Advertisement:

Pages: 1 [2] 3 |   Go Down

Author Topic: A question  (Read 6826 times)

JenBean71

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 70
Re: A question
« Reply #15 on: Oct. 19, 2009, 05:01 AM »

So what necessitates definitions?

A men who accepts is a man who accepts.

Of course, Allah entrusts someone with the responsibility - the point being someone who is willing to raise the children, biological or otherwise.

As for umbrella terms, it is a metaphor, and a non-issue.

Logged

sheikh87

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 72
Re: A question
« Reply #16 on: Oct. 19, 2009, 05:17 AM »

You got me there.

Still, not everybody that marries live with each other right away. The man could be poor only to afford to come back home on summers (example). The child woulld become his mahram if they are girls, he'll probably act like a wali but other than that she is still responsible at the end of the day if divorce ever happens sp anything the man does should be out of goodheart not a "duty" that will turn into a burden...so what else?

Think about it this way, what can a man expect from a new wife with his regards to children from a previous marriage?
Logged

JenBean71

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 70
Re: A question
« Reply #17 on: Oct. 19, 2009, 05:40 AM »

you got me too - I'm not familiar with that life style in your example. But if I were that sister it wouldn't make sense for me to marry a brother that is mostly absent...would u marry a sister and not be together?









Logged

sheikh87

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 72
Re: A question
« Reply #18 on: Oct. 19, 2009, 05:56 AM »

Yea, I would. Maybe the person is somebody special in her eyes that she is willing to go through it and give him the support he needs when he comes back? Plus, usually that lifestyle is only temporary as long as the situation demands.
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest
Re: A question
« Reply #19 on: Oct. 19, 2009, 01:23 PM »

i could not marry someone i could nto live with. If it was a few months khalas but if it was years then hell no. It would be horrible.... you are married and cant be togther, and then that comes with its own problems. Not being able to be intimate or spend quality time with one another, then that could lead to either one of them commiting adultry... its too risky. and even those with High iman end up doing silly things. I wouldnt reccomend it.

I have seen examples of this, actually some brothers from Saudi arabia come to england to study for 3-4 years. already married but they took second wives while here. on a temporay basis. as in the contract they made will end when they return home. Some believe this is halal and mentioned as ok in hadith some say its forbidden. But i think it makes things waaaay to complicated. What if one member chanegs thier minds... they want the contract to be longer? then what??

Anyway... i just dont think its a good idea to be married and live far away from your partner, a few days away from each other is good... it helps with bondign when they return. but months and years will put strain on the relationship.
Logged

sheikh87

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 72
Re: A question
« Reply #20 on: Oct. 19, 2009, 01:42 PM »

a man is not gonna divorce his wife just beause she is in a different country. It takes love and faith in each other to overcome the test of distance and time. It's not just about faith in Allah, which is primary, but the two need to believe in each other....

I assume that your information is describing one of two situations:

WHat shia's due (no offense to anybody shia) because though not all of them practice it, they believe in muta marriages, which state the time limit.

Or two, that the contract never stated  he wantsthe time limit that but the brother just tricked the sister, which is haram and sinful. IF a time limit is stated, it is not marriage according to the Sunnah.

Sunnis don't bvelieve in the muta' marriage we have a hadeeth that tells us it is haram.  It's teh shias, and again, not all  of them do it either. Oh and the fact that you said some people think it is okay and state a hadeeth about it, then I should tell you that those people are mosost difenetly shia. THere is a hadeeth in the book "bulugh al-maram" where Ali himself narrates that the prophet saws said that two things are made prohibited on the day until day of judgement 1. Meat of domestic donkeys and 2. Temporary marriage (muta)
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest
Re: A question
« Reply #21 on: Oct. 20, 2009, 03:41 PM »

Actually there is a form of "Temporay" marriage in Sunni tradition too. And last time i checked Saudi arabians were not Shia they are more likely Salafi and sunni. and these are the examples i give. A sunni my brother knew and also a salafi. I havnt met any shia who practice this.
In egypt they also have the ORFI marriage.. and they are not Shia. So its not just Shia you need to read about other sects.

Becuase i have also seen people do it from all over the arab world... who come to england and want to marry for the period of time they are here. It is mentioned by hanafi in the collection of hadiths. I think there is one... which is considered Sahih by some and weak by others. It i snot rejected completely... anyway thats not the point. the point is MEN do it. And i know i dont want my husband doing that so i wouldnt marry someone who i cant spend time with and live with properly.

Actually the men who do temporay marriage make thier intention clear. and these women who agree do know what they get themselves into and it suits them just fine. They can have intimate relationship with a man and no long term commitment its temporary. :S Each to thier own i say. I dont encourage it at all. Although i understadn why in the passed durign the prophets time why it was more acceptable to do. Men were at war and battles. Now its becuase a man want to go work abroad or study and its not for allah what they do. unlike the People of the prophets time... they had good excuse to do it. Same as marrying one wife it was practcle then.

Logged

sheikh87

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 72
Re: A question
« Reply #22 on: Oct. 21, 2009, 09:34 AM »

Firstly, a good enough amount of saudis are shia' to say that not all saudis are sunni. They mostly live in cities closer to Kuwait. My dad in Canada even rented a room once to a saudi shia'. The guy was celebrating at the death of Saddam Hussien (besides the point of the topic). About your suggestion for me to read from other sects, in sha Allah.  Urfi marriage is practiced by sunnis but not not acccepted by the sunnah. It doesn't have all the conditions stated for a marriage to be accepted.

Do you even know exactly what an orfi marriage is? If you did, then you wouldn't be saying that it is something "accepted" by sunnis. Rather, it is just like certain acts muslims do which we so is not taught by Islam and they claim to be doing them in the name of jihad. Not every act of fighting done by muslims is jihad, and not every act of marriage done be Muslims (sunni or shia) is marriage, even if they claim it to be.

What is urfi "marriage":

"marriage" that takes place without a wali for the sister (gaurdian) and done in secret usually ending or beginning with the recitation of al-fatihah.

So since Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‚ÄúThere is no marriage except with a wali (guardian)," Urfi "marriage" is infact invalid and IS zina. About the hanafis, then the differences amongst them is little and at least they don't claim the marriage to be temporary like the shia do. A person that marries with the intention of divorce and states that at the contract is not married and is fornicating because he  never came to the house through it's door since that condition is not valid and makes the nikaah invalid.


Even if two christians got married in christianity and became Muslims we don't say they need to make a new nikah. But al-urfi, al-mu3ta and anything else done by Muslims is not valid by the Law of the Qur'an and Sunnah. So those that practice al-urfi and al-mut3a can have intimate relations, but they are doing zina a Major sin, may Allah protect us.

My point from the beginning was about marrying without the intention of having a "temporary" marriage (false marriage). The longest a man is allowed to be away from his wife is 4 months. If she agrees for him to be away longer than it is halaal, otherwise he has to come back or she picks between being patient or divorce. Sure it would be ideal to be with the person from day one still reality is sometimes even people after marriage might have to be away from each other for a while but by then they keep in touch etc. and don't get divorced...

It might be unbearable for you, but not it isn't for all sisters.  Marriage is about bringing tranquility to peoples souls, body and mind. If that type of circumstance will make you uneasy and unsecure about what your husband is doing to the point you'll be afraid about your own faithfulness to the other partner then yes, you shouldn't get nto those circumstances. Otherwise, know that good things come to those that are patient.
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest
Re: A question
« Reply #23 on: Oct. 21, 2009, 03:33 PM »

You forget a wali is only needed for a virgin girl A divorced or widowed woman can marry on her own without wali. You didnt remember that did you.

I didnt say it was a well known and accepted thing lol. But some people "SOME" believe this hadith is Saheeh so they follow it and practice Temporay marriage... what ever name you want to give it. Its still temporay and similar to Shias. Well my brother knew these men well and they were not Shia they were Sunni. I am sure there are shia Saudis but the ones my brother knows at the university are Salafi and Sunni. No shia saudis here.

Ok well that is a personal opinion. But I choose not to accept a husband who lives abroad, not because i am worried he will have an affair but becuase that is not what marriage is about for me. marrage is day to day living and growing with that person. You cant do that if they are abroad. No matter how many times you call them a day its not the same is it. Fact.
Some sisters do agree to it... but women (and i speak becuase i am a woman) are very soft hearted and we grow attachments easily and its harder for us to be away from someone we love. Regardless of wheater she agrees in the first place it will not be easy for her. So it is best for her to avoid it all togther. becuase yes she should be patient but also she should not make her life harder then it already is. And anyone who disagrees is either mad or silly... or both :D
Logged

sheikh87

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 72
Re: A question
« Reply #24 on: Oct. 21, 2009, 06:39 PM »

In a country like Saudi Arabia, it makes alot of sense for a student to be here single and go to a wife every summer until the people in the visa section say "O.K. you can have your wife here legally." It's either that, or to marry into a totally different culture. And I mean TOTALLY different.

Life has planning to it too so there are pros and ocns for eveyrthing.

If you could marry Omar bin Khattab but he would be away alot would you refuse?

haha, I am not calling students omar bin khattab, but I am saying that sometimes a person i good enough to make a person want to make some sacrifices.
Logged

JenBean71

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 70
Re: A question
« Reply #25 on: Oct. 22, 2009, 12:32 AM »

I thought I would, so I did
However, 3 months turned into 2 years
He was a poor brother - didn't matter; I didn't marry him for money.
But I sure paid a price.

If I had a choice, I would have to see the reasons why and decide once I know everything. But it isn't easy and certainly not for everyone.

Just because someone doesn't want to, doesn't make them someone who cannot make sacrifices. They know themselves and what they are able to tolerate and they are honest about it. Allah knows best.

I would get so sad. This was before internet too, so no corresponding except phone calls - which were expensive - kind of pointless to make calls if trying to save  ::)

But there is a good side to the whole experience - I learned to be so resourceful  ;)
Alhumdulillah
Logged

sheikh87

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 72
Re: A question
« Reply #26 on: Oct. 22, 2009, 10:35 AM »

When a person expects alot and in return recieves alittle the person quickly feels disappointed which turns into sadness and then with the help of shaytan it turns into doubts.

Of course it is better not to make sacrifice especially in deen.

After all, each person has a significant waiting,with muslims as supposedly 1/4 of the world; it's not like the fish are going anywhere....
Logged

JenBean71

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 70
Re: A question
« Reply #27 on: Oct. 24, 2009, 01:53 AM »

I would definitely consider marrying an older man with children, but his "kids" would probably be in their 20's, mine are in their teens, so everyone is a bit more secure with themselves than younger children.

30-something brothers with kids usually have youngsters, so that is a different possible dynamic - baby's mama drama, jealous ex wife - not!  >:(




Logged

sheikh87

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 72
Re: A question
« Reply #28 on: Oct. 24, 2009, 01:55 PM »

About somebody single, it could probably be alot less drama...
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest
Re: A question
« Reply #29 on: Oct. 24, 2009, 03:08 PM »

Well actually these brothers dont want to live here. They all go back to saudi arabia and divource there temp wives and go marry thier childhood sweet hearts. they only marry the girls here becuase they cannot control themselves and want some "no strings fun".

About temp marriage Muhammed (SAW) stopped it during his time. although it was accepted for a while for reasons which are not around today and not issues for us today. So times have changed and although it was once accepted it is no longer accepted in the sunnah at all. And the only ones who use it are men who are quiet frankly animals.

I have been told its a good idea to marry an older brother, he will be mature and will settle into married life alot better then some 22 year old. but i couldnt marry someone who has been previously married or had kids. I just want to start a fresh life with no baggage from either of us. Sorry its just how i feel. i dont mean to offend anyone with kids or who is divourced, its just my preference.

jazakallah khier
Logged
Pages: 1 [2] 3 |   Go Up
 
 



Individual posts do not reflect the views of halfmydeen.org. All trademarks and copyrights are owned by their respective owners.
Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author.
The rest © halfmydeen.org