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Author Topic: Why are you still single?  (Read 17844 times)

3bdiAllaah

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Re: Why are you still single?
« Reply #45 on: Aug. 22, 2010, 04:16 PM »

bro dawud im sure insha Allaah its gona be awesome when u get there. plus insha Allaah you can marry a sister from madinah university itself. then :D u ll be able to get private iqamah insha Allaah in saudi.
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ummzak

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Re: Why are you still single?
« Reply #46 on: Sep. 15, 2010, 07:42 AM »

Why am I still single?
1. Because few Muslim guys are interested in black women, period.
2. Because I've been married before, and have an awesome little boy, which seems to also be a big turn off.
3. Because I'm not educated enough to be wealthy, but too much to be stupid.
4. Because I want to take my time, and get to know a guy before I pledge to share my life with him.
5. Because while I'm confident enough to start a conversation, I'm too shy to pounce on a guy, drag him back to my parent's house, and demand that he marry me. (It's hard on the back, too.)
6. Because I'm a staunch patriot and a feminist, and that doesn't sit well with a surprising number of Muslims.
7. Because I wear hijab, but not niqab, and apparently, that makes me too modest for some guys, and not modest enough for the rest.
8. Because on top of all the issues of compatibility, I would like to marry someone that I find attractive.
9. Because I want someone who loves my little boy as much as he loves me, and someone who my son also likes being around.
But the most important reason is...
10. Because Allah has not yet brought around the man who will make the best husband for me, the best father for my son and any children we are blessed with, and the man who will help us be better Muslims.
Allah, could you put a rush delivery on that? Just sayin'.
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Sila

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Re: Why are you still single?
« Reply #47 on: Sep. 17, 2010, 01:03 AM »


Hmmm...why am I still single?

one reason maybe coz I grew up outside my culture/country and now I don't fit into the " traditional " mold. My cosmopolitan up-bringing broadened my mind and made me the woman that I am. Unfortunately the fact that I have an opinion seems to intimidate most eastern men...and I am sorry but I just cant act the demure helpless lass that is expected in my society....maybe I shud take acting lessons ??  ;D

..and my western brothers who I thought would appreciate a lady with a bit of brains and can hold her own?  well lets just say they seem to think that anyone who approaches them from outside US/UK is after their nationality...

Oh did I mention that I am a black African single woman and so some brothers wont even consider marrying? its a cultural thing.

so where does that leave me?  ???

learning to have Shukr and Sabr and the belief in the Qadr of Allah.........Que sera sera,

thanks for listenin !!




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cinders

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Re: Why are you still single?
« Reply #48 on: Sep. 17, 2010, 01:09 AM »

Totally sis. Some bros defo do not appreciate brains in a woman. I think they feel threatened. With regards to one being black, I'm sure you know... It's a sad world, but racism exists.

May Allah grant you the best of partners who loves you for the sake of Allah. Ameen.
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Ilyas

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Re: Why are you still single?
« Reply #49 on: Sep. 17, 2010, 01:38 AM »

My mom and I are close and we joke around quiet a bit. The last time I saw her, she said that she had felt really lonely since my dad is out of the country for work; my sister, brother, and I don't live at home anymore, and my other two siblings were busy with their own lives. Anyways to cheer her up, I joked and said you should get yourself a daughter-in-law to keep you company. She smiled and said you're still a little baby, I won't find you a wife till you have a job and can take care of her yourself. I kept teasing her about it just to see if I can get her to change her mind. She finally admitted that she's actually thinking about this one girl but she's too young and there is no way her parents would agree to the proposal at this time.

So there you have it, I am still single because I am too young and the only girl that may possibly even consider my proposal is too young loool.
__________________

It's sad how we've heard of so many visa hunters marrying and treating their spouse in such a manner that forces them to split up, that we're know scared of even thinking about marrying someone outside of the country we live in.
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Al-Qamar

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Re: Why are you still single?
« Reply #50 on: Sep. 21, 2010, 01:14 AM »

Why am I still single? Well... I think the question for me would be why am I single again!

I married young (to save myself from haraam), and as we grew up, she developed a love for the dunya whereas I developed a love for the akhira, so we split. I then spent a year looking for another wife, only to be turned down on the basis that I had a halal relationship (it seems playboys who never married are more worthy of attention, rather than those who've experienced marriage, and know how hard divorce can be!).

Alhumdulillah I did manage to get married again, to someone who I thought was perfect, but my world shattered when it all turned out to be some kind of elaborate prank (tbh, I'm still not sure what happened). So I'm back in the singles queue again, except this time I'm now twice divorced.

And despite all the positive characteristics I have to offer (and there's quite a bit, I fell into Islam in a *big* way such that I gave up a marriage of several years for it)... that's ultimately what seems to be turning sisters away. They want someone 'brand new', rather than someone who has experience and patience to deal with the trials that marriage will always bring.
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jannah

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Re: Why are you still single?
« Reply #51 on: Sep. 21, 2010, 12:12 PM »

Wsalam,

Ilyas I wouldn't worry about visa hunters...they are usually obvious - like have visa problems or are from overseas and their family members want to keep them here. Keep doing istikharah and somehow or other it becomes known who has ulterior motives and who doesn't. May Allah protect us from that.

Al-qamar your perspective is interesting. I think most sisters are scared of divorced/double-divorced brothers because they don't exactly know what happened in their marriage. Why is he divorced? What happened in the marriage? Did he not give her her rights? Did he abuse or beat his wife?!! (fear of most women) Why would she accept a divorce? Did he do the divorcing or her? Was he a bad husband? Why didn't they get counseling? If he couldn't work it out then will he be able to work out a future marriage? Maybe he's not serious about marriage, that's why he's divorced so many times? and so on... so I think for future rishtas you should explain everything up front and get it out of the way. Hopefully that will help.


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Al-Qamar

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Re: Why are you still single?
« Reply #52 on: Sep. 21, 2010, 12:47 PM »

Assalamu alaykum Jannah

I appreciate your point, but I don't believe it applies to me (although I completely agree with you on it in general). Alhumdulillah, Allah (swt) has protected me by ensuring the community around me know the truth about me and what happened in both cases. Aside from the silly decision I made to marry these two particular sisters (a lesson I've learned well), within the realms of the marriage they were not denied any rights or abused in any way. To cut a long story short, the first marriage ended as she didn't want to practise Islam and wanted to enjoy the dunya, and I'm still not quite sure what happened with the second one (she came into my life, I refused to touch her without nikah so she had it done, she enjoyed herself, and then disappeared...).

Alhumdulillah, I'm fairly active in our small community here. I'm very regular at the masjid and have a variety of roles and responsibilities within it, and local (Islamic) charities and other organisations, etc. I'm pretty well known, so in terms of my demeanor, my behaviour hasn't been called into question. Allah (swt) has blessed me with that much, alhumdulillah. Not only that, my ex's are also very well known, and it only takes a glance to see where the issues came from.

It really does (in my experience) boil down to "he's been married before, I want someone brand new!" I was speaking to a sister after the first marriage ended and she asked why it ended, after I explained to her, she concluded I still had feelings for the ex because I went into significant detail and also used my previous marriage in the answers for other questions (the reason I did that was to demonstrate that rather than give an answer without any weight, I could demonstrate that I've lived through the situations she's asking me about and I can tell her exactly how I am... rather than how I think I would react).

The advice it seems was to just stay quiet about the whole thing. And this is my dilemma. I would have thought they'd want some surety as to what happened, but it seems that if I speak about it, it plants a seed of jealousy and I get rejected on that basis too.

Anyway, I'm still young yet, alhumdulillah, and I can wait for Allah's decree, insha'Allah
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Sila

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Re: Why are you still single?
« Reply #53 on: Sep. 21, 2010, 04:14 PM »

Al Qamar...thats a tricky position indeed, u are damned if u do and damned if u dont !
From your brief I would advise you be patient ....she's out there and wondering whats taking u so long :)

May Allah grant you Sabr and the Iman to believe that this has all been a test and from what I see, u came up tops coz its strengthened your Deen.

Sila
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Al-Qamar

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Re: Why are you still single?
« Reply #54 on: Sep. 21, 2010, 04:46 PM »

Aye, I think next time I'm just going to say I don't want to talk about it... and either direct them to someone else who can tell them (in both cases, the matter was public so most people who know me witnessed for themselves what happened), or if they insist on hearing it from me, I'll insist that they listen only to the words that I am speaking, and don't invent subtext for what I'm saying

... if there is a next time ...
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3bdiAllaah

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Re: Why are you still single?
« Reply #55 on: Sep. 21, 2010, 05:01 PM »

bro this is life is short , real short, someone might say im saying this to make myself feel better but marriage is a need yea i knw, but see not everyone is tried in a different way

am hasibtum an tadkhul-ul jannata wahum la yuftanun.

just chill akh, insha Allaah if i were u, i ll just marry anyone , like anyone i can find, whose on deen and if she says yes.

dont give up try another time. insha Allaah if it doesnt work out, another time. no worries just chill
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Al-Qamar

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Re: Why are you still single?
« Reply #56 on: Sep. 21, 2010, 05:42 PM »

Subhan'Allah, I'm not that desperate! Alhumdulillah, I still have a lot to offer, more than most guys around me, so I think I'm still going to be careful in my choice. Except this time I may go for a longer engagement period rather than perform the basic checks and go straight into nikah.
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ummzak

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Re: Why are you still single?
« Reply #57 on: Sep. 21, 2010, 05:59 PM »

I'm planning to take my time, as well. I've been divorced once, and was never picky about marital status (as long as they aren't married, LOL), but the trouble is finding the right person for me. Someone who is both compatible and serious.
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emin1980

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Re: Why are you still single?
« Reply #58 on: Oct. 15, 2010, 11:38 AM »

must be cursed i guest, separated and still haven't made a partner after that. but look around people just separated and already find someone. honestly i don't
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Nannysam

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Re: Why are you still single?
« Reply #59 on: Oct. 15, 2010, 10:24 PM »

When i joined this forum, i saw this question posted and found it very interesting...I've never quiet asked myself that question why am i still single?
Well...here goes let me think. Mr right never come knocking on the door. LOL...I know there is no Mr Right. Now seriously, i think my parents think im still young and they turn everyone that comes. I personally don't think that at all, but the problem is i don't know how to tell them. They think that i should finish my studies and then when im stable i should get married. They don't understand that there is sooo much fitna out there, and the only way to avoid alll that is through marriage. Going to uni, etc..is very difficult when there is so much fitna. I ain't willing to do anything haram so its very hard..Im sure i can continue with my studies and be married aswell. 8)
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