Some days I want to scream with frustration and some days I want to cry with silent tears sliding down my face.
Some days I want to travel, going from country to country, visiting, exploring, meeting new people and some days I want to hide, warm in my room snuggled under my maroon comforter.
Some days I want to get all dressed up and go to a wedding and see and be seen, and some days I don’t want to be the bridesmaid anymore.
Some days I want a high powered corporate job and want to go out with co-workers to an expensive, unhealthy lunch topped off with Starbucks to bring back for the office, and some days I want to be unemployed and stand staring morosely into the Hudson river as the water slowly moves by.
Some days I want to be at ISNA or a conference or protest yelling the slogans along with everyone else and some days I want to sit in an empty Mosque and read a book about Islam.
Some days I want to take off my Hijab and flirt with some guy at the library who thinks my hair is pretty and some days I want to wear my blackest Jilbab, and Niqab my face too while I’m at it.
Some days I want to run, jog, bike as far as I can go until I am too exhausted to go anymore and some days I am frozen in my indecision and anxiety and cannot take a single step forward.
Some days I see beauty all around me, in the greenness of the grass and in the smiles of people and some days I’m only happy when it rains.
Some days I really wish I tried harder and married that one brother so long ago and some days I can’t believe what I’m thinking.
Some days I see kids who were in my class at 8 and 10 now hanging out being stupid or smart and successful at 18 or 20 and some days I feel like nothing changes and everything remains the same.
Some days I can’t sleep staring at the walls of my room until dawn breaks through my window and some days I sleep so heavily I don’t even wake up for my alarm.
Some days I think back on my life like I’m 80 years old and think of all the things I’ve done, all the places I’ve been, all I’ve experienced and some days I feel like I’ve done nothing and never will and think I’ll never leave this podunk backwater town.
Some days I love when it snows and snows and everyone has the day off and we have to go out to clean off the cars and make cookies. Some days after the endless one’s of cold and slush I am praying for the peak of sun, melted patches of grass and for when I can finally turn the calendar.