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Author Topic: marriage is he for me?  (Read 2752 times)

Anonymous

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marriage is he for me?
« on: Feb. 16, 2009, 08:58 PM »

i got a marriage proposal today,
this man is nice, we have spoken a few times on MSN our parents know each other not well, but they talk. and they are kind of happy we are talking, i had an idea he liked me, and we get on great, we have same sense of humour, but he is returning to islam after 10 years of neglect, yeah he is 30 too and im 23. we get on, and he seems genuine, but i recently seen some photos of him on facebook of his not so islamic years, of him and a arab girl, i asked him about it and he said they were friends but she had her arm wrapped around him and were cheek to cheek, and were in a fancy arab restuarant.
i know it is his past but it doesnt look too old, i mean he doesnt look that different from the photo. im worried that he lied to me about her, i know its not good to have ill feelings about someone but when i looked at it i felt like i had been stabbed in the back, i was letting this guy get to know me and see a side of me no man has ever seen, and i feel betrayed. am i right to feel this way, to make matters worse he admitted he still talks to her and has her as a friend on facebook. although i told him my dislike and actual hate for men who have girlfriends, and now i find myself having thought about marriage with this man and now being showen this has left me in utter confusion and feeling of betryal.
i am thinking this is the make or break point for us.

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Eemo

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Re: marriage is he for me?
« Reply #1 on: Feb. 16, 2009, 09:55 PM »

I'm sorry, but this has bad news written all over it.
I'm sorry that you have been hurt and have had to put up with that, but he sounds like a bit of a player, and its probably in your best interest to walk away.

Allah give you the strength to endure.
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Jeremy

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Re: marriage is he for me?
« Reply #2 on: Feb. 17, 2009, 12:08 AM »

I wouldn't make a quick judgement just based on what you have seen till now. His past shouldn't matter much since he already admitted that he is returning to Islam, and I guess that's kind of admiitance of guilt. I think your main decision should be on whether he sticks to what he said about returning to Islam. You can focus on a few points like:
- Does he always pray five prayers a day?
- Does he pray Fajr on time?
- Do they see him frequently in the Masjid?
As for the girl, if you're not comfortable with him talking to her you have make it clear from the beginning that it's either you or her. You may not know anytime soon if they were anything more than friends, but if they were I don't think this was the worst thing he did in his past life. I think that things like not praying are much worse, and repentance is the way out of all of that... did he repent his past? That shoud be the question!
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Anonymous

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Re: marriage is he for me?
« Reply #3 on: Feb. 17, 2009, 03:48 PM »

well i had a good think, and i do not want to prolong this any more then i have to, so i had a good chat to my mother and she spoke to my father, i showed her the picture and she was upset too. i told her i think it is best me and him do not contact each other again and she agrees. although i told them not to tell his parents exactly why i stopped talking with him only that they should ask thier son. it is upto him if he tells them. but i do take it as a bad sign, as i said the picture looked fairly recent maybe a year or less. and i do not want to start off marriage with doubts and someone who is a player.
thanks for the advice, next time i will do my homework and a good background check before i even talk to a man.


salams
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Anonymous

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Re: marriage is he for me?
« Reply #4 on: Feb. 17, 2009, 03:57 PM »

I think you are making the right move.

The good people for the good, and the bad for the bad.
If you have made a commitment to remain chaste yourself, then why should you give up that honor for someone who hasnt.

Hope you find the man of your dreams and things work out for you.

All the best :)
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Anonymous

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Re: marriage is he for me?
« Reply #5 on: Mar. 20, 2009, 09:57 AM »

let the past be the past. worry bout the future. if u like the guy and he likes u, go for it. ur thinking too far into things
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Anonymous

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Re: marriage is he for me?
« Reply #6 on: Mar. 21, 2009, 04:14 AM »

Keep in mind there are brothers who revert to islam with an ugly past, from what I've seen they tend to be the strongest in practice of deen and as far as I can tell iman. I would guess what drives them would be the fact that they have tasted the darkness and so they treasure the light of islam.

There are brothers born muslim who mess about then finally do true tawba regretting there pasts. They also tend to be pretty strong in faith after the tawba. That regret is also a driving force.

Then there are muslim brothers who mainly just grow up and either decrease messin about or learn to hide it. There is nothing to say they wont change in the future, but thats a risk for you to decide if its worth taking.

there are several others in between of course such as those that have always been on the path, those struggling against shaytan but losing due to there society and other influences, or total hypocrites.

I guess what am saying is... find out what kind of muslim he is at present and dont make a decision based on the past.
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Anonymous

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Re: marriage is he for me?
« Reply #7 on: Mar. 21, 2009, 01:23 PM »

Thank you for the responses, i already made my decision its been a long time since we spoke as i told him good bye.
But i got in contact with that girl he was talking to her name is Karima, and she told me the photo was from when they were dating which was only 7 months old. The reason they split up because his mum did not want him to marry a egyptian girl. So he was lieing to me and i am glad i listened to my git instinct, i can not believe the arab men these days.

So he found me, the girl his mum would like him to marry.  :( But i do not marry men who have secrets and haram passed lives.
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d_muslim

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Re: marriage is he for me?
« Reply #8 on: Mar. 23, 2010, 02:23 AM »


Salam,

hope it reach u in best state of iman. u had made gud decision because marriage is base on trust and if u gona build any relationship base on lie, it would't last. Commited sins in past and then repented is totaly different think and if a person do that, its like he never commited sin. But playing games are totaly different and lying.

We must to be fair and straight when we going to base any relationship and leave everything on Allah. Its also gud practicse when u r in doubts, conslt to Allay by offering istakara prayer. Allah is listening  and he responds always.

Muslim brohter
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brisingr9

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Re: marriage is he for me?
« Reply #9 on: Mar. 26, 2010, 06:52 PM »

Wow,,,,a very wise decision sister!! Inna lilahi wainnailahi razihoon!! Everything happens for the best!! Facebook sometimes is really a lifesaver !!
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hitmark

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Re: marriage is he for me?
« Reply #10 on: Aug. 05, 2010, 07:51 AM »

It is really a great problem. You can also check the date of posted picture. Write down it and also ask about the date this picture. In this way, you may have some thing clear.
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