Dec 4, 2009 - writings    4 Comments

Sci-fi versus RL

I’m a big fan of sci-fi films, shows and literature. I love reading about fantastic futures, utopian or apocalyptic, about things like time-travel and scientific conundrums. In many movies there seems to be a point where the story changes, decisions are made, or fate intervenes. There’s a sliding subway door and the person’s life is completely different depending on whether they go through it or miss it. Data notices that there’s three buttons on the commander’s shirt and that snaps them out of the endless time loop that ended with the destruction of the Enterprise every time. It’s that moment the butterfly is stepped on in the past and everything in the future changes because of it.

Right now I know my life isn’t at the place where it’s supposed to be. It’s like it’s gone off the rails somewhere and is in this strange place. I have tried to think back over my life to figure out where I made the mistake. What could I have changed? Where is that one decision I made that if I could go back and change it, everything would be different. Then the following series of reactions would change the end result. But I’ve tried and tried and I can’t find one.

Every decision I’ve made, every step, path or choice, I can’t think how I could have changed it. Yes, I’ve made the wrong decisions, made mistakes I regret, hurt people along the way, not been up to par religion wise and in so many ways, but I can’t find that moment where I could have changed what I did and made a different decision. They were all made in the circumstances of that time and were the best decisions I could have made at the time, mistakes and all. I could not have changed them.

It’s like, thinking back, there’s this inevitable wave of life that has pushed me this far, to this point. Perhaps it is Qadr. It’s brought me to here. Even if I don’t like here, at least I have solace in knowing I couldn’t have done anything differently to get to any place else.

Real life, unfortunately, isn’t as cool as sci-fi. But I do wish there was a reset button where I could start all over again from the beginning! And maybe this time fate or Qadr would be kind enough to bring me in a different direction.

4 Comments

  • Salams Sis J – You know, I feel that way a lot these days. How did I end up studying in a former communist country. I know I made a lot of mistakes in m student life that contributed to me ending up here and also others that were out of my control that also played apart. At times, I just want to run away or yes, have a “do-over” just once. You know, that sounds like what those who didn’t believe in Allah (swt) in this life will say when they are faced with the Day of J and wanting to go back, while promising do good on the Earth instead of hte bad they had done the first time around. So, maybe I shouldn’t think like that, because, despite all these mistakes, as I’m sure you realize and know also, we are in a pretty good place, Alhamdulillah. Yeah there have been ups and downs and things that haven’t gone right, as you state, but in His Mercy, Allah (swt) has still kept us safe and aware of him and that what is written for us, is just that – written. This post made me realize, while we are all on our own during this journey and we have to face that great day on our own – as we will all be so worried as to what will befall our souls that even our family members will not be bothered for each other on that day – we are also in it together. We are all making that journey side by side and our paths cross often, for example, as those of us who are part of the Madina have shared some of our lives with one another. It’s a very humbling thought process that your post has triggered, in me, at least. Just now my mother was reminding me of that this current part of my journey is close to being over (insha’allah, should be graduating in June’11) and how some other events should be close to happening as well ;-)
    It’s actually scary to be honest just as transitions always are in life. Whether I’ll be able to make it, knowing my own weaknesses and if I will be able to overcome them. I honestly think that I would have “lost it” many years ago if I didn’t have even the smallest amount of Faith in my body, so I’m thankful for how ever much I may have floating around in there, that it will be enough to get me to where I need to be.
    In the name of our common bond, as humans, as Muslims and as Allah’s (swt) creation, I sincerely wish and hope that your future life path takes you where you desire to be while also to where you are meant to be; physically, emotionally and spiritually.

    With utmost love & respect,
    Brother Anees

  • wsalaam,

    Thanks bro for that extremely thoughtful post. I too thought of the disbelievers while writing this, that they will say on the Day of J ‘we lived only a day or part of a day and we want to go back to do righteousness now’. I don’t want to be like that either. There are a lot of things out of my control and looking back even some of my decisions but you are right the one thing I can control is my Faith and that is the most important free-will decision a person can make.

    Jazaks & ameen on your duas for u too.
    wsalaam

  • As salaamu alaikum again Jannah – you’re most welcome dear Sis. You know, what I wrote was just straight from the ‘gut’ as I was feeling some really strong emotions at that moment and your post only just brought them out. Yes, it’s our Faith that we can control, whether it’s strong or weak and in the case of the latter, we can still improve it each day and that’s where I put my hope, because Allah (swt) Knows we need all the time we can get to defeat our inner weaknesses and the whispers of shaytaan. Let’s pray and hope that we can do a decent job, be forgiven for where we fell short and are able ‘meet up’ on the flip side – in the Garden. Ameen.

  • Jannah, la historia no es muy original, pero el dibujo que has colgado es fant├ístico.
    Saludos.