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Author Topic: marry her then mold her  (Read 7711 times)

Muslimah21

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Re: marry her then mold her
« Reply #15 on: Oct. 29, 2009, 06:14 PM »

Firstly it was not a joke... there are men who think that way i think you will find.

well when i have more time inshallah i will find that hadith online for you and post it to you on here.
Well advice should be given... if you have knowladge better then someone else its your duty to share it. Same as Quran you know it pass it on. you dotn keep it to yourself as it will benifit others by sharing. And my advice will benifit others if only they could put there pride asside. But thats men for you  ::) ::)

No i don't think its ok to insult others, but if that person takes what you say as an insult then you should clafiry it for them as they may have not understood. Thats what often happens between men and women and people of different cultures.
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brisingr9

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Re: marry her then mold her
« Reply #16 on: Oct. 31, 2009, 06:59 PM »

As salamalaikum , what's all the fighting about?? Yes there is a hadees which says a women takes 3 people with her to hell ie father brother and husband. I have read it myself. I don't know about the ten person thing but 3 that's what I read. I believe by proper education of the Quran it is highly possible to mould women. I've seen women change  by the help of not only her hubby but also bro and dad. Combined effort is required. One thing is for sure Allah is supreme opener of hearts irrespective of men or women, all we can do along with moulding is pray inshallah he or she will improve. Jazakallah khair.
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Muslimah21

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Re: marry her then mold her
« Reply #17 on: Oct. 31, 2009, 07:27 PM »

wa salam i am not figthing. lol

Good debate si going on here. One which i am right about. but sometimes its liek talking to a brick wall. Men are arragont and stuburn and dont like to be proven wrong especially by a woman! :P

That means you can marry an alcoholic and hope they mould into a perfect muslim?? hahaha thats just a joke. seriously. Porphet SAW gave you instruction of what quaities and if you go against that when it all goes wrong you only have yoourself to blame. Or perhaps you deserve each other. becuase allah only gives you what you deserve. A reflection of who you really are. So if you end up marrying some half hearted muslimah what does that say about you???   :-\ :-\ :-\

Nope only allah can guide. and only allah can let people go astray. No matter how ahr dyou try at ""molding"" the sister if she was not meant to be muslim becuase her soul and heart are not pure then she wont be muslim. if allah wants her to be then he will let it be. nothing to do with Her husband. And if a man thinks he can change a woman then he really is es muy tonto! :S
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sheikh87

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Re: marry her then mold her
« Reply #18 on: Oct. 31, 2009, 08:43 PM »

Yes good debate that you are "right" about;):) ;D and men are stubborn but not women :D

JenBean77, care to share your opinion on the matter of molding. Do you agree with Muslimah21 that it is a big gamble and shows what kind of Muslim the man is?

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JenBean71

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Re: marry her then mold her
« Reply #19 on: Nov. 01, 2009, 03:05 AM »

Asalam alaikum,

I lost interest in the discussion, but in the meantime found a Hadith if you have time:

This Hadith I read before I embraced Islam and I never forgot it - I received the Quran, 40 Hadith Qudsi and 40 Hadith Nawawi as my first books. This is number 3 in Nawawi - it is the basis of my understanding about how there are no guarantees with "good" people and "bad" people. It opens the mind to something greater than what we see and what is reality (known only to Allah).

----------------------------------------------------------------

Abu 'Abd al-Rahman 'Abdullah bin Mas'ud, radiyallahu 'anhu, reported: The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, the most truthful, the most trusted, told us:

"Verily the creation of any one of you takes place when he is assembled in his mother's womb; for forty days he is as a drop of fluid, then it becomes a clot for a similar period. Thereafter, it is a lump looking like it has been chewed for a similar period. Then an angel is sent to him, who breathes the ruh (spirit) into him. This Angel is commanded to write Four decrees: that he writes down his provision (rizq), his life span, his deeds, and whether he will be among the wretched or the blessed.

I swear by Allah - there is no God but He - one of you may perform the deeds of the people of Paradise till there is naught but an arm's length between him and it, when that which has been written will outstrip him so that he performs the deeds of the people of the Hell Fire; one of you may perform the deeds of the people of the Hell Fire, till there is naught but an arm's length between him and it, when that which has been written will overtake him so that he performs the deeds of the people of Paradise and enters therein."

[Al-Bukhari & Muslim]


I also recommend reading 40 Hadith Qudsi and not missing a word :)

Asalam alaikum
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Muslimah21

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Re: marry her then mold her
« Reply #20 on: Nov. 01, 2009, 12:47 PM »

Shukran sister

so yes it is decreed to you wheaterh you are muslim or not?? Your Qader. i agree totoally with that of course.
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sheikh87

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Re: marry her then mold her
« Reply #21 on: Nov. 01, 2009, 01:51 PM »

Qadar is Allah's secret in HIs creation...

It's been written who will be Muslm and who won't. Allah created everybody on thefitrah but they choose to become kuffar or stay Muslim. But they couldn't do any of the two unless Allah gave them freewill and he did:)...
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Muslimah21

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Re: marry her then mold her
« Reply #22 on: Nov. 02, 2009, 04:16 PM »

But allah guides who he wills and those he does nto it is said they have hearts that are blackend with arragonce and ignorance adn no one can guide them. So allah decideds whos eyes are opened and who will live this life blind. So you are wrogn there brother.

You ca spend 24/7 with a person and they still wont accept allah or Islam. So its nto down to people. only will of allah  :P
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sheikh87

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Re: marry her then mold her
« Reply #23 on: Nov. 02, 2009, 10:23 PM »

You don't even underwstand what I said, otherwise you wouldn't say what I said is wrong...:s....because it is the belief Islam teaches....see surah al-takwir, the end for further understanidng.


Salam
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Muslimah21

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Re: marry her then mold her
« Reply #24 on: Nov. 03, 2009, 11:37 PM »

I don't think you understood me.... yes men seem to be from another planet. I am speaking english brother! lol
 :D :D

Never mind. Khalas... you keep going over this like a broked record.  :-\ :-\
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MuslimMD85

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Re: marry her then mold her
« Reply #25 on: Dec. 03, 2009, 03:35 AM »

I think this works....

you can marry and mold her....

if she's like really young, maybe 16 or 17...

also you would knwo how to deal with women and understand her personality really well.

Allahu'Alam
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Muslimah21

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Re: marry her then mold her
« Reply #26 on: Dec. 03, 2009, 01:22 PM »

Hahahaaa NO comment.

I am a female and i was once 17 and believe me that is the time we are the most rebelious! so if anything you will make your wife worse! How can a man talk on behalf of a woman lol. Its a joke! why do men do that????>:( >:(
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MuslimMD85

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Re: marry her then mold her
« Reply #27 on: Dec. 04, 2009, 01:39 AM »

Hahahaaa NO comment.

I am a female and i was once 17 and believe me that is the time we are the most rebelious! so if anything you will make your wife worse! How can a man talk on behalf of a woman lol. Its a joke! why do men do that?????  >:( >:(

It really depends on the girl and the guy. It just seems women and men tend to start having more expectations as they get older.

And it goes back to what you mean by mold her.

A married couple usually starts adopting and molding themselves into each others personalities because they start understanding each other better and better. And when someone is young they usually aren't very intellectually developed and their views and opinion on life and the world aren't as strong as someone who has experienced more in their life. Based on that it would be easier for a woman/girl who is young to be molded into the lifestyle, opinions, and personality of her husband, and this is specially true(regardless of age) when the woman really admires and respects her husband.

I am only referring to women because majority of the Muslim marriages are between an older man and a younger woman, and its very rare to see the opposite. And even if you see an oldr woman and a younger man, the age difference isnt too substantial like 5-10 years.

Just ask yourself how strong your opinions and views were when you were 17 and now? There is a drastic difference specially in the religion and how you want to live your life. And imagine yourself if you got married at that age to someone you really admire and respect and love, wouldn't you want to be as close to him and as much like him as possible?

Allahu'Alam
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Muslimah21

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Re: marry her then mold her
« Reply #28 on: Dec. 04, 2009, 03:48 PM »

My experince of peopel who are older is that they are more open minded and more realxed and willing to compramise especially those who have been married before.

The brother i am meeting at the moment is 30 and he is very open minded in every aspect of life and so far all those i have met who have been older are more willing to make compramises and take on the others views. Younger people are stuburn... i know i am :D and i was worse when i was younger and most muslim girls are the same... and i have many muslimah freinds. And as a woman i can tlak on behalf of my sex. And as for men..... when young brothers have approached them they are very set in thier ways... wanting the wives to change to fit them... not for both to change togther. they think they are perfect and so dont see the need to change. They are young and naive to put it simply and so are girls at a younger age.

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MuslimMD85

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Re: marry her then mold her
« Reply #29 on: Dec. 05, 2009, 04:10 AM »

My experince of peopel who are older is that they are more open minded and more realxed and willing to compramise especially those who have been married before.

The brother i am meeting at the moment is 30 and he is very open minded in every aspect of life and so far all those i have met who have been older are more willing to make compramises and take on the others views. Younger people are stuburn... i know i am :D and i was worse when i was younger and most muslim girls are the same... and i have many muslimah freinds. And as a woman i can tlak on behalf of my sex. And as for men..... when young brothers have approached them they are very set in thier ways... wanting the wives to change to fit them... not for both to change togther. they think they are perfect and so dont see the need to change. They are young and naive to put it simply and so are girls at a younger age.



As someone gets older, they tend to know how to deal with women and younger people because they know how it is at that age and they've experienced it themselves.

Also depends on experiences as well. I think I've experienced a lot in many ways more than most people my age, i find it extremely easy dealing with most difficult people now. Whereas others my age usually have issues getting along with peopel.

Allahu'Alam
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