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Author Topic: Question for the brothers :D answer pleaseee  (Read 4891 times)

Muslimah21

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Question for the brothers :D answer pleaseee
« on: May. 17, 2009, 09:57 PM »

Salaam people, brothers and sisters,
i got a question for the brothers.... i am pretty board lol, so i thought id ask. ummm...
ok, so when you walk down the street, or to your mosque or while your in the mosque.... do you ever take a quick glimps at the sisters? and if you do, do you feel guilty afterwards or does guilt engluf you?? And are there any brothers that think its ok to stare??

(Like i said im pretty bord)
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reeldeel

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Re: Question for the brothers :D answer pleaseee
« Reply #1 on: May. 18, 2009, 04:15 PM »

First of all there is starring then there is the glimpse. Staring is certainly a no no. So when I talk about looking am talking about a (few) quick glimpse(s) of the sisters face.

Its actually a lot easier for me to look away from girls in tight or skimpy clothing then to look away from a Hijabie. My reasoning tends to be "bro.. if you dont look, how will you find a wife" whether its shaytan or not, I've managed to convince myself its perfectly fine to look (glimpse) at a hijabie... since I do look away from the half naked girls, I should be able to look at the covered girls since I've got a righteous purpose. Even in this case though... I wont look if I know for sure she's married, or am sure I certainly wont want to marry her.

Am no where near perfect though, there are times when I look at what I shouldn't have looked at or when the look exceeds the definition of a glimpse, in that case yes there is a lot of guilt but also lets me know that there is a major Imaan problem.
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Muslimah21

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Re: Question for the brothers :D answer pleaseee
« Reply #2 on: May. 18, 2009, 06:53 PM »

Ok, thanks for being honest.
Happened to like last week. I was walking to the library minding my own buisness, and it was really windy my hijab was getting blown everywhere so i was busy sorting my self out lol, and i could see out the corner of my eye someone looking at me, i glanced over and this dude was proper staring, some asian muslim, i looked away and i could still feel him staring, and he was on the phone aswell. I was like what the hell?? Does he think i can not see him?? That is not the right way to go about to impress a sister. Not a decent one anyway. Show some shyness and modesty. And staring is creeeepy.  ::) ::)

For me there is nothing more attraactive in a man then somone who respects women, remains shy with them and does not push the boundry allah has set for us, meaning he knows how to talk properly and how to act.

How can guys expect a sister to take them seriously if they are always staring and quiet frankly that is immature, they need to go about it the right way.
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jannah

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Re: Question for the brothers :D answer pleaseee
« Reply #3 on: May. 18, 2009, 10:13 PM »

it was really windy my hijab was getting blown everywhere so i was busy sorting my self out lol

lol i can just imagine that... why is we always get caught doing something embarassing. one time i was all messed up and wearing some sweats and a messed up hijab and as a joke took my brothers bike for a ride around the block and d'ohhhhh right on the other side i almost ran into a muslim brother i know!! embaaaarasssing..........
 :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[
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Muslimah21

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Re: Question for the brothers :D answer pleaseee
« Reply #4 on: May. 18, 2009, 11:59 PM »

Hahahaha, that is embarssing.

But my point being, staring is not doing him any favours. It does not wining him any browni points with me, im not that kind of sister. I dont think men stariing at me is flattering at all i think its disrespectful.
I have only ever had one experince when a brother talked to me with respect, he was algerian and used to be my neighbour... when he used to see me, and saw i was muslim, he lowered his gaze, he said asalam walaiykum and kept is eyes down. Now i was deeply moved by that, becuase he didnt look at me staright in the face and in turn i did the same. Thats the only time a brother has shown me proper respect and respected himself too.
People would take it as an insult but as a muslim women, we know its respectful.
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Hamza81

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Re: Question for the brothers :D answer pleaseee
« Reply #5 on: Jun. 01, 2009, 07:57 PM »

Hahahaha, that is embarssing.

But my point being, staring is not doing him any favours. It does not wining him any browni points with me, im not that kind of sister. I dont think men stariing at me is flattering at all i think its disrespectful.
I have only ever had one experince when a brother talked to me with respect, he was algerian and used to be my neighbour... when he used to see me, and saw i was muslim, he lowered his gaze, he said asalam walaiykum and kept is eyes down. Now i was deeply moved by that, becuase he didnt look at me staright in the face and in turn i did the same. Thats the only time a brother has shown me proper respect and respected himself too.
People would take it as an insult but as a muslim women, we know its respectful.

Asalaamu Alaikum wr wb, Firstly sister we should not ask others whether they have sinned or not because as you may be aware no Muslim should reveal any of their sins because on Qiyamat the people who found out about the sins may be witness against him or her and that may certainly have a detrimental affect on one's reckoning on the day of judgement because if Allah has kept it secret then let it remain a secret.

Secondly of course sister Allah commands us in the Qur'an to lower our gazes as this may result in our eyes committing adultry. But i have to add that one of the reasons many scholars say that women should also wear the veil over the face is because of the reason that the face is also awrah because the face of a beautiful woman may be hard to resist for a lot of men even if the women is half attractive it may still cause most men to stare and look and of course this is the man's sin but if Allah commanded the women in the Prophet (Saw) family to cover the veil over themselves then do you think that what Allah wanted for them does not extend to all Muslim women?

The fact is that the face is still an attractive part of the women and this may be a big reason why men still look at hijaab's especially a hijaabi's who wear colourful rainbow coloured hijaab's with ten inches of max factor international foundation and SOOO much make up. Whats going on there?
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reeldeel

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Re: Question for the brothers :D answer pleaseee
« Reply #6 on: Jun. 01, 2009, 09:28 PM »

Asalaamu Alaikum wr wb, Firstly sister we should not ask others whether they have sinned or not because as you may be aware no Muslim should reveal any of their sins because on Qiyamat the people who found out about the sins may be witness against him or her and that may certainly have a detrimental affect on one's reckoning on the day of judgement because if Allah has kept it secret then let it remain a secret.

Am tempted to believe the anonymity of cyberspace should allow one to discuss what sins they may have committed...it is mind boggling thinking about it actually, can people be witness against realdeel even though they don't know me. Well if one creates a fake identity online and scams people or insults people I guess he'll be held accountable....but then many fatwa websites have people revealing there sins and asking if what they did is haram... I guess its better safe then sorry and not to push the boundaries. Allah knows best

Question: What about when you get married... do you let bygones be bygones keeping any wrong thing you've done in the past between yourself and Allah.
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Muslimah21

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Re: Question for the brothers :D answer pleaseee
« Reply #7 on: Jun. 02, 2009, 03:31 PM »

Yes i agree past sins of people are between you and allah. But for a woman as we all know very well it is harder for her to keep it a secret. herhsuband will find out after they are married if she is a virgin or not? dont you think? And dont you think he will ask her? and question her, for his own peace of mind. Its all well and good saying your actions are between you and allah, but we all know with thsi situation its between you and allah and your new husband. He is not going to think nothing of it. In my country, morocco. One the weddign night the girl needs to prove she is a virgin, And after the marriage is consumated the grooms family (the women) shows the rest of the family the proof. So how cna a womans past not catch up with her? it will in the end. That is why it is better to tell your fiance what you did. Allow him to think about it, and if he wants to be with you enough to let it go. Trust me muslim men find it ahrd to let this go. I have seen it in my own community.
All i am saying is is she is honest from the start at least it will save all the heart break and humiliation on thier wedding night. you get me?

realdeel, i think if the sin you commited still exists now then yes you need to tell your partner. But if that sin you commited a long tiem ago, you repented and you changed for the better then khalas, leave it in the past, i personally would not hold it against a brother. But if the sin still exists then there will be problems.
Some things are too humiliating to talk about. But i think if you marry a person who you really click with and you understand each other well, and you are both open minded inshallah in time you both will be abel to tlak about the passedm not dwell on it, but just so the other person can knwo who you were. And inshallah They will appreciate your honesty alot more. I think if they trust you that much to tell you then they really care about you and what you think. And that only makes me feel respected and loved.   
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Hamza81

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Re: Question for the brothers :D answer pleaseee
« Reply #8 on: Jun. 02, 2009, 04:24 PM »

Yes i agree past sins of people are between you and allah. But for a woman as we all know very well it is harder for her to keep it a secret. herhsuband will find out after they are married if she is a virgin or not? dont you think? And dont you think he will ask her? and question her, for his own peace of mind. Its all well and good saying your actions are between you and allah, but we all know with thsi situation its between you and allah and your new husband. He is not going to think nothing of it. In my country, morocco. One the weddign night the girl needs to prove she is a virgin, And after the marriage is consumated the grooms family (the women) shows the rest of the family the proof. So how cna a womans past not catch up with her? it will in the end. That is why it is better to tell your fiance what you did. Allow him to think about it, and if he wants to be with you enough to let it go. Trust me muslim men find it ahrd to let this go. I have seen it in my own community.
All i am saying is is she is honest from the start at least it will save all the heart break and humiliation on thier wedding night. you get me?

Asalaamu alaikum, I was actually referring to your original question where you asked brothers to reveal whether or not they glance and stare at women but in regards to the question about whether one should reveal their past or not prior to marriage then that is a completely different question altogether and one that is not easy to deal with especially if a person has had a person and has changed and repented because I do feel that if a person is not a virgin then IF their potential partner asks then they should reveal the truth but IF they do not ask then I think that one should clear with them from the beginning that whatever you want to ask me then ask me now because I will NOT discuss my past EVER in marriage. So you’re right the questions should be asked and completely cleared before marriage.

I have read a few accounts where the wife says that before marriage they cleared up each others pasts but after marriage along the line he now asks her what she did with her past partner and this is because the shaythan plays around with the mind of the man especially after marriage so I think if one is open minded then one should be able to accept their partners past but if they feel they can’t then they shouldn’t go ahead with it at all if it may crop up again and if they feel that shaythan may play with their mind about it.

I think a person should NEVER lie about ones past because what if on the wedding night they find out she’s not a virgin when she told him she was and what if somewhere later on down the line the ex partner of the wife somehow comes across the couple and ends up telling the husband the truth about what happened in the past. It may rip the husband apart and vice versa.

So I think your right in that the truth HAS to be told ONLY if it Is asked and if it isn’t asked then I think the opportunity should be given to the potential partner to ask now before marriage and NEVER again because a marriage is a fresh start and the past should not be talked about after marriage because as a couple get closer to each other it may get harder to deal with the partners past so yes they should really think about whether or not they can handle the partners past in the future or not. These are the reasons why illegitimate relations are haraam between a man and a woman because ones past can have a detrimental affect on ones future with their marriage partner particularly for the women.

May Allah give us pure and pious partners. Ameen
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Muslimah21

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Re: Question for the brothers :D answer pleaseee
« Reply #9 on: Jun. 03, 2009, 04:12 PM »

Exactly brother. That is very true.
I think some things can not be hidden, but soem things are left unsaid and they have no chance of re-occuring in the future.
And Allah knows best.

jazakallah khier
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gogiison2

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Re: Question for the brothers :D answer pleaseee
« Reply #10 on: Jun. 08, 2009, 01:27 PM »

WA wr wb..
i'm pretty much of the same opinion of Reeldeel's first reply. like i don't think it's permissible to stare but to look..i mean what else are better ways to see if the hijabi is one who has 'noor' or grace on her visage?..of course for marriage purposes iA. i don't think we should even look at girls that are not in hijab to be honest and i don't mean if they're your teachers in school or boss at work but like casually like if one is at the supermarket picking up milk.

if only the elders did a better job at finding spouses for their daughters like Prophet Shuayb did for Prophet Musa..i think it would be a heck of a lot easier for us guys trying to be momin. unfortunately, in usa and maybe other countries, many aren't religious so they look more for financial status than deen while i think both are important.
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halfmydeen

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Re: Question for the brothers :D answer pleaseee
« Reply #11 on: Jun. 09, 2009, 06:36 AM »

This forum is to discuss marriage and family related type of topics. Not to debate what is halal or haram. Please refrain from debating other issues and stay on topic please. :) All off-topic replies, judgements and fatwas will be deleted. Jazakamullahu khairan.
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brisingr9

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Re: Question for the brothers :D answer pleaseee
« Reply #12 on: Jul. 26, 2009, 08:07 PM »

Interesting question..? As far as I am concerned I seriously don't even care. If a hijabi happens to pass by I don't care to look at her. Well I am a shy person and I don't have the courage to see a passing by women so I always either look down or mess with my phone when I pass by a women. Hope ur question is answered muslimah.Nowadays girls are so daring that they stare at us and make us look down. Sometimes I wonder why Allah prescribed hijab only for the sisters?? Lol....!
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Muslimah21

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Re: Question for the brothers :D answer pleaseee
« Reply #13 on: Jul. 27, 2009, 05:30 PM »

Well the female appearance and form is much mroe beautiful then that of a man, no debate about it. That is why in paintigns its always nakes women and not men. well hardly ever men lol.

But yes i do agree there are some men who are also beautiful. But i think that overall women have been given more to do becuase we cna handle it... and allah never over burdons us. and as men and women we have different responisibilties. we are not equal but we have equaty. So we trust allah that what he does is the best for us.
Men should also cover so you dotn escape hijab completely. You shouldnt go around in tight jeans and tops. You are Ment to cover from naval to knees in loose clothing. But how many muslim men you see in jeans which show everything!!! lol.
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Muslimah21

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Re: Question for the brothers :D answer pleaseee
« Reply #14 on: Aug. 12, 2009, 11:07 AM »

We would all like to think that. But men look... when there are women around its thier natural reaction. And its not abnormal is it. We know its normal. but the thing which a muslim should do is lower thier gaze and control thier eyes. its quiet easy to do really.

Anywho we all know men look. even if its a glimpse :P
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