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Author Topic: Finding Mr or Mrs Right, just around the corner.  (Read 2277 times)

Eemo

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Finding Mr or Mrs Right, just around the corner.
« on: Feb. 15, 2009, 06:04 PM »

I've been looking and speaking to Sisters on and off for over 7 years now.
So, I think im somewhat qualified to air some of my observations.

In my time, I HAVE met sisters that I am islamically compatible with, but personality wise, things have often been a no-go.

Over time, I've felt, that its not a problem of finding the right person so much, or getting into the right network as it were, but really a case of being able to communicate effectively with the opposite gender.

More and more, I'm strongly starting to believe that both genders just don’t know how to communicate their needs effectively to each other and also need to learn to meet halfway.

This goes both for the men and the women in my personal opinion.

In life, it is often the case that many of us try to formulate the solution for the WRONG problem.
Often, our emphasis and our attention is paid to the wrong things.
I've experienced this in my life, myself in different areas, where often, it is the case that im searching for a solution in the wrong place.

Something that really got me thinking about this, and sparked my interest into analysing this further was when I came across some material by a dating expert.(long story)

Now, hear me out before you make a judgment.
I'm only imparting this to illustrate my point, not to encourage Fitnah.

In the U.S. (its not common in the UK), there are now many relationship experts and dating guru's that help both men and women find their perfect partner through life-coaching programs and other modern means.
These things were put in motion quite  a few years ago, but the industry players had limited success in improving the lives of the singletons.
Many things were cited, and many possible causes hypothesized. Industry experts said it was because both genders didn’t know how to keep a good, healthy relationship, or that they both didn’t know where the other gender 'hung-out'. So many books and many advice columns were written on this.
This didn’t change the landscape much.


A small group of people, however, made a very different observation. They felt the problem lay somewhere else
. I wont go into details as to exactly what this problem was, but you can PM me if you want to know more.

My point being, is that I, personally feel, that many opportunities to speak to other gender's DO arise. Whether that’s through matrimonial websites, forums, University, or through Parents or wherever, but incorrect communication and interaction takes place.
If we could resolve this matter, I am a firm believer, that we could be sure to find Mr or Mrs Perfect. Very soon

Ultimately, I firmly believe it boils down to the fact that…
Muslim Men don’t understand Muslim Women  …. AND
Muslim Women don’t understand Muslim Men.


If this was the core issue  we ALL were to work on and find solutions for, then we could all find our dream life partners even on our very own doorstep

Now bear in mind, this is if the case is that all other things are equal. That both the prospective husband and wife are Islamically compatible and their values are in-line. I do understand that other external issues do act as hindrances, such as culture clashes and Parent ideals, but my particular point is looking at things at a more granular level at this stage.

Even when i speak to my married friends, i often find they're able to give me more insight into women than my unmarried friends, simply because they understand them better, and that always makes a difference.

Anyway - this is just what I have observed over the last few years, and am voicing some of this from my own personal experiences, which isn't necessarily a universal view.

Feel free to voice your disagreement, but lets make this a healthy debate and not an argument.
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jannah

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  • Posts: 269
Re: Finding Mr or Mrs Right, just around the corner.
« Reply #1 on: Feb. 15, 2009, 09:45 PM »

I agree.  :P
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Muslimah21

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Re: Finding Mr or Mrs Right, just around the corner.
« Reply #2 on: Feb. 15, 2009, 10:57 PM »

totally agree, how can we understadn each other when we dont see each other and we dotn interact with each other.
i suppose that is why we should be close with out families and with sisters and brothers. and also shows we should have a strong relatioship with our parents, in some cases they are two complete strangers and were once in your shoes so use them and gain wisdom from them. thats a place to start don't you think?
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Jeremy

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  • Posts: 42
Re: Finding Mr or Mrs Right, just around the corner.
« Reply #3 on: Feb. 16, 2009, 05:19 AM »

Eemo, I have to be honest bro, I have no clue what you're talking about! You are saying that Muslim brothers and sisters should understand each other better, and asking if we agree with you.. mmm.. uuhhh.. yeah, sure... all people should understand each other better and the world will be a better place  :-[ :-X ??? ;D
What in the wold are you talking about? Can you be more specific for me and the other average Joe's reading this?!
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Eemo

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Re: Finding Mr or Mrs Right, just around the corner.
« Reply #4 on: Feb. 16, 2009, 09:41 AM »

I'm sorry. But i would have thought it was self-explanatory(?)
Can someone(else) please help me out?
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Ponderer

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  • Posts: 19
Re: Finding Mr or Mrs Right, just around the corner.
« Reply #5 on: Feb. 18, 2009, 10:18 PM »

There is a book that I read: "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus". It puts forward that men and women are different and shouldn't understand each other as being the same as them. For example, women need to be wanted while men want to be needed. When women speak about problems they just want to be heard while when men speak about problems they want a solution. The author puts forward that if we understand these differences then we can prevent misunderstandings (it is an interesting read!). Are these the sort of differences you are talking about?
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Eemo

  • Guest
Re: Finding Mr or Mrs Right, just around the corner.
« Reply #6 on: Feb. 18, 2009, 10:32 PM »

Yes. Definitely.
Though, many would argue that, that particular book is slightly the wrong brand of thinking but definitely the right area :).
There is better material out there, but unfortunately i am only familiar with the stuff aimed towards men.
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