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Author Topic: Polygamous opinions  (Read 3634 times)

reeldeel

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Polygamous opinions
« on: Aug. 24, 2009, 03:26 PM »

We've been studying the works of a Tunisian scholar who felt Islam actually was trying to stop polygamy in a step by stem method as it did with Alcohol. First time I've heard this opinion. So.. end result polygamy is illegal in Tunisa and probably believed to be haram by most Tunisians....

Anyway My question about polygamy is to the sisters: Can you or have you ever met a sister that can sincerely accept and agree to a polygamous marriage. If not.. then how do you deal with the fact if its allowed in Islam. Or perhap its something your heart doesn't have to accept but have to submit to..... dunno?????????????????????????????????????????
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a_lina

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Re: Polygamous opinions
« Reply #1 on: Aug. 28, 2009, 07:40 AM »

Assalamu Alaikum,

      This is how I understand polygamy in Islam....

      Islam is a religion that takes into account all kinds of situations that the Ummah may face. So, its rulings encompass the whole Muslim world regardless of time and place. Polygamy is one such concession that Allah (SWT) has given the Ummah.
In the time of the Prophet (SAW), if a woman was widowed or divorced, she was married again soon after and often, she might marry a man who already had wives. The purpose behind this was to ensure that all women had mates and were cared for. It may not always have been possible to find a man who was single and able to marry because many of the male companions were killed in battles.
In present times, there are Muslim societies in which the number of men is lower than the number of women. This could be due to war or disease. I remember a Bosnian sister saying that it is very hard to find single men in Bosnia after the war. Many of their men had been killed. In such cases, polygamy may be the only choice for women who wish to marry. In such a situation, if polygamy were haram, then many women would be left unmarried.
I have met one sister who was in a polygamous marriage and was happy with it. That was because her husband tried his best to treat both of his wives equally.
Personally, I cannot bear the idea of being a co-wife. I do not think I can share my husband with another woman. However, as i mentioned above, I do believe that there are cicumstances in which polygamy may actually be a blessing for sisters.

....my 2 cents
 :) a_lina

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Muslimah21

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Re: Polygamous opinions
« Reply #2 on: Aug. 28, 2009, 10:57 PM »

Salam waliykum.

well i have experince of this.
I was approached by 2 sisters who actually wanted me to be thier husbands 2nd wife :S
And a man also asked me to be his wife too he was already amrried with 2 kids. I of course rejected both.

One of the sisters who asked me was a revert, and her hsuband was moroccan. she felt that he needed someone who was from a similar background and who could cook for him and give him all his home comforts. We were good freinds before she asked and thought i was sooo sweet and perfect for him. She was excited, but i couldnt believe it i am not into that sort of thing. I know its acceptable in Islam.
I believe that it takes Guts and a higher Iman to do that act. And any woman who offers and asks for another wife for her husband has to be respected highly.

But i couldnt do it. I am too much of a jelouse person. I would turn green with envy lol :P Its just not for me. And i would make that clear to any man before we got married. I could never accept it.


It happened in my family, my grandmother and also my half aunts mother. it was ok accepted although the woemn were nto 100% happy as they didnt ahve any input on who their husbands married. i think if they did it would of been ok. Perhaps?

I think its something that is acceptable in Islam, its not Sunnah or Fard its an option. Not for eeryone but its there for those who can afford to and who have a big enough heart. And i dont like to share anything :P especially a man who i have waited for my whoooollle life. No way will i share. lol
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sheikh87

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Re: Polygamous opinions
« Reply #3 on: Aug. 29, 2009, 10:51 AM »


I think its something that is acceptable in Islam, its not Sunnah or Fard its an option. Not for eeryone but its there for those who can afford to and who have a big enough heart. And i dont like to share anything :P especially a man who i have waited for my whoooollle life. No way will i share. lol


How do you know that its not sunnah or fard?

2) If it was sunnah or fard would that change your opinion on it?
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Muslimah21

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Re: Polygamous opinions
« Reply #4 on: Aug. 29, 2009, 03:25 PM »

Sorry it is sunnah in terms of it was practiced by the Prophet SAW.
But we are nto obliged to do it, meaning its not Fard.

I know becuase i have read the context of the hadiths when it talks about it. That some men did and some men didnt.
If i lived in those days i do feel i would have to marry a man who had other wifes.
Becuase we forget that in those days, men were off in abttle dying. and many of these women are Widows or divourced with excpetions such as Aisha (RA)
But it made sense in thsoe days. Marrying women to support them, to give them finanical support and emotional support and inorder for them to have a halal relationship with a man.
A single woman with no support would have not coped well. And men in those days looked after thier wives properly. Men who marry mroe then wife are Scum, dont tend to look after them equally. The porphet SAW looked after his wives equally. In terms of material things. They all had thier own houses. But men now a days try and make their wives lvie in the same house. Thats totally bad and wrong. They all need their own property. If one lives in a villa then you must be fair and equal and give the other a villa.
The only thing you can nto be equal in is  Love. You can never love people the same or equally.

If it was Fard because there was a shortage of men, thats the only time it would happen. Then i would accept it. But i would make sure the man i married was Loaded to compensate for me having to share him. LOL. I think i have to make a compramise to marry an already married man then he should have alot to offer me in every sense. My own house, maids ummm what else lol  :P
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Africanmuslimah88

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Re: Polygamous opinions
« Reply #5 on: Aug. 30, 2009, 06:59 AM »

Salam

Polygamous marriages are perfectly acceptable in Islam. However, the man who takes on more than one wife it is highly necessary that he be able to provide equally like you mentioned muslimah 21.

However you said you would tell your husband right off the bat "no other wives". I used to think this way too until I learned that this is not a good thing to do because it already introduces a sense of insecurity, like your worrying that your not good enough or that he wont be happy with just one wife. Also, this request could backfire and it might actually give him an idea to do it. Best to trust Allah in your affairs and anyways in these times its is very very difficvult to have more than one wife, as it is a burden more than it is a pleasure. Also, living in the West as we do it is illegal to marry more than one wife and so the second wive's rights will not be protected under the law.
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sheikh87

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Re: Polygamous opinions
« Reply #6 on: Aug. 30, 2009, 11:20 PM »

http://www.tafsir.com/default.asp?sid=66&tid=54348

I suggest you read this and contemplate it.

Also, polygamous marriages might become fard for many reasons, Islam is a dynamic deen covering everything. Having a low population of men is just one of the few reasons polygamous marriages become FARD. Also, what's the purpose of marriage? Is it so the man and woman can live happily ever after? There are many reasons for everything. Alot of them are good reasons too sister. So I think it's fair that you come up with a reason better than jealousy to refuse it unless you have a house maids etc. etc.
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jannah

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Re: Polygamous opinions
« Reply #7 on: Aug. 31, 2009, 10:22 AM »

Brother if you are going to argue that polygamous marriages can become "fard" at any moment then be aware of the current opinions of scholars that are saying it is impermissible right now in specific cases where they will cause harm. A direct quote from Sh. Faraz Rabbani:

The general ruling for 2-nd marriage in our times--as so many leading ulama of our times and of recent times have stated--is that it is discouraged or even generally impermissible (though valid, in the general case).

These scholars aren't saying that polygamy is "un-Islamic" or legally invalid, per se. Rather, that the *general case* is that most such marriages result in far greater harm than good. Therefore, the *general* ruling would be of impermissibility.

A general ruling doesn't necessarily apply to all particular situations, but those individuals would have to consider carefully and consult honestly before any such step.

The "general case" refers to what is more common. It is more common for it to be impermissible for a man to take on a second wife than for it to be permitted.

Right now, people struggle to even make ONE marriage work.

Abu Hanifa had only one wife. When asked why, he replied: One is mercy; two is torment.


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sheikh87

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Re: Polygamous opinions
« Reply #8 on: Aug. 31, 2009, 03:38 PM »

Brother if you are going to argue that polygamous marriages can become "fard" at any moment then be aware of the current opinions of scholars that are saying it is impermissible right now in specific cases where they will cause harm. A direct quote from Sh. Faraz Rabbani:

The general ruling for 2-nd marriage in our times--as so many leading ulama of our times and of recent times have stated--is that it is discouraged or even generally impermissible (though valid, in the general case).

These scholars aren't saying that polygamy is "un-Islamic" or legally invalid, per se. Rather, that the *general case* is that most such marriages result in far greater harm than good. Therefore, the *general* ruling would be of impermissibility.

A general ruling doesn't necessarily apply to all particular situations, but those individuals would have to consider carefully and consult honestly before any such step.

The "general case" refers to what is more common. It is more common for it to be impermissible for a man to take on a second wife than for it to be permitted.

Right now, people struggle to even make ONE marriage work.

Abu Hanifa had only one wife. When asked why, he replied: One is mercy; two is torment.




I don't know if you think what I said is wierd. But I'll tell you that I think that I think what you are saying is wierd. Your entitled to express what you understand/belief and so am I. And what I believe is that what Faraz Rabbani as you quoted ...is wierd. Many leading Ulama'? Sister, I don't think this is a fair comment. With all the sects and ideologies there, it is no suprising that a person will say that many leading ulama' believe that. Which ulama'? Modernists? Since when are Mordernists preaching a true imagine of Qur'an and Sunnah? Also, maybe people are not really scholars (ulama'), despite the fact that their names are well known.

Lastly,  now I can also quote to you scholars that say that the actually originally encourage practice is polygamy.

Number 2, that is just
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Africanmuslimah88

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Re: Polygamous opinions
« Reply #9 on: Aug. 31, 2009, 09:41 PM »

Salam sheikh,

It wouldnt be hard to imagine scholars saying polygamous marriages are not encouraged in these times. Like I said before, its quite difficult to provide for two households but if Allah grants a man with that kind of wealth to maintain two households then that problem is eliminated.

However, as muslims we have to follow the laws of the land we live in as long as they do not encroach our fardh obligations. However, polygamy is not fardh so if it is prohibited we must oblige. Also, taking more than one wife in the west, the second, 3rd or fourth wife would be listed as "common law" or something similar and not be granted her rights. This is why most men go abroad to marry their second wives, which from what I can tell is better because than that wife would be recognized in her respective country.

Nonetheless, Jannah I dont think we should be argueiing the permissibility of polygamy, as it is allowed but we should question the permissibility of these marriages in the West, since there are so many factors that can make the cowives vulnerable. Allah SWT knows best.
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Muslimah21

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Re: Polygamous opinions
« Reply #10 on: Aug. 31, 2009, 11:58 PM »

Exactly africanmuslimah.

Even if it was Fard it still has criteria that need to be fullfilled, a man who can be just and equal to all his wives and children. how many men do you know can support 2 women? both equally. Like i said you give one wife a 3 bed house you need to give the other a 3 bed house. Equality. and not many men now a days can do that. they can barely afford to give one wife a roof over her head.
So i do not worry to much about it becoming a problem for the ummah not yet anyway. i know there will be a time when women will out number men.

But if it was in the Quran and was fard then we can not argue with it and accept the Divine laws. Who argues with Sharia law needs ot re evaluate thier deen and iman.
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sheikh87

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Re: Polygamous opinions
« Reply #11 on: Sep. 01, 2009, 01:00 AM »

The most important thing I think sisters should know is that polygamy is best practised for your general masses when the husband has the wife's support (and of course not financially).

I really only disagree to the labelling of permissable, not permissable, etc. etc. because that's just a matter of opinion. Reality is, a man that can be just and fulfills the criteria will never be sinning if he gets a 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife even if the disbelievers detest it and go as far as making it illegal. Infact, he will be rewarded because every morsal he put's in his wives mouth is a charity and in the marital relationship (since it is not zina) he is rewarded.
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Africanmuslimah88

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Re: Polygamous opinions
« Reply #12 on: Sep. 01, 2009, 05:38 AM »

do you have any hadiths or ayats that can back up your saying that these men will be rewarded for every morsel they put in their wives mouths? Never heard that before brother.
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Muslimah21

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Re: Polygamous opinions
« Reply #13 on: Sep. 01, 2009, 01:29 PM »

Yes i agree if the man can support his wives and be just to all of them then go ahead he can marry 4 wives. But i am saying in this time men can not do that, and only few can, like rich men and royality etc.
Its not practicle for normal men. and considering most muslims live in Poverty they cant afford to anyway. 
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sheikh87

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Re: Polygamous opinions
« Reply #14 on: Sep. 01, 2009, 08:26 PM »

the hadeeth is the one about the sadaqah upon every joint of the body when the sun rises before it sets, i can't find it at the moment....if somebody can please do so, i think it is in the 40 hadeeth of an-nawawi
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