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Author Topic: Something personal please take this seriously  (Read 8349 times)

Anonymous

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Something personal please take this seriously
« on: Mar. 16, 2009, 11:51 AM »

I am a sister, I have a older brother who i admire very much. He is such a good muslim and respectful to women.
But today it felt like i had been sold a lie.
Please do not laugh or make jokes. i am very upset and still traumatised. I need some advice on what to do.

Bascially my brother has never had girlfriends, so therefore never had sex and he is 25.
Last night while looking for some paper and arts and crafts. I came across some unislamic things, some insturments and magazines and many other things. I do not want to say what as i thinking about it alone makes me feel sick, my hands are still shaking. I do not know what to do. i think he needs someone to talk to him, he needs help. But what do i do? I feel so sad, im really upset about this.

Please take this seriously, any advice would be helpful, i do not know who else to talk to without being judged.

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Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #1 on: Mar. 16, 2009, 07:56 PM »

I think many guys are curious at that age and unfortunately curiosity can lead to dangerous addictions like to pornography. As his sister, there is not much you can do. Just encourage him into other pursuits. If it is just a few things and not ongoing I wouldn't worry about it, but if you believe it is a complete worrying addiction that is getting worse, I would contrive a way for your father to find out. No doubt it would be a huge blowup but nothing short of that would make him feel ashamed enough to change.
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Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #2 on: Mar. 16, 2009, 08:29 PM »

I think it has been going on for a while, he has been acting odd. but i did not think anything of it. i am really worried. i do not think its acceptable and it is forbidden in islam. i mean he might aswell be dating. it is just as bad to me.
I think i need to get my parents involved.
I decided to write him a letter and email it to him, to see what happens. if nothing comes of it i will get my parents involved.
I do not think it is normal for a 25 year old. perhaps a young boy who is going through puberty and his hormones are all over the place that is an excuse. But there is no excuse at that age.
I am very disapointed in him i never thought he was that type. 
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Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #3 on: Mar. 17, 2009, 01:48 AM »

I am very sorry that you had to find out this way, but I think you are blowing things out of proportions. These things are considered "normal" for guys even in conservative societies. No wonder Islam encourages young men to get married as soon as they are able!
Of course, if he's 25, then it's been going on for years now. He's certainly not a kid, he knows what's right and what's wrong, and I would advise you to just ignore it. Your actions will only embaress him even more than he's already embaressed by what he knows is wrong, and may lead to a lashout that will leave a permanent dent in your relation with your brother.
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Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #4 on: Mar. 17, 2009, 05:35 PM »

How can i leave things? That is like if he found out i had a boyfriend and was having sex, it is acceptable? no i would probably end up dead why should it be double standards for men.
im sorry i made my choice, we are equal just becuase he is a man doesnt mean he can get away with it. i sent him the email and i am going to tell my parents next month. he would do the same with me if i was the one doing that.

It is not nomal, the prophet and quran both say it is haram. it is not normal for muslims, maybe for kuffar. and i wouldnt marry a man who did this either. he needs mental help.

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Eemo

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #5 on: Mar. 17, 2009, 10:08 PM »

Your brother will never speak to you again.
He's not mentally retarded nor is he 12 years old, and if you treat him that way, you will damage your relationship with him forever.

He is not accountable to your parents, he is accountable to Allah(SWT) only.
Your duty should be to remind him, at best, after that, its upto him.

Consider your steps very carefully.
No one is saying what he is doing is wrong, but you have no evidence to prove that he is having conjugal relationships with women, and you should always give someone the benefit of the doubt.

Would it not be better for you to help him find a spouse than to treat him like some social misfit?

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Eemo

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #6 on: Mar. 17, 2009, 10:10 PM »

*isnt
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Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #7 on: Mar. 17, 2009, 10:56 PM »

I did help him find a girl, He is currently getting engaged. So i am worried for her also. she is a lovely girl and she needs to know the truth i would want to if it was me.
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Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #8 on: Mar. 17, 2009, 10:58 PM »

It is not acceptable in islam maybe in the western world. But we are muslims not kuffar last time i checked. And it will never be accepted in islam it goes against everything. Like we shall be accepting alchol and music next, maybe clubbing too.
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Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #9 on: Mar. 18, 2009, 02:27 AM »

Someone may be doing something wrong, but that doesn't mean that our actions should be whatever we want. There is a way and wisdom to doing Naseeha and helping someone. You as the sister calling him out is NOT the way. I suggest you listen to the others and stay out of it unless it grows into something uncontrollable or obvious ie him doing it in front of you. We should cover other people's sins, even our own brothers. So think about it very very carefully and try to think about the results of your actions before you get crazy and make things much, much worse.

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Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #10 on: Mar. 18, 2009, 12:00 PM »

relax. hes a guy. yes its wrong but its no reason for you to become all hysterical about it.
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Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #11 on: Mar. 18, 2009, 07:24 PM »

Relax he is a guy?? get over yourself really, if it was me i would be buried in my backgarden by my parents. Its not normal. and if you think it is normal, i am worried for your wife or future wife and the rest of you too. These are the sorts of muslim men we see today, ones who indulge in sexual experinces before marriage and hide it. they have word for people like that SCUM!
 :'( :'( :(
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Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #12 on: Mar. 19, 2009, 01:48 PM »

then i'm scum
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Eemo

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #13 on: Mar. 19, 2009, 03:09 PM »

So what you're saying is you are doing all this because you are afraid of your parents?
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Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #14 on: Mar. 20, 2009, 01:21 AM »

Seems a bit like sibling rivalry, cuz it sounds like you want him to get in trouble with your parents or get some kind of punishment...like getting buried in the backyard perhaps. If you cant approach him face to face, I don't see the point telling on him. What he's is proably tantamount to Zina but even to report Zina requires 4 witnesses. A man reported himself to the prophet and the prophet turned his head away (didnt want to hear it). I say cover your bros sins and advise him with hikma. Inshallah he'll reply to your email and the issue would be resolved.
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