There’s a scene in Dil Chahta Hai where the three protagonists right after their college graduation take a road trip to a resort. They’re overlooking the beautiful ocean in the distance and one says, “We should meet out here every 10 years!”. And the more mature and wiser one of them says (of course what is to be an omen, this is Bollywood u know! :)), “What makes you think we’ll meet even once in the next 10 years or that we’ll still be friends then?”
When we are little we always imagine that we’ll grow up with our close friends, get married and live near each other with our husbands and kids! I still remember us making plans with friends when we were 15 and 16. Sadly that group of friends’ plans fizzled when college started and everyone was flung out all over the US and world even. Somehow over time people lose touch, misunderstandings and miscommunications occur. People change, they get busy, they develop new interests and patterns, the dynamics of the group change, new people come in, jealousy and unnecessary drama, all contribute to the end of what was in its naive innocence a close friendship.
I think close friendships that are positive relationship wise and not predatory (using each other for something) are very rare to find. Perhaps the best example we can find is the friendship between Rasulullah (s) and Abu Bakr (ra). Neither “used” the other for anything but yet were always supportive and there for each other. When Rasulullah (saw) left for the Hijrah, who did he find but Abu Bakr (ra) with a horse and provisions ready to be his companion. When Rasulullah (saw) asked for help for the cause of Allah, Abu Bakr (ra) came with all the money he had to the exasperation of Omar (ra) who said he might as well stop competing now! When asked who he loved the most in the world Rasulullah (saw) said Abu Bakr (ra), and when asked who next he said his (Abu Bakr’s) daughter.
Friendship is definitely a two way street. It’s sad when people stop hanging out or calling each other etc. I know I’ve neglected a lot of friendships because of my own issues and problems. But as I get older, I realize that it’s really important to keep in touch and keep those friendships alive. It seems 20xs harder to make new friends as you get older too! I actually wish I kept more in touch with my old high school and college friends too.
This is a reminder to myself perhaps how precious good friends are and how they are needed on this ‘Road to Jannah’.