Jan 26, 2009 - writings    5 Comments

Dear blog,

They say blogging is therapeutic and a stress-reliever. I think I’ll try blogging more to release some tension, to avoid some treadmill time, and pretend I have an ever-listening-sympathetic friend — that’s right it’s YOU BLOG! You’re my new best friend, buddyyy fo ‘lyfe, west siiiiiii” uh i mean northeast albany siiiiiddde’, bff forever! (Real people: Run now to avoid mindless anecdotes, complaints about life and wack ‘why does this only happen to me’ situations. I will also stop making sense now so it behooves (SAT word +2 points!) you to just close your browser now.

Ok so now that there are only mindless google bots and spam accounts… this last week I went to visit a friend in NYC who just had a baby. (No real names should be a rule on my new-and-improved blog. Let’s just call her… Belinsky.) Baby was cute, mama was stressed out, but taking it in stride with a black baby carrier with palestinian scarf motif nyc style. We went out to lunch at an Afghani place (overpriced as usual for the city) and then went shopping at a 2 floor Forever21, Zara’s (omg so beautiful clothes), Vicky’s etc. I was going to buy a Zara coat but the two friends with me, we’ll call them… Bunty and Babli… said the coat was too big for me! *cry……. since when is anything too big for me…I’m still fat…I think I should have bought it because I could wear it with winter clothes like sweaters, but nooo 90 bux for a coat with two missing buttons that is slightly too large was apparently too much for them. Since they are my fashion advisor/stylists I had to leave it at that. But I mourn still… mourn the beauty that might have been.

A few days ago there was a ‘conference for the youth’ type thing here and they invited a very active ex-MSA national president, let’s just call him… Falafel. Falafel and I go way back to the time where I was roomates with his wife, who who was a teenager then! Then we knew each other through my ultra active MSA years and even through my ‘first job’ working type years. So he spoke and it was great. Brought back so many memories of those years of sending emails, making flyers, having ‘ice breaker msa events’, east zone conferences, ‘leadership retreats’, campus events, etc etc. Sigh. Back then it felt like we had a purpose and that we were making a difference in the world. Maybe we were? When did it happen that I stopped believing anyone could make a difference?

I look back and think and I can’t find when and where it happened?? Was it being out in the real world for the first time after college (kinda similar to that first cold spash of freezing water at fajr time?) 9/11? Aftermath of 9/11? The terrorism “sting” in Albany? Going overseas and coming back? Maybe even Hajj for some strange, unexplicable reason made me feel like I was just 1 among millions, so it just didn’t matter anymore. I don’t know. Somewhere I lost that idealism and inner magnetic compass that always pushed me to a certain active direction in life.

At the conference there were tons of high school and middle school age kids, many college students and girls I’ve never seen before that turned out to be freshmen at my old alma mater (We’ll call it…K.U.K.Y). A few of the organizers were former students of mine when I taught way back at ICCD. Some in the audience were old students of mine from Troy and from Albany mosque. Some I remember as being 6 years old were now perfecting that one bang across the forehead style of hijab and texting feverishly to their own bffs one row behind them. I also witnessed that 2 feet apart “salam how are u *giggle *cuteglancesateachother*” thing between someone who can’t drive yet and someone who still wears candy pink lip gloss. Can I just say it now…….I am sooooooooo old. I AM SOOOOOOO OLD…………SO…….OLD. Old. *cough cough *splutter *die Ok I feel better now.

Maybe this blogging thing has something to it??

5 Comments

  • Jannah, nice blog….. i love your made up names, they are so funny, LOL

  • sniff sniff dropped a tear and agree to this blog so much. Its not just you api its all of us…I think we just lost that drive and maybe we became old and cynical in our age?
    It really is not the same…sigh.
    Hanif

  • Just found your blog- nice.
    You think you are old, wait till college kids start calling you Anutie :(
    I guess as we grow older, we dream/hope less thinking what’s the use.
    Wasalam
    Tamseel (tq)

  • Just beware… blogging can feel like a good stress release and you can feel (especially with sympathetic comments) that you’re talking to a roomfull of kindhearted friends. But if your blog is public, you will also be read and grossly misinterpreted by thousands of strangers, some of whom are not mentally stable. So don’t get too comfortable with your blog. Or password protect certain entries only for your friends. I learned the hard way. Not trying to discourage you, just want you to be aware and avoid harm bi ‘idhni l-laah.

  • noma, hanif, tamseel thanks for posting! tjc i totally agree there are so many freaks out there in the world and i am definitely a freak magnet but the people who read this blog are pretty random and there hasn’t been much personal stuff except lately :)