Advertisement:

Pages: [1] 2 3 |   Go Down

Author Topic: Would you marry from another sect? we are all muslims at the end of the day  (Read 7553 times)

Muslimah21

  • Guest

Asalam waliykum warahmatu allahu wa barakatu.

Bismillahi arahmani-araheim.

I just looked on another forum, based on marriage too. and a topic came up about Marrying a Shia/Sunni bascially someone of a different sect. Ahmadulillah alot fo the sisters said We are all muslims at the end of the day and thats good mashallah. I am glad not everyone is narrow minded. But obvioulsy this is relevant to me at the moment becuase of my situation.

And alot of the sisters agreed as long as they didnt beat themselves and so all that to mark the death of Hussain. Then there would be no problem. And i agree too.
I have read soo much the passed few years on what the believe and the differences and to be honest people blow the whole thing out of porportion. SOem even go as far as to say they are Kuffar Astagfirallah. Authou billahi! I have heard all sorts. But to be honest soem of the nicest muslims i have ever met have been Shia. Kind, warm, welcoming and very devout to worshipping allah more so then sunnis i have met. i am not saying they are better but they are no different.

Anyway what do you guys think? would you marry someone from a different sect.? if they were open minded and you likewise? Are we all muslims and should keep the ummah togther? What are your thoughts?
If not why wouldnt you? what problems do you think may arise? would you nite pick at the way they pray or the way they make Wudu? is that more important then character and piety??


For me i would consider marrying anyone (obviously any muslim) as long as they are devout brother who practices. Inshallah

:D

Jazakallah khier
wasalam
Logged

sheikh87

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 72

Please don't use the term "narrow-minded."

I don't think that's a fair term to use. By saying that, your also sorta closing the door on people who old that it is not okay from expressing their opinions to you on the fear of being considered "narrow-minded."

I hope I don't sound like a preacher, but I think that's something you should think about alittle.
Logged

JenBean71

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 70

Mashallah I believe we are all Muslims we say the shahaddah and believe in basic tenets together. But when it comes to the Sahaba (may Allah be pleased with them), there seems to be some discrepancies. A was talking with an Iraqi Shia (I'm Sunni) and they were asking me what the names of my children are. One of them is Omar, and they said because I had embraced Islam that I probably didn't know about the different perspective Shia's have, that I should learn it and then decide if I am Sunni or Shia. They weren't too open to the "we're all Musiims" vibe - more of an all or nothing ::) There was also a brother that was interested in me and he was Shia. He said it's better if I am Shia - plus he disclosed that he drank alcohol :( - so I let that one go  ??? I'm Sunni. Anyway - I'm sure there are Muslims who make it work -  I haven't known any in the 16 years I've been Muslim, but it doesn't mean they don't exist. :-X Allahu alam
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest

Please don't use the term "narrow-minded."

I don't think that's a fair term to use. By saying that, your also sorta closing the door on people who old that it is not okay from expressing their opinions to you on the fear of being considered "narrow-minded."

I hope I don't sound like a preacher, but I think that's something you should think about alittle.

Yes shiekh,
lately you have been doing alot of Preaching to me and insulting, so this message from you comes to no suprise at all. therefore i disregard your comment as you did of my respect!
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest

Well Jenbean,

i have had the opposite experince, all the sunni men i have met have been the drinkers, the ones who go out to clubs and have girlfriends, i know becuase i wwas bought up in a sunni community and thats all they have to offer. astagfirallah.
I came to university and i met SHia muslims... From Iraq from iran from all over and mashallah they are wonderful. The ones who rejected them and said bad of them were the sunnis and i was so ashamed. But alhamdulillah they did nto judge me and think of me as the "narrow minded" ones. They knew there are good and bad everywhere.

And the brothers who have approached me for marriage who have been sunni have all had passed relationships and have drunk alcohol in the clubs etc etc etc. But the shia i have met are very family orientated they do things with thier family they go out of thier way to be with there family. So subhanallah they are good. And very very very open minded.

Sister they do exist, i know of pleanty in london, shia sunni marriages. And i know of many who are Moroccan who marry iraqi shias. I know of a sister who is my age and is half shia half sunni... but they are just muslim, they dont see the division and tabarkallah this is islam to unite. some iraqis even go to live in morocco becuase we are such open minded people there and we dont hate people becuase of thier sect.

On this foum one girl said Shia parents never let thier daughters marry a sunni... UMMM HELLO my brother is Sunni his fiance is... SHIA! so people are very very narrow minded!! Talking on behalf of shia and making trouble by putting words/lies into thier mouths.

And now i have a Shia brother who is interested in me. Alhamdulillah he is devout muslim, patient calm and respectful a brother.

There are good and and everywhere. WHo was the ones to defend Ayesha (RA) when Saitanic verses came out? The saudis? the egyptians? who? the Shias in Iran. and now they are hated by the west because they would literally kill him if they catch him.
You say they have no respect for the prophets (SAW) family and they do, more so then the sunnis. 

I have heard all sorts what they are meant to believe.. but my best freind is shia and she laughs when i ask her if these things are true becuase its just muslism makign trouble between us and making the divide bigger. Inshallah i hope there are more marriages between the two and the divide will disapear inshallah. I want a united ummah i want to be muslim... i dont like division and to go against what allah and the prophet (SAW) have said.

jazakallah khier
Logged

sheikh87

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 72

Sister in islam,
Today, I went to my fiqh class and before it started I asked the teacher the following question. But before you read, I'll tell you this is the dialogue between me and the shaykh:

a shia man proposed to a sunni woman and she is interested in him/happy with him. What's the advice?

Shaykh answered:

Is he from amongst the laymen? (i.e. is he a leader in the shia community/teacher or is he just an average follower).

I said I dunno.

THe shaykh went on:
The shia are of different sects, some practice innovations that are actions of disbelief while some don't practice those actions.  About marrying the first kind, the shaykh explained that the marriage with them is not valid (invalid) because they are kuffar and Allah says in the Qur'an:

"]] Do not return the beliveing women to the disbelevers. The muslim women are not halaal for them and the kuffar and not halalaal for the muslim women." In surah al-mumtahinah

If the person is from the kind that practice innovations that are not disbelief then the issue is easier. but it is not advisable.

So i asked him: what is the answer to a person that says about the 2nd group that since they are still muslim what is the problem?

Shaykh answered:
A person that prostates to a grave (example) and says he is muslim isn't. also

The prophet peace be upon him said that "my ummah will divide into 70 sects all are in the hellfire except 1" (Bukhari)

Also, just because a person s
----
I hope the answer is useful to you.

Salam alaykom



m?
Logged

JenBean71

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 70

Asalam alaikum,

Oh, good for you, Muslimah21 It is good your experiences have been positive :D

I was wondering why this topic was posted by you, thanks for clarifying your intentions. Your prospective marriage partner is Shia! Now it makes sense - I thought it was an objective "so what do you thnk?" post. This one is personal  :D

I wish my experience was more positive with the Shia brother but it wasn't. I'd rather let that go.
I get your idea about not wanting division. I thought we were all Muslims too - what I embraced is Islam, nothing less. And I treat Shia like my sisters and brothers, nothing less - even if they insist I become Shia I will respect myself and eave them alone, thanks :)
 

Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest

If he hated Sunnis and hated the prophets wives why would he even approach me? LOL. He knows i am sunni and he is very open minded. He doesnt do Bidah/innovations. He is normal... he practices the deen correctly he has a strong sense of brotherhood with all muslims. He has more sunni freinds then shia. It's not like i went into this blindly like i said my best friend is shia and his family are in the same circule of friends as her and i know how they are in terms of practicing. iv known them for years now.
On ashura they dont go to the mosque they do remeberance at home. So i know they are not the type to beat themselves and to do extra non sunnah things.

yes it is a personal question... i am not seeking adivicethough, i just wanted to know what you guys think? Becuase already i have seen succesful marriages and the circle of friends i have are open minded and mix with different ethnicities and sects. Mashallah these are good muslims and who do not judge on ones background.
well no one is telling me to become shia... they want me to be muslim and thats what i am... that is why he likes me. He said i am very pure and open minded and he is the same. Alhamdulillah. He doesnt want to marry Shia... he tried and failed to find a bride from amongst them. He doesnt see the label as making them better people or worse. he just wants someone who practices full stop. nothing extra nothing less tabarkallah.
Like i said i already know we are suitable in deen and i know sects wouldnt make me change my mind unless he was an extremist. And beat himself and went over the top wailign and everything doing Bidah. You think my father would allow a man who does that to meet me?? you do not know my father he is super strict on these things...he wouldnt accept a man like that to come and approach me for marriage.
Allhamdulillah this is why its compulsary to have your parents involved in marriage. so they can guide you and filter the bad people out. And they have done there job tabarkallah. I didnt go behind thier backs and say "mum, dad im inlove with a shia and i dont have a clue how he practices" LOL. that is why my parents knew about him before me. ANd they told me what they think etc etc. So i am not doing this alone i have advisors... my parents alhamdulillah :D

The sunni brothers i have met like i said before i have had bad experinces with. Many i have told them inshallah i want to start wearing Abaya/jilbab and they freak out and say its too "islamic" and too "extreme". they dont want someone who shows thier deen they prefer it to be a secret. Thats not islam is it?? no.

Shiekh.
No offence but i do not appreciate the advice you sought. I already know the answers to the questions.. he is not as you have been told. He is practicing islam with no innovations. I dont see how it is any of your buisness anyway. But i already checked this out. He practices better then i do! and propbably better then you. SO mashallah i am lucky to know such a brother and blessed to have a chance to meet him. We need more men like him in the world and less judgmental and narrow minded brothers!  ::) ::)

jazakallah khier
Logged

sheikh87

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 72

we need less harsh sisters in the world as well.

the shaykhs advice doesn't apply to your situation specificaaly, iit is a general question that a person can see what a scholar would say in such a situation. you said he doesn't have innovations (if you know what innovations are) and that's good that he has none.  it wasn't advice I asked him for, I just wanted his opinion, that is, the word advice in the translation was  added. and so you got a shaykhs opinion on the matter. If he doesn't have innovations (which is hard to believe) then that's good. a shia with no innovations is sunni haha. a person is not sunni by calling themself sunni, it's by practice....anyways...since you don't appreciate what I did for you then let's pretend it didn't happen. At the end of the day your gonna do what you want so don't think I am trying to change your mind.

I thought you coulod handle what I would say without feeling offended cuz no offense or insults were or ever will be intended.
Logged

Africanmuslimah88

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 24

Salam my dear sister,

While I think it is great that you and he are of the belief of unifying the ummah I also think you should think carefully over pursuing talking with him. After all, Shias do have deviant beliefs and when you say he doesnt do bidah and innovations, you should rethink that statement because most of the shia beliefs are grounded upon innovations- to the way they pray and right down to their call for prayer (where they mention Ali R.A.). Also, prayer is incredibly important -shias comibine their prayers quite a bit. And since the Shia prayer is different, how will your kids learn to pray? This my sister is not nitpicking on details but are matters of extreme importance in Islam. If you want to protect your Islam and that of your future children you should think heavily on this matter.

Also, I think we should refrain from generalizations in this discussion. We should remember that the sum of our experiences do not represent the reality found everywhere.
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest

Sis thanks. But i have said pleanty of times already i know what level they practice at. My best friend is shia and i have seen how she prays and what she does.
And they only combine there prayers when they travel as there is a hadith which the prophet (SAW) said you can combine ro do seperate as he didnt want to make it hard on the ummah. Its not always they combine... and "sunnis" do the same when they travel they combine and they are also advised to make asr 2 rakas instead of 4 becuase they have been traveling.
And the Shia i know they pray on time and only combine when in difficult curcumstances.
And no offence but i do not consider myself Sunni as the prophet SAW said we are muslim... he didnt say be Shia, or sunni. So astagfirallah to those who make division and make say that one sect is better then the other.

Um Innvoations are done with Sunnis too... such as Thikr circles, female circumsisions in egypt and east africa the muslism do this... and they are sunni. they say it si Islam. bad shia and good Shia and bad sunnis and there are good sunnis. You forget inovatiosn are things the Prophet SAW didnt do. He didnt use the internet to spread Islam that is an innovation in itself. I do know what the word means thanks Shiekh for being so patronising. I may be a woman but i am not stupid or inferior to you.

And yes in every post Shiekh you have insulted or been patronising to me or insulted Shias. i do not appreciate it and you do not spread Islam that way and you do not do Dawah work that way. if anything you make Islam look bad... people will see you as putting them down and insulting them they think all muslim men are that way! so please try a different technique!
 ::) ::) ::)


Thanks for the advice but i know alot about the family now. And i also know alot about how they practice and what you have said really doesnt apply to them alhamduillah so i dont have to worry about those things.
Logged

sheikh87

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 72

Sister Muslimah21,

I learned my lesson okay, no need to kill me...I want to keep things objectiive and knowledge based...I don't want to get into people\s personal business or insult people. I have done it before because only ONE reason. That is, I know to get you to re-think everything yorus aying by me being annoying and patronising about it you might acttaully think about it and it will bug you to find out if that's true. Sure it wil mke me give a bad image about myself but since your smater than me your not gonna judge like I hav e been doing in every s8ingle postand instead you  have an open mind unlike me  you will use to filter the right from the wrong. Now, to give you food for thought and changing my techniqe, you said you don't consider yourself sunni. etc. Well I consider myself to be sunni AND shia! sunni as in I folow the sunnah and shia as  in I from the shia (party) of Ali:D how's that for philosphy?

As for the definition of innovation, actually its not what you said, "things the Proophet SAW didn't do. He didn't use the internet...." innovation are only about worship. new inventions in the world internet etc. are innovations linguistically speaking but not religiously speaking.
It's good that you know about what is right and wrong, not everybody does know about those stuff so please don't mind me. As a recommendation though, as you said it yourself, alot of muslims practice innovations not just shia people so it's good for you me and all other muslims to learn the sunnah and understand it ell so we can spot a bida from a sunnah boath now and in the future.

Question: do you believe  in freedom of speech even when  it is insulting to other people? wh? do you think freedom of speech should not be allowed if other people will be offended even though no ivolence is involved?
Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest

Yes i believe in freedom of speech. But when its general when it is aimed at one person.. then it becomes Bullying and Not helpful one bit.

The prophet SAW if you want to help people change And correct thier mistakes you do it in a less obvious way... such as being a good example to them.. so they can learn from you look upto you. Not in a point and laugh or talk down to them way. Where you humilate them infront of people.

Thanks for your concern. But as i have said i have been surrounded by Shia for 3 years my best freind is one. So i thought about all this i have questioned all of this already and i have Read Shia books to see what they really say. So thanks for the advice.. but as they say been there done it. i read about it a long time ago. And i have thought about what i am doing. Do you honestly think my father would allow me to marry a man who commits Shirk.. or does Bidah?? Well you dont know my father but he is strict so the brother will need to get the thumbs up by my father before i say yes or no. :D So dont worry about me. i havemy family looking out for me.
And liek they have told me they just want me to be happy. So maybe i will be happy with a Shia, so therefore i dont think its anyones buisness and peopel shouldnt judge me because i am happy with someone and have a good marriage with them. WOuld you like it if you married someone and everyone was sayign bad things about her? putting her down? nit picking at everything she does and every mistake? No you wouldnt like it and you would defend her. wouldnt you??


No need to Kill you? well thats your words not mine mine brother. And i am not narrow minded i have freinds of every sect and i get on with everyone. i dotn get on with those who think they are supirior over another person. I am freinds with everyone and with those who are down to earth and normal. :D
I know what innovations are... what i gave was not a good example but you get my point. I know what they are becuase i see sunnis do it in Morocco.... even family involved in it. SO i know what it is. ok. Dont lecture me on it.

Freedom of speech? well thats a big topic. You could include alot udner that. Is it ok to be racist? Is it ok to judge those on appearnces... these are all freedom of speech topics. If you say yes to one surely you say yes to all?? I believe in freedom in speech but there is a time and place. And it depends who you are talking with.. dont you think? or can you talk openly with everyone??
Logged

sheikh87

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 72

No need to Kill you? well thats your words not mine mine brother.

- I already apologized once before and I am saying sorry for all insults so if you didn't accept my apologizes for what you believe are mistakes then in other words it feels you wouldn't forgive me until after you made sure I felt bad:S. That might not be what you intended by keep reminding me that I insulted you etc. but it is the way I felt since I already apologized.

Lastly, I don't like how you are saying I am lecturing you, if you don't want to talk to me just tell me. I have been enjoying the conversations even though they are a bit stressful to understand:).  you know the book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus"

-I never said anything about the bro you want to marry. I don't know him. You opened the thread up and I am studying deen so it makes sense that I ask a shaykh in class about some question like that since after all that's what I am in saudi for.
I am not judging you and nikah is worship I ask Allah to put barakah.


- you been around that shia friend for 3 years. the propht saws says "A person is on the deen of his close friend so consider who you pick as a close friend." So you don't feel insulted, I am not saying not to keep that shia person as a friend. But don't you think it makes sense that the fact you have a very nice shia friend might A little bit make you get upset when people talk (academically or emotionally) about shia?  I don't have any answers personally and we can never get "enough" knowledge of the deen. a book I recommend which is short is Sheikh Ibn Uthaymeen's book on Bida' it's cheap too. I mean example, you said before salafis have a bad reputation or somehting like that. What makes you say that? to be opened minded to me means to accept the possibility that maybe the person differing with me or you is right and we need to leave that possiblity open without getting angry.

- if I married someone I would follow the prophetic advice in an authentic hadeeth, "keep the proposal secret and let known the nikaah." I would ask people at the person before I did and you already got your family doing that masha Allah. But once I decide I wouldn't talk about it until marriage. And I wouldn't introduce my wife to anybody other than my relatives or friends wives and they wouldn't talk about my wife.

anyways, this topic is starting to loose it's spark because it's getting too heated over personal issues:S

So yea, keep it general. Allah called kuffar kuffar, and kuffar call that racist but I can't lie and say they are not kuffar when they are kuffar. But I would be polite about it:) and only mention it if I need to.

Logged

Muslimah21

  • Guest

I didnt say i did not accept your apology... although i am not upset about what you said. Do not be flatterd.

Well i didnt say your points were not vaild. But in Saudi arabia there are some dodgy characters so one shiekh does not mean its unanamous! one word against another. and They are often biased. Of course he is not going to say "yes lets all unit and become one ummah, he is saudi of course he loves the divisions.." He would not encourage dialouge between sunni and shia although he should be. Becuase at the end of the day its all politics... and some people took it too far.

Anyway yes this topic got personal i dont know how. i asked in general and some how it landed on me and my life. so lets just end the Topic here.

Thanks for the two contributers. lol
jazakallah khier

Logged
Pages: [1] 2 3 |   Go Up
 
 



Individual posts do not reflect the views of halfmydeen.org. All trademarks and copyrights are owned by their respective owners.
Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author.
The rest © halfmydeen.org