If Allah Wills
Nasruddin was determined to be decisive and efficient. one day he told his wife he would plow his largest field on the far side of the river and be back for a big dinner. She urged him to say, “If Allah is willing.”
He told her whether Allah was willing or not, that was his plan. The frightened wife looked up to Allah and asked forgiveness.
Nasruddin loaded his wooden plow, hitched up the oxen to the wagon, climbed on his donkey, and set off.
But within the short span of a day the river flooded from a cloudburst and washed his donkey downstream, and one of the oxen broke a leg in the mud, leaving Nasruddin to hitch himself in its place to plow the field.
Having finished only half the field, at the sunset he set out for home exhausted and soaking wet. The river was still high so he had to wait until long past dark to cross over.
After midnight a very wet but much wiser Nasruddin knocked at his door. Who is there Asked his wife.
I think it is me, Nasruddin, he replied, if Allah is willing!
Convert to Islam
Mullah Nasruddin (who was born a Muslim) was walking down a street when he bumps into Umar Abdullah, a convert/revert to Islam.
“Salam-Alaikum brother Umar!” Mullah Nasruddin said excitedly.
“Alaikum-salam, brother!” replied Umar.
“I have this question I have been wanting to ask you for a LONG LONG time, and now, since you are here, may I ask it?”
“Go ahead, brother, you may.” replied Umar.
“When you became a Muslim, did you cry?”
“Indeed I did.” replied Umar.
“ME TOO! ME TOO!” exclaimed Mullah Nasruddin excitedly.
Quiet During Jummah
The Imam of a masjid, who was also a father of two young children, was about to enter the majid to give the Khutbah (Friday sermon). Before he entered he reminded them to be quiet – especially when he is giving his khutbah.
He then asked his children, “And why is it necessary to be quiet during Jummah?”
Little Ahmed jumped up and yelled, “Because people are all sleeping!”
Nasruddin and the bedouins
“When I was in the desert,” said Nasruddin one day, “I caused an entire tribe of horrible and bloodthirsty bedouins to run.”
“However did you do it?”
“Easy. I just ran, and they ran after me.”
Here’s some more modern one’s (that have good social commentary)…
One day in the South Pacific, a navy ship saw smoke coming an uncharted island. When they came close they saw 3 makeshift huts. Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a shipwreck survivor. He said, “I’m so glad you’re here! I’ve been ALONE on this island for more than five years!” The captain replied, “If you’re all alone on the island why do I see THREE huts.” The survivor said, “Oh. We’ll, I live in one, and go to the Masjid in another.” “What about the THIRD hut?” asked the captain. “I had a fight with the board, so I stopped going there.”
The Imam Resigning
An Imam shocked his community when he announced that he was resigning from that particular Masjid and moving to a drier climate. After the session, a very distraught lady came to the Imam with tears in her eyes, “Oh, Imam, we are going to miss you so much. We don’t want you to leave!” The kind hearted Imam said “Now, now, sister, don’t carry on. The Imam who takes my place might be even better than me”.
“Yeah”, she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, “That’s what they said the last time too . . . ”
Which Sheikh do you follow?
A man was was walking across a bridge one day, and he saw another man standing on the edge, about to jump off and commit suicide. I immediately ran over and said “Stop! Don’t do it!” “Why shouldn’t I?” he said. The man said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!” “Like what?” “Well … are you religious or atheist?” “Religious.” “Me too! Are you Muslim, Christian or Jewish?” “Muslim.” “Me too! Sunni or Shiite?” “Sunni.” “Me too! Hanafi, Hanbali, Shafi or Maliki?” “Hanafi.” “Wow! Me too! Do you follow Sheikh Fulaan al Fullani or Sheikh Kaza Kazah?” “Sheikh Fulaan al Fullani.” To which he said, “What?!! Die, heretic scum!” and pushed him off.
First Muslim President
Did you hear the one about the first Muslim desi president?
At the inauguration somebody told his mother, “You must be very proud of your son,” and she answered, “The president? He’s alright. But his brother’s a doctor!”
Saving a little girl
A man is walking in the Central Park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the life of the girl. A policeman who was watching the scene walked over and said, “You are a hero, tomorrow you can read about it in all the newspapers: Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl.” The man says “But I am not a New Yorker!” “Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning: Brave American saves life of little girl’ the policeman answered. “But I am not an American!” says the man. “Oh, what are you then?” the policeman enquired. The man replied, “I am a Pakistani!” The policeman walked away and the next day all the newspapers reported: “Islamic extremist kills American dog”.
A Faithful Woman
An elderly lady was well-known for her Iman and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say Alhamdulilah “Allah be praised” to all those who passed by. Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, “There ain’t no Lord!!” Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer” Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!” The atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, “Alhamdulilah, Allah be praised!.” The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, “Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn’t.” The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, “ALHAMDULILAH WA SHUKRILLAHâ€. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them!”