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Author Topic: To be ot not to be....???  (Read 6514 times)

sheikh87

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Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #30 on: Sep. 02, 2009, 03:08 PM »

Conduct themselves how? Religiously? Or personality wise?

Shariah is sometimes very precise. You add that, and zealousness, and you can have plenty of interesting arguments and debates. Some of them may make one of the couples cry.

Now, what if the pious brother is strict when it comes to authority and decision making? In the west, alot of sisters would have problems with that. Omar bin Al-Khattab had a problem with the fact that his wife would be arguing back with him after he moved to Madinah. It's said that he used to live a bit out of the city so that if he ever censured her he wouldn't do so in the Holy City just out of respect for the city and in case any wrong words slipped out. Maybe these are things that people deal with after marriage. But my point is, so okay, we don't deal in riba, but are we ready to submit to the marriage roles Islam seems to encourage? If so, that's maybe one of the first steps to a pious partner.

Oh and also, when you don't have somebody that you feel is more religious than you, then be ready to have many days when fajr goes away while your still sleeping and missed fajr.
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Muslimah21

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Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #31 on: Sep. 02, 2009, 04:19 PM »

Well for a start if the brother doesnt get up for Fajr then he doesnt stand a chance, i think its a relfection of how devoted he is to his deen. SO a lazy brother is nto what i am looking for.
I think the roles set out and which we are given examples in the sunnah i can live by. i mean i do think that men should be out workign while women look after the home and chidlren. And if i get to marry a man who also is in support of that i would happily give up my job. Its rare to find a brother who wants you to stay at home. Its nto a big issue for me, but an added bonus :D

I do feel strongly about the distinct roles that men and women play in the marriage. i think its absurd at how women think they can do all that men do. Women and men have thier sepreate roles and they are responsible for them. This is how a muslim should be, respect the fact that physically, mentally, and physiologically wise we are different. People try to fight this, fight what allah has created? its madness. But spiritually we are equal.

Make one of the couple cry? what? what i have said? lol. umm i hope not.
Well a man has to consult his wife in what he does. Just look at the prophet SAW and see many examples when he was in difficult times, when he wanted to make a decision etc etc. Men can t just put thier foot down and thats it. thats nto a marriage and thats not even in Islam. A man and wife make compramises, care what the other thinks, and gives each other thier rights. thats islamic marriage for you.

jazakallah khier   
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sheikh87

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Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #32 on: Sep. 02, 2009, 05:46 PM »

Consulting between even has proof from the Qur'an to do so. But who's word is final? It depends on what it is...maybe food he should give in. Where the family lives? If the wife can leave the house, the husband saying no should be final. Especially when it's not an urgent emergency case, the wife has to have some certain kind of obiedence to her husband that's done out of respect for him, and the deen...no?
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Africanmuslimah88

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Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #33 on: Sep. 02, 2009, 06:49 PM »

I agree the wife should be obedient to her husband but at the same time the requests of the husband should be reasonable and done out of love/ mercy for the wife. However, banning the wife from ever going outside the home or having her consult you everytime she wants to leave even if it is for a short period I think is unreasonable, especially in the West wherein we dont need mahrams to leave the house for short periods.

In the quran, it says that the best of wives are the ones who are obedient to their husbands and guard their chastity in his absence, but this is assuming the brother is righteous and just.

Personally, I think the male should be the leader in the household and take charge of affairs but that doesnt mean he disregards his wife's counsel or always make final decisions and never compromise. The best leader is a just one.
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sheikh87

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Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #34 on: Sep. 02, 2009, 09:34 PM »

I wasn't saying to make a wife a slave. I was just trying to remind everybody about certain truths. That a muslim man has rights to obeidence. And the details of that are many. One of them being that schoalrs stated that if a husband doesn't say yes to a wife that wants to go visit her relatives, then she has to obey him, even though he is probably sinning. If the prophet commaned (saws) anybody to prostrate to anybody else, it would ahve been the wife to the husband. Authentic hadeeth. West or East, Islam is one religion.
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Muslimah21

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Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #35 on: Sep. 02, 2009, 11:53 PM »

yes men do have that right. but everyman is different to what levels of "obeidiance" they require. every man is different. for example my father wont let my mother return home, abroad without him. but some men allow thier wives to go back home aloneor just with the kids.
different rules for different men.

me personally i feel its wrong for women to travel alone to far places other cities and abroad. i dont think its right at all. Islamically some shiekh say its haram for women to travela alond adn some say its ok as long as thiir husband say its ok. split thoughts on it :S i think its not ok. unless its an emergency.
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Africanmuslimah88

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Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #36 on: Sep. 03, 2009, 11:25 PM »

I wasnt saying you said make your wife a slave, I was just trying to make the point that since husbands have these rights over us they should not abuse it.

And true sis, at the end of the day there are things men will not budge on about their wives like travel, clothes etc...

However, I think men should also take our advice as well on their own matters such as dress, going out all the time - Sometimes I hear stories about guys getting married and then expecting the wife to stay home all day while they stroll in 2 or 3 in the morning every night subhannallah.
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Eemo

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Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #37 on: Sep. 04, 2009, 08:56 AM »

Sisters if i can just interject with something from the man's point of view.
I would advise that you search a man that understands leadership. Men that understand that, would never abuse their position in Islam over you.
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Muslimah21

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Re: To be ot not to be....???
« Reply #38 on: Sep. 04, 2009, 11:11 PM »

Thanks Eemo i already know that.  :) i think that its something i will be attracted to anyway. a man who doesnt show leadership i would be worried and i think i look at the bigger picture down the line when we have chldren. he needs to be an authority figure in the family. So i think most women do want men who are incontrol.


There is a hadith i forget where it is from, i will find out inshallah. When a man goes to hell he goes alone. When a woman goes to hell she takes 10 men with her.

Men are responsible for women there is no 2 ways about it. Things that women do while under the gaurdianship of her father, brother, uncle, husband they will also share some the responsibilty. SO i think yes men do need to enforce certain things on the women, but its how they do it which makes a world of difference.

jazakallah khier
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