A good friend of mine once got rejected by a guy because she was one year older than he was. Turns out she wasn’t but that was the original reason. Not sure why it didn’t work out after he found out??.. but anyways this brings me to the point of this post. What is it with desis and age? They’re like obsessive about marrying someone younger than them (the guys I mean.) And I’m not talking like a lot of years even…like even a year or two (or even months!) is horrifying to them. Sometimes guys give the reason that they’re looking for someone more fertile like in case they have kids. Ummm last I looked women were having kids at 40+ and again I’m not talking about huge age difference but the year or two or even around 5 of their own age. Does it make that big a difference? And the weirdest thing is that as guys get older they want even younger women. Guys who are 30 want to marry 20 year olds… guys who are 50 want to marry 30 year olds. Uhhhhhhhm strange (or gross really). Is it because they want to feel young again? Is it because they want to feel like they are smarter, more experienced, more wise? Do they feel like they can mold a younger woman more easily or that she’ll most likely be more submissive? Do they feel like a younger wife will take care of them in old age or that it’s just the natural way of things that should be upheld? No idea.
Doesn’t seem like compatibility is any type of an issue here though. Every study says the closer in age people are, the more alike they are, the more compatible they are. In fact, desis seem to look for a whole host of things that have nothing to do with compatibility, like skin color…shade of skin color, a certain type of “beauty” look (don’t get me started on this), ancestral background, even… parent’s jobs. No joke, I had a guy (extremely religious) tell me straight up he wanted to marry a girl who was the daughter of an engineer, being one himself. OK. I’m sure this will ensure your domestic bliss. Again, I thought guys were rational beings, but maybe I was wrong
Anyways I found this site the other day (and NO I haven’t resorted to online dating (yet)(just kidding!) (but no) I think I was actually looking for some kind of Hadith the words ‘Allah and love’ in it if that isn’t ironic enough… but it had some extremelyyyyy interesting data on it.
For the relevance of this post see: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/02/16/the-case-for-an-older-woman/
and check out their older posts on various ideas and statistics. Very, very interesting… especially for single people. I wonder how this compares to Muslims but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s the same. I wish Muslims would put together statistics like this. It would be interesting to see how many single sisters there are out there due to guys marrying overseas/non-Muslims/age-cultural restrictions. There’s no doubt the ‘fish in the sea’ ocean is wayyy huger for Muslim guys in the west than it is for Muslim women. I used to be troubled when I heard of a sister who married a non-Muslim or someone who “converted in name only” but I don’t know anymore. Obviously it’s wrong, but what exactly is she supposed to do when the cards are totally stacked against her and her ocean is the size of…her kitchen sink. Love and wanting to be with someone is an intrinsic part of our nature that Allah put inside of us. Unless there is some major reform or education this trend will only increase.
It’s interesting that Muslim society finds Muslim guys marrying non-Muslims or marrying someone 20 years younger than them quite acceptable, but not certain other differences like someone a few years older than them or a different ethnicity. And it’s also interesting that finding partners for sisters is not seen as a problem, they are just labeled as “picky” and of course condemned if she goes any route not sanctioned by them.
So what’s the point of this post again?! It’s to point out to Muslim guys that there are a lot of real benefits in breaking the mold a bit and marrying someone that might be a little older, a different ethnicity, someone not perfect. Free yourself from culture and find someone who is good, regardless of society’s strictures. Ok the end.