Question

[Bulaaleyare]

Brothers what will you do if a sister proposes you to marry her? Will you, or why not?
Sister will you propose to a brother whom you liked? How, or

[Muslimah21]

I wouldnt propose.... but i would show interest in that brother. either telling his sister, or getting my father to talk to his family. i would never approach a man and propose. its allowed in Islam. But men these days are nto liek those of the passed. Where they chershed women and loved them. Now men are too picky... so its risky for a girl to ask.

Nothing wrong with showing interest thats just as good... at least it makes your intentions clear to the brother so he can act upon that then. If a girl did that then she is very brave and also i wouldnt blame her... muslim men hae become lazy in proposing, so women sometiems have to take it iinto thier own hands.

 

[sheikh87]

Bulaaleyaree...answering your question, would would I do iif a girl proposed to me, "Will I or will I not?"

alot of things need to be known...rushing is from the outcast (devil) and contemplation/taking this slowly is from Ar-Rahman...

But the fact that she proposed isn't negative, as long as it's following the deen.


it's good to ask the question always so that there's no misunderstanding...

[Africanmuslimah88]

I agree with you Muslimah, in this climate I would never propose because of lack of deen from others. The brother would maybe feel you are “desperate” or he might be flattered but never really appreciate you since he did not have to sweat to get you. Not saying girls should make guys sweat but def. take your time when considering something as important as marriage. Also the community would stigmatize that girl and she would be labelled “the one who proposed” and instead of commending her bravery they would condemn it.

Also, I don’t really understand your answer sheikh87?

[sheikh87]

Okay sorry for not being clear and not fully stating what I want to say.

First of all, just because a proposal happens from a bother or sister doesn't mean that a decision needs to be made the same day. As far it is permissable for the girl or guy to propose and the mere act of talking to each other about marriage without saying it clearly is cnsidered indirect rproposal followed up by the wali knowing etc. etc.


Therefore I am saying that just because a sister expresses interest in marriage doesn't mean that a marriage should happen right away because of the fact that haste is from shaytan and contemplation/taking things slowly is a from Ar-Rahman (Allah). ANd why it is good to ask the questionwithout hesitation is because sisters and brothers aren't supposed tobe freinds anyways and so asking the question won't "ruin a friendship" and will make sure that two are clear about what each wants so there will be no wasting time and so that nobody is hoping for something that is just an illusion. I hope that makes sense. And so since nobody is going to get married to somebody without knowing them (acording to western culture) asking the question shouldn't break hearts in shA Allah as llong as the goal is clear from day 1. that is, one wants to get married but won't marry somebody without knowing as much as they can  usng the hallal ways to know more about the person and then take it from there without looking for a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" in the name of engagement etc. because that is not permissable.

[JenBean71]

Actually, I wouldn't propose - but I know a woman that did and they got married this past summer. Alhumdulillah

[sheikh87]

I get why I girl would not to propose. It is permissable though for both a guy and girl to speak to each other about the issue though. A proposal (from the man's side) means that the girl is now taken not for anybody else to approach. So I understand why a woman would prefer a man to do the proposal. At the same time, approaching a person with questions (direct or indirect) is the same if it comes from a man or a woman in my personal opinion. Well, rarely happens that a sister approaches a brother, but there is nothing wrong with it and is not a sign of desperateness. If anything, it's a sign of decisiveness.

[Muslimah21]

Well in Arab culture if a girl did that her parents will think she is mad and the boys parents will reject her and her family. Its very shameful and they see it as a sign of desperation. I sort of put forward i may need to do that... not propose but first show interest and everyone was in shock... and told me do i want to be desperate and give msyelf away. I have to make the man do the work and let him do all the asking. Subhanallah the mind set of some people.

With this brother i am tlakign to at the moment i showed interest immediatly. Whereas nromally a girl will have to leave him hanging and act like sshe is not bothered. But as soon as i met the brother i discussed that evening with my parents what i though and the next day told them i was interested in pursueing this with him. Even though he didnt answer first, i gave my answer first i dont care what people think.
I don't think there is anything wrong with it.

Jazakallah khier