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Author Topic: Settling?  (Read 2908 times)

Shahida

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Settling?
« on: Mar. 10, 2009, 07:28 AM »

Salam alaykum

I read somewhere on the board how someone said : oh well, when I reach a certain age, it's ok, I will just settle...

and it got me thinking. It's easier for brothers to just "settle'. So she wont be that "fair complexioned", ultra beautiful woman, but at least he'll have a wife, who will look after him. 

What about sisters? I am not at all for settling, if it means compromising on his Deeni committment.  Period.  And that is what settling would mean in my case.  So even if I am 35 some day, or 40, I dont think I would be able to bring myself to settle.

What would "settling" mean for you?  The concept seems awful when I think about it...

May Allah swt make things easier on us.
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Muslimah21

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Re: Settling?
« Reply #1 on: Mar. 10, 2009, 10:37 PM »

Settle, means to me makign do with what you are given or what ever coems along. The idea make me cringe and i shudder at the thought of ever having to do that. :(

For me it means compramising my relgion to marry someone who is not relgious and marry one of these so called "liberal" muslim men who seem very non muslim to me. but its normal for girls and guys to just make do in my community and they say well they can change. noooo its wrong they will never change and be how you need them to be. I couldnt do it, i refuse and it goes against my beliefs as a muslim goes against my values too. Its just wrong.

salam
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Jeremy

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Re: Settling?
« Reply #2 on: Mar. 11, 2009, 02:50 AM »

I am not sure what the context was, but maybe "settle" has a more benign meaning. Maybe it just means to become wiser and realize that all these perfect wife/husband don't really exist, and settle for someone who, for example, has values and deen but isn't exactly a beauty queen/king.
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Lavender

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Re: Settling?
« Reply #3 on: Mar. 11, 2009, 03:15 AM »

for me, settling would be marrying someone who I have nothing in common with. Or someone who is an Eagles, Cowboys, or Patriots fan. (I am serious about this.) I hope I never feel the need to settle, but Allah knows best.
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jannah

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Re: Settling?
« Reply #4 on: Mar. 11, 2009, 03:52 AM »

I don't think 'settling' means being forced into any marriage off the street and having to accept it. It means compromising on our perfect ideals. Yes, we all wanted this and that when we first start out looking for a spouse, but as we age and go through experiences, we learn new things and sometimes we're not even looking for that type of person anymore and know we are more compromising about certain things. like when i was younger i really wanted someone who was very active, dawah all the time 24/7, speaking, organizing things etc etc and i thought that would make a good husband, but now as i get older i know that all active people might not make the best of husbands and it actually ends up being a lot more sacrifice on the wife and family. and so someone else "less active but still a good muslim" might now be more acceptable as a spouse. so many things can be thought of like this, it's more of compromising and reshifting of your top priorities and being more relaxed on everything else.

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Eemo

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Re: Settling?
« Reply #5 on: Mar. 11, 2009, 08:35 PM »

Salaam.

I think you're referring to my post.
If i'd had this discussion even 18 months ago, i would have said i would never settle, but as time goes by im waking up to the fact that the perfect wife doesnt exist.

It doesnt mean we have to compromise our beliefs.
I dont ever see myself marrying someone that isnt practising, and there are plenty of people out there that are practising. Its just means i would compromise on my other ideals, and hope for the best.

Foolish? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

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Siham

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Re: Settling?
« Reply #6 on: Mar. 17, 2009, 05:24 PM »

Settling is basically going for Mr. alright than Mr. right;)
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Muslimah21

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Re: Settling?
« Reply #7 on: Mar. 17, 2009, 05:43 PM »

HAHAHA mr alright.

:S
There is a mrs and mr right its just what you are looking for is bad.
Like allah has said maybe there is soemthign you dislike in a person but its actually good for you.

Men want beautiful wives and perhaps that is bad for them. it is better they focus on the persons character and soemoen normal looking and that is good for them. And that makes sense to me.

So men, rearange you priorities!!
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halfmydeen

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Re: Settling?
« Reply #8 on: Mar. 17, 2009, 10:18 PM »


Please stay on topic. Let's avoid insulting each other, generalizing or making this board a gender war. If anyone insults anyone again on board or in chat, they will be banned. Thank you.
-Admin.
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Shah

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Re: Settling?
« Reply #9 on: Mar. 18, 2009, 12:30 PM »

uhm i'm only speaking for myself here. i'm going with looks........ u can teach deen but u cant teach beauty hahaah. relax people. life is beautiful when taken one day at a time. no need to stereotype all men on account of guys like me. so some like looks, others like brains.....some even like money. its the same with girls too. go where u find ur happiness and dont trash people for pursuing what makes them happy. (ofcourse the pursuit of halal things in a completely halal manner). If that makes me shallow, then i prouldy proclaim my shallowness. U may calll me shallow shah!
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jannah

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Re: Settling?
« Reply #10 on: Mar. 19, 2009, 03:24 AM »

Ever watch that movie shallow hal? u should star in the sequal shallow shah ;P j/k :) islamic principles suggest we should look at all the reasons why one would marry someone and that we should take deen as the most important as that is the BEST indicator of a successful marriage. If someone doesn't want to take that prophetic advice, guess no one can force them. (except maybe their mama's ;))

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islamislife

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Re: Settling?
« Reply #11 on: Mar. 19, 2009, 11:13 PM »

Assalam O Alykum Brothers and Sisters,

Well, I'm a guy and I don't believe in settling...I believe that everything is preordained by Almighty Allah and whoever Allah choses for me will definitely to spiritual and only then would i get married. Otherwise I'd stay single and try my best to be a good Muslim.

My message for you brothers and sisters is to Trust in Allah because He Wills whatever is best for us. And tell me, "Who's world is this in which we live? this is Allah's world. Always remember that.

Even if you dont get Prince/Princess Charming in this world, maybe you'll get rewarded with something much better in the Hereafter. Allah (S.W.T) tells us again and again in the Holy Quran that human beings love the life of this world but this world is only temporary. Allah wants us to focus on the Hereafter...Lets make Jannah as our objective and try to reach there.

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justKhan22

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Re: Settling?
« Reply #12 on: Jun. 02, 2009, 07:37 PM »

fr me it means setlle with some one ur comforable with who will respect u and value u,
dnt expect perfection, as perfection is only found through imperfections in my view, as no ones perfect lol.



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Muslimah21

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Re: Settling?
« Reply #13 on: Jun. 03, 2009, 05:08 PM »



Perfection in what way justkhan? Perfection physically, personality wise? or the total package?
I do nto think you should compramsie on deen, or piouty. thats the number one thing we should look for in a spouce.
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Hamza81

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Re: Settling?
« Reply #14 on: Jun. 03, 2009, 07:47 PM »

Salam alaykum

I read somewhere on the board how someone said : oh well, when I reach a certain age, it's ok, I will just settle...

and it got me thinking. It's easier for brothers to just "settle'. So she wont be that "fair complexioned", ultra beautiful woman, but at least he'll have a wife, who will look after him. 

What about sisters? I am not at all for settling, if it means compromising on his Deeni committment.  Period.  And that is what settling would mean in my case.  So even if I am 35 some day, or 40, I dont think I would be able to bring myself to settle.

What would "settling" mean for you?  The concept seems awful when I think about it...

May Allah swt make things easier on us.

To "Settle" down means as in to get married. You will hear many non Muslims who live their lives to the mex as they say and then when their middle aged they decide they want to settle now and have kids. So to settle means as in where the person decides they are ready to marry and reproduces so that they can have childrens etc.
What people have to realise is that you can't just one day decide "oh i feel like settling down now and getting married", because finding the right partner can take years and for some people a lifetime. So one should start searching early as possible and make much dua that they want to settle down and find the right partner, not decide to settle at a ridiculous age after years of "having fun" or concentrating on ones career because in these matrimonial sites one can see plenty of middle aged men and women who were never married and many of them had many long term relationships and lived independant lives concentrating on their careers and were never really concerned with marrige in the 20's and it suddenly hits them in their mid to late thirties that they need to settle now and get married. This is increasingly a problem with our Muslim brothers and sisters particularly a lot of sisters who claim to be independant and career minded and they suddenly realise in their late thirties that they need to settle down and have children. This is a western mindset which a lot of our brothers and sisters are adopting. May Allah make us of the people who want to settle and get married earlier rather than later. Ameen
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