i went to lecture on marriage i loved every second of it and i will tell you why.
First of all the speaker was funny yet informative, he spoke from a personal level and with refernces from quran and hadith to back up his arguments and points and also did a little slide show of it.
i loved how he told us about his personal life as in how he got married. subhanallah he was a student too back in the day and he met his wife at a lecture. he was actually doing the lecture and he spotted her at the back of the hall and mashallah he said he knew as soon as he saw her she was the one, so at the end of the lecture he spoke to the brother who was next to him, saying do you know that girl i am interested in approching her for marriage, well that brother turned to him and said "dude thats my cousin" alhamdulilah he gave his permission to talk to her, after his cousin speant tiem with him and knew he was a decent brother, he passed the first interogation lol. and when he approched her she was interested too. he told his father and she told hers. and after a year they were married. he is pakistani and she was an international student from sudan. mashallah they have 7 children togther now and live in london.
He told us for him he knew straight away she was the one from a distance. his distant family didnt approve she was black and not pakistani. and pakistani men like whiter wifes usually. :S
The begning of the lecture was an argument put forward in favor of the islamic way fo marriage, its pros and that if done properly their are no cons to it. is you have the right tools and have a clear and proper understanding of what will be good for you, and what you need to look for. he also stressed alot that always always have family involved from day one. even the reverts need a wali, some dont and its actually not very nice at all.
he went on to tell us about ways to meet people, parents, family, and if that doesnt work go to the mosque. he did however not like the idea of internet based marriage sites. and he put some good arguments across for it which i totally agree with. i dont believe in marriage sites. its too easy to lie and the criteria is rediculous an example:
-skin colour=racist i think
Bascially all things you have no control over, its ridiculous i think.!! actually madness!!
they also go on to ask:
-do you pray? (come on thats got to be a joke??)
-do you eat halal??? (duuuh of course you would)
If you dont do any of these things why the hell are you wanting to get married on a muslim marriage site??? its sheer crazyness.
they ask the most pointless questions, nothing about that persons iman, you have to literally sift through all the crap (excuse my language) to find a decent person. its not helpful at all.
iv seen a few sites, all the girls are non hijabies with professional make up and hair, all air brushed and i am sat there thinking this is what the muslim brothers on here want why would i even sign up?? seriously its such a load of rubbish. sorry but i think it is.
anyways he went on to expalin the correct ways of conducting meetings with each other and talking to each other. no meeting alone. you need to be escorted by a male wali (bro/father/imam) etc etc.
the conversation should be inkeeping of the goal of marriage, so no flirting, no chit chat which is not releavent.
it was soo good to hear a man who has been happily married for 15 years tell me what i always believed to be the right way to get married. i came out of the lecture actually feeling ready to get married knowing i had the knowladge know to help me find a spouce. alhamdulilah it was a great evening. he also at the end answered the typical questions the 4 wives question, the situations you can meet people. etc etc.
anyways, sorry i went on a bit. i just wanted to share what i had heard that evening as i loved it and it helped me alot.