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Author Topic: people think me and my brother are married!!!!!!!!!!  (Read 7310 times)

Muslimah21

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people think me and my brother are married!!!!!!!!!!
« on: Mar. 21, 2009, 01:08 PM »

i realsied the other day that due to the amount of time me and my brother spend togther alot of people think we are married. even his friends who have never met me, or he hasnt told them about me when they see us togther think i am his fiance or wife!!!!!!
the most embarssign time when we were in a shop, and they had a food tasting, and the women asked me if i wanted to taste some food, i was like no, and she said what about your husband?? i was like you what!!!!and told her he is my brother. that really upset me.

So now i wonder whenever brothers see me and him togther they think we are married. No wonder no one has paid any attention to me, obviously they see us togtehr they have no reason to approach me. maybe him but not me. :(

How irritating, i need to spend alot less time with my brother i think, a lot less.
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islamislife

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Re: people think me and my brother are married!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #1 on: Mar. 21, 2009, 10:29 PM »

Dear Sister,

Don't worry about what people think or say, it only matters what Allah (S.W.T) Thinks and Says. Its also happened to me and my small sister. The mentalities of people are messed up in this world.

Listen, only Allah (S.W.T) is responsible for pairing us with the match which he has made for us. He says this in several places in the Holy Quran like in Surah Yasin and in Surah Al-Rehman. Read the Holy Quran and Trust only in Allah (S.W.T). Life is a test...for some its trouble with career  , for others its marriage problems and for some its the distances that tear apart families...so each one of us is being tested in a different way in this life.

Inshallah Alllah will grant you a kind-hearted husband who is also a good Muslim.

May Allah help us all, Ameen.
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jannah

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Re: people think me and my brother are married!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #2 on: Mar. 22, 2009, 07:14 AM »

It's nice to say "don't worry about what people say" but if it's a severe hindrance in you getting married I think you have a right to be worried. I suggest you start telling all and sundry that 'this is my brother', introduce him to everyone as your brother and make sure he tells people you're his sister. Also don't wear a ring. Also in a roundabout way mention you're single to people.
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Muslimah21

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Re: people think me and my brother are married!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #3 on: Mar. 22, 2009, 12:33 PM »

thanks guys

Yeap jannah i never wear rings ever.. even fake ones just incase.
And my bro doesnt tell his freinds or people he meets about me or that i exist so they wont ask "is she single" he doesnt want people to know i exist,  and the other day i told him i do not like people he knows thinking we are married, he said why not???? and he likes it becuase no one will bother me!!!!


For example last year we were living below this muslim man, anyway i saw him once and he looked nice, we never spoke. only said salams I used to hear him read quran almost everyday and i would sit and listen to him, i really enjoyed listening to him. And my brother knew him, but he never told him i was his sister, he wanted him to think we were married, living togther at university in the same flat the guy also assumed we were married. He would have been perfect for me, even my dad met him and talked about him alot. But becuase of my brother nothing ever happened. and he moved out 4 months ago and went back home, he lives abroad too.  :'(
And me being shy and trying to uphold islamic tradition i didnt stop the guy or talk to him, some days i wish i had just so at least he knew that the man i was living with is actually my brother and not my husband   :(
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reeldeel

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Re: people think me and my brother are married!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #4 on: Mar. 22, 2009, 09:02 PM »

The way I see it, Allah has left you with a blessing saving you from getting all these passes both ligit and illigit, which may lead to haram since you may be 99% perfect Muslima but shaytan may take advantage of that 1%. Instead you are left with a chance to filter out the man you're looking for then send your brother out for investigation. You are very lucky you had the perfect chance to get things done in an islamic way. You could have asked your bro to chat with the Qaari whose recitation you enjoyed. But inshallah the whole situation is khair.
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Muslimah21

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Re: people think me and my brother are married!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #5 on: Mar. 22, 2009, 09:48 PM »

Well any brother that wants to help me would have introduced me to him. But he never did and he knows like for a year now i want to get married. But he told me why are you in a rush and he said for me to wait until i get a job thats like in 2-3 years!!!! Im ready now and there was a perfect opportunity but he wasnt fullfilling his role as my gaurdian while away from home. he should be helping me not makign things harder so i do soemthing bad, soemthing behind thier backs.!!!! Not that i would but i have an excuse they are makign marriage harder then what it already is.  :'( :'( :'(
 :( :(

 >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(
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jannah

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Re: people think me and my brother are married!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #6 on: Mar. 23, 2009, 04:33 AM »

Don't depend on your brother to do things. Most brothers have no idea what to do, or how to do it and they could easily just mess things up. Find someone serious, like you can tell your mom to tell your dad and then he could have done something.
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Muslimah21

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Re: people think me and my brother are married!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #7 on: Mar. 23, 2009, 03:39 PM »

I have already spoken to my mother. She doesnt know anyone. She keeps herself to herself, she is not chummy with the other muslim mothers, My father doesnt want to discuss anything about marriage with us. Typical old fashioned arab father, he thinks its not his palce and gets awkard in those situations. I think he still thinks of mee as his little girl  ???

My parents do not live an area of the country where there are decent muslim men, most of them are born into islam and leave it once they hit thier teens. the ones my age all date and go out clubbing and drinking, there mums would liek them to marry a girl liek me, but i dont want to go anywhere near them  :o :o

So my brother knows alot of brothers and he plays football with them, meets them at mosque and islamic meetings. I can not go along with him to football and start chattign up the brothers  ???
Its nto easy to talk to them in a natural way. Whereas if my brother introduced us would be natural and not so forced and awkward. and at least he knows what they are like.
No help from my family. They expect me to sit at home and wait for someone to know automatically that they have a daughter who is single, and me to wait for him to knock on my door.  ??? ???

I really do not know  >:(
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jannah

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Re: people think me and my brother are married!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #8 on: Mar. 23, 2009, 07:48 PM »

Find someone else to help you in your community, even your own friends. Once you find someone that you like or could be interested in get your friend or someone to try to hook u up. Don't wait around for your family to wake up, that might never happen. Also, maybe you should try the internet matrimonial sites. It's a lot of work and doesn't work for most people, but you never know!

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Muslimah21

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Re: people think me and my brother are married!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #9 on: Mar. 24, 2009, 03:48 PM »

I think i will try my friends, they have told me lots of times they know people who are looking for a girl liek me. but i just feel guilty becuase my parents will not be involved and i know they will be upset and i do not want to hurt my parents.

I dotn think i could ever use matrimonial sites, it goes against what i believe and my morals. Maybe for other people, but not for me.

Thanks for the advice :D
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reeldeel

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Re: people think me and my brother are married!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #10 on: Mar. 25, 2009, 01:49 AM »

You need to have a serious discussion with your bro, cuz if he hangs around the mosque and goes to the islamic meetings then he deffinatly will be in touch with the type of husband you are looking for.

Your friends I supposed are female and if you hang around with people as good as yourself then their friends I supposed are also all female, so unless you know a friend that has a brother then I dont think they would be of much help.

Your best bet is a muharam of the oposite sex.
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Muslimah21

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Re: people think me and my brother are married!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #11 on: Mar. 25, 2009, 12:42 PM »

My friends families are more connected with the muslim community so they knwo who is single who is looking etc etc. and they help each other find people. Unlike my community back home they wouldnt help you ever even if you paid them. That is why my parents dont know anyone. I couldnt just go upto a brother i saw and liekd and havea  convo with him, that isnt right at all.  ???

I know i have had a talk with him, i said to him i am interested in meeting someone with intention of marriage, and he didnt take me serious. Even though i spoke to him and told him how serious i was. He didnt take what i said on board, didnt even try. He keeps tellign me what is my rush? im yougn i should enjoy being single.... i cant enjoy beign single becuase i cant even do anythign without my dad or brother. If i want to go somewhere has to be with them, i ant travel whcih i really want to do. I cant go anywhere and do the things i like to do.  :(
Just want to meet someone who has similar interests and is a good brother, is that so difficult to find?  :'( :'(
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justKhan22

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Re: people think me and my brother are married!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #12 on: May. 21, 2009, 02:29 PM »

Some ppl think my mum is my sister?! I dnt knw wht to say to tht lol.
apart frm mashallah it sure makes my mum happy.
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Muslimah21

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Re: people think me and my brother are married!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #13 on: May. 21, 2009, 09:40 PM »

At least they dont mistake you for being a couple. Makes me cringe when people say it to me :S
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justKhan22

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Re: people think me and my brother are married!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #14 on: Jun. 02, 2009, 07:31 PM »

haha truee
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