Somehow real people found out about this blog and are now reading it! Ack I’ll have to think of a really scary topic to scare them away. So today, I’m going write about the ugliness of our souls….. still there? *tumbleweed* At least my mom is still reading…ma? maaaaa?!
Ok well anyways blog the other day I was watching this Bollywood horror movie (Yes i know that’s an oxymoron, but I was sick! Don’t I get any type of recreation time after Ulteying a few times?) It was about 3am and I was alone in my room in the dark so that probably made it more effective. The film actually had a semi-decent plot of this beautiful model (c’mon who else!!) who strange things start happening to. This scary looking guy keeps stalking her and one day when someone/thing attacks her he actually saves her. Turns out he’s this artist guy who keeps dreaming about this girl and keeps seeing horrible scenes of her future which he then paints, a la season 1 Heroes. So he is there to warn her, etc etc.
So there’s this one scene where she’s in the bathroom attacked by someone/thing trying to drag her underwater to drown her and she fights him/it off and then looks at the water in the tub and it’s all red. Then when she looks again it’s clear and normal and the candles are still burning and everything’s fine. She thinks maybe she just dreamt it all so she goes to the sink and washes her face with cold water. She takes a deep breath and just looks in the mirror at herself probably calling herself an idiot for believing the artist guy. Then she drops something and bends down to pick it up. For a *split second* as she bends down, THE MIRROR ABOVE THE SINK DOESN’T CHANGE! Then the camera immediately cuts down to her picking whatever up. Then even before we the audience are like ‘did we see? AHHHHHHH’…she stands back up and is looking in the mirror again but then she realizes her in the mirror is not her! It’s like an evil mirror image of her with consciousness that came to life looking back at her! They look at each other for a few seconds before she screams and the evil her just looks back at her. Seriously, it’s a really freaky scene and they filmed it really well to make even us the audience doubt what we were seeing.
And then I started thinking about it, it was so scary because it was her, but she was someone else in the mirror looking back at herself. How scary would it be if we were looking at ourselves in the mirror and all of a sudden the picture changed and it was an evil us looking back at us?
Yet everyday we look at ourselves in the mirror and ignore all our bad and evil characteristics. All our jealousy, anger, hatred, evil-thoughts. Do we not all have an evil side that is always struggling to come out? Have we not done mean, selfish things when we were given a choice? What about that time you never stopped to pick up that guy on that really cold day because you were late for Jumah? What about that time you really hated that girl because she was so pretty? What about that time when you were asked for charity and you thought oh, I might need this later? Truly, when you start thinking about these things, like me, just like that girl, you’ll never want to look in the mirror again.
Still, one Day we will have to look at that mirror so what can we do?
One of the most important lessons that I took away from Sh. Mokhtar’s Hajj seminar was about how we should be at Arafat. When you go, he told us, just be yourself. ACKNOWLEDGE yourself. Allah already knows all your deeds, your past, your future, your good, your evil. He doesn’t need any pretend goodness, play-acting or anyone else. On that wide plain of Arafat with those millions of people you just need to come there and acknowledge all your sins, acknowledge all you are, repent and ask God in sincerity for His forgiveness. Just empty your heart and show your real self.
Why don’t we do that, in our daily life? Why don’t we acknowledge what we are, understand our own failings and realize the mistakes we have made. I know I for one have a hard time acknowledging my ‘evil side’ but I know it’s there. If I can just accept that and work on it, even if it’s there on the inside I know I’m being true to myself. Perhaps I can meld my two halves and one day come to look in the mirror and even smile.