Yesterday we had one of our rare single girl hanging out/meetups. Nowadays it’s so rare to get together like we used to because everyone is working and busy with various things. Also so many people in our friend’s circle has left after marriage or moving, it’s just hard to be a cohesive group anymore. But usually when vacations come up like Thanksgiving or Xmas we try to get together.
Last night we were hanging out and as usual the topic strays to marriage, and namely how difficult it is to find a decent guy. One of the girls had just come from meeting a new prospect. We all excitedly asked her how it went. “He’s not for me”, she said dejectedly. “What why??” we all cried. Turns out the guy had seen her picture on Facebook and thought she was pretty and saw she wore Hijab and was a good girl and asked some friends to set him up with her. She had met up with him before briefly as well but decided to give him a second chance in case she was “being picky”. She found out he had been studying but dropped out after buying a gas station. At the gas station he did sell lotto but said he was willing to stop maybe. He asked her if she clubbed, she said no. He asked her if she drunk or did drugs, she said no. He asked her if she had boyfriends in the past, she said no. He said something like she “seemed like an angel”. She asked him what kind of people he hung out with because all the girls she knew were like this. He then said he was a “casual drinker’, after which she asked him why he did that. He said “life is short” and he didn’t see the big deal. She said of course she had sins too like everyone else but that was something she couldn’t deal with. “The difference between you and me on sins”, he said “is that I don’t regret mine.” After that she said she was done thank you, and eventually left. She said she cried in the car on the way over because she felt that was the type of compromise she had to make if she wanted to get married.
We all swapped our sad past disappointments, the guy who’s parents disapproved of our skin color, the guy who said he only wanted to marry “Arab” only _after_ meeting, the doctor who wanted his future wife to take off the Hijab after marriage because it didn’t go with his “lifestyle”, the guy who asked to make sure someone was a virgin, and then said he was not, the guy who did not want to get a job-like ever, the one who could just not commit even after months and months, the one who wanted his wife to wear jilbab and stay home after marriage even though he could see what she wore and how independent she was and on and on.
Honestly it was really depressing.
All the girls here have grown up in the community. They don’t do drugs, drink, never had boyfriends. They go to the Mosque, they wear hijab. They work in order to do something in society and to help their families. They’re well educated, family oriented and well brought up. It’s just so sad we can’t find anyone decent to marry. So many of the girls here have compromised and married guys well below their level in practicing level.
Is that the compromise we have to make now? Marry guys who don’t pray, want us to take off hijab or “drink casually”?
Someone tell me, where have all the good Muslim guys gone?