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Author Topic: Questions to ask a Prospective Spouse  (Read 8001 times)

halfmydeen

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Questions to ask a Prospective Spouse
« on: Nov. 11, 2008, 09:58 PM »

What questions do you think are most important to ask?
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jinnzaman

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Re: Questions to ask a Prospective Spouse
« Reply #1 on: Nov. 28, 2008, 09:55 PM »

Where she gets her knowledge of Islam from, how much she practices, what she does for fun, interesting anecdotes about her life.

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jannah

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Re: Questions to ask a Prospective Spouse
« Reply #2 on: Nov. 29, 2008, 05:01 AM »

hmm

anecdotes tell you something about a girl??
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ya_Lateef

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Re: Questions to ask a Prospective Spouse
« Reply #3 on: Jan. 24, 2009, 03:50 PM »

asalamu aleykum:D
well i think its quite a tough question so heres two
most important for me ..
1 Are you ready for marriage ? are you sure? itl save you alot of time :D insha allah
2 Do you practise the deen or is it Allah knows my faith in him...?
if u know any other good questions continue with the list :D
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Muslimah21

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Re: Questions to ask a Prospective Spouse
« Reply #4 on: Jan. 25, 2009, 12:19 PM »

salaaams umm i have loooods.

1) are you a proper practicing muslim, if yes how long for?
2) Who do you fear most allah or man, will you be prepared to fight for your rights as a muslim?
3) What is your relationship like with your family, and your mother?
4) When at work do you pray or go to the mosque and pray?
5) do you think its ok to have female friends, even if its just friendly chats?
6) Can you see yourself with me when i am 60 and everything has gone south and beauty has gone?
7) Do you love children? and do you want lots? :D
8) If i want to work once we are married is that a problem?
9) if i want to return to education when i am older is that ok?
10) will you wake up with me for fajr everyday, 365 days a year for the rest of our lives?

obviosuly men lie and can lie about these and give false answers. but if you have brothers tehn you can get them to spend time with this person in their environment to see if they are who they say they are. and its not bad to have someone sort of spy/ check up on them once in a while :D
marriage is a big commitment you want to make sure this person is teh person they say they are dont you?
:D
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Ponderer

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Re: Questions to ask a Prospective Spouse
« Reply #5 on: Jan. 25, 2009, 08:45 PM »

Asalamualaikum people!

I would ask similar sorts of questions:

- First of all about his deen: what is his purpose in life? What does Islam mean to him? Does he pray and fast? Does he regularly study the religion? Maybe test his understanding of the religion e.g. by asking what he thinks of the presence of different opinions in Islam.
- Second of all about his character: how does he react to anger? How does he interact with people (including members of the opposite gender)? What is his relationship like with his parents? I think it would be better to ask these questions from people who know him rather than the person himself!
-Next what he thinks of marriage: what does marriage mean to him? Is he ready? What does he expect from his spouse (incuding how she should dress, whether she should work/study or not)? When he would like children and how he would like them to be raised? What he thinks is the role of the husband and the wife? Will he help with the housework and the children's upbringing? What does he think of the verse: "and they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness, and men are a degree above them" (Al-Baqara:2:28)?
-Lastly I would ask about why he wants to marry me (because there is no one better or because he is interested in me as an individual)?
I think this should give a good picture of the person's mentality and character and what they would be like to live with.
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reeldeel

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Re: Questions to ask a Prospective Spouse
« Reply #6 on: Mar. 19, 2009, 01:40 AM »

obviosuly men lie and can lie about these and give false answers.

Not trying to start a war of the sexes, but I've thought about this, would a woman certainly not lie and give false answers also.

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jannah

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Re: Questions to ask a Prospective Spouse
« Reply #7 on: Mar. 19, 2009, 03:28 AM »

I don't think people deliberately lie about these things (inshaAllah) but we all give answers of like how we "ideally would like to be" or "ideally think of things". How can we know what kind of person someone really is, it isn't often how they describe themselves. That's why I agree it's important to see that person in their environment, with their friends and family to understand them better.
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Muslimah21

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Re: Questions to ask a Prospective Spouse
« Reply #8 on: Mar. 21, 2009, 01:04 PM »

its better to ask queations where the person needs to explain and give further detail rather then Yes/No answers. ask questions that require more thought. sort of liek an interview. when they ask you that dreaded question, when was a time/ experince which stood out to you and what did you do to reslove it, how did you deal with that? lol i hate those questions, and that would be good to ask potential spouce, not exactly that queation but soemthing along those lines.


jazakallah khier
:D
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jannah

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Re: Questions to ask a Prospective Spouse
« Reply #9 on: Mar. 22, 2009, 07:18 AM »

very good point muslimah... also i really really suggest not giving your opinion or answer first... play devil's advocate sometimes and leave things open ended, and ask questions in weird ways and make up strange situations and see what his responses are. don't give your answer or what you think first. some people (even unconsciously) will follow your lead in a question and just answer it in a "perfect way" or the way they think they should answer it, so it does take some strategy to get the real answers behind things.
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Muslimah21

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Re: Questions to ask a Prospective Spouse
« Reply #10 on: Mar. 22, 2009, 12:18 PM »

And also watching body language is a great sign if they are lieing, and if they are only saying what they knwo you want to hear. so watch them as they answer the queation.


 :D
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zaheddec

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Re: Questions to ask a Prospective Spouse
« Reply #11 on: May. 04, 2009, 06:29 AM »

I go with questions of Sister Muslmah...
The 10th question is really a key to judge a person.
I would like to rephrase it to.. When is the last fajr prayer you performed on time or ask for last tahjud?

I believe the way they answer will make sure that they lying or truthful..

Great questions I would have asked similar question.

 
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Muslimah21

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Re: Questions to ask a Prospective Spouse
« Reply #12 on: May. 08, 2009, 04:54 PM »

What about questions not to ask? liek especially on the first few meetings... what is not a good thing to mention?
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Hamza81

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Re: Questions to ask a Prospective Spouse
« Reply #13 on: May. 12, 2009, 01:02 PM »

Asalaamu alaikum wr wb to everyone i hope your well inshallah,

In order to understand whether two people may be compatible or not, then the following questions may be asked.

1) How would you describe your temperament?

2) What is your relationship like with your parents and siblings?

3) What qualities are you looking for in a spouse?

4) What expectations do have from your spouse?

5) What do you definitely not want to see in a potential spouse?

6) Why do you want to get married?

7) How long have you been looking to get married?

8) Where and whom do you learn your deen from?

9) How long have you been practicing?

10) What is your opinion about hijrah?
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Hamza81

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Re: Questions to ask a Prospective Spouse
« Reply #14 on: May. 12, 2009, 01:05 PM »

What about questions not to ask? liek especially on the first few meetings... what is not a good thing to mention?


Asalamu alaikum, i don't think its good to ask for a picture straight away-Thats if your looking on the internet or if you have'nt seen the person.
I also don't think it is also good to ask the person straight away whether they have had any extra marital relations because sometimes people assume and i think questions based on assumptions are not good!
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