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Author Topic: The funny way we do things...  (Read 2066 times)

Anonymous

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The funny way we do things...
« on: Jan. 03, 2009, 07:05 PM »

It's funny they way we do things isn't it? I mean we are not allowed by our religion to date and try out relationships but when we hit the right age we are expected to choose someone to spend the rest of our life with. Quite a daunting task! So we head out, trying to 1) define a sensible criteria and 2) find someone who will fit that criteria. But where do we look? Within family, friends, colleagues, matrimonial websites and marriage events (not all conventional ways of meeting someone!)? What if we don't find what we are looking for? And is this what it has become? An excercise of finding someone who will tick all the boxes?
Are we all just going to settle for someone who will just do? Is it unrealistic to imagine there could be something more, something exciting, interesting, a spark? Is it right islamically to think this way?
Just curious! 
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Marriage

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Re: The funny way we do things...
« Reply #1 on: Jan. 17, 2009, 08:13 PM »

salaam

yeah some people do it that way, but most muslims know if that person is the one. i know sisters who have met suiters and when they meet that special one there is that spark and instant attraction yes, but also they just knew they were right for each other. and these sisters are happily married with babies. so mashallah it exists.
yeah it is hard to meet someone, but its hard to meet someone who has waited just as you have, for example teh comman trend i have seen is that when brothers go to university they see it as a time to forget allah for 3 years and do as they please. and then when they graduate and mother is expectign him to marry a girl, he settles for a muslimah. i think to myself the cheek of it. its hard to meet someone who fits the criteria. Virgin, no previous contact with oppostie sex, decent, calm, religious. those charactersitics are never found in one person. LOL
its hard for sisters even more so becuase they need the approval of family more then the sons do.

but i think culture is still controllign how marriage is conducted. people especially men have criteria 1) beautiful 2) body like pamala 3)can cook 4) obeys me.
like what the hell. the amont of brothers who actually have looks and body as number one on their list no wonder why they are single and no wonder why teh sisters are single.
they cant look for deen in a partner that is a bonus but doesnt seem neccesary to them. but for me its number one. its sooo hard to find a brother who fears allah and is strong in his deen.

and the problem it seems with marriage sites, is that they all go on there to chat and some dont take it seriuosly they use it as an excuse to get to know girls and try to push the boundries. i personally think marriage site do work for a small number of people but i think generally a waste of time and web space.
i prefer the traditional way, no contact made initilly and any contact made, the man has to seek permission from walli/father. and if anything if a man is brave enough to approach a father then he isnt messsing around. where as most brothers are like lets just talk and see.... what does see mean??
i personally think its haram as the intention is not whole heartedly there, its sort of is but not really.

well some people as you described are under pressure once they hit a certain age to marry, but others cant wait to get married. not becuase they are animals but muslms like myself for example cant wait to share their life with someone and start a family and complete teh other half of my deen inshallah.
people go into it blindly and there is one good site that actually trains these youngsters and parents what marriage is about in islam becuase some people dont even know about marriage in terms of islam and the rights upon husband and wife.

in conclusion, these youngsters need to control their hormones, mature and learn what marriage is and then actually use inteligence to realise that religion in your spouce is more beautiful then having body like a model. once you learn that then you can remove those from yoor list of criteria and it will be shortera nd inshallah alot easier.
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