Advertisement:

Pages: 1 [2] 3 |   Go Down

Author Topic: Why isn't the system working?  (Read 7512 times)

jannah

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 269
Re: Why isn't the system working?
« Reply #15 on: Feb. 09, 2009, 01:24 AM »

Yes... it's the strangest thing ever... like I remember at times fighting with MSAs that wanted to have a curtain down the middle during meetings. or to have the sisters in a separate room. I was like ??? These people sit in the same classroom next to people of the opposite sex. They study with them. They are lab partners with them. You can't force haya' and islamic behavior with a curtain!! jeezzz
Logged

reeldeel

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 90
Re: Why isn't the system working?
« Reply #16 on: Mar. 25, 2009, 03:29 AM »

so where exactly is the line drawn. First I hear islam prohibits freely mixing with the opposite sex, then I hear this is extreme. I personally have been the type to not talk to the girl in hijab and to look away and walk away even faster (probably why am still single).

That dont mean I do the oposite with the non muslim girls. If am put in a team in class then I communicate whats required to get the job done but I can still feel shaytan pushing me to crack a joke, be funny, or say something witty.

But about speaking with the sisters... am down for the revolution... I do feel we should mix it up a bit.... just a bit. But where exactly is the line drawn.

Can I go up to a sister and ask name, age, course, where from and basically have a conversation to get to know the sister. I mean I could do that, but I've always though its wrong.
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest
Re: Why isn't the system working?
« Reply #17 on: Mar. 25, 2009, 12:50 PM »

When you are in class why dotn you talk to the sisters instead of the non muslims.
That has ahppend to me before i saw the brothers joking and talking with the non muslims, and with me he didnt even look at me or aknowladge me, i was thinking am i that hidous? and i thought maybe he is typical brother who doesnt want a sister in hijab he likes to see all of her. So its not a good idea, to totally blank a sister makes up feel like we are aliens. ok.


No you should just walk upto a sister on the street, i mean that happened to me. This guy said salam wa alikum and said to me i want to ask you soemthing and me beign nice i went over to him. Then he started asking me questions, where i am from, what i study? my name... when i told him i was moroccan and he said he was moroccan we were both shocked, then he did soemthing which made me think he was a loser... he put his out to me to shake it. i was like HELLL NOO. you never touch a girl mate! and he came across so confident and really chattey like he had pleanty of practice. and i needed to get away so i was like, sorry i need to go i shouldnt be seen talking to you and i need to meet my bro. So i left and later i met up with my mates one is asian and i told her what happened and she said he did the same thing to her when ishe walked passed him. And she isnt even muslim! she is sikh. so no its not a good idea to talk to every girl you see.  ::)

Logged

reeldeel

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 90
Re: Why isn't the system working?
« Reply #18 on: Mar. 25, 2009, 04:33 PM »

Am getting two contradicting answers again. Dont blank a sister yet dont, dont initiate conversation. I guess what you're saying is it depends on the contexts. I think the double standard for muslim and non muslim females has been discussed in another forum. Its simply because two shaytans (one in the bro and one in the non-muslim) facilitate the interaction where as the good muslim sister would not make it easy for the bro to flirt or what ever.

What if that brother hadnt put his hand out after your short encounter what if he'd just said it was nice meeting you, see you around inshallah, salamualaikum. Would that have been ok. Basically what if a brother does come and speak to you, keeping the whole interaction absolutely halal, no useless talk, but getting to know you, not deep, but basic info, perhaps even speaking about islam, Would that be ok.
Shouldnt he be able to find out a bit first, ask whether your single and if you plan on getting married soon be for he pops the question 'can I speak with your wali'.
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest
Re: Why isn't the system working?
« Reply #19 on: Mar. 25, 2009, 10:29 PM »

If he was a good muslim i would have sensed it, But i had a bad feeling about him. Tooo confident and tooo chattey, and then offered his hand and then he tryed chatting up the sikh girl i know. Not really the makings of a good muslim or a good example of a pious brother.

Even if he hadnt offered his hand, i would have still found out from my mate he tryed it on with her, and i would of still thought he was a typical arab player.

Yeah it depends on the context. I think like if you are in uni with a sister same class and you work together, its nicer to talk to her, if she covers herself and isnt too forward it is better for you as a brother to talk to her, as she is not flaunting everything, you have no need to worry about fitnah. She is covered and she also covers herself inside, and is shy. SO you keep away from good things and surround yourself in fintah? how does that makes sense bro??  ::) ::)

Like i said you in the same class its ideal to get to know one another, It is more acceptable that way, i mean you work togther so you get to see what sort of person they are, do they make alot of contributions to the class, team player, hard worker, etc etc. Perfect environment and its not forced, And if you dotn like one another then you are just class mates but if you like each other it is not soo weird and it wont freak her out if you were to ask her can i have your walis number. But to go upto a girl in the street when you dont even know her is a no no.
Unfortunatly the 2 brothers in my group are complete wastes of space. LOL.  ::)
Logged

reeldeel

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 90
Re: Why isn't the system working?
« Reply #20 on: Mar. 30, 2009, 02:43 AM »

It would have been perfect if there was a muslimah in on of my classes. Unfortunately for the past 10 years there has never been a girl in Hijab in any class I've taken. Why arnt there any sisters in Engineering >:(. I should have studied medicine or sumthin.

The chances of meeting someone in class are terribly slim I think, for me at least :'(.
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest
Re: Why isn't the system working?
« Reply #21 on: May. 25, 2009, 09:45 PM »

Same with me Reeldeel. there are 2 msulim men, but they go out and drink etc etc. You should study Radiography hehehehe :P joke. sorry.
Well its nto the only way to meet people at uni. What about islamic talks. Sometimes you need to just take a big step. If you see someone you like at an islamic talk just find out about her. do not appraoch her statight away, ask around and see who knows her. Then find out about her friends and tlak to one of them. There are ways.

Logged

reeldeel

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 90
Re: Why isn't the system working?
« Reply #22 on: May. 25, 2009, 10:54 PM »

How to approach a sister from an islamic talk. Now thats a guide that would really help. There was actually a sister at my uni I disparately wanted to approach but had no idea how to do it in the most islamic manner. I asked a fried of mine who was a lot more active then me in the ISOC and unfortunately enough he had already asked her and she had already told her parents. The year went by and I didnt do anything about it any more now its too late since I've moved, or rather it was just not written to be.

You say to find out her friends and talk to them. Obviously she's a good sister and only hangs out with sisters. So should I have gone to one of the sisters she rolls with and ask/say what exactly....

This may have been my fault actually... considering I frequently met her brother and father at the mosque. It was quite strange actually, I would pray istikhara, pray for a wife then walk to the mosque thinking about how I can approach her and the moment I walk into the mosque I reallize for some reason her father decided to pray at the mosque I go to just for that day. And this happened more then 5 times >:( . But then again my friend was also in the picture. :-X
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest
Re: Why isn't the system working?
« Reply #23 on: May. 25, 2009, 11:47 PM »

islamically you are not allowed to approach her if a man has already asked her. You have to literally sit back and see what the outcome is of them. If they go thier seperate ways then you can approach her. But two men are nto allowed to be seeing her at once. I think if you approached her father he would have told you that she was already spoken for.

well yes brother it was not written. Allah knows your partner and if she was the one you would be married to her.
Well if you saw her freinds, you can approach them and make your intention clear. Becuase you do not want them to think you are chatting them up or being a player. Just say straight away you are interested in thier friend. and if they can tell you if she is looking to get married and if she is single. then from that i am sure they will run off and tell her.. next thing for you to do is then of approached her father or met her..depends how practicing they are as a family. I know some fathers want you to ask permission before you talk to thier daughters. Or perhaps spend tiem with her brother, its easier to talk to the brother and he can give you an idea of her and also thier father.
Or at least from her friends you can find out if she is interested in you.


Next time inshallah. Just rememebr this for then.
Logged

jannah

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 269
Re: Why isn't the system working?
« Reply #24 on: May. 26, 2009, 07:57 PM »

Yes i think if your friend had already asked her you don't have any business getting into the mix of things. But if it ended up not working out you could always go to one of her friends and say 'assalaam alaikum, i'm interested in one of your friends and was wondering how i should go about finding out about her for marriage. is she single, do you think she'd be interested?' and let the ball roll from there.
Logged

reeldeel

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 90
Re: Why isn't the system working?
« Reply #25 on: May. 26, 2009, 10:48 PM »

you could always go to one of her friends and say 'assalaam alaikum, i'm interested in one of your friends and was wondering how i should go about finding out about her for marriage. is she single, do you think she'd be interested?' and let the ball roll from there.

Well if you saw her freinds, you can approach them and make your intention clear. Becuase you do not want them to think you are chatting them up or being a player. Just say straight away you are interested in thier friend. and if they can tell you if she is looking to get married and if she is single. then from that i am sure they will run off and tell her..
Or at least from her friends you can find out if she is interested in you.


Jazakallah Kair sisters.... this is the answer i've been looking for. By far the best lesson gained from halfmydeen. It has actually opened a door I never knew existed  :D Inshallah i'll put this method to action as soon as the opportunity presents itself again.
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest
Re: Why isn't the system working?
« Reply #26 on: May. 27, 2009, 08:45 PM »

have you seen someone then or met someone???? tell us!!!! tell me i want to know hehehehe :D
I didnt realsie what i said was useful i usually just chat alot of rubbish. i am glad someone finds it useful :D
Logged

reeldeel

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 90
Re: Why isn't the system working?
« Reply #27 on: May. 28, 2009, 11:05 PM »

No unfortunatly not at the moment... :'( its just that I've been in so many situations where I could have used that advise but didnt know what to do. But dont worry If I do meet some one... Halfmydeen would walk me through it... I wonder how she would feel about that though (me discussing our interactions on some online forum.  ::)
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest
Re: Why isn't the system working?
« Reply #28 on: May. 28, 2009, 11:26 PM »

Well just tell her its in general as you went for advice in general it was not specific to her. And explain to her you are a very shy person and you have alot of respect for women, and so you do not want to just approach them all cocky like some brothers. You have respect for them. I think she would think it was cute and genuinly appreciate your honesty too... and i think win you extra brownie points too :D


Goodluck with it. alalh ma3ek.
Logged

jannah

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 269
Re: Why isn't the system working?
« Reply #29 on: May. 29, 2009, 07:09 AM »

I wonder how she would feel about that though (me discussing our interactions on some online forum.  ::)

No need for details bro, but we're here with another perspective if you need any advice inshaAllah.

ws
Logged
Pages: 1 [2] 3 |   Go Up
 
 



Individual posts do not reflect the views of halfmydeen.org. All trademarks and copyrights are owned by their respective owners.
Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author.
The rest © halfmydeen.org