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Author Topic: Something personal please take this seriously  (Read 8652 times)

Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #15 on: Mar. 21, 2009, 01:16 PM »

I know about the 4 witnesses, but he still has the things in his draw i can show that to my parents and they will not need any more calrification on his activities. It is not sibling rivialry. i love my brother very much, and i used to look up to him. But this is soemthing which is an illness that needs to be iradicated from his life. He is gettign amrried in a year, how can he look his wife in the eys and say yes i am a virgin. and that women he is marrying is my best friend. so as you can see i do not want my friend to marry a person like that, so tellign my parents will sort him out and get him on the right path. i want my old brohter back.  :'( :'( :'( :'(

i am a muslim i care what happend to my family. i do not think liek kuffar, eah to thier own, i do not care, not my problem, it is my problem in islam we are a family and family look out for each other.


 :'( :'(

I knew the men would disagree, perhaps showing you all do the same too. so defensive about it.  ::) ::)
 :-\
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Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #16 on: Mar. 21, 2009, 05:47 PM »

You know your bro best. If  you think telling your parents will actually sort him out rather than messing up your relationship with him then telling them would be the best thing to do. May allah help him deal with it inshallah
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MzCBox

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #17 on: Mar. 21, 2009, 06:22 PM »

I almost feel ashamed to be joining in on this discussion coz its a sensitive male issue but anyway.

Sister, what you need to understand is that at the age of 25, your brother is a man! Im sure he is aware of whats right and wrong Islamically, but sometimes people cannot restrain themselves, so it leads to these things (and from what I understand, he is not really 'womanizing'). This is something that should be kept as private as possible, it should be between him and God. Its unfortunate that you had to find out about your brothers 'personal life', but let it remain that way.... personal.

The consequences of making it a family issue can be devastating!
You may very well ruin your parents relationship with him, as well as your own, and you may very well mess up he's whole impending marriage if things leak out. (Btw, as long as he has not 'been' with a female he is still classified as 'pure' in some regard). So after all this embarrassment, what do you think a man would do? Apologize to all and stick around knowing that he's entire family knows about his darkest weakness? I don't think so sister, its highly possible he would leave home or do even worse (depending on his mental plane)

Maybe a nicer way to have dealt with this situation (keeping in mind that you have to respect him as your older bro), would have been to leave an article or booklet regarding this topic from the Shar'iah point of view, where you found he's collection, and keep the whole thing anonymous.

But anyway, please, think about the long term effects your actions could cause on your family. If you have already sent him the email, then khalas, you cant undo that, but don't pursue this any further, and may Allah (swt) guide us all.

   

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Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #18 on: Mar. 22, 2009, 09:05 AM »

The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said:

"No slave veils another slave in this world without Allah veiling him on the Day of Rising."

[Muslim]
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Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #19 on: Mar. 22, 2009, 09:18 PM »

n Imam Nawawi’s collection of 40 ahadith, we find that our beloved Prophet (saws) said:

    “When any one of you sees anything that is disapproved, let him change it with his hand.  If he is not able to do so, then let him change it with his tongue.  And if he is not able to do so, then let him change it with his heart, though that is the weakest faith.”
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Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #20 on: Mar. 22, 2009, 09:42 PM »

Exactly and that hadith i love, I cant change it with my hand. But i can change it with my tongue, and i can get people to help him.
Like i mentioned previously i have sent him an letter, inshallah he has read it i have not seen him since so perhaps he has read it and is in the process of changng.
I know i can help him wake up. i care about him i want my old brother back. i hope so soon.
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Anonymous

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #21 on: Aug. 25, 2009, 05:08 PM »

Men are men. Their genetalia sit on the outside of the body and is highly noticable when erect. Women are the oposite. Unless you are a man you have no idea what he is feeling. You're getting all bent out of shape over something you haveno control over which is seriously not your place even though you are his sister. Example: My husband (a muslim man) had never been married before we met. The more we talked and the more we saw each other, the harder it was for him. I didn't have to ask...It became apparant because he would aways stand behind things or rush off. After we were married, he changed..why? Because he's married and can fulfill his desires whenever he wishes.

Just because we are covering our selves does not mean that the opposite sex doesn't notice. Just as we the men have to guard their chastity too. Would you rather your brother have married any woman just to release his sexual desires and not love his wife? That wouldn't be fair to the young lady. We are not perfect. Not everything we do is going to be right although we strive to do good. Masterbation is not a good thing I admit but it beats fornication, permiscuity, homosexuality, and adultery. I pray that Allah guides your brother to do the right thing and stop whatever it is that he is doing. As for you (I mean no offense) and I remind myself as well when I say this....going to the fiance' would be taking it way too far and you need to mind your own business when it comes to the bedroom matters of others. 

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nblueblaze

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #22 on: Feb. 26, 2010, 08:47 PM »

I am a sister, I have a older brother who i admire very much. He is such a good muslim and respectful to women.
But today it felt like i had been sold a lie.
Please do not laugh or make jokes. i am very upset and still traumatised. I need some advice on what to do.

Bascially my brother has never had girlfriends, so therefore never had sex and he is 25.
Last night while looking for some paper and arts and crafts. I came across some unislamic things, some insturments and magazines and many other things. I do not want to say what as i thinking about it alone makes me feel sick, my hands are still shaking. I do not know what to do. i think he needs someone to talk to him, he needs help. But what do i do? I feel so sad, im really upset about this.

Please take this seriously, any advice would be helpful, i do not know who else to talk to without being judged.



Salaam,

I know this post and thread is old but I would like to share my views.

Any pornographic material is haraam...print or media both of them are haraam...unfortunately we mortal men are not immuned to shaitan's plan to lure us into looking at pornography....when I was in my undergrad course at Uni, I was staying at all boys accommodation and believe me all boys - muslim/non-muslim...decent/bad...everyone used to see video-porns...its sad but true..it happens in all countries even in Saudi Arabia, UAE etc.

Fortunately in Islam we have a solution for this kind of behaviour...prophet Muhammad(pbuh) has told either to fast or get married asap to escape seeing and doing such haraam acts...since after porn the next thing that comes into mind is easily available illegal sex...personally I know a few of my muslim and non muslim friends who have paid for sex and have boasted in front of me. Most outsiders, particularly westerners will be amazed to learn the amount of illegal sex and prostitution happening in Saudi Arabia and UAE...now a days, you would RARELY come across a young muslim male who has never seen porn.. unbelievable but true

Coming back to the topic...of course, on finding such materials by a female will cause her mental trauma and naturally she might feel sick suddenly...but I dont think its a good idea that a female should confront the male and talk about his private behaviour. That person should rather be shown the wrong he is doing by another muslim male so that he doesnt build a wall around him and should be asked to beg for Allah's mercy in prayers and do tauba from such things taking Allah's name. Such a person should be comforted and given the case presented by the sister in the first post, she/her family should atleast be assured that the guy didnt commit any major sin since he keeps distance from females.

A few things one may do to avoid porn:
1. set browser settings as such that it wont open any website that contains pornographic website.
2. avoid the magazine section of a bookshop (and dvd rental shop)
3. strictly avoid night-clubs/discos/pubs etc.
4. offer prayers daily (preferably in mosques if possible)...its never too late to repent
5. choose friends carefully.
6. get married if finance permits

Plz forgive me if I have offended anyone by my post

Jazak-Allah

Nes
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sammie89

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #23 on: Apr. 07, 2010, 05:23 AM »

Maybe the best thing you can do for him is make a committed effort to finding him a spouse ( if you haven't done so already). If he is stable enough to get married then you should look for him. Then you can be his Wingman (lady) in case he is shy.  Otherwise, he is an adult; maybe he doesn't look at it as much as you might think since if he prays on a regular basis, then you would notice an unusual amount of showers. In case there is a serious problem, then you would likely notice him slacking in religious duties- it's hard to be comfortable when behaving badly on a regular basis ( esp with this kind of potential sin) if you're feeling guilty for the sake of Allah.
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sammie89

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #24 on: Apr. 07, 2010, 05:32 AM »

by the way.... i read some posts.

i wouldn't recommend that you say anything to the fiance.
(were you snooping when you found that stuff- no answer needed)
If this is a real problem for him it will manifest later in his relationship, Allah knows best. But if it's not then you will be responsible for ruining a successful marriage and tarnishing your brother's reputation. And considering those double standards you were talking about, the consequences seem like they won't work in your favor, although you though you were doing a good thing.

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hitmark

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #25 on: Aug. 04, 2010, 12:48 PM »

oh very sad. Have not you yet inform your parents about it. You may talk to your mother.
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3bdiAllaah

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #26 on: Aug. 05, 2010, 05:49 AM »

are you daft!? what the heck are you thinking!?there's NOTHING to freak out about. sister, you DO NOT know how it feels to be a man, at 25, unmarried and never had a relationship in your life. You can NOT comprehend the mental stress. He has lost TEN years of his romantic/sexual life just to waste.

It's SOOOO wasteful, it can drive people crazy. When i say crazy, i mean *serious* psychological issues. I personally know a 25 yo who has psychological issues exactly because of this thing.

I wont tell how old I am but my parents even asked me if I wanted to go to a psychiatrist because of this very same thing. Not that they found out about something, they just know it. All parents know this and its considered normal.

Would you want him to go out and start dating? NO
I'm not saying what he's doing can be justified. But the fact of the matter is, its a lesser of a sin to masterbute than to go out and have sex.

This is a non-issue about which you are just freaking out. You must not tell anyone about this and just chill, you simply dont know how it feels to be 25 and in that situation. It's b/w him and ALLAH.

Be thankful to ALLAH that your brother has not gone mad. Go ask yourself how pious you are. I'm sure no one is perfectly "pure" here if you like to put it that way. This whole thing is just foolish.

Let me tell you how it feels at my age, Now, if i think about marraige, I tell myself : " I have lost my peak years when i wanted a relationship the most, now i can live with it"

do you have an idea now? how bad it feels?
dont get me started and dont talk about things you dont understand AT ALL

insha'Allah i will get married ASAP, but i can NOT due to so many things.
Just let him be, I'm sure inshaAllah your brother is concious of ALLAH and I'm sure he will make tawba with sincerity and ALLAH will forgive him.

as of you *best friend*, she should be thankful to ALLAH that she is marrying a muslim man who is at least practising.

What if i tell you there was a sahabi who used to sell dates and a woman came to buy, he said i have dates in the warehouse too you want to take a look, and she went with him to the warehouse and they made out and then sahabi became concious and came to rasululALLAH SAW, and he sought forgiveness from ALLAH.

does this make sahabi unpure?
why are you so concrned about purity, ask youself how pure you are.

this desire destroys you when you try to control it.
trust me you dont want to know how bad it is.

just chill. you need to grow up.
seriously.
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superman

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #27 on: Aug. 05, 2010, 09:35 PM »

I just turned 30, and if there's one thing i've learned in the last 6 years of looking is that the "sisters" dont have a clue about what brothers are going through.

They have such strange ideas about suitors, that to us are just ridiculous.

One of the things that attracts so many brothers to non-practising girls so much is, unfortunately, that they've been in relationships before so they understand men.

These girls just dont have a clue.

I think alot of sisters need to do a lot of growing up, and need to get out of their insular way of life.

Yes there are alot of brothers who are bad apples, but there are equally just many good brothers who get turned down for the most stupidest of reasons because issues are made out of the silliest of things.
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3bdiAllaah

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #28 on: Aug. 06, 2010, 06:59 AM »

One of the things that attracts so many brothers to non-practising girls so much is, unfortunately, that they've been in relationships before so they understand men.

These girls just dont have a clue.

I think alot of sisters need to do a lot of growing up, and need to get out of their insular way of life.

Yes there are alot of brothers who are bad apples, but there are equally just many good brothers who get turned down for the most stupidest of reasons because issues are made out of the silliest of things.

thats why if one has had a bad experience with such sisters, you tend to start hating them. literally.
and its the worst thing that can happen to a muslim that he starts hating muslim women, do you know that feeling, that feeling of disgust over which you just dont have any control. it just comes.

and then naturally you tend to get attracted to non-practising or non-muslim women. which is a disaster.

plus traditional and cultural muslim parents are to blame here too. they want the perfect match for their daughters or they want their daughters not to get married just yet because shes bringing some cash in the house.

these parents are "zalim" people. i only wonder whats gona happen to them on qyamah for stripping away their daughters rights by not getting them married for so long.

like all perishable commodities, human life is the most valuable. starting from 15 years of age and onwards, everyday is precious, and everyday after that lost without a lawful relationship constantly keeps inflicting bodily and psychological damage.
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superman

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Re: Something personal please take this seriously
« Reply #29 on: Aug. 07, 2010, 12:03 AM »

Yes. Agreed.
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