Advertisement:

Pages: [1] 2 |   Go Down

Author Topic: Question  (Read 4548 times)

Bulaaleyare

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 4
Question
« on: Oct. 04, 2009, 06:37 PM »

Brothers what will you do if a sister proposes you to marry her? Will you, or why not?
Sister will you propose to a brother whom you liked? How, or :-\
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest
Re: Question
« Reply #1 on: Oct. 05, 2009, 12:06 AM »

I wouldnt propose.... but i would show interest in that brother. either telling his sister, or getting my father to talk to his family. i would never approach a man and propose. its allowed in Islam. But men these days are nto liek those of the passed. Where they chershed women and loved them. Now men are too picky... so its risky for a girl to ask.

Nothing wrong with showing interest thats just as good... at least it makes your intentions clear to the brother so he can act upon that then. If a girl did that then she is very brave and also i wouldnt blame her... muslim men hae become lazy in proposing, so women sometiems have to take it iinto thier own hands. :D

 :D

Logged

sheikh87

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 72
Re: Question
« Reply #2 on: Oct. 06, 2009, 09:13 PM »

Bulaaleyaree...answering your question, would would I do iif a girl proposed to me, "Will I or will I not?"

alot of things need to be known...rushing is from the outcast (devil) and contemplation/taking this slowly is from Ar-Rahman...

But the fact that she proposed isn't negative, as long as it's following the deen.


it's good to ask the question always so that there's no misunderstanding...
Logged

Africanmuslimah88

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 24
Re: Question
« Reply #3 on: Oct. 09, 2009, 04:37 PM »

I agree with you Muslimah, in this climate I would never propose because of lack of deen from others. The brother would maybe feel you are “desperate” or he might be flattered but never really appreciate you since he did not have to sweat to get you. Not saying girls should make guys sweat but def. take your time when considering something as important as marriage. Also the community would stigmatize that girl and she would be labelled “the one who proposed” and instead of commending her bravery they would condemn it.

Also, I don’t really understand your answer sheikh87?
Logged

sheikh87

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 72
Re: Question
« Reply #4 on: Oct. 14, 2009, 12:52 AM »

Okay sorry for not being clear and not fully stating what I want to say.

First of all, just because a proposal happens from a bother or sister doesn't mean that a decision needs to be made the same day. As far it is permissable for the girl or guy to propose and the mere act of talking to each other about marriage without saying it clearly is cnsidered indirect rproposal followed up by the wali knowing etc. etc.


Therefore I am saying that just because a sister expresses interest in marriage doesn't mean that a marriage should happen right away because of the fact that haste is from shaytan and contemplation/taking things slowly is a from Ar-Rahman (Allah). ANd why it is good to ask the questionwithout hesitation is because sisters and brothers aren't supposed tobe freinds anyways and so asking the question won't "ruin a friendship" and will make sure that two are clear about what each wants so there will be no wasting time and so that nobody is hoping for something that is just an illusion. I hope that makes sense. And so since nobody is going to get married to somebody without knowing them (acording to western culture) asking the question shouldn't break hearts in shA Allah as llong as the goal is clear from day 1. that is, one wants to get married but won't marry somebody without knowing as much as they can  usng the hallal ways to know more about the person and then take it from there without looking for a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" in the name of engagement etc. because that is not permissable.
Logged

JenBean71

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 70
Re: Question
« Reply #5 on: Oct. 24, 2009, 03:05 AM »

Actually, I wouldn't propose - but I know a woman that did and they got married this past summer. Alhumdulillah :)
Logged

sheikh87

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 72
Re: Question
« Reply #6 on: Oct. 24, 2009, 10:47 AM »

I get why I girl would not to propose. It is permissable though for both a guy and girl to speak to each other about the issue though. A proposal (from the man's side) means that the girl is now taken not for anybody else to approach. So I understand why a woman would prefer a man to do the proposal. At the same time, approaching a person with questions (direct or indirect) is the same if it comes from a man or a woman in my personal opinion. Well, rarely happens that a sister approaches a brother, but there is nothing wrong with it and is not a sign of desperateness. If anything, it's a sign of decisiveness.
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest
Re: Question
« Reply #7 on: Oct. 24, 2009, 02:48 PM »

Well in Arab culture if a girl did that her parents will think she is mad and the boys parents will reject her and her family. Its very shameful and they see it as a sign of desperation. I sort of put forward i may need to do that... not propose but first show interest and everyone was in shock... and told me do i want to be desperate and give msyelf away. I have to make the man do the work and let him do all the asking. Subhanallah the mind set of some people.

With this brother i am tlakign to at the moment i showed interest immediatly. Whereas nromally a girl will have to leave him hanging and act like sshe is not bothered. But as soon as i met the brother i discussed that evening with my parents what i though and the next day told them i was interested in pursueing this with him. Even though he didnt answer first, i gave my answer first i dont care what people think.
I don't think there is anything wrong with it.

Jazakallah khier
Logged

abeeda

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 13
Re: Question
« Reply #8 on: Nov. 29, 2009, 07:03 AM »

I definately will not propose or approach him first, esp not where I come from. ppl will always talk about it for the rest of eternity and the guyz will feel well she came first so she will tolerate watever he does
I had feelings for the guy that proposed to me for a long time but I kept it to myself and never showed or told anyone till he approached me and it turned out he too has had feelings for me for long too, LOL.
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest
Re: Question
« Reply #9 on: Dec. 01, 2009, 06:17 PM »

Well i didnt do it that way at all. I dont believe men and women can be freinds. So we were introduced the islamic way. His mother met me and my mother and she knew her son was looking for a wife so we talked and she thought i would be suitable for him. I was told about him and what he is like so we agreed to meet... with family. So we never met each other before or alone! We sat as a family spoke asked questions... then we were allowed to talk one on one for an hour with my father by my side and his mother near by. And we liked each other straight away. I have met him 4 times now... and alhamdulillah its going well. We both met for the same purpose so i suppose my situation is different from yours... becuase you did it without the family and without the intention. But becuase i had the intention for marriage and he did that is why we met. and obviously i like him otherwise why would i meet him 4 times. And becuase i have the wali and we dont meet alone we are doing it the islamic way... so we are safe gaurded from shiytan and blessed inshallah by allah. :D


 :D :D :D :D :D
Logged

Yaseen88

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
Re: Question
« Reply #10 on: Dec. 10, 2009, 01:22 PM »

If a sister proposed i would not mind ;)
Logged

SisterGirl

  • Guest
Re: Question
« Reply #11 on: Dec. 17, 2009, 05:55 PM »

I cant see myself proposing to a man. I  am old fashioned, I wont even call a brother I am talking to regularly.
If he wants to talk to me, he will call me. If he wants to marry me, he will make it crystal clear. If he dosent, I'll happily move on.  :)
Logged

Ilyas

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 34
Re: Question
« Reply #12 on: Dec. 17, 2009, 09:03 PM »

Asalam,
Supposedly in my culture if a girl proposes to a man and the man refuses, he is considered a coward. No joke lool
Logged

Hamza81

  • Guest
Re: Question
« Reply #13 on: Dec. 19, 2009, 06:47 PM »

I cant see myself proposing to a man. I  am old fashioned, I wont even call a brother I am talking to regularly.
If he wants to talk to me, he will call me. If he wants to marry me, he will make it crystal clear. If he dosent, I'll happily move on.  :)

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, this is clearly cultural bias. The mother of the believers Khadija (Ra) proposed to Rasulallahh(Pbuh) aswell as many women of the era proposing to men through their wali. As long as it is done through the womens mahram or appointed Wali then there should not be any problems and one should not let cultural bias get in the way because it may be that a women may let a good man slip just because of a pointless cultural bias. Sometimes a man hesitates to ask a women for many reasons so if the women knows that the man is a good and pious man who will look after her then she should take steps to propose to him through her mahram or wali and not have to feel low for it.
Logged

jannah

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 269
Re: Question
« Reply #14 on: Dec. 20, 2009, 06:30 AM »

Wsalam,

It may be cultural bias, but there is a reason why sisters don't do it. It's because they are not proposing to Rasulullah [saw]!! They are proposing to ordinary men of this age, many of whom have egos and culturally do not like it if the sister is the one to make the first move. They find it ugly because it makes the sister look aggressive and desperate. That's what many brothers have told me!!!

So I would tell any sister to just be careful about doing it even if it is a perfectly fine halal way. It might be better to have someone else make the suggestion to the brother.


I cant see myself proposing to a man. I  am old fashioned, I wont even call a brother I am talking to regularly.
If he wants to talk to me, he will call me. If he wants to marry me, he will make it crystal clear. If he dosent, I'll happily move on.  :)

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, this is clearly cultural bias. The mother of the believers Khadija (Ra) proposed to Rasulallahh(Pbuh) aswell as many women of the era proposing to men through their wali. As long as it is done through the womens mahram or appointed Wali then there should not be any problems and one should not let cultural bias get in the way because it may be that a women may let a good man slip just because of a pointless cultural bias. Sometimes a man hesitates to ask a women for many reasons so if the women knows that the man is a good and pious man who will look after her then she should take steps to propose to him through her mahram or wali and not have to feel low for it.
Logged
Pages: [1] 2 |   Go Up
 
 



Individual posts do not reflect the views of halfmydeen.org. All trademarks and copyrights are owned by their respective owners.
Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author.
The rest © halfmydeen.org