Asalam alaikum sister,
I agree with the all the comments above. Mine are just some more thoughts about the prospective brother:

How do you propose to manage all of this? If you became ill, then what? He would need to find a replacement. And while you're busy raising the babies alone, paying the bills alone and spending your nights alone, you won't find much has changed, other than your marital status.
Seriously - what is his role in the marriage?
I like to ask myself this question: Do you think he would get away with these terms with a girl from his own country (in this case, Morocco).
I think you know the answer.

May Allah give you better, ameen!

Jazak Allahu kheir for explaining further, it does sound shallow. It's not like the brother was very good at guarding himself from zina and they both fell into it. And the absurdity of the disparity in reactions of the community between the two who had embraced Islam which was clearly race biased. I have a dear Jamaican sister in Islam who noticed the same thing when she embraced Islam at the mosque - however there were a lot of us who attend halaqa and we organized a halaqa/dinner for families to celebrate her shahadda and introduce her to all kinds of Muslims from Africa, Asia and America alhamdulillah.

this may cause him to feel inferior. no matter what u do. but its a "may", a possibility.



this may be due to two things. 1. hes been like this for a while now before moving to the west. 2. this is because of overwhelming fitnah in the west which is driving him crazy.


he may be a visa hunter.

the only bright side may be his deen. if he is strong in deen overall, and u think "2. this is because of overwhelming fitnah in the west which is driving him crazy."

also depends he just wants to get married as u suggested.


id say its better not to marry this guy. my humble advice, someone revert/divrocee without kids may be a choice for u.

hes a big no no for u.

I have been doing the online thing for a while now and after a few weeks of emails I have a proposal. He is the right age and location. He has no children but would like to start a family. Those are the main positives, now for the negative.

He does not have a college degree or a career as I have.
He does not believe that he could support me financially and I would have to take care of most of the bills as he has to send money back home to his widowed mother in morocco.
He has a tendency to talk about amoral subjects
He would have to move to be with me and asked me to look for him a job.
In the mean time I would be supporting him.
I am divorced and really don't want to get burned again, this guy just seems to be a little too needy.
Any advice?
Salaam and Du'a

In Islam everything we do is based on our intentions, I am not saying she met the guy and got interested in Islam based on him or when she learned thereafter. That would be great (minus the haram relationship that began the union). The reality is that they dated, committed zinah, and she wanted him to marry her. His condition was the she convert because his parents would not accept his marriage to a girl who was not Muslim. So she utters a few Arabic phrases that she really doesn’t understand and that’s it! Problem solved! They can get married!
This is the problem with this concept that I have seen too often.  My own mother converted because my dad wanted her to. Eventually she had to be true to herself and after realizing that she really only did it for a man she turned her back on a faith she never really believed in. There is more to being Muslim than saying “I'm Muslim”. To choose to be a Muslim based on something as fickle as a romantic relationship is ludicrous and an insult to those who truly believe. This is my observation Allah knows what really lies in the hearts of people.
Salaam and du’a

very very interesting insight into female psyche as general.
such sentiments are usually bound to come, not all people actually think before they express themselves as to how bad it can hurt someone else.

MashaAllah even if her interest in Islam began with the brother, alhamdulillah she embraced Islam.

If she wasn't open to the idea she would have either gone away or insisted on him accepting her as ahl al-kitab, people of the Book. And her niyyah is between her and Allah.

It is something I find pretty annoying as a first generation Muslim - I am asked quite often about when I embraced Islam, if a guy was involved. And when I say no, they look shocked and continue to talk at me but not in English.

Then when I married a black brother, I was deflecting rude remarks about how I either took one away from the black sisters, or why I didn't marry an Arab. Older sisters look at one another, shake their heads and mutter that saying in Arabic which means "She couldn't do any better".

So I didn't care about the colour of the brother. I don't care about the ignorant attitudes from some of my sisters and brothers. I certainly do not feel those reprehensible feelings if I see a white brother with an African sister. So many double standards. Embracing Islam wasn't difficult - my family was supportive of my life choices and they remain so. The Canadian society where I live allows me to practice any religion and even has laws protecting me. I'm not so sure about some members of the Muslim community - but it's not my place to judge or generalize...my take on it is Allah tests us in different ways alhamdulillah.

it was not meant to point you out rather it was intended as a generic expression.

i know such examples and it is logically possible taking into account the potency of feelings for the opposite sex, and the chracterisicts muslim men usually tend to have that non muslim women find them highly desirable and may change their faith just for that.

moreover, marriage minded non muslim women in the west may also be highly attracted to muslim men in this way.

my assesment is that muslim men somehow, sometimes find non muslim western women more attractive because 1. muslim women dont show off which is totally good. 2. most muslim men come from muslim dominated-population cultures and i myself knw that attraction towards a women of another race/culture is usually more than the one you come from.

had it been a time when muslims were in control of the world, or women were more open to polygamy, it would have been a feasible choice to marry such a non muslim women to increase the muslim popultaion as was done by muslims in early conquests.

one thing we must not forget! is Umar ibnal khatab warned muslims of charms of christian women and their traps, as non muslim people usually lack that part of "gheerah".

Thanks for calling me out on questioning the womans faith and intentions. I did not intend to speak ill of the convert and I sincerly hope that she converted for the sake of Allah and not her desire to be accepted by her boyfriend and his family. May Allah forgive my judgement of others when only he has that right.

Salaams