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Author Topic: Does Single Life Cause Emotional Trauma?  (Read 1389 times)

I Walk Alone...

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Does Single Life Cause Emotional Trauma?
« on: Dec. 14, 2010, 08:18 AM »

Salam.

Okay. So I'm trying to figure this out for myself..

Why is it, that when I'm talking to a sister, and things seem to be going well I feel fine. I'm more motivated. Life is great. Alhamdulillah.

When it doesn't work, I'm okay for a while, and then when I've been single for 'too long' (whatever that means, but just after a while...) depression just hits. I feel like I can't cope.

I want to fix it. I feel like marriage is the only way, but it's impossible, or feels it.
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nulady

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Re: Does Single Life Cause Emotional Trauma?
« Reply #1 on: Dec. 15, 2010, 04:39 AM »

I think the problem is that we tend to dwell on the missing pieces of our lives. We forget to be thankful for what we have. I know that when I am talking to someone it feels like I have a future plan. And when it fails I am thrown back to the beginning and that takes a lot out of you. Single life can be really hard and there are constant reminders of what we are missing out on. just remember that "with every difficulty there is relief." (Al-Inshirah 94:5-6)
As for me...still waiting..... (I think it’s starting to drive me towards desperation...anyone need a visa?"
 ;)
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JenBean71

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Re: Does Single Life Cause Emotional Trauma?
« Reply #2 on: Dec. 16, 2010, 05:15 AM »

Asalam alaikum, I really think being single (more specifically, 'remaining single despite meeting someone') causes emotional trauma because the goal to get married is so wanted (cuz it's half the deen)...but it isn't happening despite all the effort, the time it takes getting to know someone and as Nulady said; about starting to feel like there is a future. Whether suddenly or gradually, the potential relationship ends..it's a loss and it is definitely traumatic. I thought about some of the things that flash through my mind depending on what I'm feeling at the time:

One of things that bites me is the saying "surely there is someone for everyone"? I mean, one could only hope. So after meeting someone and it doesn't work out, it's challenging the hope that marriage will ever happen. It is a hopeless feeling because rationally speaking, Muslims are supposed to get married and start a life together - yet -  it isn't happening, even with duas and with prayers and trying to live in the dunya with temptations and needs...it isn't making sense and shaytan sees opportunities to bring failure. It brings on a lot of pressure and anxiety and sadness, hope and doubt, and those things make it harder to be patient.

No one wants to be 'that person who can't find someone' yet it's happening and it is hard to cope. It challenges the notion that 'good things happen to good people', when all efforts are towards living according to the deen despite the obstacles, yet nothing becomes of the hopes and good intentions for a future - again, it isn't making sense, when justice does not appear to be there. That's when self doubt and bad self image comes in; especially when rejection is coming based on things you cannot change such race, nationality, age, being divorced, etc. it's traumatic having to deal with being single when all efforts are spent towards finding someone who wants to get married and all parties involved are happy.

Then I eventually come to some kind of resolution...after days or weeks..I trust Allah...It becomes clearer that there are reasons why a suitable marriage partner hasn't been found; only Allah knows. Its a difficult test that affects Iman and hope.
It can also help to develop a positive coping and resilience to future tests - oh, like marriage :)
InshaAllah kheir.

(just a side note I haven't been looking for a spouse but I've been looking for a job..had interviews...too many rejections..feels somewhat similar cuz I think I have what it takes  :P  Plz say duas)
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