After reading an older post on this board I decided to ask all of you your opinion.
The post I read was a brother new to the forum, introducing himself and what he was looking for in a spouse: the wife should be (according to him): a doctor or dentist, fair complexion, pious, hijabi, and some other things that he will get into later. He did not get a warm welcome from the sisters as they kind of took offense to some of his requirements.
Just to shine a little light for the brothers who have similar lists or dont understand why a sis would take offense... When a Muslim man is educated (doctor, dentist, engineer etc. ) and he states that he is only looking for another similar professional, yes many of us will get offended because we think it's narrow minded. Women and men are of various backgrounds and professions can be happy in a relationship. When your a doctor and you say you only want a fellow doctor, we do not believe it's because you think you'll get along with her better because you have similar interests. I believe it's because you want to have a certain income level in your household. There are other medical professionals who work in hospitals like doctors, know about anatomy, physiology, medical terminology, etc. Would that not also be a medical colleague? Someone who is familiar with providing health care? Someone with similar interests, helping sick people? One sister pointed that out and I dont remember if she got a reply, that nurses, emt, lab techs, etc are also medical professionals. The other thing that bothers me about that is in Islam it is the husbands responsibility to provide and take care of the wife and family. So why does it matter what I do for a living?
Yes you can have whatever qualifications you want, but the list that he had will narrow your selections of people to a very small pool. And of those women, do you have what they are looking for? The other thing he had on his list that is (in my opinion- narrow minded) is he is looking for someone with fair complexion on top of being a Dr/hijabi/pious/not married. I think part of the problem that we are facing as single muslims is that too many men have these lists that never add up to a real person. You want perfection even though you are not perfect. What if the sister was pious, a hijabi, beautiful and did the work of dawah?? No? She's not a doctor? When we hear stuff like this we dont feel sorry for men who are still single, it's very clear why you are still single. Yes there are Muslim women who have some unrealistic lists as well, they too are still single. I personally am looking for someone who is first a good Muslim, and practices Islam daily. Someone who is a good provider and cherishes his family, and who is kindhearted. That is what i am looking for, the most important criteria for me.
So my question is, do you have any criteria for a future spouse that your family or friends thinks is ridiculous or unrealistic?