Advertisement:

Pages: [1] 2 3 |   Go Down

Author Topic: To be ot not to be....???  (Read 6512 times)

Muslimah21

  • Guest
To be ot not to be....???
« on: Aug. 28, 2009, 11:18 PM »

Salaam waliykum,

Ramadan kareem to everyone. Inshallah khier, hope you are all making the most of this blessed month.

For me it has been an opportunity to get to know a brother. Moroccan like myself but 8 years older.
We met each other twice at the mosque for Taraweh and also spoke online.

It seems to good to be true in terms of he is from the exact same village as my parents, although they haev never met one another :O
Its soo wierd and now his family (in morocco) live in the same district as my cousins and aunts its too wierd. lol.

everything is going great, but there is a few things that i am finding hard to accept... he has had previous relationships physical ones too. And i was shocked at his honesty as soon as we started to speak. :O
But i am finding it hard to accept. he knows i am super strict on these things of free mixing etc. he is also a little more relaxed when it comes to male female freindships. Maybe for others its not too important. but ill make it clear that this is a very very important thing for me. so i am just thinking and keep rethinking and i havnt come to a decision as of yet.
Like i said just seems to sureal we have the exact same backgrounds and we met each other out of the blue. I dont knoowww
Confusion!!

I just read Emmos post... i know how you feel bro. seriously confused too.
Logged

brisingr9

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 95
Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #1 on: Aug. 29, 2009, 02:18 AM »

Wats all the confusion about?? Physical relation proved say particular person stay away. We should not give in so easily . After all it's about a lifetime. Refer eemos posts for more details.. ! ultimately it's your choice.. Decide well.......
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest
Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #2 on: Aug. 29, 2009, 03:30 PM »

So you think a person who has commited Zina should not be forgiven? even if they have repented?? :S
Yeah i am confused becuase if i do not give people the chance i may end up alone. becuase people have faults. And mostly with men their faults is that they have dated before, or commited Zina in one form or the other... and many muslim men do this. so am i meant to reject them in the hope i marry a man who is an angel and never looked at a woman lustfully. becuase that is Zina of the eyes.
Just seems a little impractical. There is no man who has never done that.
even a shiekh said every person has commited some sort of Zina in thier life, weather its with the eyes, the private parts, the hands, the ears etc etc.
There is no Angel, a perfect man, is there.


 :-\ :-\ :-\ :-\ :-\ :-\ :-\
Logged

brisingr9

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 95
Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #3 on: Aug. 29, 2009, 05:44 PM »

Fine if u are comfortable to live a life with a man who has already had a physical relation then go ahead . I don't give a damn. I was just being nice telling frankly that we should stay away from people who have had a physical relation. In Islam zinnah is a very big sin. Men can't do zinnah alone. In every zinnah a man and a woman takes part. Pls stop using the word men repeatedly. We know how nice the women of this world are. I am not starting a gender war.if you are so much interested to overlook physical relation with another women than why do you ask??Allah has set some minimum standards for forgiving in the Quran . For murder it is murder or blood money , for robbery it is cut of hands, for zinnah it is stoning to death. Unless we fulfill this min standards we can't just do any big sin and say forgive me. I am not an extremist this is what the Quran says. Mind you there is a difference between zinnah of eyes and the actual zinnah. There is difference between small and big as there difference btw minor and major. There is difference btw tolerable and intolerable . This is all I can say further ur wish.
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest
Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #4 on: Aug. 29, 2009, 11:04 PM »

I didnt say i was ok with it, but everyone has thier faults.
Stoning to death with 4 witnesses present. Without that there can be no stoning. Read the rest of it before you say that.

Actually if you have not been found out, then its a blessing from allah becuase he has allowed you time to repent and make a change.
I didnt say what you are saying is bad, but Men and Women are not perfect. I am not perfect. and I am 100% sure you are not perfect.
i was just wanted to get some views on it, i didnt expect everyone to be soo dead against it. Burn the man at the stake.  ???

Allah is merciful and you should not think that allah will never forgive you if you are sincere. People forget this quality of allah. Most forgiven. Dont condem a person. I am not saying he is a bad person... but i was merely saying i dont know if i feel comfortable with it. I am not saying he is going ot hell. Becuase allah forgives all apart from Shirk.

Logged

Africanmuslimah88

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 24
Re: To be or not to be....???
« Reply #5 on: Aug. 30, 2009, 01:25 AM »

Salam Sister

It seems that culturally everything is in place for you to continue speaking with this man but what about islamically??

If you say he admitted to previous relations it depends on his attitudes now, is deeply regretful, does he see the error of his ways or is he expecting you to just forget about it? Also it seems kind of odd that he brought this up right away...usually it takes a certain amount of trust and time to unveil this kind of info.

Also, in regards to his lax attitude on female/ male relations-that should be worrisome. In your other posts you said you would never consider a man who felt it was ok to have female friends, but now I guess this situation is putting your morals to test.

My advice would be to always strive for a man who is more religious, knowledgeable that way he can inspire you to be a better muslimah.

Lastly, sis never compromise your morals just because everything else fits (culture, family) remember in the end it is you has the final decision and we should always place a man's deen over any and all other attributes. Allah SWT knows best! and Ramadan Karim !
Logged

brisingr9

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 95
Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #6 on: Aug. 30, 2009, 02:42 AM »

Very well said sister,, totally agree with you. Jazakallah. :D
Logged

Eemo

  • Guest
Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #7 on: Aug. 30, 2009, 10:05 PM »

There's an ayah in the qu'ran which states chaste people marry chaste people and un-chaste marry un-chaste.
Im trying to find it for you, i read it the other day when i was looking for islamic evidence for my situation.
Logged

Eemo

  • Guest
Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #8 on: Aug. 30, 2009, 10:12 PM »

OK, its Surah Al-Nur : Ayah 26

"Un-chaste women are for un-chaste men and un-chaste men are for un-chaste women.
Chaste women are for chaste men, and chaste men are for chaste women"
Logged

reeldeel

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 90
Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #9 on: Aug. 30, 2009, 11:46 PM »

OK, its Surah Al-Nur : Ayah 26

"Un-chaste women are for un-chaste men and un-chaste men are for un-chaste women.
Chaste women are for chaste men, and chaste men are for chaste women"


I've heard its a different case though if the man/woman has repented. So if he/she has done something in the past and then properly repented... they are considered chaste.... I have no proof though
Logged

sheikh87

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 72
Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #10 on: Aug. 31, 2009, 08:17 AM »

Many proofs exist for that.

The one who repented from a sin is like the one who has no sin.
Logged

Eemo

  • Guest
Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #11 on: Aug. 31, 2009, 02:40 PM »

No disrespect to both of your brothers, i'm not knowledgeable on this subject, but isnt what you are saying similar in likeness to when a thief steals?

His hand still has to be cut off regardless of whether he repents or not. No?
Logged

Eemo

  • Guest
Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #12 on: Aug. 31, 2009, 02:44 PM »

I also have to agree with AfricanMuslimah that you should marry someone that encourages you to be a better person islamically.
The lady i was interested in, although open to improving in her deen wasnt someone that was going to out and out encourage me, that also helped me in making my decision, though at the time of getting to know her, i guess i got lax about it because i liked her.
Logged

Africanmuslimah88

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 24
Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #13 on: Aug. 31, 2009, 09:24 PM »

Yes Eemo, liking someone can definitely affect the way you think about them and most times this will cloud your decision making. I think this is the reason why Islam has put such an emphasis on family involvement so they can look out for your best interests as thats what your family wants the most whats best for you.

But sadly, sometimes family can also obstruct things islamically especially if they are not practicing and have other motives besides your best interests. May Allah SWT bless all our families and lead them to siradul mustaqim.
Logged

Eemo

  • Guest
Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #14 on: Aug. 31, 2009, 09:43 PM »

Yes, absolutely. One of the reasons why i tried to search for a wife myself was because my family isnt predominantly practising, so what they consider a good set of credentials (her career, how she looks etc) is different to what is important to me.

But you are right. Family involvement is very good when its right. The girl i was introduced to was introduced by a family member, which made many things so much easier, but then again, i was all the more shocked to learn about her past.
Logged
Pages: [1] 2 3 |   Go Up
 
 



Individual posts do not reflect the views of halfmydeen.org. All trademarks and copyrights are owned by their respective owners.
Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author.
The rest © halfmydeen.org