blog tirades with glee, racist Republicans are shaking their fists over more racial profiling and changing immigration laws, the usual ex-Muslims are probably typing(howling) into the night trying to get their latest new coffee table hate-Islam book out to their publishers.

And of course there are the feature news stories with the neighbors coming out as usual to say he “was a quiet guy” but “they always had a funny feeling about him” and that he used to “jog at night wearing all black” and that he once said “he didn’t like Bush or his foreign policy.”  AND, AND most suspicious of all, they once had a “tag sale selling their stuff”. Very ominous indeed. And then there are the pictures. The main picture spread all over the media of him is actually him cropped out of a picture holding his baby. Obviously not good media to show a picture of a man holding a newborn baby with headlines screaming terrorist. Then there are pictures of him with his snazzy bluetooth driving, with a camera and his arms around his wife in front a famous NYC tourist landmark. Pictures of the 300k house he took a mortgage out on and lost, interior and exterior. (One articled labeled the earthtone decorating scheme “unfortunate”.)

And they say he confessed everything and “cooperated”. AFTER 8 hours of interrogation, they THEN read him his rights and he cooperated some more and admitted to everything. Hmm.

I just don’t get it. He may have lost his house with the mortgage (which he shouldn’t have had in the first place as a Muslim. This is why mortgages are Haram because you are buying on complete speculative credit which can easily backfire on you and if it doesn’t you still end up paying through the nose) and now he was bankrupt. But come on why throw your whole life away? “He did not seem radicalized or particularly religious”, they said. No one in the American Muslim community has ever heard of him. He had no ties to even local Mosques. Ok.

He had an MBA! I can’t understand it. America seems stumped too, there’s headlines like “From fatherly family man to Taliban bomber”.  But then the media comes to their senses and realizes he was MUSLIM and that should be enough. So he must have been an Al-Qaida agent or Taliban. Nope no ties there either. Taliban said they don’t know him but give him a pat on the head. Huh?!  He must hate our freedoms… even though… he lived all of them… big house, 2 kids, wife, job in the city…wait… still kinda confused.

The latest is that his wife graduated from a college in Colorado. This is breaking news because didn’t some other wack terrorist like live somewhere in Denver once too? There must be a connection! All these Mozlims must be in on it together! Tune in to Fox-News………

Anyways, just another sad sad day being an American Muslim.

Read my related “Dear ‘Muslim’ terrorist” post.

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Ruined Lives…

I think I’ll cry if I look at that baby one more time.

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Tour of Inside the House by CNN

Pictures from media outlets, myspace or Orkut (where ppl are posting horrible things on her profile). Why don’t they just delete her profile there?