Road to Jannah

Muslim orgs today.

A number of years ago while I was studying in Damascus, I applied for a deen intensive program that was to be held in Makkah/Madinah. I was tipped off by a friend in a high place that registration would be opening within the next day or so. So before and after classes I went to the internet cafe (there wasn’t any internet at home in Syria at the time) and checked online. The next day after school, the application was up and I spent an hour or two, or three filling it out and even went home and wrote some more stuff out on my flash drive before going back to the cafe to submit it.

I added some things I had pre-written which included an ‘autobiography’ and ‘thoughts on Islam’ and some longer essays I had written before. The application was long and thorough and I spent time filling everything out carefully and really tried to add any Islamic activities, courses, study abroad, classes, learning, shaykhs, references, organizations, everything I could think of that could help me get in. I would say I submitted it at about 5 or 6 AM US time after registration had opened at 12 AM. Over the next few weeks the program and registration was advertised and I heard from many friends who applied as well.

About 2 weeks after I submitted the application I received a polite email that I was rejected, but no reason or explanation. D’oh! You could imagine my consternation. What did I do wrong? Was I too old? Was I too young? Did I not study with shaykhs they liked? But I had studied with some of them! Did I not have any Islamic experience or did I have too much? Was I not active enough or too active? I just didn’t get it. Especially when a number of people I knew and even people in my own community were accepted months after. And I mean MONTHS! Later, a few people (again in those high places) told me that I didn’t know the ‘right’ people and I hadn’t been to the ‘right’ programs.

Last year when I attended a wedding I met a sister who was very friendly and we chatted about various Islamic activities going on in her area. I then mentioned a shaykh that I studied with and her reaction was absolutely priceless. “Him! Oh we don’t do that, we’re ____” After that, cold shoulder, she just visibly ignored us the rest of the 3 days of wedding activities. I was shocked, and am kind of still shocked that any debates over shaykhs or groups would come down to such a level where it influences personal interactions.

Over the last few years we have seen a number of organizations established by various shaykhs and groups. We have Zaytuna, Al-Maghrib, Sunnipath, Aalim, ZamZam, Nawawi, MAS, SeekersGuidance, Fawakeh, Zawiyah, Bayinnah, Sunniforum, Texasdawah, Mecca, Al Madina, etc. etc. etc. Their purpose was and is noble. They want to organize and teach Islam. I don’t discount the good work they have done and how they have changed and revitalized the knowledge scene in North America. I also don’t begrudge the formulation or ‘professionalization’ if you will of these organizations because I do believe Muslims should start paying their scholars and for knowledge in order for these to develop. But what I’m talking about are the side effects of these organizations. At times, it’s just unbelievable.

The amount of vitriolic debate across Islamic forums, blogs, in speeches, in communities is appalling. This shaykh said this and that one said this in response. This organization did this and that one did that. Oh I’m a part of thisgroup, I don’t go to thatgroup. I mean, it gets much uglier than that with words like “kaffir” and “aqeedah” and “islam” and “truth” thrown around, along with specific quotes and incidents. Some shaykhs advocate not attending other’s lectures and classes “in case they get messed up by them”. Some downright declare other teachers/teachings to be heretical. A shaykh who decides to teach at another camp (ie Suhaib Webb) is immediately declared to be a traitor. If you attend a certain group’s classes and courses, you are part of that crowd and enjoy it’s exclusive benefits like getting into certain exclusive programs or forum or mailing list. If you don’t, you’re locked out.

At one point I believed that all the debating and fighting was perpetuated by ignorant, zealous students only, but I know now that’s not true. Each of these organizations has their own agenda and “aqeedah” so to speak and by that virtue even its leadership is involved in perpetuating this fracturing of Islam in North America.

They certainly have done nothing to stop it. I don’t know how you guys feel, but I’m truly just sickened by it all. Ten years ago, Farid Munir likened ISNA – as an umbrella organization, to a mall. In the mall there were a ton of stores and anyone could choose to go into any store. And Thank God it was like this, because the day ISNA decided which stores were right and wrong and which would be closed, God help us. Well here is that day. Each organization has now decided to open up their own store, has set up its own times of business and customers, what to sell and sent out its sales fliers to its exclusive customers. If you are one of those people that are part of the club you are quite happy I’m sure. But what is happening to the bigger picture, Islam & Muslims!! What about those people who don’t want to be part of your club? What about those people who do want to be? What about those who want to benefit but don’t want to join you?

If the groups could just go back to being ’simply ways to organize’ or if the leaders of these groups would actively try to teach and institute policies to eradicate exclusivity it would help. But what shaykh or group is going to say, ‘Go get your knowledge from anywhere, go to any program , we don’t mind’. The whole reason they were organized in the first place was to do things and teach things in the way they feel is important. But now in order for the group to survive, it must retain its supporters. The group by virtue of being a group, must inherently form mechanisms to perpetuate itself. Thus, the problem is so inherent that nothing short of dissolving all these organizations would actually solve it. But how can we then build institutions and organizations without groups? Physically, financially, organizationally we need them to progress.

The only alternative I see, is for us, we the people, who are part of these organizations, who attend these programs, who apply to them, is to protest. And by protest I mean to stop engaging in the politicking, the argumentation, the this-group-versus-that-group mentality, the my shaykh vs. your shaykh debate, and to advocate for transparency and non-exclusivity. Who makes up these organizations, who attends them? We do. We need to stop “being the problem we seek to change.” Let’s stop being exclusive and country club like and start standardizing some fairness policies. Let’s break the cult of personalities by seeking knowledge for the sake of seeking knowledge, not based on who teaches it or where. Why do we attend only certain programs? Who cares if this shaykh isn’t in your camp, can you not benefit from him? Why do we travel thousands of miles to go to something when there is that brother at the local corner mosque who has been teaching this subject for the last 10 years, when that local sister who knows Tajweed has no students? We need, sigh hate to say this in a recession , but what we need, is to start shopping freely at the mall again!

ps i just realized i’ll probably now be blackballed from every north american organization, but please just take this as naseeha for the future. check yo’self b4 u wreck yo’self as my students say.

Dear blog,

Somehow real people found out about this blog and are now reading it! Ack I’ll have to think of a really scary topic to scare them away. So today, I’m going write about the ugliness of our souls….. still there? *tumbleweed* At least my mom is still reading…ma? maaaaa?!

Ok well anyways blog the other day I was watching this Bollywood horror movie (Yes i know that’s an oxymoron, but I was sick! Don’t I get any type of recreation time after Ulteying a few times?) It was about 3am and I was alone in my room in the dark so that probably made it more effective. The film actually had a semi-decent plot of this beautiful model (c’mon who else!!) who strange things start happening to. This scary looking guy keeps stalking her and one day when someone/thing attacks her he actually saves her. Turns out he’s this artist guy who keeps dreaming about this girl and keeps seeing horrible scenes of her future which he then paints, a la season 1 Heroes. So he is there to warn her, etc etc.

So there’s this one scene where she’s in the bathroom attacked by someone/thing trying to drag her underwater to drown her and she fights him/it off and then looks at the water in the tub and it’s all red. Then when she looks again it’s clear and normal and the candles are still burning and everything’s fine. She thinks maybe she just dreamt it all so she goes to the sink and washes her face with cold water. She takes a deep breath and just looks in the mirror at herself probably calling herself an idiot for believing the artist guy. Then she drops something and bends down to pick it up. For a *split second* as she bends down, THE MIRROR ABOVE THE SINK DOESN’T CHANGE! Then the camera immediately cuts down to her picking whatever up. Then even before we the audience are like ‘did we see? AHHHHHHH’…she stands back up and is looking in the mirror again but then she realizes her in the mirror is not her! It’s like an evil mirror image of her with consciousness that came to life looking back at her! They look at each other for a few seconds before she screams and the evil her just looks back at her. Seriously, it’s a really freaky scene and they filmed it really well to make even us the audience doubt what we were seeing.

And then I started thinking about it, it was so scary because it was her, but she was someone else in the mirror looking back at herself. How scary would it be if we were looking at ourselves in the mirror and all of a sudden the picture changed and it was an evil us looking back at us?

Yet everyday we look at ourselves in the mirror and ignore all our bad and evil characteristics. All our jealousy, anger, hatred, evil-thoughts. Do we not all have an evil side that is always struggling to come out? Have we not done mean, selfish things when we were given a choice? What about that time you never stopped to pick up that guy on that really cold day because you were late for Jumah? What about that time you really hated that girl because she was so pretty? What about that time when you were asked for charity and you thought oh, I might need this later? Truly, when you start thinking about these things, like me, just like that girl, you’ll never want to look in the mirror again.

Still, one Day we will have to look at that mirror so what can we do?

One of the most important lessons that I took away from Sh. Mokhtar’s Hajj seminar was about how we should be at Arafat. When you go, he told us, just be yourself. ACKNOWLEDGE yourself. Allah already knows all your deeds, your past, your future, your good, your evil. He doesn’t need any pretend goodness, play-acting or anyone else. On that wide plain of Arafat with those millions of people you just need to come there and acknowledge all your sins, acknowledge all you are, repent and ask God in sincerity for His forgiveness. Just empty your heart and show your real self.

How beautiful.

Why don’t we do that, in our daily life? Why don’t we acknowledge what we are, understand our own failings and realize the mistakes we have made. I know I for one have a hard time acknowledging my ‘evil side’ but I know it’s there. If I can just accept that and work on it, even if it’s there on the inside I know I’m being true to myself. Perhaps I can meld my two halves and one day come to look in the mirror and even smile.

Recently I’ve heard some younger sisters say they don’t want to marry someone “too religious”. I thought that was unusual in that I figure someone who is religious would make a good husband.

(But I think they mean someone who believes in certain things and would “force” their wife to also do those things, like for example Niqab, or not watching movies/music, or something along those lines.)

So I was thinking… what makes someone religious? How do you know someone is religious? Am *I* religious?

Growing up my Dad would unfailingly take us to the Mosque every Friday and Sunday for classes. He came from a typically religious Indian Muslim family back home and his older brother was a “Maulvi”. (I think they actually tried to send my Dad to the Muslim seminary to become one too, but he has this hilarious story of how he ran away the first day cause he hated it!) My father I’m sure wanted to be certain that we got the Islamic education we were supposed to. We were never allowed to “skip” these Friday/Sundays even if we were a little sick or someone in our regular school class had a birthday party or something. Looking back I’m probably thankful. I grew up knowing I’d always be at the mosque on Fridays and Sundays and my personal friends/personal life pretty much revolved around that.

Anyway, so starting college was quite an interesting experience in that no more Mosque! Well I was graduated now and didn’t have to go! Not only that I met tons of “Muslims” on campus but they were so weird. Some had girlfriends/boyfriends, some drank, some knew absolutely nothing and I mean nothing about Islam. It was a very strange experience. That’s when we re-started up the MSA at Su…err i mean K.U.K.Y and one summer after interning at a Muslim organization let’s call it N.A.S.A. I decided to start wearing the Hijab. (oooo I bet you guys thought I’ve been wearing the Hijab since i was 12 1/2 sooo bustedd blog that’s what you get for assuming things!)

So when we had Muslim events at K.U.K.Y or around I’d wear Jilbab. Just as a …you know this is a religious event let me try to wear something that goes with the theme. For real, Jilbabs are really nice and they cover pretty well, you wear whatever you want underneath and you just color-co-ordinate your scarf with it. But over the years now somehow I’ve gotten this reputation of being…what? Ultra- religious-conservative? I don’t know.

I don’t consider Jilbab the only Islamic dress out there, there are surely lots of kinds of dress which cover just as well, such as the Malaysian tunic and skirt… the Desi shalwar kameez, the American long top and loose pants. But you know there’s just something about Jilbab that changes people’s opinions about you. Suddenly you’re “religious” and “respected”, brothers stand 5 feet away from you and look at the floor. Certain aunties approve of you and certain girls make sure not to be your friends.

It’s so inculcated among Muslims to make judgments about a girl based upon her dress. Aside: This goes back to a larger problem we have in our Ummah in my opinion, which is the emphasis on the outer – the formal and ignoring the inner – spirituality, character, values, etc. Why are there Muslims that lie and cheat others and yet fast in Ramadan. Why are there Muslims that never miss Isha in the Masjid but they are selling liquor and porn at their corner stores. Why are there Muslim kids that know how to pray by heart but have absolutely no idea what they’re saying or why. We have become this Ummah that emphasizes ritual and have lost our essence.

This also happens especially to sisters who don’t wear the Hijab. Why assume that she’s not a good Muslim? She probably prays and wears modest things and has values just like any other Muslim does. She may not wear the Hijab (something required) but we all know someone wearing the Hijab might not be doing something they are supposed to either.

I realized all this a few years ago and stopped wearing the Jilbab regularly for this reason. I have problems, deficiencies, and sins as much as the next person, if not i believe more, and it just bothered me that others would assume things about me based upon that.

Someone might say here: Who cares what other people think, you’re doing something good so you should do it. But in this case I don’t consider Jilbab better than the other forms of dress I mentioned, it is only in other peoples minds where the “assumation” is.

I found it really interesting this year when some new people moved to this area and when they first met me they didn’t assume anything. They had no idea how religious I was or anything about me. It was very refreshing and somewhat amusing, but definitely a learning experience.

Anyway so back to religiousness… I would like to define “religious” as someone who practices Islam at their level, strives to improve themselves in it, and strives to improve those around them with it.

So this is not a perfect person, but a person that puts some priority on their Islam and wanting to improve and they also go one level further and are trying to change the world around them by either activism, following Islamic principles, teaching others or whatever.

This is a much broader and open-minded definition that includes more people and excludes a few others. Using this definition, I’ve known some non-Hijabi girls that I think are religious. Some are very active in doing many things to improve the lot of humanity and I find it a shame that our Muslim organizations exclude them when they are such an asset. Aside: Even some “bad Muslims” perhaps do better Dawah than our “good ones”. I am sooo serious. Like all those famous ‘Muslim’ Bollywood stars that drink or whatever, yet all they have to say is that Islam is a religion of peace after some terrorism act hits their country and a billion Bollywood fans have been given real Dawah.

And using my definition I’m going to say some people who others think are “religious” I would say are not. I really wish everyone could think of religious in this way instead of believing a religious person is just one who prays and fasts and does everything perfectly. I mean even Allah says it’s not the meat or blood of the sacrifice that reaches Him but our piety. (Reference: Quran 22: 37) Allah does not need our worship, our praying, fasting or our Hijab. It is for our own benefit only.Yes we have to do it, yes we should strive for it, and yes we should encourage others for it. But, form without soul has no benefit and a soul without form is Baatil (empty of worth). That is the real point.

So am I religious…heck ya.

…and I hope you are too!

P.S. Post-blog thinking quiz:

Who is religious here?