on: Mar. 05, 2012, 12:10 AM
|Started by halfmydeen - Last post by BrotherIslam87|
I feel sisters are tooooo demanding. sisters want an alim+ high salary professional + great looks ....when they themselves are not worth it.
on: Mar. 04, 2012, 10:56 PM
|Started by Amna - Last post by stranger|
I hate to give unsolicited advice, but "putting yourself out there" is typically not the wisest idea for a girl. I don't know you or your intentions, but if you are an innocent person just wanting a husband who will treat you kindly, the chances of a man without an agenda seeing this is slim...
Cry to Allah, He is the best to turn to and will grant you everything that is best for you.
on: Mar. 04, 2012, 10:20 PM
|Started by halfmydeen - Last post by stranger|
Ditching the degree is only ok if the guy proposing is totally worth giving up the education for. Otherwise you're goin to be single, out of a job, dependent on your father till he dies and then what...? Even your husband could pass away before you, leaving you a bit vulnerable. And realistically, plenty guys want a girl with a degree, because they want a second income, so that the woman spends her own money on stuff rather than poking into his wallet.
I wouldn't want to marry an alim anyway, they're not that great to marry.
I'm surprised you don't encourage polygyny btw.
on: Mar. 04, 2012, 07:17 AM
|Started by jannah - Last post by jannah|
I liked this article...
5 Signs He Is the Right One For You
Wish as we might—and despite what romantic comedies would have you believe—there is no magic answer to finding the perfect mate. Discovering if someone is the right one for you usually takes some time. Although we may wish to act solely on instinct—which can be helpful in determining if he is the right one—it is important to give it time before reaching that final decision.
While there is no set-in-stone policy for finding love, there are 5 signs you can use to determine if he is the one.
Sign #1 He Is the Right One – You Respect One Another
When it comes to figuring out if he is the right one, respect should be at the top of the list. Respect is also something that should go both ways. He should respect you and you should respect him, in turn.
You can tell he respects you when:
He is willing to compromise
He listens to your concerns and feelings
He notices when something is wrong and asks you about it
He values your opinion
He appreciates you
He is genuinely happy for you when you succeed
All of these are signs that he has respect for you. You should also demonstrate these same things to him. On the other hand, if you find that either of you are unwilling to compromise, concerns and feelings are dismissed, or you notice something is wrong but don’t inquire, then you have some tell-tale signs that there is a lack of respect.
If either of you flippantly dismisses the other’s opinions or act as if they are inconsequential, there is clearly a lack of respect. If you greet one another’s successes with jealousy instead of enthusiasm and support, you need to take a minute to assess the level of respect that exists in your relationship.
Sign #2 He Is the Right One – He Has the Qualities You’re Looking For
Ideally, you should know ahead of time what qualities are important to you in a mate. Trying to figure it out after the fact can lead to serious problems. If you have a good idea of the qualities you are looking for—the ones that are the most important—it will help you determine if he is the right one.
It helps to write a list. Select at least 10 qualities you are looking for in a man. Put that list in the order of importance. Take a serious look at the list and cross off any qualities that aren’t so important. Some qualities are probably negotiable. If that is the case, they can likely be removed from the list. The idea is to get down to at least the top 5 non-negotiable qualities that you are looking for.
All of this must be done by keeping 2 important things in your mind. First, no one is perfect. If you are looking for Mr. Perfect, you might as well stop looking and recognize that perfection simply doesn’t exist. With that in mind, know that you don’t have to just “settle” for “good enough.” You want to have the confidence of knowing that he is not someone you have simply settled for but he is the right one for you. The list of qualities you are looking for will help determine that.
Compare your list of top 5 non-negotiable traits and compare it to the man in question. Remember, these were non-negotiable qualities that you selected, so if he doesn’t fit all of them, there is a good chance that he is not the right one for you. It’s surprisingly easy to fall into the trap of trying to change your standards, but you should never change your standards to fit someone else. You can’t make someone be who they aren’t.
If he meets every one of your non-negotiable qualities, chances are good that he may be the right one for you.
Sign #3 He Is the Right One – You Share the Same Values
What do you value most? What values make up the life you have chosen to live? These are important questions to ask yourself, as they will help determine if he is the right one for you. Values are usually in-line with those non-negotiable items that will give you a clue as to whether or not he is the right one. If you don’t share the same values, consider that to be a red flag.
An important factor to consider is if you find yourself compromising your values for him. Values really make up who we are. If you are changing your values in order to please someone else, then you are essentially trying to change yourself and that is never a good sign in a relationship!
Values are something that should be discussed ahead of time. Don’t guess at what he values most in life, ask him! If he doesn’t seem to have any values, or he can’t articulate them, that might be another red flag to look for. A man of real substance is flexible, but will possess firm, well-reasoned values.
Sign #4 He Is the Right One – Your Intuition Tells You
Your intuition—your gut—should never be ignored. At the same time, it should never be THE deciding factor. Your intuition should serve as a guide, something you rely on when considering whether or not he is the right one.
Intuition is more than just how physically attracted you are towards him. It goes beyond that to a place deep inside where you just seem to “know.” It’s usually just a sense or a feeling that this person is the right one.
Whether your instincts are saying he is or isn’t the one, it’s an important consideration. Many times our instincts are right. Of course, our best instincts can be wrong and someone can present themselves to be something that they are not. This is why intuition is only one sign to consider in determining if he is the right one for you.
Sign #5 He Is the Right One – You Can Be Yourself With Him
You will not be appreciated or valued by a man who tries to change you or who cannot love you, flaws and all. So if you can be who you are when you are with him, he might just be the right one for you. This means he not only accepts the good in you, but also your weaknesses and faults. When you can be yourself, you will experience a sense of freedom. You will have confidence in knowing that he accepts you just as you are.
When taking these 5 signs into consideration, you will have a good idea if he is actually the right guy for you.
General Category / Marriage Advice / Re: Want info regarding any matrimonial agents in UK? Need your help...
on: Mar. 04, 2012, 01:17 AM
|Started by BrotherIslam87 - Last post by BrotherIslam87|
Does anyone know...can someone give their opinion??
on: Mar. 01, 2012, 09:57 PM
|Started by Osman - Last post by BrotherIslam87|
on: Feb. 29, 2012, 05:26 PM
|Started by Osman - Last post by gratefulmuslim|
Unfortunately, no one is on this site. I think it should be re-named to fewmuslims.com.
on: Feb. 28, 2012, 06:59 AM
|Started by halfmydeen - Last post by halfmydeen|
Finding the Love of Your Life
By Selma A. Cook
We all hope and dream of finding the love of our life. It is a yearning that exists within the nature of humankind. Hence, Islam encourages marriage, and even refers to it as ‘half of our faith’. But for the sake of sanity, let’s put away the fairy-tale dreams of prince charming and happily-ever-after and take a snapshot from reality!
As with every worthwhile thing in life, finding a loving, fulfilling relationship is hard work. And that is not the end of the story, because then one has to maintain a loving fulfilling relationship. It requires a good amount of insight, self-awareness, giving, forgiving and faith that we as human beings can sometimes barely comprehend; yet, despite its awesome intricacy, and sometimes complexity, we strive to find it. We live in agony that we may not find it, then, when we do find it, we live in agony lest we should lose it! How pathetic we are! How much we need Allah’s help!
With the rising rate of unsuccessful marriages perhaps it is time we take stock of what may be going on. I do not say ‘divorce rate’ because divorce is not the only indicator of a dysfunctional marriage; indeed, there are many marriages that are pasted together and are continuing but they are not built on the love and tranquility that Almighty Allah describes for us in His Noble Quran.
Approaching the whole idea of marriage with the attitude that this is ‘my’ right; something that ‘I’ want; and the attitude of what is this marriage going to do for ‘me’, is a big mistake. With such an attitude the person will be unable to step back, and take an objective look at themselves, and their role in a marital relationship. Without this kind of introspection, the marriage will very likely become dull, a routine, and a de-spiritualizing conveyor belt of human selfishness and short-sightedness. Much of the fault for this unhappy phenomenon lies on our shoulders; we are just not spiritual enough.
Perhaps it is a by-product of our materialistic age, but many people consider marriage in terms of how it will enhance their wealth, their status and their interests. Such people become so self-focused on material and social gains that the vast spiritual aspect of the relationship is lost for them. Ironically, they believe that a ‘stable’ marriage should in fact increase their wealth and social status, while the heart and the depth of the relationship; the place of true fulfillment, exists on another plane altogether. This state of harmony, deep feelings and commitment can not be purchased or bargained for. This is the state that people seek; this is what they mean when they say ‘I have found a soulmate.’ This state exists within us and between us, and our loved ones according to the state of our own individual heart. Indeed, the heart and soul of a human being is potentially far beyond our imagination. However if it is not purified, discerning and alive, it will not be able to participate in deep and meaningful relationships.
Keeping all this in mind, we become aware that our ability to be close to someone, to find harmony and, to communicate in depth as joy begins to fill our own hearts. When the heart is free of grudge, envy, and hate, and has the ability to accept people for what they are, the heart begins to feel free and insight begins to flicker and come to life. In this state of awareness and self- honesty , and without the harness of negativity and self-doubt, the soul can explore, appreciate and grow.
The shape of the heart changes with life events, our health, our mood and most of all, our closeness to Almighty Allah. We are probably all aware of how the soul is elated when we pray in true sincerity and concentration; this is the state of the soul that can love and be loved. We are also probably aware that even if we find a ‘soul mate’; one with whom we can find joy, harmony and tranquility; that this state fluctuates as is the case with human beings. We are not constant; our faith goes up and down and our ability to love and be loved also changes.
This is where the character and good habits of the individual come shining through. If one partner is feeling down or insecure, the other will identify the need and fill in the gap. The couple is like two elastic bands that adjust their tension according to the need so that harmony is always eventually reinstated.
The love of your life may be standing next to you right now. Your paths may have crossed, and you may have known each other for years in a public setting, but maybe you never realized the ‘heart’ of that person - the real person.
A marriage can be revived; it can find a way to grow and it can make a fresh start from a new angle. Sometimes the hearts of the couple have grown apart; perhaps they never tried to reach that spiritual plane where they can find rest in each other. Making the hearts more in tune, and keeping them in tune can take a life time, but since marriage is half of our faith, is it not worth the effort?!
on: Feb. 27, 2012, 07:13 AM
|Started by wonderful1980 - Last post by A_Khn|
The best way for him to learn islam is to go to the mosque every evening (day) and learn. He has to engage a madhab, with dedication, this is usually life changing for those who do it.
When he is muslim, he will know what to do next with regards to marriage.
on: Feb. 26, 2012, 06:39 PM
|Started by wonderful1980 - Last post by Desi_Beat|
If you are good Muslim you may go ahead and decide it without any advice because good Muslim never take any step against Him ? Now all is on you what you think is best for you but just want to remind you anything which will be done without Allah’s permission we never find happiness in that work so think twice.
Give him time and let him accept Islam than you may go ahead and marry him there is no issue but without converting him to Muslim you can’t ?
But don’t let him accept Islam only for getting marry with you let him take his time and feel what Islam is if he will accept it from heart not for marry your life will be most beautiful with out and with full of Allah’s blessing Inshallah.
Take Good Care of the peoples around you always because you might need their someday