Assalamu alaykum Jannah
I appreciate your point, but I don't believe it applies to me (although I completely agree with you on it in general). Alhumdulillah, Allah (swt) has protected me by ensuring the community around me know the truth about me and what happened in both cases. Aside from the silly decision I made to marry these two particular sisters (a lesson I've learned well), within the realms of the marriage they were not denied any rights or abused in any way. To cut a long story short, the first marriage ended as she didn't want to practise Islam and wanted to enjoy the dunya, and I'm still not quite sure what happened with the second one (she came into my life, I refused to touch her without nikah so she had it done, she enjoyed herself, and then disappeared...).
Alhumdulillah, I'm fairly active in our small community here. I'm very regular at the masjid and have a variety of roles and responsibilities within it, and local (Islamic) charities and other organisations, etc. I'm pretty well known, so in terms of my demeanor, my behaviour hasn't been called into question. Allah (swt) has blessed me with that much, alhumdulillah. Not only that, my ex's are also very well known, and it only takes a glance to see where the issues came from.
It really does (in my experience) boil down to "he's been married before, I want someone brand new!" I was speaking to a sister after the first marriage ended and she asked why it ended, after I explained to her, she concluded I still had feelings for the ex because I went into significant detail and also used my previous marriage in the answers for other questions (the reason I did that was to demonstrate that rather than give an answer without any weight, I could demonstrate that I've lived through the situations she's asking me about and I can tell her exactly how I am... rather than how I think I would react).
The advice it seems was to just stay quiet about the whole thing. And this is my dilemma. I would have thought they'd want some surety as to what happened, but it seems that if I speak about it, it plants a seed of jealousy and I get rejected on that basis too.
Anyway, I'm still young yet, alhumdulillah, and I can wait for Allah's decree, insha'Allah