Feb 27, 2009 - for muslim guys    56 Comments

What do Muslim girls find attractive?

[I'm going to try to post something on the blog every friday iA!]
This week’s installment:

I mentioned a few blogs ago an interesting party where we Mozlim wommyns discussed what each of us found attractive in a guy. There were about 15 girls of all ages…ranging from 18 to 30+, a few married, a few engaged, and somehow this topic came up in a teasing way about some comment or other, but then we ended up going around taking turns one by one saying what we found attractive in a guy! (yes i know veryy weeird, but it was just hilarious and horridly fascinating at the same time)

So for the benefit of Muslim brotherkind I’ll try to recall some of what was said. This is rephrased and totally made up. Some were the same girl, and I switched around the married/engaged to confuse everyone a bit. Hopefully none of the girls will kill me… just think of it as benefiting ‘brotherkind’ and hey what if someone emails and says ‘that matches me to a T!’ we could have our own bloggalishish marriage :D Also, since it is from weeks ago my memory is very hazy … I wish we had taped it!( FBI: please send aforementioned tape to Jannah, 123 Sesame St. thanx!)

Girl #1 I like scruffy guys, with long hair, they have a lived in look, dress casually and are open, they can even be a little pudgy. (We made fun of her and said we’d find her a homeless guy!)

Girl #2 The first thing I look at on a guy is above his ears, if they have that straight haircut line (no joke she totally said this! we were like :O)

Girl #3 I like guys that have a temper (we were like WHAT!!) She’s like you know guys who are so passionate about everything that they get mad about things. I want to be able to tease him. (we said we’d find her an italian guy!)

Girl #4 I want a guy who has his own interests and isn’t in the same field. We’ll live mostly independent lives but will be able to learn from each other.

Girl #5 I like guys that are very clean and hygienic, I look at their hands, if their fingers are long and artistic and if the fingernails are clean.

Girl #6 I like quiet guys and my husband is the very quiet type. I like that because I like to talk and I want to be the one talking.

Girl #7 I’ll marry whoever my parents choose for me. They know me better than anyone and I trust the choice they would make. (us amreekan girls were like.. !)

Girl #8 I find when guys have those veins on their arms attractive. (we’re like veins??) Yeah the veins on their arms or neck. (uhhh ok)

Girl #9 I like guys that are smart and will argue and debate with me on topics. I like social guys that know how to talk to everyone.

Girl #10 Let’s be honest I really like black guys but my parents would never go for that. (us: :o :o) I like older guys, my friends are always like why do u like uncles! but I think they’re more mature and interesting.

Girl #11 I have to marry a ___profession___, because I’m going to be one so my Dad thinks that’s going to be compatible with my future life. (us: ugh)

Girl #12 I like guys who are tall, at least 6′ and are muscular and are introverts.

Girl #13 I can’t think of anymore so I’ll just say what I said. I find attractive…guys that are humble, charming, clean-cut suit type of guys. Outgoing, intelligent and spiritual. (they were like what no beard! I was like u know a cleancut/close shaven kind of beard ;))

Anyways there was a lot more said…we were there for hours and we had FOOD and I do mean CHOCOLATE. It was just extremely illuminating. Every girl had a different idea of what she found attractive and by extension perhaps even how she thought the perfect marriage and partner would be.

Some things were universal, like almost every girl mentioned someone who was honest, that would respect and support them, would be into their family and also was “not too religious”. The “not too religious” I asked about and I think it’s this notion that “very religious Muslim men” are kind of scary and wanting to impose their views on them and might not be open minded about things. I know I’ve met that kind and I’m sure they have too, but I wouldn’t attribute it to “religious” but to their wrong application of it. (You can read more about the topic of ‘religiosity’ and what constitutes being religions imo on the blog previous to this one). One girl just got out of a Rishta with someone “way too religious for her” and she said it was a relief because she could be herself again!

No one really mentioned looks and the actual phrases “good looking, cute, gorgeous” were never said. It’s not that they didn’t care, I think they were fine with decent as long as what they were looking for was there in the guy. No one mentioned ‘can cook’ or ‘can help out around the house’. I thought that would have been important? But someone did mention to make sure to see how he treats his mother and sisters. No one said “rich or wealthy job” or “million dollar mahr”, but many mentioned he should be able to support a family.

Anyway all in all an illuminating evening. Perhaps this will give all women pause to think about what exactly we do find attractive and consider if this is actually important in a marriage. For guys perhaps this will give them hope… there’s a girl out there that is attracted to your type!! Yayyy. All’s good :)

So now the question is are guys looking for mostly the same things or are they all different as we are?


Disclaimer: All relation of the above to reality and real people or real events is purely coincidental.

P.S. If anyone would like to write anything for the blog on any interesting subject just let me know!

P.S.S. -
Post blog fantasy:
perfecctguy

56 Comments

  • Asalaamualykum,

    Wow…this was quite an entertaining blog including the comments.

    Would never think girls would say those things…haha..it was jokes just seeing that. “hair line behind the ear” omgosh haha too jks. Hope you guys had a lot of laughs at your party. Those things being funny…are still fine though..not to say anything against it…mashaAllah.

    On the other hand, some of what the guys said also surprised me. Amazing to see quite differing opinions.

    This blog had its fair share of humour, debating, anger, and good lessons which made it entertaining and beneficial, thanks to whosoever started it, I’m assuming Jannah (jazakallah khair).

    Just listening to ya’ll girls is entertaining..wow.

    Since people asked about us guy’s opinions on the matter, I thought I’d share what I think a lot of guys including myself are looking for. And I have a good open minded sense, not no narrow perspective that some brothers talked about.

    This is not in order but definitely, without a doubt, we do look at attraction physically for sure..just as I’m sure women would do but us males more for sure. Which guy can say they will not look for physical attraction..none! That is why the prophet encouraged to look at your prospect and also told a sahabah that he should’ve looked at his prospect when he didn’t initially do so. Its in the nature of guys that we look for the beauty girls have been given, alhumdullilah..haha.

    Next..modesty. This is definitely not applicable for everyone but for a person who values his/her deen more if you know what I’m saying, don’t like to use “religious”. Seeing that a girl is restrictive to the opposite gender in her speech, body language and talk is very attractive to me. It’s like…you don’t want to marry a girl who is open with every guy or has friends with them etc. I love it when a sister is chaste and modest masha’allah, and definitely I can say the hijab isn’t only reflection of modesty…although a big thing and sacrifice…modesty is in character and personality…not by looks.

    I don’t want to write a story and burden your eyes haha so I will cut it down and say the rest.

    A girl who has knowledge of the dunya and the deen of course who is educated, that doesn’t mean masters or anything, just a girl whose had an educational experience to learn from in an educational atmosphere, high school being the minimum. I for myself, thinking it’s fair would have to say a girl who’s gone to college or uni at least because as Jannah said, it really does give you key learning and experience/atmosphere. Some brothers up above mentioned that sisters are leaving out the dunya etc. by what they said in some posts…I call it lack of wisdom from them. Guys, especially younger ones are not mature and open minded and they learn one thing one day and believe the next day they understand it all. I can admit this without a doubt about younger brothers who learn the deen a bit and then think they can impose and criticize others. So sisters, just ignore guys when they try to come all out on you and dont have a kind or at least respectable approach if they feel something. That rudeness or imposing is in and of itself not from our deen.

    Things that are significant to add that i guess I will end up with as I have gone tooooo longg, I apologize is good character, is jolly and enjoys, laughs, is social. Girls who can take care of the house, value cleanliness and are caring and responsible when faced with tasks or duties.

    I am not saying a girl has to be perfect in any of these…but I think these things are common for guys and girls but are just some things brothers would be interested in that many girls alhumdullilah have.

    Akhlaaq, modest, values Islam more than anything, outgoing, jolly, responsible, educated.

    Please correct me if im wrong or if I offended anyone. Im sooo sorryyy for the essayyyy….dayummm… too long. Forgive mee.

    alright everyone, take care, waiting for more of ya’ll debates and entertaining thoughts and comments. haha. I have definitely learned girlls are jokkesss(funny) from your party.

    Wasalaamualyk

  • Salam,

    Jazaks for everyone’s feedback!! (Check out my advice for bros post sometime: http://jannah.org/blog/2009/06/05/advice-for-the-guys/ )

  • Read that too, those advices are soooo sooo beneficial, my gosh, what a great website alhumdullilah.

    Guys really need to read things like that.

    Shukran

  • I’m pretty young I guess to be reading this page, but I found your post very funny Jannah mashallah! I think I’ll write what I find attractive…

    1. A bit nerdy!!!! Hehehehe

    2. Mutdayin (religious) (but not in a showy-off fake way, I mean SINCERITY and no ‘the kuffar the kuffar’ talk.) I can’t help it, I REALLY appreciate guys that take care of their deen. Anger and foul language are definitely a turn-off for me!

    3. Long, sophisticated fingers. HYGIENE too.

    4. Someone who can make me laugh! *looks dreamy*

  • Fun loving, moderatly religious with a cute booty. Thats all ladies.

  • Oh i know exactly what Girl #8 is talking about! And its sooo true! hehe