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Author Topic: What to discuss at first meeting!  (Read 2438 times)

prince

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What to discuss at first meeting!
« on: Mar. 21, 2009, 12:59 PM »

Assalaamu-alaikum

I'm new to these boards and was seeking some advice.

I am recently seperated, well for over 1 year. The divorce has not been finalised just yet due to issues with the house, finances etc. But there is zero chance of me getting back with my wife as I have no desire for this. I have moved on and would like to get married again.

I have been introduced, via phone, to a muslim woman who I feel i may be compatible with.

Now I am planning on meeting her and her family/friends. However I have never "met" anyone in this way, a stranger with other strangers present so have no idea what questions I should ask.

Can anyone advise me on the types of questions I should ask or expect to be asked?
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Eemo

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Re: What to discuss at first meeting!
« Reply #1 on: Mar. 21, 2009, 11:12 PM »

Wa alaikum salaam,

My sincere advice is, keep things simple and be generic.
Dont ask her about any major specifics or press her about certain feelings on things.

You want to may be just start with what you do, what you like, and ask her the same kind of things in a way as you would when you meet someone new.

I'd get a pen and paper and just jot down some simple things about what you would want to know about a future spouse and formulate a broad set of questions around that in your mind, after that, if she asks you and you ask her, before you know it, time will have passed and the conversation (if you get on well) will start flowing itself.

All the best

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Eemo

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Re: What to discuss at first meeting!
« Reply #2 on: Mar. 21, 2009, 11:42 PM »

By the way, just in case it wasnt clear, i didnt mean get the pen and paper out in the meeting. I meant try the exercise before the meeting

Apologies if there was any confusion, im not my coherent self today.
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Jeremy

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Re: What to discuss at first meeting!
« Reply #3 on: Mar. 22, 2009, 04:01 AM »

This earlier thread may help you with the first meeting:
http://jannah.org/halfmydeen/index.php?topic=113.0
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Muslimah21

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Re: What to discuss at first meeting!
« Reply #4 on: Mar. 22, 2009, 12:24 PM »

salaam you do realsie you can not even begin to court with another women until you are actually divourced, so you shouldnt be meeting her until it is all finailised even though you say there si no chance of gettign back togtehr this is islamic law. Ask her to wait until your divource is finalised and completed, if she waits then she is worth getting to know, if she doesnt then move on.

Someone actually 2 years ago did the same to me, he told me he was previously married, so i assumed he was divourced too. But after about 2 months discovered he was not divourced, if he had told me at the start it would have been ok, but becuase he lied and didnt clarify it i told him we couldnt talk anymoe or take this further, even though he knew you are meant to be divourced before you start seeking another womens hand he still went ahead.
Another thing was he was only 23, so that scared me too.

 >:(
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prince

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Re: What to discuss at first meeting!
« Reply #5 on: Mar. 25, 2009, 10:31 AM »

Thanks for the advice everyone. Much appreciated.

Muslimah2, i have spoken to learned muslims in regards to this and they have advised me that islamically i can start looking for another wife based on the grounds a muslim man is allowed more than 1 wife at any 1 time.

So although I am technically still married, this does not prevent me looking for another wife. Me and my current wife (who i refer to as my ex) are both wanting this divorce so its not like i am upto something behind her back.

The other woman knows of my situation so is not being misled in any way.

I dont know, maybe i have got my facts wrongs. Please advise people!
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Muslimah21

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Re: What to discuss at first meeting!
« Reply #6 on: Mar. 25, 2009, 12:55 PM »

The reason i say this, i dont mean to be mean or patronising, just that when i was reading hadith about this. And becuase in that time until you are actually divourced you too can get back togther. I know you said there is no chance of that. But what if last minute something happens and you were to change your mind. Im not saying it will... but allah has said it can happen and its allowed. so then where does it leave the other woman?? that is why i said wait until you have divource settled so nothing like that can happen. I know you said it wont but allah allam, something could happen and you may want to give it another go for the sake fo allah. So i said it would be best incase, you dont want to hurt this new lady.


anyway all the best
Jazakallah khier
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