[I'm going to try to post something on the blog every friday iA!]
This week’s installment:
I mentioned a few blogs ago an interesting party where we Mozlim wommyns discussed what each of us found attractive in a guy. There were about 15 girls of all ages…ranging from 18 to 30+, a few married, a few engaged, and somehow this topic came up in a teasing way about some comment or other, but then we ended up going around taking turns one by one saying what we found attractive in a guy! (yes i know veryy weeird, but it was just hilarious and horridly fascinating at the same time)
So for the benefit of Muslim brotherkind I’ll try to recall some of what was said. This is rephrased and totally made up. Some were the same girl, and I switched around the married/engaged to confuse everyone a bit. Hopefully none of the girls will kill me… just think of it as benefiting ‘brotherkind’ and hey what if someone emails and says ‘that matches me to a T!’ we could have our own bloggalishish marriage Also, since it is from weeks ago my memory is very hazy … I wish we had taped it!( FBI: please send aforementioned tape to Jannah, 123 Sesame St. thanx!)
Girl #1 I like scruffy guys, with long hair, they have a lived in look, dress casually and are open, they can even be a little pudgy. (We made fun of her and said we’d find her a homeless guy!)
Girl #2 The first thing I look at on a guy is above his ears, if they have that straight haircut line (no joke she totally said this! we were like :O)
Girl #3 I like guys that have a temper (we were like WHAT!!) She’s like you know guys who are so passionate about everything that they get mad about things. I want to be able to tease him. (we said we’d find her an italian guy!)
Girl #4 I want a guy who has his own interests and isn’t in the same field. We’ll live mostly independent lives but will be able to learn from each other.
Girl #5 I like guys that are very clean and hygienic, I look at their hands, if their fingers are long and artistic and if the fingernails are clean.
Girl #6 I like quiet guys and my husband is the very quiet type. I like that because I like to talk and I want to be the one talking.
Girl #7 I’ll marry whoever my parents choose for me. They know me better than anyone and I trust the choice they would make. (us amreekan girls were like.. !)
Girl #8 I find when guys have those veins on their arms attractive. (we’re like veins??) Yeah the veins on their arms or neck. (uhhh ok)
Girl #9 I like guys that are smart and will argue and debate with me on topics. I like social guys that know how to talk to everyone.
Girl #10 Let’s be honest I really like black guys but my parents would never go for that. (us: :o) I like older guys, my friends are always like why do u like uncles! but I think they’re more mature and interesting.
Girl #11 I have to marry a ___profession___, because I’m going to be one so my Dad thinks that’s going to be compatible with my future life. (us: ugh)
Girl #12 I like guys who are tall, at least 6′ and are muscular and are introverts.
Girl #13 I can’t think of anymore so I’ll just say what I said. I find attractive…guys that are humble, charming, clean-cut suit type of guys. Outgoing, intelligent and spiritual. (they were like what no beard! I was like u know a cleancut/close shaven kind of beard ;))
Anyways there was a lot more said…we were there for hours and we had FOOD and I do mean CHOCOLATE. It was just extremely illuminating. Every girl had a different idea of what she found attractive and by extension perhaps even how she thought the perfect marriage and partner would be.
Some things were universal, like almost every girl mentioned someone who was honest, that would respect and support them, would be into their family and also was “not too religious”. The “not too religious” I asked about and I think it’s this notion that “very religious Muslim men” are kind of scary and wanting to impose their views on them and might not be open minded about things. I know I’ve met that kind and I’m sure they have too, but I wouldn’t attribute it to “religious” but to their wrong application of it. (You can read more about the topic of ‘religiosity’ and what constitutes being religions imo on the blog previous to this one). One girl just got out of a Rishta with someone “way too religious for her” and she said it was a relief because she could be herself again!
No one really mentioned looks and the actual phrases “good looking, cute, gorgeous” were never said. It’s not that they didn’t care, I think they were fine with decent as long as what they were looking for was there in the guy. No one mentioned ‘can cook’ or ‘can help out around the house’. I thought that would have been important? But someone did mention to make sure to see how he treats his mother and sisters. No one said “rich or wealthy job” or “million dollar mahr”, but many mentioned he should be able to support a family.
Anyway all in all an illuminating evening. Perhaps this will give all women pause to think about what exactly we do find attractive and consider if this is actually important in a marriage. For guys perhaps this will give them hope… there’s a girl out there that is attracted to your type!! Yayyy. All’s good
So now the question is are guys looking for mostly the same things or are they all different as we are?
Disclaimer: All relation of the above to reality and real people or real events is purely coincidental.
P.S. If anyone would like to write anything for the blog on any interesting subject just let me know!
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