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Author Topic: marrying your cousin?  (Read 4534 times)

muslimgirl

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marrying your cousin?
« on: Oct. 14, 2009, 08:00 AM »


Salams all,

I just wanted to know what you all think of marrying your first cousin? I mean I know its halal in Islam, but in the western culture its seen as a taboo orsomething weird, since first cousins are seen as your close family relative. I grew up in America, and I have this mentality in the back of my head! But at the same time, I know that my way of life is Islam, and whatever Allah(swt) allowed has benefit, and whatever He (swt) prohibited has harm.

Sometimes I say to myself since the west is not my way of life... meaning the western culture does NOT tell me how to dress, behave or live, then why should I go with who and who not to marry? I know both sides of the argument, but I still need more backup support to prove this point of marrying your cousin is completely and 100% a good choice.

What do you all think? Any input on this subject?

~eman

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justKhan22

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Re: marrying your cousin?
« Reply #1 on: Oct. 15, 2009, 12:45 AM »

Yo yo
, why nt ?

if its a good person , i would i dnt ssee the cousin thing as big as long as u 2 are compatible.

I live in the west i personally have nt even seen it as anything bad lol or considered it, and knw one needs to knw hes ur first cuzi lol.
afetr marriage he will be seen as ur husband.

And see if u cn do tht blood test they do to see if ur compatible in terms of u knw not affecting kids, as it is, this available to u guys so why nt tke advantage of it if u can :) . U can also do istihkharaaah !

all the best
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shez10

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Re: marrying your cousin?
« Reply #2 on: Oct. 17, 2009, 10:36 PM »

I think its prefectly fine....especially when Islam says it.

Its just that we live in a western society which kind of frowns upon it...but then it also frowns upon Islam as a way of life? do we leave islam coz of them? i dont think so! similarly they can't understand a lot of things which we muslims do like salah, fasting for the love of Allah and follow the commandments yet they dont understand why a free willing man in this day and age will submit to something like that.

just last night I felt out of place at a dinner with a non muslim colleague...they don't understand why its important for us to eat only Halal meat!

sisters wearing Hijab out of free will is thought of as something outrageous and against womens' rights...despite the sister telling them wearing hijab is by choice yet they think some family elder must have forced it down on them.

similarly, marrying a cousin is something we all think wierd coz we dont hear it much but then its considered normal in Islam...infact if you follow it strictly, your first cousins are a non mahram! so strictly following, we should not be freely mixing like we do with our blood brothers and sisters...

something closely related.....Prophet (SAW) got his own loving daughter Fatima (RA) married to his first cousin Ali (RA).  now he was her uncle...what would western society say to that?
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Muslimah21

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Re: marrying your cousin?
« Reply #3 on: Oct. 18, 2009, 02:59 PM »

My mother married my dad who is her cousin. Nothing wrogn with it at all.

But for me i cant do it. The thought actually makes me feel sick for me to marry any of my cousins, even my 2nd cousins. I see them as my brothers and i treat them like brothers. They even look like my brothers so i would nto go thier in a million years. Its just gross even thinking about it :S Since i got a proposal from my cousin i have not talked to him the way i used to, i dont even sit in the same room as him now and i keep my distance... i didnt realsie they saw me that way becuase i see them as brothers and thats it!. but now i have learnt not to assume things. :S

But if its acceptabel for you then do it, don't care what others think sis.
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LorraineMeares

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Re: marrying your cousin?
« Reply #4 on: Dec. 11, 2009, 03:16 PM »

Quote
My mother married my dad who is her cousin. Nothing wrogn with it at all.

But for me i cant do it. The thought actually makes me feel sick for me to marry any of my cousins, even my 2nd cousins. I see them as my brothers and i treat them like brothers. They even look like my brothers so i would nto go thier in a million years. Its just gross even thinking about it :S Since i got a proposal from my cousin i have not talked to him the way i used to, i dont even sit in the same room as him now and i keep my distance... i didnt realsie they saw me that way becuase i see them as brothers and thats it!. but now i have learnt not to assume things. :S

But if its acceptabel for you then do it, don't care what others think sis.

One of my very good friends married her first cousin.  They didn't grow up together--met later in life---so I think this is maybe different than a situation where you spend your childhood with a cousin and so then view as a brother or sister almost.  The only issue was children--they had to get the tests because birth defects are possible. 
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reeldeel

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Re: marrying your cousin?
« Reply #5 on: Dec. 11, 2009, 04:10 PM »

One of my very good friends married her first cousin.  They didn't grow up together--met later in life---so I think this is maybe different than a situation where you spend your childhood with a cousin and so then view as a brother or sister almost.  The only issue was children--they had to get the tests because birth defects are possible. 

My mom and dad are 2nd cousins also am also born and raised in the west but it all depends I guess.
My grandma pulled me to the side and had a serious conversation with me suggesting I marry one of two cousins. The first one has been a neighbor for many years since we were kids and i've also lived in there house for about a year at one point in time. So the idea of marrying her is a bit wierd. Now the other cousin I've seen less than 10 times in my life. The last time i'd seen her she was a very small child, she's probably all grown up by now. I'll see for my self this christmass ;D.
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Jeremy

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Re: marrying your cousin?
« Reply #6 on: Dec. 12, 2009, 02:01 PM »

Just like everyone said, there's nothing wrong in marrying your cousin. But we have to remember that Islam does not encourage marrying close relatives, as the prophet (saw) encouraged Muslims to marry people they are not related to "3'arribu fi azzawaj".
Again, I should stress that it's perfectly acceptable from a religious standpoint, I just wouldn't have it as my first choice.
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reeldeel

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Re: marrying your cousin?
« Reply #7 on: Dec. 15, 2009, 08:56 PM »

Also risking recessive genetic disorders
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jannah

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Re: marrying your cousin?
« Reply #8 on: Dec. 15, 2009, 10:47 PM »

Also risking recessive genetic disorders

This is mostly in the case of successive generations marrying within each other over and over again. The probability of disorders otherwise is very little. (It is the same risk as an older woman giving birth)

According to the
National Society of Genetic Counselors, birth defects are 2 to 3
percent more common in children born to first cousins than among the general population — a real risk, but not enough to justify the bans.
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Ilyas

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Re: marrying your cousin?
« Reply #9 on: Dec. 17, 2009, 06:35 AM »

Asalam Alaikum, I had actually done some research on this before. As far as science goes, the percent chance that your child will have a disorder is somewhere around 5% if i remember correctly that's if you're not cousins. So an increase of 2-3% is not so much. However, there is a story of Prophet Muhammad(saw) telling a man to find a wife from a different tribe, to find his son a wife from a tribe different than that, and his other son a wife from a tribe different than those. It went something like that, correct me if I am wrong. So basically Islam does permit you to marry your first cousin but it is recommended by many to marry outside of the family. This way not only do you decrease your chance of your child having a disorder to a minimum but you bring two families closer together.
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Hamza81

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Re: marrying your cousin?
« Reply #10 on: Dec. 19, 2009, 06:39 PM »

Quote
My mother married my dad who is her cousin. Nothing wrogn with it at all.

But for me i cant do it. The thought actually makes me feel sick for me to marry any of my cousins, even my 2nd cousins. I see them as my brothers and i treat them like brothers. They even look like my brothers so i would nto go thier in a million years. Its just gross even thinking about it :S Since i got a proposal from my cousin i have not talked to him the way i used to, i dont even sit in the same room as him now and i keep my distance... i didnt realsie they saw me that way becuase i see them as brothers and thats it!. but now i have learnt not to assume things. :S

But if its acceptabel for you then do it, don't care what others think sis.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, does it also disgust you that Ali (Ra) married the Prophet(Pbuh) daughter and they were first cousins? One should very very careful before making such unthoughtful remarks. As it has been stated it is only not recommended for generation to generation to constantly marry first cousin. Also your male cousins are not your mahram so you are not supoosed to see them as your brothers. If it has been made halal for you to marry them then will you still see them as your brothers?
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reeldeel

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Re: marrying your cousin?
« Reply #11 on: Dec. 19, 2009, 10:04 PM »

However, there is a story of Prophet Muhammad(saw) telling a man to find a wife from a different tribe, to find his son a wife from a tribe different than that, and his other son a wife from a tribe different than those. It went something like that, correct me if I am wrong.

Any1 know where I can find more info on this?
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jannah

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Re: marrying your cousin?
« Reply #12 on: Dec. 20, 2009, 06:21 AM »

Hamza81 In American culture it's something that's just not done. Cousins consider each other like brothers and sisters. It would be hard for them to all of a sudden change how they see a person and want to marry them. There's nothing wrong with her not wanting to do that. She feels like they are her brothers even if they are not mahram to her. She doesn't have to marry them. She knows it's acceptable Islamically but she doesn't want to do it. It's her right not to just as it is your right to marry your cousin if you wanted.


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Ilyas

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Re: marrying your cousin?
« Reply #13 on: Dec. 20, 2009, 09:07 AM »

However, there is a story of Prophet Muhammad(saw) telling a man to find a wife from a different tribe, to find his son a wife from a tribe different than that, and his other son a wife from a tribe different than those. It went something like that, correct me if I am wrong.

Any1 know where I can find more info on this?

I am sorry bro I do not have the source for this as I read it on websites talking about marriage and islam, unfortunately they did not mention where one can find the original hadith.
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Anonymous

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Re: marrying your cousin?
« Reply #14 on: Aug. 06, 2010, 02:55 PM »

i would never marry my cousins except in rare circumstances.

in subcontinental hunduism mixed culture, sometimes people are even compelled to marry their cousins.
and its the most stupid thing ever. period.
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