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Poll

Would u stick to ur requirements even if u never marry?

I am not settling or compromising ever even if I never get married!
- 2 (22.2%)
I would relax them in order to get married!
- 7 (77.8%)

Total Members Voted: 7


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Author Topic: Would u stick to ur requirements even if u never marry?  (Read 4342 times)

jannah

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So say you have certain required things you are looking for.... like extremely religious, or doctor, or good looking, can cook, sense of humor.... etc ... etc... etc.... what if you can't find this. Will you relax your requirements as the years go by or refuse to get married because you can't find it.

and if you will relax your requirements, why not do it now?? and if you don't relax your requirements, why not?? do you really believe those things are required to have a happy marriage?

discuss.

 :-*
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Muslimah21

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Re: Would u stick to ur requirements even if u never marry?
« Reply #1 on: Mar. 13, 2009, 03:15 PM »

No becuase my requirments is that he is a proper practicing brother. so why should i relax that and marry some half hearted muslim? ummm no. i would rather keep my dignity and marry no one.
Thanks.

If my requirments were worldly then fair  enough or if it was on looks. but mien are not, mine are spiritual requirments.

Jazakallah khier
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brisingr9

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Re: Would u stick to ur requirements even if u never marry?
« Reply #2 on: Mar. 13, 2009, 04:45 PM »

Every individual sees something in his potential partner. It's obvious every person has some sort of requirement or else every X and Y will marry each other just likethat. It's pointless unless you have some sort sort of a dream fiancee having all those dream requirement you aspire to look at.
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Eemo

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Re: Would u stick to ur requirements even if u never marry?
« Reply #3 on: Mar. 13, 2009, 09:59 PM »

I would never compromise on the islamic character requirements. She has to be practising.
Other than that, yes i'd be prepared to compromise, for sure.

Why would i relax them and i havent before? I guess you realise over time, that some things are just not as important as we purport them to be in our minds.
I've seen some people make objections, based on particular sports teams that they support, i just find that laughable.

I'm really just interested in her value system, and if that matches mine then we're good to go.
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Eemo

  • Guest
Re: Would u stick to ur requirements even if u never marry?
« Reply #4 on: Mar. 13, 2009, 10:03 PM »

Another observation.

I think, things were different at the time of Rasool(saw) because i think people were not so varied in what they thought was the perfect description of the idea what is Islam. Everyone had the same islamic values, and one probably never had to question of the potential spouse was practising.

And the brothers were definitely not sensualized with glamorous FHM magazines and Hollywood actresses to ever dream of marrying some supermodel.

Must have been pretty easy back then.

Now, people have different ideas of what it means to be practising, different ideas of what they consider a good set of values in Islam, and couple that with the rest of your worldly requirements, and we got ourselves a problem.

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Jeremy

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Re: Would u stick to ur requirements even if u never marry?
« Reply #5 on: Mar. 14, 2009, 02:59 AM »

I think my requirements are getting more flexible as time goes by. I have to go against the flow and say my mind here, having a practicing Muslim woman is no longer on the top of my priorities. I realized over time that things like belief system can change according to the environment. There are so many good women in this world who are not practicing or not Mulsims at all simply because they haven't been in the right environment, and vice versa (women who practice only as a custom). Therefore, I no longer look at whether the woman is practcing Islam, but look further into her heart, and search for the one who already has Islam in her heart or can accept Islam in her heart in the future.
I do have a set of requirements that I don't think will change over time, but I am ready to compromise on other requirements, which I prefer nowadays to refer to as "preferences".
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Eemo

  • Guest
Re: Would u stick to ur requirements even if u never marry?
« Reply #6 on: Mar. 14, 2009, 11:34 AM »

Jeremy, i'm also finding similar things, in some ways.
I would still like to marry someone in hijab, and someone who is praying, but other elements, ive gotten much less strict about.
Im more interested in what she is like as a person, what her attitude is towards life, and people and how she handles situations and herself.

Someone with a high level of self-esteem is very attractive.
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Shahida

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Re: Would u stick to ur requirements even if u never marry?
« Reply #7 on: Mar. 16, 2009, 03:43 PM »

Another observation.

I think, things were different at the time of Rasool(saw) because i think people were not so varied in what they thought was the perfect description of the idea what is Islam. Everyone had the same islamic values, and one probably never had to question of the potential spouse was practising.


sub7anAllah, that is soooooooo true!
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Shah

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Re: Would u stick to ur requirements even if u never marry?
« Reply #8 on: Mar. 21, 2009, 09:42 AM »

marriage is essentially compromise is it not?
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Muslimah21

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Re: Would u stick to ur requirements even if u never marry?
« Reply #9 on: Mar. 21, 2009, 01:01 PM »

yeap marriage is a compramise but never a compramise of deen. you compramise that then as the prophet SAW said  you are the biggets loser in life. and who wants to lose out in this life and the next becuase he didnt stick to that one criteria? its just sillyness i thinks. :S

I would compramise on statues, on education, on wealth becuase i knwo that all comes and goes. but never deen, if he doesnt have it when he appraoches me then i wouldnt even consider him.

jazakallah khier

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The Lion

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Re: Would u stick to ur requirements even if u never marry?
« Reply #10 on: Mar. 24, 2009, 07:38 AM »

So say you have certain required things you are looking for.... like extremely religious, or doctor, or good looking, can cook, sense of humor.... etc ... etc... etc.... what if you can't find this. Will you relax your requirements as the years go by or refuse to get married because you can't find it.

and if you will relax your requirements, why not do it now?? and if you don't relax your requirements, why not?? do you really believe those things are required to have a happy marriage?

discuss.

 :-*

Salams,

My requirements are plain and simple. She's gotta be a practicing Muslim (that wears the Hijab of course) and fears Allah. Other than that, there has to be humor in my life and she has to laugh at the stupid-pointless jokes that I make. I dislike girls that don't laugh and sit there and hold it all in which makes me embarrassed. Also, the glowing red 'Doctor' above is what most girls are looking for nowadays, especially with the fact that I have considered becoming a Nurse and changed my mind afterward because I'm sure no one would want me, maybe.

Ciao.  8)

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jannah

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  • Posts: 269
Re: Would u stick to ur requirements even if u never marry?
« Reply #11 on: Mar. 24, 2009, 09:13 AM »

It's funny that you put that in glowing red as so far only a brother has that as their requirement on here :)

If someone doesn't want to marry you because you're not a doctor, trust me, that person is not worth marrying. Seriously, just get over those type of girls and look for some normal ones. They are out there. But they may not be as perfect in other ways.

As an aside, I think I mentioned this before but I've known some brothers who are really bitter about women, and it's solely due to the fact they like one type of girl (who of course doesn't like them) and they constantly get burned because of that. ie I knew a brother who always liked model-looking beautiful women. He of course was not that good looking and would constantly get turned down. His conclusion: women are grasping females. Uh huh.

BTW, What's wrong with being a nurse? There always seem to be nurse shortages everywhere. Although it seems like a thankless job to me (like being a teacher too), if you have the nature and drive for it you should go for it!


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Muslimah21

  • Guest
Re: Would u stick to ur requirements even if u never marry?
« Reply #12 on: Mar. 25, 2009, 01:09 PM »

Just becuase you will not see the rewards of your efforts in life, peopel will not appreciate it or never say thank you. well never mind you shouldnt expect your reward from people, is it not better to get your rewards from allah. I would rather live my whole life with no one saying thank you to me for helping them and be glad to recieve all the rewards when i die from allah. (inshallah)

Yeah jannah is correct teh only person i have come across asking for doctor/dentist have been Men, also may i add including that they also want them to be supermodels, angelina joli look alikes. Please get serious people! hahaha just makes me luagh that there are clowns like that. its very disapointing becuase they are muslim, but yet your views are completely different and our priorities are very different.

Yeah my problem is that i am not a supermodel lol, and i wear hijab and abaya, and no make up. So people see what i really look like, and they dont like that. They prefer thier women with and inch on makeup on, tight clothing with a headscarf added onto (a sorry excuse for a muslimah) Thats the sorts of sisters the brothers who go to my university like to marry. 
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reeldeel

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Re: Would u stick to ur requirements even if u never marry?
« Reply #13 on: Mar. 30, 2009, 03:16 AM »

Whats wrong with a brother wanting a beautiful wife. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, it don’t gotta be no Angelina Jolie. A bro has waited 25 years surrounded by the beautiful girls you speak of, has resisted several passes made at him so whats wrong with wanting someonea as beautiful as he has seen BUT in a Hijab. Yeah… they do exist, and to some brothers women do look better in Hijab. I’ve actually never seen a Hijabie that’s not good looking. Some brothers do think if she’s dressing exposed now she’s gone dress exposed when you marry her so avoid her. You say the problem is the brothers want ‘a sorry excuse for a muslimah’ sisters, I say there arnt enough Hijabies out there, which means I may have to compromise on my requirements for a properly covered muslimah and hope that I will be able to change her once we get married. Especially since I’ve latelley been bombarded with arguments such as… “Just cuz she wears hijab, don’t mean she’s pious” or “islam is in the heart, she can be pious and not no the importance of Hijab”…..
May allah guide us.
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abeeda

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Re: Would u stick to ur requirements even if u never marry?
« Reply #14 on: Apr. 27, 2009, 06:45 PM »

well i wont change the religious requirement criteria, but as i get older i think the age limit will also change
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