Road to Jannah

Why

Why
Do my prayers not pierce the Heavens?
Why do my tears not reach
Thine Honourable Door?
Why must I gaze
At this endless desert
And wish that I could be again
In Thy Favour?

O Beloved Oasis once
– Gone now.
All that is left,
This sad mirage
Of empty sand.

I feel abandoned and small
Cut off from the Blessed.
O Lord! Overlook my mistakes
Forgive O Most Forgiving!

Why do my prayers not pierce the Heavens?
I am so far from Peace.
I yearn in thirst,
– The caravan so far ahead.

But why do my prayers not pierce the Heavens?
I dream of succour
Of water clear and pure.
I dream of end
Of closeness, of being Near.
I dream of promise,
Soft breezes and no fear.

Yet,
Why do my prayers not pierce the Heavens?
O Most Merciful of Merciful!
The journey is long
And I am tired now.

As I travel the expanse
Towards the distant sea,
Will ye not answer
This lone supplicant
As to why
My prayers do not reach thee?

subhanallah one of the best poems i have ever read.

I Am

I am — yet what I am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost:–
I am the self-consumer of my woes:–
They rise and vanish in oblivion’s host,
Like shadows in love’s frenzied stifled throes:–
And yet I am, and live – like vapors tossed

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,–
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life or joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life’s esteems;
Even the dearest, that I love the best,
Are strange – nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes, where man has never trod;
A place where woman never smiled or wept;
There to abide with my creator, God;
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;
The grass below – above the vaulted sky.

-John Clare

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Dedicated to a Smalltown, Somewhere.

Again.

Driving through this town,

Buying ice cream at this place,

Surreal feelings wash over me.

He lived here,

He studied here,

He worked here.

So many mistakes,

So many years,

How did I end up here?

And he,

So far away,

A stranger to me.

~

Things unsaid,

Misunderstandings spread,

Friendship never held.

Love never found,

Now I’m here,

In this, his town.

Driving around,

Thinking about,

What never happened.

Sad and ephemeral,

With my ‘what might have been’s.

~

Do the streets know

His thoughts of me?

Did the rain wash away

All the marks of our past?

Did the years crumble

All his memories?

Ruins all.

Why do I stall?

Must move on,

Must move on.

blink blink blink
3:07AM
the letters scream in red
blink blink blink
monotony stares back at me
time freezes
the winds come
the demons come
the night like always
dark and painful
inscrutable
listen to me i want to cry
hear me
why do u hate me
my rage builds
anger
despair
more demons
madness shares breath with sanity
blink blink blink
the pain comes next
like icicles to the heart
somehow the demons have entered
with their weapons
after each spear
weakness
then
acceptance
then
sadness
why have you left me
who am I
no answer
blink blink blink
3:08 AM

Written September 10, 2006

Cold October rain
falls outside my window
I can hear its force
and then as it gentles
Rain as mercy
Rain as cleansing
Rain as tears and pain

He was here once
holding my hand
wiping my tears
with His fingertips

Tears trail around my
face now
following gravity
with its streams

I turn my head and
hold my breath
End the pain
End the sorrow
No one can hurt me now

The rain tapers off
I hear only drops now
Turn again and night
air enters my lungs

I want to live
yet the ache never leaves
and the rain continues to fall

Written October 12, 2006