Archive for the 'for muslim guys' Category
[I'm going to try to post something on the blog every friday iA!]
This week’s installment:
I mentioned a few blogs ago an interesting party where we Mozlim wommyns discussed what each of us found attractive in a guy. There were about 15 girls of all ages…ranging from 18 to 30+, a few married, a few engaged, and somehow this topic came up in a teasing way about some comment or other, but then we ended up going around taking turns one by one saying what we found attractive in a guy! (yes i know veryy weeird, but it was just hilarious and horridly fascinating at the same time)
So for the benefit of Muslim brotherkind I’ll try to recall some of what was said. This is rephrased and totally made up. Some were the same girl, and I switched around the married/engaged to confuse everyone a bit. Hopefully none of the girls will kill me… just think of it as benefiting ‘brotherkind’ and hey what if someone emails and says ‘that matches me to a T!’ we could have our own bloggalishish marriage 
Also, since it is from weeks ago my memory is very hazy … I wish we had taped it!( FBI: please send aforementioned tape to Jannah, 123 Sesame St. thanx!)
Girl #1 I like scruffy guys, with long hair, they have a lived in look, dress casually and are open, they can even be a little pudgy. (We made fun of her and said we’d find her a homeless guy!)
Girl #2 The first thing I look at on a guy is above his ears, if they have that straight haircut line (no joke she totally said this! we were like :O)
Girl #3 I like guys that have a temper (we were like WHAT!!) She’s like you know guys who are so passionate about everything that they get mad about things. I want to be able to tease him. (we said we’d find her an italian guy!)
Girl #4 I want a guy who has his own interests and isn’t in the same field. We’ll live mostly independent lives but will be able to learn from each other.
Girl #5 I like guys that are very clean and hygienic, I look at their hands, if their fingers are long and artistic and if the fingernails are clean.
Girl #6 I like quiet guys and my husband is the very quiet type. I like that because I like to talk and I want to be the one talking.
Girl #7 I’ll marry whoever my parents choose for me. They know me better than anyone and I trust the choice they would make. (us amreekan girls were like.. !)
Girl #8 I find when guys have those veins on their arms attractive. (we’re like veins??) Yeah the veins on their arms or neck. (uhhh ok)
Girl #9 I like guys that are smart and will argue and debate with me on topics. I like social guys that know how to talk to everyone.
Girl #10 Let’s be honest I really like black guys but my parents would never go for that. (us: 
) I like older guys, my friends are always like why do u like uncles! but I think they’re more mature and interesting.
Girl #11 I have to marry a ___profession___, because I’m going to be one so my Dad thinks that’s going to be compatible with my future life. (us: ugh)
Girl #12 I like guys who are tall, at least 6′ and are muscular and are introverts.
Girl #13 I can’t think of anymore so I’ll just say what I said. I find attractive…guys that are humble, charming, clean-cut suit type of guys. Outgoing, intelligent and spiritual. (they were like what no beard! I was like u know a cleancut/close shaven kind of beard 
)
Anyways there was a lot more said…we were there for hours and we had FOOD and I do mean CHOCOLATE. It was just extremely illuminating. Every girl had a different idea of what she found attractive and by extension perhaps even how she thought the perfect marriage and partner would be.
Some things were universal, like almost every girl mentioned someone who was honest, that would respect and support them, would be into their family and also was “not too religious”. The “not too religious” I asked about and I think it’s this notion that “very religious Muslim men” are kind of scary and wanting to impose their views on them and might not be open minded about things. I know I’ve met that kind and I’m sure they have too, but I wouldn’t attribute it to “religious” but to their wrong application of it. (You can read more about the topic of ‘religiosity’ and what constitutes being religions imo on the blog previous to this one). One girl just got out of a Rishta with someone “way too religious for her” and she said it was a relief because she could be herself again!
No one really mentioned looks and the actual phrases “good looking, cute, gorgeous” were never said. It’s not that they didn’t care, I think they were fine with decent as long as what they were looking for was there in the guy. No one mentioned ‘can cook’ or ‘can help out around the house’. I thought that would have been important? But someone did mention to make sure to see how he treats his mother and sisters. No one said “rich or wealthy job” or “million dollar mahr”, but many mentioned he should be able to support a family.
Anyway all in all an illuminating evening. Perhaps this will give all women pause to think about what exactly we do find attractive and consider if this is actually important in a marriage. For guys perhaps this will give them hope… there’s a girl out there that is attracted to your type!! Yayyy. All’s good 
So now the question is are guys looking for mostly the same things or are they all different as we are?
Disclaimer: All relation of the above to reality and real people or real events is purely coincidental.
P.S. If anyone would like to write anything for the blog on any interesting subject just let me know!
P.S.S. -
Post blog fantasy:
salam, so lots of bros ask me this so i decided to write a post to help them out.
Why is Pride and Prejudice so fascinating?
ok brothers let me ‘splain u …….. (as azhar usman says :-/ )
*spoilers*
basically the story is about a family of 5 girls set around 19th century england. so the mother is of course desperately trying to marry them off. two really wealthy guys *just happen to* show up in their neighborhood. so the first one falls in love with the eldest girl, and the other one at first does not like the second sister but over the course of the movie ends up falling in love with her and she with him. and there’s some sub-plots and some adventures but thats basically what its about
so why do girls love it?
- - every muslim girl has a mother who desperately wants to marry her off
- - who wouldn’t want a rich, intelligent guy to fall in love with her
- - who hasn’t had a proposal from a freak cousin/mr. collins type
- - we all want to wear the pretty dresses in the movie
- - who hasn’t been brushed off by some guy cause they are at first ‘not pretty enough’
- - and of course who doesn’t love a happy ending
so i hope you now understand.
and don’t be jealous of mr darcy… for you married brothers i’m sure for your wives you are the mr darcy!!
Now let me ‘splain u why Mr. darcy is so special:
when he first meets elizabeth he thinks she is plain (an 18th century word for not pretty) and beneath him in terms of rank and family, so he completely disses her. over the course of the book/movie he starts to learn more about her and he realizes that she is witty, intelligent and has a lot of other nice qualities. these qualities make her seem more attractive to him, but still he thinks her family is messed up and thinks it’s crazy for them to get together because he’s so much more wealthier and what will ppl say etc. but he thinks it over and feels that he’s willing to sacrifice and let elizabeth marry him. but when he proposes, she totally rejects him because he’s always been so arrogant and mean, and of course he tried to break up her sister and his friend!
over time he realizes what he’s done and comes to accept that he loves elizabeth and that his ‘prejudices’ were wrong and that his ‘pride’ led him wrong. elizabeth too realizes her prejudices/pride etc. then they meet again and blah blah . happy ending.
but the point is… he only saw the outward at first, but then he ends up loving her for her real self…and doesn’t everyone want to be loved for herself/himself despite having maybe negative things in looks, family, wealth etc. in the end darcy shows true character and nobility by doing that. isn’t that beautiful, ma’shallah?!
Abu Hurayrah related that the Prophet (saw) said:
Men marry women for four reasons: their money, their status in society, their beauty and their religion. If you marry one who is superior in religion, then you will be [happy and] successful. (Related by al-Bukhari and Muslim)
This is from Razia……..she made me put these up. Always defending the bros!! (that’ what happens if ur the only girl with 2 older bros and tons of boy cousins)
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note… these are all numbered “1″
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…Really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.
Nov
15
Ok so a brother posted on my message board asking for advice on a gift for his wife for no special occassion from $50-100. So of course I made a top ten, just to help the brotha’ out u know… he’s learnin’ 
… anyone else got any suggestions just post!!! () is more explicit in case u need more detailed help!
1. Picnic to scenic location with basket of gourmet pre-prepared food
2. Beautiful flowers delivered with a poem (roses & pablo neruda)
3. Jewelery (diamond pendant necklace)
4. Suprise reservations to a nice restaurant
5. A nice new designer perfume (like Romance or all Chanel mini set)
6. Jewelery (Tennis bracelet)
7. Favorite Quran reciter/lecturer full CD set
8. Lindt Chocolate Assorted Truffles
9. Bath and Body Works Set of Lotions and stuff (honeysuckle is nice)
10. Jewelery (Earrings)
Aug
3
Salaam,
Ok is it just me or do guys have huge expectations these days??? They are lookin’ for a blonde aishwariya lookin, home cookin’, hyderabadi, doctor lawyer martha stewart home-maker or something equally non-existant? I mean there are girls of all types, of all looks, of all shapes and sizes. All kinds of professions and backgrounds and families and social status.
Instead of looking for perfection… why don’t they concentrate on looking for deen and good character? I mean all these other things are so changeable in our world, ppl gain weight, they lose weight, they sometimes look better after marriage, look worse, whatever. But a girl with good character and deen will always be that. Wouldn’t she make a better wife and mother than someone who was whiter than paste and graduated from Stanford??
