Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, and then when you see
what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife,
"You know, I was a fool when I married you."
"Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds:
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
The bride, upon her engagement,
went to her mother and said,
"I've found a man just like father!"
Her mother replied,
"So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
Man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied,
"I don't know son, I am still paying."
Young Son: “Is it true, Dad,
I heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?”
Dad: “That happens in every country, son.”
Then there was a man, who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was
until I got married;
and then it was too late."
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
If you want your spouse to listen
and pay strict attention to every word you say,
talk in your sleep.
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when
you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights,
and so does she.
Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
The most effective way to remember
your wife's birthday is
to forget it once.
Words to live by:
Do not argue with a spouse
who is packing your parachute.
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street
with a baldhead and a beer gut,
and still think they are beautiful.